Thank you so much for all of the support last chapter - and welcome to all the people who have recently followed and favorited!
This chapter was originally supposed to include the evaluation, but I didn't have time to write this weekend and I figured you'd rather a 6k update then having to wait an extra week for a longer one. That being said, we are entering finals season so if for some reason I'm not able to update on a Wednesday, I will update as soon as I can. You don't have to worry about me abandoning the fic, it just means I'm doing far more boring academic writing.
Icedragone - Yes to all of this! Chloe taking Karla's advice is working, and Beca and Chloe will be getting closer within the next few chapters because of it. It's all falling into place :) (as well as Theo getting what's coming to him). Thanks so much for reading and for your support!
Jody1990 - Yeah let's just say that you're not wrong with saying Theo might try something. It might get a tad bit messy. Callie really is struggling right now and it's only going to get more confusing for her :( I hope she says something too but I don't want to give anything away. Thanks so much for reading and for your support!
RJRMovieFan - The flashbacks are probably the hardest to write. And the parts with Callie struggling. Beca's getting some control back, thankfully, and Chloe is starting to understand, too. Thanks so much for your comment about Emily! I'm glad you're enjoying her character. Thanks so much for reading and for your support!
Guest (Apr 21) - I'm so glad you're excited, I'm excited to write it (and I think I'm going to be focusing on some things that the show barely touched upon but I'm excited)! Yes it is definitely still happening and will probably be sometime this summer. There isn't a sequel to this story (it'll probably end around 30 chapters) and the oneshots are coming back I promise! But the Life Unexpected fic will be next :D I'm glad you thought that Callie/Beca/Emily's conversation was appropriate. Let's just say that Callie has some frustration coming both in this chapter and the next chapter. As for what she may or may not say... I don't want to give anything away but it may get messy. Thanks so much for reading and for your support!
Isaiah Flamez - Well if I told you, where's the fun in that ;) Just kidding... the endgame is to make sure Beca, Callie, and Henry are all safe and happy. (And that Beca and Chloe finally get a happy ending). Thanks so much for reading and for your support!
Richellexxx - Thank you so much for your kind words! I love writing the happy Beca and Callie scenes hahaha. Thanks so much for reading and for your support!
Wolvezzz - I hope the SAT and ACT went well! Those are never fun, but I'm sure you crushed it! No need to apologize either! I'm happy that you got to read the chapters though :) I feel bad for everyone too, and the next few chapters are only going to be worse :/ Thanks so much for reading and for your support!
Guest (Apr 27) - No apologies necessary! I'm glad you got to read the chapters! Yes Beca got the restraining order - yay! - now it's time for custody. It is so frustrating to know that this is not fiction for so many people and it's one of the many reasons why I try and make these types of fics as accurate as possible. The girls are getting together yes hahah! No comment on if the evaluation is going to be alright ;) Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm always interested to hear your predictions so please feel free to share (and you may be on to something with Callie but no spoilers hehe) Thanks so much for reading and for your support!
Chapter 16
Content Warning: Implied abusive relationship, references to abuse, subtle panic attacks
"Mama, look!"
Callie bounces up and down in her car seat as she cranes her neck to see out the windshield of the car they rented at the airport. She's grinning, a stark contrast to the drowsy state she's been in since they left Stacie and Aubrey's house this morning.
Beside her, Beca sits in the center of the backrow. Henry is fast asleep, having been dozing off and on throughout the better half of the day's travels. But Callie is far too excited – far too excited to be back in Los Angeles, and far too excited as the only home she has ever known, quickly comes into view.
It's a ploy by Theo and his lawyer. And a good one at that. Theo offered the house for the duration of Beca and the kids' stay in Los Angeles, and moved himself into a hotel after surrendering his key.
Beca, of course, was hesitant. Hesitant to return back to that place, hesitant to do anything involved with agreeing with Theo. But what else is she supposed to do? Ask Aubrey, Stacie, Emily, and Chloe to pay for potentially weeks' worth of hotel stays and having to miss work even more work (despite Chloe already taking a leave of abscence)? Is she supposed to come off as "unwilling to co-parent" to the evaluator and the court?
Of course not.
She has to still go along with his game. With what he wants, if she wants to get what she wants. If she wants to survive. Just like it always has been.
But that doesn't mean that the sight of the Los Angeles house doesn't make her stomach lurch with a wave of nausea. It makes her hands tremble with nerves, her palms quickly becoming clammy. Her head and heart have been pounding all day, and with the public somehow becoming aware of her travel plans and meeting them at both airports – it hasn't been easy. She's been a tightly-wound bundle of anxiety and stress since she woke up that morning, and it only worsened as they went through security at the airport and sat on the flight while getting asked at least three times for a photo or an autograph before the flight attendant started telling people to return to their seats.
Beca was far more concerned with keeping the kids safe and calm, and while Henry clung to her, Callie was overjoyed with excitement and spent the majority of the trip chatting happily with Chloe and Emily – who really were saints at keeping the kids entertained – about how they were going home.
"Mama, are you looking?!" Callie tugs abruptly on her upper arm, causing Beca to break free from her nerve-induced blank gaze. She follows her daughter's pointing as Chloe slows to a stop in the long driveway, leaving all of them staring up at the large house.
Beca forces a tight-lipped smile on her face. "I see it, bug."
"We're home, we're home!"
She's bouncing too much to effectively unbuckle her seatbelt, so Beca calmly takes off her own. She takes a deep breath, looking straight past Chloe and Emily's exchange of worried glances, at the house instead.
The house that she never wanted to see again.
Yet here she is, moving her kids right back into it.
"Calm down, Cal. I don't want you running out into the driveway." Despite the fact that the journalists and reporters are kept far away from the house by the security gate that is down at the end of the long drive, locked by two different codes, she wants to make sure that no one managed to sneak in when Chloe unlocked the gate.
"Is that Riley, Bec?"
Beca glances up from where she's lifting Henry's slumped body from the car seat to see where Emily is pointing to. Sure enough, Riley Campbell is waiting for them at the front door, tapping her phone against the palm of her hand.
Beca answers with a barely perceptible nod, Henry curling into her chest.
"Can we go, Mama? Please?"
Beca relaxes her shoulders, trying to get some of the painful tension to release as she moves to open the back door. "You can get out of the car, but I want you to take Chloe's hand when you get out, okay?"
Callie crinkles her eyebrows while Chloe and Emily take that as their cue to leave the vehicle. "Why?"
"Because I asked you to, bug."
"But it's just—"
"Callie – you will not be running into the house, do you understand? You can either hold my hand, or you can hold Chloe's or Emily's. Or we can sit in this car all night – which would you prefer?"
Chloe and Emily wait patiently out in the driveway, the sun starting to set behind the mountains. They grabbed some snacks at the airport, but, despite the nerves they're feeling for Beca, hunger is quickly approaching.
After a little more grumbling, Callie climbs out of the car. She puts on her backpack that has her books and some school-work and takes Chloe's hand. As soon as her feet touch the pavement, though, her face lights up even more. "We're home!"
With a gulp and one last wary glance up at the house, Beca takes a deep breath. She closes the back door, readjusting Henry so that he's comfortably resting in both of her arms. Before she knows it, Emily and Chloe are beside her. Neither of them move, but she can feel them watching her. Her feet are glued to the ground, though. Even if she wanted to walk up the front walk-way, through the big red door, and over the threshold – she isn't sure if she can.
"Mama, can we go inside puh-lease?"
Beca can barely hear her daughter's request. Instead, her eyes flick to some of the front windows. She identifies the rooms easily enough: Henry's bedroom. Her studio. The dining room. Everything else is facing the back. There's a garage but that only opens with the little remote in each of the cars. The pool is in the yard behind the second set of gates.
Her bedroom: that's in the back, too, far away from any public eyes that may be able to see the front of the house.
"Beca?"
Beca blinks once at the unfamiliar voice, coming back to the present – rather than reliving every single God forsaken moment that has happened within those walls – as Riley walks up to them. Beca just barely musters a reaction, forcing the corners of her mouth to tug a little upward. "Hi."
Riley gives her a soft smile. If they hadn't had countless of discussions about Theo without Riley showing an ounce of sympathy – understanding, yes; sympathy, no – she would interpret her smile that way. But it's just kind. "I already had one of my colleagues come in and do a sweep of the house. And um…" she glances down at the kids – or, more so at Callie who has taken to tucking herself behind Chloe's leg, yet is still vibrating with excitement – "…He has been at the hotel since this morning and has surrendered both sets of his keys and his access to the garage. Any attempt to contact you or come here while you three are in LA will be classified as a violation of the restraining order and he will be arrested."
Emily shifts her carry-on a little higher on her shoulder. "What about the passcode to the gate? I assume he still has that?"
Riley nods. "He does, but his name is the only one that has ever been on the security account. He wouldn't contact them to change it, and when Beca tried, they wouldn't let her. There isn't much we can do considering her voluntarily offered to vacate the house."
Chloe looks nervously over at Beca, who manages a tight-lipped smile that may come out more as a grimace. "It's fine."
The words do nothing to reassure Beca or anyone else around her.
Chloe helplessly reaches behind her to keep Callie pressed against her leg – practically being able to feel the uncertainty rising from her at this new person – before asking, "But everything is safe, right?"
Riley nods once more. "Yes. Honestly, Beca, I know it probably doesn't feel like it, but you're probably safer here than at a hotel."
It takes everything in Beca not to laugh because it most certainly does not feel safer here.
Instead, she allows her hand to drift up and down Henry's back. She can vaguely hear the voices of the people that are still at the gate, but she is definitely not going to turn around to look and risk them getting any sort of picture of her terrified face. "Um, would you… would you want to come inside for dinner or… something?"
Riley exchanges quick glances with Chloe and Emily, who both seem to be on board with the plan, despite neither one of them really looking away from Beca or the kids. But Riley doesn't want to overstep. Not when it has clearly been a stressful journey, they have stressful times ahead, and by the fact that concern is written all over Beca's friends' faces. "No, once you're settled in I should probably head home. Thank you, though."
Beca sighs, and after a few more moments, manages to direct her attention to Callie. "You ready to go inside, bug?"
Callie perks up from her position behind Chloe, grinning. "Can we?"
Beca digs her teeth into the inside of her lip. "Riley do you uh, do you have the key?"
In response, Riley hands over the small piece of metal, and once it's in her hand, it feels like it weighs about fifty pounds.
Beca doesn't say anything. Instead, she grips onto the key like it is the last thing she'll ever do. She allows herself to take one more deep breath, and then unsteadily puts one foot in front of the other, leading the group toward the door. With Riley's presence, Callie doesn't say anything, but if Beca could see her from where she is walking behind her mother with Chloe, she is sure the little girl would be bouncing up and down.
When she's face-to-face with the barrier that always kept her secrets hidden from the outside world, she allows her eyes to drift closed. Henry's weight on her chest keeps her heart from breaking through her ribcage, and after a few moments of listening to Callie's sneakered feet shifting back and forth across the cement of the front stoop, Beca reopens her eyes – now filled with a thin sheen of tears - as she sticks the key into the deadbolt lock.
She turns it, hearing the same resounding click that she used to hear every time she let Karla into the house each morning. She moves to the secondary lock, and with a shaking hand, opens the door to the house.
Beca once again finds herself feeling frozen in time as the door opens to reveal the inside of the house. The main staircase, the wide, open living area that she has spent so much time in with her kids. The photos on the walls of the house bring her the same sense of comfort that they normally do – some from when the kids were babies, some from more recently – but the silence of the house washes away that small semblance and replaces it with even more fear.
"We're home!"
Callie's exclamation causes Beca to flinch backward, and despite her instructions, Callie pushes past the rest of the adults, rushing across the threshold and into the house. She looks excitedly around the first floor, bouncing up and down on her feet.
"Mama, we're home!" She bounces a few more times, twirling around in the front entry way. It's slightly reminiscent of the few times she went on tour with Beca, and they got home late at night and she would just be a ball of energy, running around the first floor like it was a track. She grins even wider. "Emily, Chloe, come on, I want to show you my room! And my toys! And my books!"
Emily smiles into the house, before turning gently to Beca and Chloe. "I'll go – Bec, take as long as you need, okay?"
Beca isn't sure if she actually responds but Emily heads inside anyways, matching Callie's level of excitement without an ounce of feigned authenticity, as Callie leads her up the staircase.
Chloe moves to where Emily was standing next to Beca, fiddling with her hands so she doesn't reach out and spook the brunette. She whispers her question. "What can I do, Bec?"
Beca's throat tightens and Henry shifts in her hold. Riley stands patiently off to the side, giving the two other women space. "I just…I need a second."
"Okay. We don't need to go anywhere. We'll go at your pace." Chloe glances into the Mitchell-Wright house, not even being able to focus for long because of the anger that courses through her veins as she thinks about what has happened inside of here. It's almost an eerie silence emanating from the building, one that sends chills up Chloe's spine, so she can only imagine how Beca is feeling.
They stand there for a few more minutes, Chloe watching Beca out of the corner of her eye while simultaneously trying not to stare at her. Henry remains sound asleep in Beca's hold – the little boy obviously feeling so safe and comfortable in his mom's arms, that there's no reason for him to wake up.
Beca brings a shaking hand up to her face, rubbing it down her cheek, before giving a definitive nod. "Okay."
Chloe is amazed by the sheer bravery in Beca's stance as she steps across the threshold.
Everything is the same.
Every piece of furniture is still in its place. The liquor cabinet is still stocked with Theo's favorite drinks. The kitchen is still just as spotless as Beca has always kept it. The four placemats are still on the dining room table. Henry's favorite puzzle is still in its box in the living room. It's like time has frozen since Beca's left.
And it makes her sick.
Her chest is tight as she takes a slow walk around the first floor, slowly reacclimating herself with the rooms and the familiar scents and sounds. The smell of the 'ocean breeze' air freshener that is in the hallway. The soft whirring of the fridge in the kitchen. Each little part of this house stirs something up inside of her. The memories come along with each step, as does the nausea and the panic rising inside of her.
Chloe and Riley keep their distance, allowing Beca to make her own progress as she walks around the various rooms with a slight sway in her step, trying to keep Henry asleep. They watch as her breathing quickens ever so slightly, and how, if her hands hadn't been trying to keep Henry steady, they would be shaking in the air.
Chloe, specifically, is watching Beca and taking in the house that her best friend has lived in for the last ten years. At the pictures of the kids from when they were newborns to now (and taking note that there aren't any pictures of Beca and Theo as she had been expecting). Her heart aches at the fear on Beca's face, but she knows she can't do anything except let her reacquaint herself with some of the horrors she left behind.
When Beca gets back to the grand staircase, though, that fear is even more evident.
She looks up to the second floor, hearing Callie's faint laughter that is so reminiscent of when they lived here that Beca almost feels as though they didn't go to New York at all. Except, then she has to remind herself that they did – that Theo isn't here – and that she is talking to Emily, and not Karla.
That little reprieve gives Beca enough confidence to grip the banister, slowly – and slightly unsteadily – ascending the staircase with Chloe behind her, Riley choosing to stay put.
When she gets to the top, Beca freezes once more. She takes a deep breath, feeling the presence of the opened door to the right more strongly than she ever has before (though, let's be honest, she avoided this room as much as possible while living here). Before she can think too hard about it, she takes a few more steps to the threshold of the bedroom and blindly reaches out a hand to pull the door shut.
She will not be going in there ever again. Not when she has a choice.
Beca can feel Chloe's eyes on her as she heads down the hallway. The upstairs smells slightly musty from being closed up, but it's oddly comforting that it doesn't smell like their normal laundry detergent or the humidifier that she used to turn on in Henry's room. When they finally reach the end of the hallway at Callie's door, a small smile stretches across Beca's face for the first time all day as she watches Callie and Emily interact.
"And this is the one that Karla got me for my birthday last year. I've read it three times. One time with Mama, one time with Karla, and one time all by myself."
Emily is sitting on the ground in front of Callie's expansive bookshelf, watching the little girl talk animatedly about a thicker chapter book that Karla did, in fact, give her for her birthday back in May. Beca watches as Emily grins up at the little girl, nodding along with her explanation. "That's a pretty big book to have read three times."
Callie shrugs, sliding it back into place on the shelf. "Yeah, but it's good, so it's okay."
Before Callie notices her, Beca chances a glance around the room. Everything seems to be exactly where she left it. Callie's iPad is still plugged in and resting on her small desk. Her stuffed animals are tucked in the corner. And, to Beca's dismay, her unmade bed with the lavender comforter and white sheets are still strewn to the side from where she had woken Callie from her slumber all those weeks ago.
The tips of Beca's ears grow red as she feels Chloe look at the same scene, practically watching her brain come to the conclusion on its own. She gulps, and addresses her daughter instead, hoping to draw some of the attention away from it. "Cal, did you wash your hands before touching your books?"
Callie jolts from her position by Emily, the sheepish smile growing on her face giving Beca all the answers she needs.
"Go wash your hands, please. And then we're going to head downstairs and get some dinner. You can show Emily and Chloe your stuff later."
With a grin, she bounds into the bathroom that stems off of her room, a liveliness and vibrancy in her step present that Beca hasn't seen since they left Los Angeles. That thought doesn't do anything to assuage her constant state of guilt and nervousness.
When Beca can hear the running water coming out of the faucet, she lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm going to go put Henry down and then I can start making dinner."
Chloe gives her a gentle smile. "I can make something, Bec, if you want to just relax a little bit?"
"No, that's okay, I um… I need something to do. Thank you, though."
She gives Chloe a brief, almost diplomatic, nod, before crossing the hall into Henry's bedroom, which, like Callie's, is exactly how she left it. Tears prick at her eyes as she straightens out the sheets a little bit, vowing to put Callie's in the wash while she's getting dinner ready, along with the sheets from the two other guest bedrooms in the house for Chloe and Emily.
Just the thought of doing so – of cleaning, of tidying up – gives her back a small sense of control.
Laying Henry gently down on his bed, she smirks as he curls into himself, his lips smacking together ever so slightly, his head digging into the pillow. Beca places a kiss on his forehead, grabbing one of the baby monitors from his dresser and turning the other one on, before sneaking out of the room.
It's hard to believe that she's putting not just Henry, but Callie, too, right back into the same situation that she took them out of.
Dinner is a quiet affair.
Well, a quiet affair for Beca. She stays relatively silent, but her thoughts – boy, are her thoughts loud.
Callie, on the other hand, cannot stop her excitement from pouring out of her. She spends the time chattering about all of the games they're going to play, what she's going to do when she sees Karla, what movies they're going to watch, how Beca is going to make the best pancakes in the morning – anything that pops into her head, supplemented by the serotonin caused by the return to Los Angeles, fills the silence left by her mother.
Emily and Chloe engage in all of the conversations with her – encouraging her to tell them all about this picture or that toy or 'the time that Mama…' It's all in response to Beca's silence as she habitually sits down at her normal seat at the dinner table, right next to the empty one at the head where Theo would normally sit, and pushes the pasta around on her plate, not placing a single bite in her mouth until Callie asks her why she isn't eating.
Then she takes one, reassures Callie that she is just tired, and goes back to staring off into space, feeling tense simply by the mere memory of Theo sitting next to her, asking for another drink. She jumps at every slight shift of a chair, her brain and body anticipating the front door opening, or Theo dropping his brief case on the floor, just like he always did when he got back to the house. When the ice clinks in Chloe's water glass, it's far too reminiscent of the way Theo would shake his empty tumbler for a refill, the ice cubes clanging against the sides.
As the weeks have passed, Beca has slowly been getting less jumpy. Less prone to PTSD events, panic attacks, and the like, during normal life. Now, she feels even more on edge than she did prior to leaving for New York.
Beca pushes her plate of pasta around with her fork, her mind cycling through yet another image of Theo showing up in the middle of the night and busting through the front door, when the baby monitor cackles to life. She flinches in her chair, some of the radio static coming through, before she hears Henry's slight – undoubtedly confused – whimpers.
Whatever conversation that is happening around her stops. She reaches out to pick up the monitor, trying to ignore the undeniable tremble in her fingers, and mumbles something along the lines of her going to get him, before heading toward the stairs.
In the silence that follows, Callie, Emily, and Chloe watch Beca's departure with equally sad eyes. Though Callie, more than anyone, is confused. She wipes her mouth on her napkin and looks to the two women that she has gradually been getting closer to. The women who, more often than not, seem to be aware of something going on with her mom, that no one else seems to want to tell her about.
"What's wrong with Mama?"
Both Chloe and Emily look back to her as though momentarily forgetting that Callie is still sitting with them. They exchange a brief glance between the two of them, before Chloe answers with her same, gentle smile. "I think she's just tired, Cal."
Callie purses her lips, not necessarily believing them. Even when Beca is tired, she is still her happy Mama that she always is. Even if she were 'tired', this 'tired' is vaguely reminiscent of the tired she was when they first got to the apartment in New York.
With this in mind, as well as some of the other thoughts that she's been plagued with recently – especially since her dad came to Aubrey and Stacie's house – she moves her attention to Emily. "Is she sad?"
Chloe inhales a sharp breath at the question while Emily leans backward in her chair, both women surprised at her intuitiveness, and not at all surprised at the same time. Emily is about to answer when Callie interrupts her, her voice quieter and filled with hesitation that hadn't been there before.
"How come Mama's always sad now?"
Chloe's heart just about shatters inside of her chest. She can't deny that Beca hasn't been acting herself lately. She's terrified – and Chloe can't blame her. But apparently, she's not the only one that's noticed. She takes another deep breath and, after confirming with Emily that she isn't going to say anything else, she turns to Callie. "You think she's sad all the time?"
Callie shrugs, playing with her hands in her lap. "I dunno. She's sad a lot. And she's sad now. When she should be happy."
Emily shifts in her seat, never once looking away from Callie. "Why do you think she's sad, Callie?"
Callie shrugs once more.
"Well, I can't speak for Mama, and neither can Chloe, but I do know one thing."
Callie's head quirks to the side. "What?"
"If Mama is sad – it has nothing to do with you, kiddo. You and Henry make your Mama so, so happy."
Chloe immediately agrees, tears starting to pool in her own eyes. "Emily is right. And even though Mama might seem sad, I know that you giving her a hug, or telling her your stories – those always make her feel better."
Callie swings her legs back and forth beneath the table. Her gaze drifts to the plate in front of her, her eyebrows furrowing. They didn't answer her question. That happens a lot – people not answering her questions. She just wants everything to go back to the way it was, but no one seems to want the same and the frustration from that is building and she can't figure out how to expel some of the pent-up energy. "I don't want her to be sad. I want her to be happy like before."
"Before?"
"Before! She wasn't sad before we left home." Callie sniffles, heat rising to her face in exasperation. She doesn't care what they said – what Beca has said, really. She's seen her mom sad more times in New York than she has in her entire life. And that doesn't make any sense. "She wasn't sad when we were here. Now she's sad all the time. She's sad now even though we're finally home."
Chloe's stomach turns with the insinuation. The fact that Beca hid her pain and suffering so well that her daughter thought that she was happy. She can't imagine how confusing this all must be for her, but it kills Chloe every single time this sort of confusion comes out of the seven-year-old. In all honesty, too, they really don't know how much Callie saw, or witnessed, or…anything. According to Beca (who told Aubrey), Callie has never once mentioned the fact that Theo hit her. For all they know, she could have trauma-blocked dozens of memories and instances that involve her father.
And it makes Chloe sick.
"I don't think she's sad all the time, kiddo. Like Emily said, you and Henry make her so happy."
Callie's frustration visibly grows as her body tenses. "But she's not happy now."
"Callie…"
"No! She's not happy! She's sad and—"
"Bug? What's wrong?"
Startling everyone in the room, Beca comes back around the corner, this time carrying Henry dressed in a new pair of pajamas and rubbing his eye tiredly with his fist. Her face is wrought with concern as she looks between Callie, and Chloe and Emily. "What's going on?"
Callie lets out an angry huff. "Why aren't you happy?"
"What?" Beca flinches backward, her face softening. "Cal, what are you talking about sweetheart?"
Callie grips her hands into fists. "You're sad. Chloe, and, and, and Emily – they say you're not sad, but you're sad. And you weren't sad before we left home. But you're not happy now when we're home."
Beca's eyes widen slightly as she takes a few steps closer to her daughter. "Oh, Cal, baby that doesn't…"
Finally, the tears break free from Callie's control. She bangs her hand against the table, her face scrunching in frustration as she lets out a sob. "I just want things to go back to normal!"
Beca creeps down the staircase two hours later, this time with two baby monitors in her hand, after finally getting Callie to calm down, and managing to get Henry back to sleep after he ate something (not that he left Beca's side the entire time; he's been clinging to her ever since she got back from her first Los Angeles trip, and she still doesn't have an explanation for it).
Callie was practically inconsolable for the better part of the last two hours. Beca, herself, was shocked to walk downstairs at the time she did, hearing the tail end of Callie talking, presumably, about her being sad and not happy, and then promptly bursting into angry tears. She didn't even get the opportunity to talk to Chloe and Emily about what the hell happened, but, if she's being honest, she was slightly thankful that this situation – however you want to classify it – required her full attention.
But now, with both of the kids in bed, Beca is left alone with the aftermath of Callie's breakdown (of course, learning nothing from Callie during the time they spent on her bed), and her own anxiety from all of the happenings of the day.
She lets out a heavy sigh as she gets back downstairs, simultaneously trying to rub some of the tension out of her shoulder. She turns the corner, passed the dining room with the table clean and all of the lights turned off, and heads in the direction of the living room.
Sure enough, Chloe and Emily are waiting on the couch, both of them looking worriedly in her direction. Chloe is the first one to stand.
"Beca, I'm so sorry, we weren't sure if—"
Beca just shakes her head and takes a tentative seat in the armchair in the corner of the corner. The armchair that she can't remember ever sitting in, in the seven years they've had it. "You didn't do anything. She's okay."
Emily plays with one of the rings that are on her long fingers. Callie's frustration surprised her because of how excited she's been all day, but, overall, Emily isn't exactly surprised that it happened. "Did she take that long to go down?"
Beca nods, trying to fight back the thoughts that are slowly reemerging as she sits a little longer in the living room, her daughter's well-being no longer serving as a distraction. "She fell asleep about a half hour ago."
Chloe relaxes back against the couch. Her eyes and cheeks are slightly blotchy from the tears she shed when Beca brought Callie upstairs, but she's more concerned with the far-off, haunted look that is slowly returning to Beca's face. "I have no idea what happened. One second she was fine and then—"
"We've talked about this before, but she is so confused, guys. About everything. About moving, about why she had to leave Los Angeles, about Theo… honestly, depending on how the evaluation goes, she's probably going to only get more and more frustrated. She can't make sense about what's going on, but she can sense that you, Bec, are clearly struggling with something, and it's all getting jumbled up inside of her mind."
Beca's leg bounces up and down. "I'm sorry, I'm trying to hide it as much as I can but it's proving to be a lot harder than it used to be." She ends with a bitter laugh. "Now, I can't seem to stop it."
"You don't have anything to apologize for, Bec." Chloe wants desperately to reach out to her, but the chair Beca is sitting in is on the opposite side of the room, and it's clear that the brunette is searching for some sort of space.
"Not at all," Emily instantly agrees. "All I'm saying, is that this whole trip – it's not going to be easy for her, especially when she realizes what might happen. Same with Henry. The way he's clinging to you, Bec – he may only be two, but he knows something is up."
Beca hangs her head, gripping the roots of her hair, not needing to say anything to accurately convey her state of mind.
"But that is not your fault, Beca." Chloe speaks slowly, silently begging Beca to hear her words. "And it's okay that it's happening, because you – all of you – have a support system to lean on. We'll get through it. We'll get all of you through it."
"We will."
Silence hangs over them in the living room, Emily and Chloe watching Beca for any sort of acknowledgement of their words, but she makes none. She simply sits back up, rubs her hands over her exhausted face, and lets out another heavy sigh.
She just wants it all to be over.
Beca isn't sure how much times passes. It could be seconds, it could be an hour, but eventually, Emily stands from her seat on the couch. "If you're okay, Bec, I think I'm going to turn in for the night."
Beca blinks a few times before nodding. "Yeah the uh... the sheets are all set in both of the guest rooms so you can take either one of those."
Emily pulls her cardigan tighter around her torso. "Thank you. You should head to bed, too."
Beca gives her a tight-lipped smile, but doesn't answer. She stares off into space as Emily and Chloe exchange their own 'good night' wishes, before Emily makes her way up the staircase. It doesn't take long for Chloe to once again break the silence.
"Em's right. You're going to need all the sleep you can get."
"There's no way I'm going to sleep tonight."
Chloe lets out a heavy sigh, already sort of expecting that answer. "You should at least try, Bec. Go put your pajamas on, climb into bed..."
"I'm not going back into that bedroom."
Chloe quirks an eyebrow in her direction, before Beca's words actually make sense inside of her brain. Her expression drops with understanding. "Okay. Then you can sleep in the other guest bedroom. I'll sleep down here."
Beca shakes her head. "I'm staying down here." That way, she can see both the front door and the patio door - she'll know if someone shows up.
"Bec-"
"I'm staying down here, Chloe."
It takes Chloe a second to recognize that the sharpness in Beca's voice isn't out of anger, but fear. It makes her heart ache even more. "Then I guess I'm staying down here with you."
"You don't have-"
"Yes I do, because I am not letting you stay up all night by yourself. Come on, we can watch a movie or something - and don't say you hate movies still because I know for a fact that you watch countless of movies with the kids."
The barest hint of a smile emerges on Beca's face. She gives Chloe a small, grateful nod, allowing three words to convey all of what she is feeling. "Okay. Thank you."
Chloe tries not to beam. "Perfect. Now are we thinking comedy, chick-flick..."
"Mama? Mama, wake up."
Beca stirs from her slumber, a low groan emerging from the back of her throat as her body subconsciously stretches, her daughter's voice calling her to reality. She lifts her hand up, rubbing her face as she blearily blinks in the morning sunlight, warm against her skin. Eventually, she blinks awake, Callie's form coming into view, as well as her current position on the couch, leaning up against a sleeping Chloe's side.
She jolts upward, trying to shake the drowsiness-induced fog from her mind as she tries to piece together her current circumstances. Slowly, it all comes back to Beca. The movie marathon late last night, moving to the couch so she could properly see the television, her body being so worn out from stress and panic, and, at some point, clearly, falling asleep against Chloe on the couch that definitely has enough room for that not to have happened.
Callie quirks her head to the side, her hair knotted and messy on only one side, and the right leg of her pajama bottoms tight around her thigh. "Why are you sleeping downstairs?"
"What? We uh…we were watching a movie last night." Beca rubs her eyes once more as Chloe starts to wake beside her. "What are you doing up so early, Cal?"
Callie crinkles her eyebrows. "It's not early. It's nine o'clock. Emily's playing with Henry upstairs, but I was bored. And hungry."
Sure enough, when Beca looks across the room at the clock, it's a little bit after nine. She has no idea when she fell asleep, but it feels like she's only got a few hours of rest.
But, when the kids are awake – so are you.
Beca blinks the sleep from her eyes once more. "Okay… do you want pancakes?"
Callie grins, bouncing on her feet. "Yes please!"
"I figured," Beca shakes her head with a soft chuckle. "Can you go get Emily and Henry? Tell them that it's time for breakfast?"
"Okay! Mornin', Chloe!" Callie doesn't wait for any other instructions, and instead runs back up the stairs, her bare feet slapping against the cool flooring.
Beca falls back against the couch with a soft sigh, her head returning to its normal, pounding state, as the conditions of her situation once again start to settle around her. She glances fleetingly around the living room, the tightness in her chest slowly returning. Eventually, she looks down at Chloe, who is still waking up – but nonetheless, has a small smile on her face. "Morning."
Chloe sits up a little straighter, folding her legs underneath her. "Morning. Did you get any sleep last night?"
Beca starts to rub the back of her neck before pulling the hair tie from her brunette locks, and only tying it up once more when it's all on top of her head in a messy bun. "A few hours, I think. You?"
"Yeah, me too." Chloe stretches out her arms, bringing them high above her head before allowing them to fall back to her lap. "How're you feeling?"
Beca struggles to hold back a snort. She is not awake enough to have this conversation yet, nor does she want to have it when she hears her children's voices carrying from the second floor. She pushes herself from the couch, readjusting her sweatshirt, before forcing a small smile on her face. "Never better. I'm going to start breakfast…do you want some coffee?"
The flicker of hope that had been in Chloe's bright blue eyes when she asked the question, disappears, but is quickly replaced by some sort of feigned positivity. "Sure. I'll come help."
With a simple nod, Beca leads the way out into the kitchen. She flicks the lights on so they're shining down on the breakfast bar and over the counter where Beca normally sets up the griddle. There's tension in her back, and her heartbeat is slightly faster than normal, but there's a sense of normalcy that is settling into her bones that is almost comforting.
She starts the coffee first, measuring the grinds into the filter and starting the machine, before getting the mugs out of the cabinet. Her gaze lingers on Theo's mug, her stomach churning at the sight, before she reaches behind it and pulls out three boring, black mugs from the back that she never remembers using before.
Chloe stands awkwardly at the edge of the kitchen, undoubtedly watching Beca's calculated movements, but Beca continues on as if she weren't even there. Going through the same routine that she went through every day for the last ten years. It's mechanical, in a way. Muscle memory. Once she starts, it's almost impossible for her to stop.
Beca pulls the griddle out from the cabinet and powers it on when it's situated on the counter. She sets the temperature with a few clicks and starts to pull some of the ingredients from the pantry and the fridge, feeling slightly relieved (and surprised) when she realizes that Theo kept a full stocked kitchen on his own. She shakes the thought from her mind and gets to work at measuring out the flour and the milk without having to so much as glance at the recipe that has been tucked up on top of the fridge since Callie was three.
After a few minutes of mixing, with the coffee machine whirring to life and Chloe taking a seat at the counter while watching Beca prepare the meal, the pitter-patter of footsteps starts to descend the stairs. That sound is enhanced by Emily saying something to the kids, and Henry and Callie laughing in return. Moments later, the trio rounds the corner, Henry on Emily's hip and Callie already dressed, her hair in braids.
"Mama!"
Beca abandons her stirring, reaching out to Henry's grabbing hands with a smile. "Good morning, monkey." She takes Henry from Emily's grasp, who hands him over with a grin, and hugs him close. "How'd you sleep, baby?"
"Good! Pancake time?"
She presses a noisy kiss into the apple of his cheek. "Almost." Beca moves him to her hip, turning to Emily as she lifts Callie into the chair in between Chloe and the seat that she is taking. "Thanks for getting them ready, Emily."
Emily brushes her off. Unsurprisingly, she doesn't look the least bit exhausted. "Oh, it was nothing. I was working on some case notes when Mr. Henry woke up, so we got to spend some time together."
As Callie starts talking to Chloe and Emily about all that they're going to do today, Beca starts to pour the batter out onto the sizzling griddle with one hand, just like always. She pours the coffee, passing them out to Chloe and Emily, and taking a sip of her own. Beca is flipping the first row of pancakes when the doorbell rings through the house.
She flinches so violently that one half-baked pancake lands on another.
Fear instantly appears on her face as she looks up at Chloe and Emily. They exchange a quick, worried glance, before Chloe manages to give her a reassuring smile. She climbs out of her chair. "I'll go see who it is."
Beca doesn't respond. She knows that it isn't the evaluator – she's going to see Theo today, and then tomorrow she'll be observing them here. The day after will, most likely, involve the kids going over to Theo's hotel for a couple of hours.
And, of course, any other reasonable thought of who might be at the door, completely disappears from her mind at the ringing of the doorbell, this early in the morning, after the stress of last night and of waking up in this house and moving through the same habitual movements that she left behind.
She strains to hear the conversation at the front door as she attempts to salvage the rest of the pancakes before they start to burn, but her mind is far too foggy to make any sense of Chloe's or the visitor's words.
But as soon as the door closes, and the two of them make their way into the kitchen, Callie's exclamation answers any of her remaining questions.
"Karla!"
Beca finds herself breaking out of her stupor and grinning as Callie quickly slides out of her chair and runs across the kitchen to launch into the older woman's arms. Karla lifts her without hesitation, rocking her side to side as Callie continues to squeal.
"I missed you so much, kiddo!" Karla presses a kiss into the top of Callie's head as Henry squirms from Beca's hold. He, too, waddles over to Karla, throwing himself and his arms around Karla's leg. It takes a split second for Karla to realize that he's there, before she lifts him, too. "Henry! Look at how big you've gotten!"
Beca finishes the pancakes just in time to see Callie wrapping her arms around Karla's neck, and Henry laying his head on her chest. Karla gives Beca a small wave and hugs the kids tighter.
Beca carefully closes Callie's bedroom door behind her, letting out a sigh of relief and a light laugh when she sees Karla waiting for her in the hallway.
Honestly, if Beca hadn't been aware of what was most likely going on today at Theo's hotel, she would've thought today was one of the most perfect days. With the kids getting to reunite with Karla, and spending the day playing games and watching movies with her, Beca, Chloe, and Emily, there were plenty of laughs and distractions for the days ahead.
And plenty of excitement to knock both Callie and Henry out by eight o'clock.
"She didn't even flinch when I put her down," Beca whispers to Karla, Karla's soft smile still visible in the darkness of the hallway. They haven't gotten a chance to talk all day as Karla's attention has been solely occupied by the kids, and Beca was more than happy to allow them to catch up. "Thank you for grabbing Henry."
Karla wraps a gentle arm around Beca's shoulders. "Of course. It was amazing to see them today. Thank you for allowing me to stay as long as I did."
Beca scoffs, habitually heading towards the playroom on the second floor to clean up, just like her and Karla often would at night when Theo was working late, and Karla took note of how exhausted Beca was and made an excuse to stay and help. "Please, I should be thanking you. They both missed you so much."
"I missed them." They settle on the ground surrounded by some of the balls that they had been playing with. "They look good. Happy."
The corner of Beca's mouth quirks upward. Coming from Karla, that means a lot. "Callie kind of flipped out last night when we got back. She's confused and doesn't really get what is going on. Said she didn't want me to be sad anymore; that she just wants things to go back to normal."
Karla teeters her head back and forth with a soft hum. "She's always been a very intuitive little girl. One that loves her mother more than anything." She places the last ball in the basket. "You haven't told them anything, right?"
"No. Just that there were people trying to make sure that Theo wasn't making me sad."
"Have you considered telling them the real reason?"
Beca's heart clenches in her chest. "No. Not really. Callie's only seven and Henry is two, for crying out loud. I'd rather not tell them that their father…" Beca trails of, shaking her head. "I don't want them to have to deal with that. Especially Callie when it's clear how much she loves him."
They move on to the book corner where plenty of picture books are strewn across the floor. "I get not telling Henry – he was never very close with Theo anyways. But Callie?" Karla lets out a quiet 'tsk'. "She's a smart girl. She obviously doesn't need to know the entire story or any of the details, but it may be beneficial to tell her something. Something that she can hold on to."
Beca runs a hand over her face, shaking her head sadly and not bothering to look her in the eye. "She's seven, Karla."
"She's seven, and she's scared, and she's confused, and she knows that there's something going on with her mom." When Beca doesn't answer, Karla simply moves on. "Just think about it. You don't need to make any decisions tonight."
Beca gives her a small smile, sitting back on her legs. "I know I said the kids missed you – but God, I've missed you, too."
"And I, you." Karla reaches out to take her hand. "Beca, you and those kids… you are my family. I love all three of you. I am so sorry that it took me so long to see what was going on."
Beca shakes her head. "Karla, I didn't want you to know."
"I know, but now that I do know, I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that you and the kids never have to see that man again."
Beca sighs, choosing not to validate her response with any sort of agreement. "We'll figure it out."
"We will." Karla eyes her carefully. "What about you? How are you doing?"
Beca lets out a soft laugh, rocking back and forth on the carpet, knowing full well that Karla can see straight through any slight fibbing. "I was doing better before we got back. Being back in this house… it's been tough."
"I'm sure. How did you do last night?"
"I was kind of a mess when we got here. I kind of…checked out, I guess? Then last night it took a while to fall asleep. I slept on the couch."
Karla nods in support. "That's understandable."
"Yeah, but… having you here today has been great and, you know, Chloe and Emily…they're great with the kids and have been really helpful with…everything else."
A soft, almost knowing, hum emerges from Karla's mouth. "And how have things been with Chloe?"
Beca shifts so she's sitting on the carpet, bending her knees and wrapping her arms around her legs. "Um… better, I guess. After the hearing, she sort of… distanced herself, or maybe it was me, I don't know. But something changed, and now it's sort of…easier, to talk to her, I guess?"
Karla can't help the triumphant smile spreading across her face. "That's great, Bec."
"Yeah. All of them have been great. I um… I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to make it up to them."
"You don't need to. They're your family. They love you. They love the kids. All they want is to make sure you're safe and happy. That's all that will ever matter."
Thank you so much for reading! I look forward to any thoughts/comments/predictions/questions/critiques that you want to share :)
See you next week!
