Chapter Ninety Seven:
It was late in the evening and Ichigo was standing amidst the rocks and small cliffs of Urahara's training ground. He had left Byakuya to sleep in their room, creeping out with his new Shikai blades. Allowing his head to fall back, the strawberry's eyes closed. He could feel the subtle tug of his Inner World, but he steered away from it and instead allowed his mind to wander the dark depths of emptiness.
It wasn't a scary darkness, it wasn't a hollow or cold darkness. It was warm, it was safe and it was him. He had come to terms with his heritage. His bloodline. As strange as it all seemed, as little as he remembered from childhood he could now recall times when his mother had fled the house in the middle of the night, disappearing down the dark streets. At the time he'd questioned why, now he knew the truth. She had protected Karakura town with her Quincy powers while his father had been unable to safely release his Shinigami form.
It had been about protecting him. His sisters. Aizen had been familiar with the reiatsu of Isshin Shiba, and Isshin had tried to hide. Tried to start again. If Aizen had felt his reiatsu slipping in and out of a Gigai to deal with Hollows... Well it was possible Isshin would have died before ever having any children at all.
He owed them more than he had ever realised. He wondered what they would make of him now, if they could see him. See how much he'd grown. See how strong he was. He may not have been able to protect them like he'd wanted, but he'd become someone who could protect the people he loved. Because of Byakuya, because of Renji and Rukia, because of Urahara and Yoruichi... And yes, deep down, because of Aizen.
Ichigo could look back now, remembering the best of times with his family and the worst of times as well. He could look back, he could remember the twins being born, he could remember them dying. He could remember the feeling of blood soaking into his skin as Shiro's birth wrought havoc and destruction. But it didn't hurt, not anymore.
They'd both done great and terrible things, they'd both made mistakes and learned to come back from them. What was the use of punishing himself for something he hadn't been able to control, what was the use of punishing himself for something he couldn't change.
"And I wouldn't change you for anything." He said aloud, opening his eyes as he felt movement beside him, his gaze turning as he found black and gold eyes peering back at him.
"Tch, ya went soft in yer exile huh?" Shiro's eyes glinted mischievously as he folded his arms.
"No..." He shook his head once and smiled slowly, "I learned to appreciate everything I had. Everyone near to me. Everyone dear."
The pale Hollow paused, his expression changing to one of surprise, "I knew ya were happy when ya got Zangetsu and me back at the park but..."
"You thought I'd still have some kind of anxiety towards you? Some kind of lingering doubt?" Ichigo chuckled and sucked in a breath, "Not anymore. You're part of me. Part of who and what I am. As long as I have you, and Zangetsu, I'm never alone. I never have to be alone again. And neither do you."
"I..." Shiro seemed to gulp, the noise loud in the silence of the otherwise barren room, "I wanna learn. I wanna learn to be someone who can... Live."
"Live?" The strawberry repeated curiously.
"Yer right, ya know? We both made mistakes! I just... I didn't see 'em until it was too late." His hands clapped together sharply, "When I got control, when I fought Ulquiorra... When I became the Cero Espada I thought it was everything I had ever wanted. I'd wanted control, I'd wanted power, I'd wanted Aizen..."
Ichigo's head tilted slowly, they hadn't spoken all that much after leaving Hueco Mundo, Shiro had been so consumed by everything he'd done, everything he'd been a part of. There had been sparing words, a pep talk after Gin's death, the battle for the Final Getsuga Tenshou. Shiro had never been forward with his feelings.
His eyes widened suddenly at the next words that came from Shiro's lips.
"I was wrong." The albino's back straightened suddenly and his eyes seemed to come alive, "I was wrong! I am a mirror of ya, we are interchangeable and we could function like that... Switchin' in and out like we did in the days before Byakuya was kidnapped. It could work, but it would never be enough.
"While in Las Noches, I found myself wonderin' more and more if... If there was a way that we could both have a life. Like Starrk and Lilynette. Because as much as I want to breathe, and play and fight... I never truly wanted to smother ya. Because... Yer the best of me. Everythin' good about me... Comes from you."
Ichigo reached out, resting a hand on Shiro's arm before he slid down and entwined their fingers, "Everything powerful and savage about me... Comes from you." He said quietly, "You gave me the strength to survive Fugai, you gave me the savagery to survive Rukongai and Shino. I wouldn't have come this far without you."
Shiro looked surprised, his breath seeming to catch in his throat, "I meant everythin' I said before... My power is yours now... No more fightin', no more strugglin'. I'm... I'd be happy just to wander freely like this at times."
He smiled slowly, "I trust you."
"Do ya think..." Shiro paused, a small tug at the corners of his lips made his usual manic smile soften, "Do ya think the Espada will ever forgive me for what I was like before?"
"Why don't you ask them yourself?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow and looked slowly over his shoulder, sure enough the Espada were there, he had sensed them arrive during their chat.
Starrk, Lilynette, Grimmjow, Harribel, Szayel and Nelliel. Shiro seemed to tense at first before his eyes fell on Nelliel's wide hazel ones and he let out a choked noise in the back of his throat. Ichigo let go of his hand as he watched the albino run over, arms flinging around the green haired Espada tightly, he felt his smile widening as genuine joy flooded his chest at the sight of the Espada welcoming Shiro into their fold as if nothing had ever been amiss between them.
"That was kind." Zangetsu's voice said softly, "It was kind... To forgive him, to accept him... To care for him. I am proud of you, both of you."
"Yeah, well..." Ichigo sucked in a breath and shoved his hands in his pockets, "Once upon a time all I ever wanted was for the people I'd hurt to forgive me. I was lucky enough to get that... Why shouldn't he have the same?"
He sheathed his Zanpakutō, one over his back and one at his hip as he turned away and made his way towards the ladder. Shiro deserved some time with people like him. Hollows. Arrancar. Espada.
He vowed he'd find a way to give Shiro what he wanted, freedom, a life of his own. Even if it wasn't perfect, he was confident that there had to be a way. He never wanted Shiro to feel stifled and chained down again. He deserved better. They both did.
As he emerged from the basement, Ichigo found himself looking at Kaida and Hotaru, they had clearly been spying down the trapdoor to see what was going on and he found himself chuckling at their feigned innocence.
"Ichi-ji!" They said together.
"You both alright?" He asked as he straightened up, folding his arms as he looked them over.
"Yeah, mum says we can go home once dad's a bit stronger." Hotaru explained.
"Glad to hear it, I'm sure Tessai will rope you into doing chores if you stick around too long." He grinned.
"How are you, Ichi-ji? The Shinigami said we shouldn't bother you while you were resting, so when we sensed you downstairs..." Kaida trailed off.
"I'm fine." He flashed a grin, "Better than ever."
"You feel strong again." She breathed and giggled, "But your Spirit Ribbon is still red and white... I don't think that is ever going to change, is it?"
"Probably not." He raised an eyebrow before he let out a breath, "Kaida, what you did in the park, you were incredible. You had courage, bravery and guts. You took a stand to protect the people you love, there's no drive more powerful than that. I'm proud of you."
The girl seemed surprised by his praise, but her eyes lit up with pride and a breathtaking smile stretched across her face, "Thank you Ichi-ji! I'm going to make sure I keep getting stronger... I want to be as strong as you!"
"So do I." Hotaru agreed, "Not being able to do anything sucked... I never want to feel like that again."
He looked between them for a long moment and clicked his tongue against his teeth, "If you want to get stronger... Learn from your parents. Learn everything they can possibly teach you. And when there's nothing else you can gain from them... Ask Urahara-san. Take everything you can, every scrap of knowledge. And when you're strong enough..." He paused and flashed a wide toothy grin, "I'll train you myself."
The twins squealed with excitement, hugging him and thanking him gleefully before they ran off towards where Ishida was resting. Most likely to begin pestering him and Orihime to teach them. He couldn't help but feel proud of their drive. They were both going to be strong when they got older. Maybe even stronger than their parents.
As he strode through the store, coming to his own room and stepping inside, he saw Byakuya stood near the window, staring out of his wistfully. He joined him, resting his head on the man's shoulder, "I'm ready."
"For what?" Byakuya asked.
"To go home." He whispered, "I want to see everyone. Thank them. I want to marry you. I want to get on with our lives together. I'm ready."
The nobleman smiled, "I'll let the others know. We can leave in the morning."
"I'll spend some time with Kaida and Hotaru, once they've finished with Ishida and 'Hime. It's gonna be weird not having them around anymore..." He frowned faintly.
"We can have them visit." Byakuya kissed his neck softly, "I don't think Kyōraku will refuse you much after what you did for Seireitei."
"You think?"
"I know it."
Ichigo beamed, "They'll be so excited. They're kinda fascinated with all things Soul Society. To be honest I think Kaida was two steps from peeing herself when she met Rukia and Renji."
"Yes, I did notice her excitement. Care to explain?" Byakuya peered down at him.
"They liked hearing my stories of Soul Society." He shrugged as they sat down together on the futon, "Kaida liked romantic stories so I told her about Rukia and Renji. I guess it was like meeting a princess and her prince in real life or something."
"You told her about them but not us?"
"Well, you try explaining my past to a couple of pre-teens and see how romantic they find it." He scoffed.
"Fair point." Byakuya laughed gently, "Although I confess... I am more than happy for you to be my princess."
"I'm no one's princess!" Ichigo protested, unable to stop the giggles which escaped his lips as his lover began to tickle his ribs and sides, "No! I won't surrender! I'm not a princess!"
"You spent years trapped. You've got long hair. You're beautiful and you were freed by true love's kiss." The Kuchiki heir pinned him down on the floor, grinning widely, "I think you're a princess, love."
"No!" He struggled, "Never!"
"Is the idea of me being your prince charming that horrifying?" Dark eyebrows wiggled suggestively.
Ichigo pouted, "Well when you put it like that I find it a little harder to refuse."
"Good." A quick kiss on the lips and Byakuya finally released him, "According to Urahara you've been spending a lot of time with those Quincy children, I know we've already said about arranging visits but... Will you be alright saying goodbye?"
"What do you mean?"
"You... Were willing to die protecting them Ichigo, there's clearly a strong bond between you. They refer to you as their uncle, they clearly love you. And I'm certain the feeling is mutual." The noble combed his fingers through his lover's hair, massaging his scalp softly.
Ichigo frowned slightly, "It'll be weird... And I'll miss them no matter how many times they can visit. But they are meant to be here. I'm not... Not anymore."
"You've grown up a lot." The raven haired male murmured.
"I've had to." He shrugged, smiling small, "Besides... The Kuchiki Elders are gonna demand an heir from us one day. Spending all this time with the twins has given me limitless training for the pre-teen years."
"The Elders will demand nothing more from us than we are willing to give. I'll not allow them to run our lives for us, Ichigo. Not when we've had to fight so hard to reach this point." Byakuya took his hand in his own and kissed his knuckles, "We have to live for ourselves."
The strawberry felt his throat tighten and he hummed at the idea of simply living. There had been a time when all he'd had was a purpose and an order. Now... He could have everything he wanted. He had a life, a love, a future. His purpose was his own. His orders were his to follow.
"Do you want kids... Not right now but... At some point? We never really talked about how we feel about it, just how it's done." Ichigo asked.
The noble hummed softly, seemingly giving the question a great deal of thought before daring reply, he then sighed, "Had you asked me just over a year ago, I'd most likely have said no. I had no intention of ever seeking another partner, no intention of remarrying and no intention of providing any form of heir regardless of the Elder's feelings on the matter."
"And now?" He felt his head tilt curious as he slipped lithely into the other man's lap.
"Now?" Byakuya let out a soft puff, stroking Ichigo's cheek affectionately, "As you can see... I have sought another partner and plan to remarry. The idea of eventually having a child with you... Yes. I want that."
Ichigo leaned forwards, nuzzling Byakuya's cheek with his own, "You'd be a wonderful parent. Firm, strict but also warm and kind, always there to talk to and offer advice. Huh... No one would dare bully a child of yours for fear of you obliterating them from existence."
"I have heard of your recent fight with the parents of the children who were bullying Kaida and Hotaru. I think between the two of us... You would be far more feared than I." The Kuchiki heir smirked, "And rightly so. I feel no shame in admitting that you are stronger than I am."
"Stronger yes, more intimidating? I don't think so."
"Perhaps you forget... Anyone foolish enough to bully a child of yours would also be forced to deal with Shiro." The nobleman said.
"Oh shit you're right." Ichigo laughed, shaking his head softly, "I dunno if I'd be a good dad... Goat-Face was always so goofy and high spirited, but he had a unique parenting method of attempting to round house kick me through a wall whenever he saw me. I know now that he was training me, early on in a way I wouldn't notice, teaching me instincts, reflexives and basic defence."
"Don't kid yourself," Byakuya murmured, kissing the shell of his ear, "I've seen how you are with those kids, you're a damned natural. Any child would be fortunate to have you as a parent."
Flushing, the strawberry offered a shy smile, "Thanks."
"Anyway, we have plenty of time to consider such things. I have no intentions of losing you again... There's no one else in all three worlds I desire to grow old with."
"Likewise." He sighed contentedly.
The rest of the evening was spent with Kaida and Hotaru. He'd explained early on that he'd be leaving, he'd be going home to Soul Society. There had been tears, from them as well as from him. But in the end there had been smiles. The twins were happy for him, and the promise of being allowed to visit had washed away the lingering sadness.
He'd spent time with Orihime, Ishida and Chad. He had nothing to offer them to repay their kindness, but he was certain they'd be furious if he even tried. They seemed over the moon to know he could go back to Soul Society. His promise of visits extended to them, he wanted Orihime and Chad to meet his other friends, and he wanted to continue to show Ishida that there were more good Shinigami.
Towards the evening, Yoruichi had finally re-emerged from her bedroom, a little clammy and grouchy from her sickness, but no less gracious as she greeted Keigo, Tatsuki and Mizuiro at the door. Relieved to be able to see them before he left, Ichigo made sure they knew he wasn't vanishing for another twenty years. He was back in their lives, for good. Another promise of visits, they all had reiatsu, they'd most likely find Soul Society an interesting place if they ever decided to accept.
Urahara's store was full. Espada, Shinigami, Humans, Quincy. But it seemed fitting. A mid-point for everyone to feel at home. The man himself seemed more than content to cater for everyone, Tessai had gone above and beyond cooking enough food to feed an army, which was lucky because both Grimmjow and Chad seemed happy to eat enough for three people.
Ichigo enjoyed the laughter, the story-telling, the joyous sensation of being among friends. Family. There was a warmth to spending time with the people he cared about while no longer feeling like he was missing an enormous part of who he was. Everyone was together. There was a certain feeling of shyness, knowing that everyone was there because of him. For him. With him. He'd brought so many people together without really meaning to, his actions and his will to protect had rallied an unusual group of friends. Not the kind of people he'd normally expect to see together, but somehow it just worked.
A bit like him, really.
Now perched outside on the roof of the store, he enjoyed the quiet of the night, watching as the moonlight flittered down across Karakura. There was a sense of comfort knowing that he'd protected the town from Aizen, and then it's residents from Izanshi and Ulquiorra. The town, her people, her buildings... They were all safe, and it seemed like her list of protectors was only growing.
Kaida had shown incredible courage and talent as a Quincy, she was going to be strong. She'd be like her father. Ichigo had a sneaking suspicion that the reason Hotaru had yet to properly progress in his Quincy training was because his powers leaned more towards what his mother could do. Perhaps in time he'd be able to summon a bow, sense spirit ribbons, fight. But Ichigo didn't think that was the case. He could sense something about the boy, something unique. Something very Orihime.
Either way he was content in the knowledge that Karakura was in safe hands, with a strong new generation growing up.
"Doing alright, kid?"
Ichigo glanced up at the familiar gruff tones of the Sexta Espada, flashing him a smile, "I'm fine, Grimmjow. Just enjoying the scenery before we leave."
"Gonna to miss it, I bet." The blue eyed man took a seat beside him.
"I am."
"I should kick your ass you know?" Grimmjow said suddenly, glaring at him.
"What did I do?" The strawberry asked, startled.
"You nearly got yourself killed against Izanshi and Ulquiorra, after vowin' to me that you wouldn't do anything stupid." His scowl was piercing.
"I was doing what I had to do." He muttered, shrugging nonchalantly, "Yeah it was dumb, yeah I nearly died, and yeah I knew I never stood a chance. Would I do it again? Every fucking day."
The Sexta's expression darkened for a moment before he broke into a wide smile, "Don't think you'd be worth bringin' back if your answer was any different to that. We all want a Cero who's willin' to put himself on the front line, along side us."
He smiled faintly, looking up at the stars, "I would have it any different. No matter what happens next, no matter what comes after... I know I never have to fight alone again. No matter where I am, there will always be someone. Always."
"Too right."
"How was it... Talking with Shiro?" He'd felt the albino return to his mind sometime during the meal but hadn't spoken to him.
"It was good." A shrug, "He's changed a lot, grown up. Bit like you really."
"I wouldn't be the same without him around, that's for sure."
"We set aside our differences, everythin' that happened in Las Noches. Everythin' with Byakuya and... When we isolated him. He's turnin' into the kind of guy who could have been the Cero. If ever you're out of action and you need someone else to lead, I'd follow him. So would the others."
He felt Shiro's surprise, as well as his shy pride and smiled, "I trust him too."
"Glad to hear it, anyway I'm heading down for some sleep before we leave in the morning. You should rest too." Grimmjow got to his feet with a groan, resting his hands on his hips, "I have a request... If you don't mind?"
"What is it?" Ichigo asked as he stretched, making their way down off the roof.
"Now that you have control, and he isn't an asshole anymore..." Grimmjow's head tilted as he joined him on ground level, "Can I spar with Shiro sometime?"
"Please say yes. Please say yes. Let me spar with the surprisingly sexy panther."
"Aren't you meant to feel the same way I do? And, you know, only have eyes for Byakuya?" He snorted inwardly.
"I'm reasonably affectionate towards your fiancé... But I also have eyes in my head. And I remember far clear the bulge he was sportin' when he was with Byakuya."
The sunrise haired male nodded, "Yeah, you can spar with him. If he turns into a lecher don't blame me."
"A lecher?" Grimmjow smirked, "Am I gonna have trouble?"
"Who knows? Getting hot and sweaty in a training ring... He's gotten frisky for less." Ichigo laughed.
"Hell. I'll have to watch my back." The Sexta laughed as he opened the door for him.
"I dunno... It might be your front you wanna worry about." He said aloud as he recalled Shiro's jibe about Grimmjow's... He stopped his train of thought with a silent giggle.
"Hey," the Sexta grabbed his arm suddenly stopping him before he could disappear down the hallway, "I wanted you to know... What you said last time we saw each other, about... My feelings towards Byakuya... I never acted on them. I never would. I respect you more than that. I respect him more than that too."
"I-I know Grimmjow." He smiled faintly, "He told me himself that he... Made a pass at you one time. You turned him down. Even after what I said."
"I never gave up hope that you'd get your powers back." Azure eyes narrowed certainly, "I know that... When I was on Soul Society you barely knew anything about me, you didn't know I was working with Aizen, you didn't know I was a Hollow... And in Las Noches you got to speak to me for all of a few seconds at the end..."
Ichigo's expression turned serious as he saw how hard Grimmjow was fighting to find the right words. He held his tongue, wanting to give him time.
"I always knew about you. Aizen made it clear that you were... Special, even though he didn't explain why. Sôkyoku Hill was a mistake, my mistake. I should never have stood against you, even if you weren't technically the Cero at the time. I want to make it clear, Ichigo... I'll follow you into the pits of Hell if I needed to. You're my leader."
His chest tightened at the admission and he was taken aback. He didn't know quiet what to say. He remembered Nelliel saying something similar to Shiro, he'd never pictured someone saying it to him. But there was a deep set honesty in Grimmjow's eyes, it was clearly something that had been playing on his mind for some time. It choked him up.
"I don't know how things are in Soul Society, I don't know what's going on with the Espada and the Visored and... Integrating into society but..." He paused, "I'll never stop fighting to make sure you're treated as equals."
Grimmjow's expression lightened to a smile and he nodded once, "And there it is... That's why you are my leader. Good night, Cero."
Ichigo watched as the blue haired Espada bowed his head and retreated to whatever corner of the store the Arrancar had been staying in. He watched until he'd disappeared completely before he let out a small breath. He'd never wanted to be a leader, he'd been content following orders. But... Somehow, it felt right. It felt normal.
Grimmjow was right... He was the Cero Espada.
