Chapter One Hundred:

Shiro sat on the bank of the Kuchiki koi pond, legs folded awkwardly as he watched the magnificent fish swimming from left to right amidst the tepid water. The subtle sound of a bamboo water feature tocking as it tipped from side to side with the shifting weight of liquid made him suck in a small breath. He could hear the raucous sound of jubilation coming from the mansion behind him, he could feel the swell of joy. He was happy for them, all of them, but he couldn't bring himself to celebrate with them. Not yet.

Golden eyes seemed to lose their sparkle, pale lips downturned as his heart ached in his chest, fingers gently gripping his white shihakusho as a weary sadness bubbled away within him.

"I want to know! I dealt with it at the time... Spent days... Weeks realisin' the mistake I made. Listenin' to the lies... Betrayin' my Aibou for ya. I want to know!"

"You were created from Ichigo, everything about you came from him. We've had this discussion before, I'm sure the two of you have as well." Aizen paused, "To me, at least, you were always two halves of the same Soul. Two sides of the same coin. One could never exist without the other. At first, my plan was to placate you, see if Ichigo could surface... But as time passed..."

Shiro blinked, "As time passed... What?"

"My answer has not changed." The brunet looked away with a small sigh, "You feared me distancing myself from you because of your feelings. I asked you why I would do that when I share them. My answer has not changed."

He shoulders tightened, drawing inwards as he curled up, arms coiling around his legs as he hid his face in his knees. He had to fight not to make a sound, failing as a faint choked noise escaped from the back of his throat.

"I what?" Aizen fixed him with a hard look, single eye pinched as if in some kind of pain, "I watched as Ichigo emerged from his Inner World to take back what was his, and I saw you struggle to defeat him. I saw the pain you were in, the pain caused by knowing that you couldn't win the fight. If you didn't bow willingly, you would have been forced. And it would have been all the more painful, all the more horrific... All the more shame for you to bare."

Golden eyes seemed to wince, Shiro's lips fixed in a downturned expression, "Ya... Ya made out I didn't matter to ya... So that I'd bow willingly... So that I wouldn't be in pain anymore?"

"The things we are willing to do for those who matter the most... Can seem strange and foreign. Monstrous, even." The prisoner let out a long breath, "I meant what I said, when I told you that you'd proved yourself to me. I'd given up all thoughts of Ichigo returning, until I saw him with my own two eyes. Do you wish to know what I felt, upon seeing his return?"

He wanted to believe. It seemed so plausible, so real, so true. But there had been so many lies, so many half truths. Could he bring himself to believe again? To risk that hurt and betrayal again? His eyes squeezed shut against reluctant tears as he drew in a small sniffle.

"I felt grief." Aizen said quietly, "Because I knew, the moment he appeared, I had lost you."

"I loved ya... With everythin' I had." Shiro's voice was soft, barely above a whisper, "From the moment I was created... To the moment I faded when Aibou used Mugetsu... I never stopped..."

"And now?"

"It doesn't matter now, does it? Yer trapped here... and I'm trapped in there." The albino wrapped his arms around himself as his head jutting towards Ichigo, "No matter how much it hurts... There's nothin' I can do."

Aizen's head tilted to one side, "One day, my sentence will be done. And I will set foot outside of this cell again. I am willing to wait."

The offer had been made to him, not to Ichigo, not to Zangetsu. To him. There had been no taste of deceit in the air, no hesitation. He wanted to believe... He wanted it so badly... More than anything.

"I've not seen you this troubled since Las Noches, Shiro." Byakuya's voice was soft as it came from behind the albino, the nobleman was stood on the pathway, head tilted as he peered at the small frame of the original Cero Espada.

"Ya should be inside, celebratin' with Ichigo." He said stiffly, glaring at the koi, "I ain't good company right now."

"Ichigo is among friends at present, he will be fine without me." The Kuchiki heir swept forwards almost silently, bare feet gently crinkling the grass as he lowered himself onto the bank beside the albino, "I felt your pain half way across Seireitei, what happened with Aizen?"

Lifting his head only a little, propping his cheek on his folded arms, "I resolved myself to do the same as Aibou, the cut ties and move on. I was ready to do it. I'd thought of a thousand different ways to say 'fuck you Sōsuke Aizen' but the moment I saw him I... I wanted answers instead."

Steel eyes scanned the troubled form beside him, Shiro's very aura reeked of tremulous confusion and restless longing. He'd only felt similar after they'd been together intimately, the sudden realisation of what he'd done, Shiro's sudden fright and childlike panic. But this was ten times stronger.

"I wanted to know if everythin' had been lies, if it was all... Useless, pointless, nothingness. I guess I wanted to be vindicated for my anger... But instead Aizen just..." The albino sucked in a shaky breath, a weak and reluctant smile tugging at his lips despite the sadness in his eyes, "He said the only thing he'd lied about was tellin' me I meant nothin'."

"I don't understand, in the laboratory..." The Kuchiki heir frowned.

"He knew I was sufferin'. Strugglin' to win against Aibou. He knew that if I didn't submit I'd be forced to bow and I'd be ashamed for it."

"He pushed you away to make you surrender, to put you out of your suffering, and end the fight sooner?" Byakuya looked at the pond thoughtfully, he wasn't certain Sōsuke Aizen possessed the heart to do such a thing and yet at the same time, some part of it made sense. He would have done the same thing for Ichigo.

"He said he felt grief."

"Grief?"

"When Ichigo appeared, he said he felt grief because it meant he'd lost me..." Shiro swallowed thickly, biting his lip, "I thought if I hated him enough I could stop lovin' him... After everythin' he did. The Kurosaki family, dumpin' Aibou in Fugai, experimentin' on innocent people, lyin' and cheatin' and betrayin' everyone he was meant to protect. But I always knew what he was, who he was... I never wanted him to change. Never wanted him to be anythin' other than what he was and he... He said the same thing to me. He said that I should never be anythin' other than what I'm meant to be, wild and crazy and violent..."

"You still love him." The noble said gently, "It is understandable. For the longest time, he was all you had, the only person who even knew you existed, the only person who showed you any form of kindness."

Shiro ducked his head, plucking restlessly at his sandals, "Things are different with Aibou and me. I don't feel the same way about ya as I used to. It's like, there's a distance between us now, a healthy distance... Like the start of us bein' two different people. If I admit to my feelings... They won't affect Aibou anymore. He's done with Aizen, he's only got eyes for ya..."

"I wasn't worried about-"

"I'm sorry." The albino interrupted, fixing him with a sudden look, "I'm sorry about Las Noches, what I did. Even if it was kinda what ya planned to happen, it didn't work properly and because of that I..."

Byakuya's face warmed slightly at the memory of Las Noches, clicking his tongue restlessly, "It is forgotten, forgiven... Over. As you rightly said, it was at least in part what Grimmjow and I planned for."

Shiro smiled weakly, grateful, "I still care about ya, that won't change. But I don't have to love ya because Aibou loves ya anymore. I see ya as a friend, an old flame without the aggro that comes from having an ex." He chuckled and looked down, "I still love Sōsuke."

Reaching out cautiously, the noble rested a hand over Shiro's, "I will always care about your well-being, you are a part of Ichigo but you are also yourself. And I care for you both. I will always be here to listen if you need a friendly ear." He tensed only momentary as the Hollow made his confession and bit his lip, "Does he feel the same?"

"He said he does." He whispered, "And the Hōgyoku... I heard it. In Muken. It spoke to me."

"It... Did?" Byakuya raised an eyebrow.

"The Hōgyoku... I was originally part of it, I came from it, came from it's ability to create 'nd destroy 'nd to answer the whims of the strong. It makes sense that I could... Feel it."

"Naturally, that does make sense," the Kuchiki heir agreed, "What did it say?"

"Speaking is the wrong word... It was... It felt." Shiro frowned, sucking in a soft breath, "I felt it, and understood what the feelin' was. It is still bonded to Sōsuke, just as I am bonded to the Hōgyoku. There's a link, a connection. Even if it rejected him in Aibou's battle, they're still joined. And it felt real. It felt true."

Byakuya tilted his head, understanding but still confused in some way, "I... Don't quite follow. What felt real?"

The albino huffed, rubbing his face restlessly, "Sorry... My head's mashed right now. Let me try 'nd be clearer..." He took a moment, "When Sōsuke spoke to me in Muken, I heard the essence of the Hōgyoku at the same time. It reached out to me, sensed one of it's own I guess. And for a brief moment... When we connected... I could feel Sōsuke. I felt what he felt 'nd I saw what he saw 'nd... It scared me."

"Why?"

"Because as far as the Hōgyoku is concerned, everything he said in Muken was true."

Byakuya stared at the pond, mind churning over what Shiro had just said, the possibilities, the probabilities. Could the Hōgyoku lie? Could it deceive? If it had been connected to Aizen for any length of time, then it was surely possible that the sentient ball of power had the capacity to learn. But... He wasn't Kisuke Urahara. He didn't know how the Hōgyoku worked, or thought. But Shiro...

He glanced at the albino. Shiro came from the Hōgyoku, his life had been made real by Ichigo's determination to protect; Aizen's desire to make an equal, and the Hōgyoku's ability to make it all reality. Out of everyone alive, Shiro probably understood the Hōgyoku better than all of them. Even if he didn't realise it himself.

"Do you believe the Hōgyoku was honest?" He asked finally.

Shiro seemed to flinch, "Yeah."

"Do you believe Aizen was honest?" He asked, quieter than before.

The albino Hollow slowly looked around, gold eyes meeting steel, "... Yes. But I am... Afraid."

"Afraid?" He'd rarely thought Shiro was capable of such an emotion.

"I... Am afraid of being hurt again. I don't think I could cope... If he betrayed me a second time." A soft admission, a very Human fear.

Byakuya hesitated, and slowly smiled, "The things that mean the most, are often worth being hurt for."

"Why are ya supportin' this? He's a traitor. Shouldn't ya be... Tryin' to put me off? Tryin' to convince me to forget about him?" Shiro frowned.

Byakuya allowed a small laugh to escape him at that, "How foolish would I have to be to tell you such things, when I too once loved a traitor? I believed in Ichigo, I was willing to carry the darkness he bore and I loved him despite it all. If you too believe in Sōsuke Aizen, if you too are willing to carry the darkness he bares, if you love him despite of who he is then... I cannot try to tell you to do what I could not."

The albino swallowed, slowly unfurling his arms and legs so he could sit a little more comfortably, "The others... They'll never understand, will they?"

"Perhaps not." He agreed, "But this is your life to live as you wish. You've never be the sort of man to care what others thought of you, why start now?"

Shiro's heart was thundering in his chest, somehow things felt clearer now. He felt more certain, more sure. The glinting shine returned to his eyes as a smile toyed around the edges of his lips. He let out a long breath, puffing away the lingering residue of anxiety.

Getting to his feet slowly, the albino clasped his hands together, rubbing them in a nervous motion as he looked down at Byakuya. He hesitated for a long moment, seemingly to gather courage.

"Thanks... For listenin' and for not judgin' me..." He said quietly.

Byakuya stood, tilting his head slightly to the side, "Then, you've decided what you're going to do?"

"Yeah..." Shiro nodded, gulping thickly before he peered off towards Division One, "Will ya do me a favour?"

"You want me to cover for you?" The noble's lips twitched towards a smile.

"Yeah. Ya don't have to lie, just... Tell Ichigo I've got some business to finish up."

Byakuya released a long sigh, glancing towards the mansion before his eyes flicked back to the Hollow's, "Be careful, Shiro."

Shiro listened as the great metal doors of Muken slammed shut behind him, sealing him once more inside the grim darkness of the separate dimension. Getting inside had been easier than he'd expected, stealing a Muken key had been significantly harder but his right arm now burned with its power.

He could see Aizen, the brunet was lingering just beyond the rim of darkness up ahead. He lifted his arm and activated the key, once again freeing the man's mouth and voice. His heart thundering in his chest.

Swallowing hard, Shiro walked forwards. Cautiously closing the distance between himself and Aizen. He could feel the searing scorch of the man's reiatsu, dangerous and dark it stung against his skin but almost immediately it began to curl and bend around him, welcoming him closer instead of trying to push him away. Shiro realised immediately that Aizen was purposefully making sure his reiatsu didn't hurt him.

"I didn't expect you to come back." Aizen's eyebrow lifted curiously, lips curling towards a smirk.

"One day yer sentence is done and ya set foot outside of this cell again, yer willin' to wait but... For what?" Shiro asked, forcing himself to maintain eye contact, "For me? For the Ōken? For the Soul King's throne? What are ya willin' to wait for?"

"If you are asking whether or not my plans will change, the answer is no. By the time my freedom rolls around I will still intend to sit atop the heavens, and I will still intend for you to be at my side where you belong." The single visible chocolate eye narrowed, "I will not change, not for anyone."

The albino came to a stop, reaching up as he allowed himself to rest an open palm against the man's bound chest, "Good."

"I... What? What do you mean 'good'?"

Shiro laughed, it was so unlike Aizen to be taken aback by anything, the sound of his confusion just reminded the Hollow that sometimes... Everyone was Human. He sucked in a breath, tilting his head to one side as he appraised the former Taichou, the former lord of Las Noches.

Aizen's fall from grace had been long and hard, he felt no guilt about his own part in it. He'd done what he'd been ordered to do by his Aibou. He couldn't do more or less than that.

"What was it ya said to me... I wanna say it word for word... Make sure ya understand." The albino hummed, lips parting thoughtfully, "When I say 'good' it should be obvious, shouldn't it? One such as yerself should never be anythin' other than what ya are."

Aizen's eye widened just a little, a low chuckle escaping him, "I see."

"Do ya?" He growled gruffly, fingers digging into the black bonds across the man's chest, "Ichigo doesn't want ya, he doesn't love ya anymore. But I do. I still want ya. I still love ya. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to make it work but... I'll wait for ya. I'll break in to see ya. I'll be here."

"And when my sentence is over? What will you do when Ichigo is ordered to stop me again? When you are forced to stop me again?"

Shiro grinned, all lips and teeth, "Ain't it obvious?"

The Hollow slid his hands up around his shoulders, around his neck, fingers splaying into the tufts of brunet hair that broke free from the seals, he leaned up on his tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his exposed lips, purring from deep in his chest as he felt arms encircle his waist.

"Tell me." Aizen whispered.

"I'll help plant yer ass right back in this cell." He said simply, his eyes twinkled with amusement, "But I will still love ya."

"I would expect nothing less."

Evil, violent, cruel, manipulative. God Shiro loved this man. It wouldn't be perfect, few things were. But it would be theirs to make of it what they could. He'd keep it a secret for now, from everyone. The Espada would never understand, the Visored would be enraged and Soul Society... Soul Society would probably try to shove him in the adjacent cell. But that was okay, because they didn't need to know. No one did.

This was his little piece of the Heaven Ichigo had earned by regaining his powers.