Chapter 12- Heartless (Santana)

Santana always watched how people behaved around her.

It was how she got through life, because she knew her enemies. She also knew her friends and who knew having four awesome best friends would be so damn gratifying.

Not gratifying in the kinky way, but wouldn't that be perfect?

Most of all, though, Santana watched Brittany Pierce.

Especially when she started to dance. Well then Santana could not take her eyes off of the blonde girl. She was so fluid and graceful, watching Brittany dance was definitely something to behold.

As more people came to learn about her sexuality, and Brittany's, more people paid attention to her. Sure, people looked at her wherever she went; she was flawless and turned heads of both genders when she wore a low-cut dress. This time, though, people were staring, as though she was completely transparent and they could see inside her soul. One piece of information, that was all they knew, and it changed everything forever.

The night that Santana and Brittany had learned about the outing, they had sat with Kurt for hours, talking about how to deal with it. It was one thing to adjust to being outed publicly, but it was another thing to be in the KHHHB and be outed publicly. Santana knew that she couldn't cry, definitely not, but she wanted to. She wanted to show the world that she wasn't heartless, that she wasn't a petulant bitch. At the same time, she wanted to show them exactly that. Oh, how Santana wished that she could approach everyone who looked at her funny and cut their limbs off. She knew that Brittany would never allow that.

Privately, she had spoken with Kurt about her feelings for Brittany. They were crystal clear: Santana Lopez was in love with Brittany Pierce.

To Kurt, Quinn and Tina, it wasn't a secret. They knew, they had to know, and nothing changed. Because they were friends, Quinn and Tina didn't mind changing in front of them like the jocks had done with Kurt. In their group, normalcy was perpetual and it had been such a stark difference to when they entered the building the morning after the announcement. They had walked by in their usual formation and saw Mercedes Jones smirking at them. Santana had asked to walk up and bite her, but Brittany had shot her down, saying that they do things another way.

Even though Kurt had chewed her out in the cafeteria, she was daring to show her face. Santana didn't get that. Mercedes wasn't stupid; she knew not to mess with them twice.

Brittany wasn't a physically violent person and it was something that made Santana love her more. Their personalities clicked and complemented each other's. Santana's fiery rage issues were tampered down by Brittany's cool waters. She had opted to destroy Mercedes emotionally and Kurt had agreed. Santana had expected Quinn to possess even a modicum of reticence, but she didn't.

In the end, not even Brittany could quell Santana's unadulterated fear.

She was scared of what people would say and how people would treat her. She walked slightly smaller and she didn't scream at people in the hallways anymore because they knew. Everyone knew and they would all be waiting to use it against her as their revenge for everything she had done to them.

Kurt had assured her that anyone who messed with either of them or displayed homophobia would be taken down right there and then.

She loved Kurt.

He had suggested that she speak with Brittany about their shared feelings for the other and what was going to happen from then on.

Santana took Brittany aside in their free period and led her into the choir room, which was abandoned. Not even the creepy piano player sat at the bench.

"Is everything okay, Santana?" Brittany wondered curiously as they both sat down on the chairs at the front. Santana wanted to barf when she realised absently that the seats were where Berry and Hudson sat when they made out during rehearsals sometimes.

Santana nodded, scared to even say the words. Even in private. "I wanted to talk to you about…us."

Brittany nodded back, catching on. Santana hated whenever somebody said that Brittany wasn't smart because she really was. "I do too. I think we need to sort some things out."

Santana sighed, relieved that Brittany was on the same wavelength. "I love you, you know that."

"I do and I love you too, Santana."

It never ceased to make Santana's heart skip whenever she heard those words come out of Brittany's mouth. Even in a platonic kind of way.

Brittany sighed. "I love you, but I don't think that we should be together right now."

Santana summoned all of her patience and understanding and vowed to hear Brittany out before letting her heart break. "Why?"

"We should be together…but on our own terms. Mercedes ruined the chance for us to explore our relationship before telling people. And I know how scared you are about being out to the school. We don't have to be dating to be close. But someday, whenever you're ready, you're going to be mine Santana Lopez."

Santana faltered because she was not expecting that. She really should have, though. Of course Brittany knew her better than she knew herself. Of course Brittany was sacrificing her own happiness for Santana's comfort, yet again. That was a Kurt and Brittany thing. They did that all the time and they didn't care if they were miserable because of it. Hell, Kurt had done that with Finn for all of sophomore year. And Brittany was constantly doing that for Santana.

"I…don't know what to say. I want to be with you, Britt. I'm sorry that I'm not ready."

"Don't apologise for being who you are, Santana. If you're not ready, then we stay friends until you are. And then, if you find that you want to date somebody else, I won't stop you."

"I won't," Santana promised. "You're it for me, Brittany. You know how I know? Because I'm not upset by the fact that we're staying friends. Because we're soulmates."

"That we are."

Santana wrapped her arms around her best friend and future wife and smiled contentedly. That had gone well. She just wished that she was strong enough to be the person Brittany wanted right now.

Maybe in time, she thought.


When Santana got home that day, she knew something was wrong. From the very minute she stepped into the hallway, she knew.

And it wasn't because her mother was in Buenos Aires for six months on business.

It was because her father wasn't.

Carlos Lopez was not an understanding man and that was all one had to know about it to understand why Santana knew what was happening before it actually happened.

Carlos was in the kitchen, Santana's laptop in front of him.

"What…are you doing with my laptop?"

Carlos glowered at her. "Santana. I need to know that this is not true."

He moved, accommodating her position in front of the laptop so that she could see the screen. It was her Facebook page.

Seven new notifications.

Fuck, Santana thought.

She saw her inbox first.

Mark Bingham: Hey Tana. Now that you're a dyke, how bout I come over and turn you straight again?

And the next one.

Peter Ellis: I can't believe that I had sex with a lesbian.

The next one was the one that she was most enraged by.

Dave Karofsky: I knew you and Brittany were fucking. You're a bitch to everyone but her and she's retarded enough to think that what she's doing isn't fucking disgusting. You're going to Hell, dyke.

Santana cracked her neck before she father snapped the laptop shut.

"Well?! Are they true?"

She didn't answer.

"Santana? If you say nothing, I will take that as a yes."

"It's true," she muttered.

And then she felt the hand burn against her face and time just stopped. She knew what was coming.

"Get out of this house right now. You are longer welcome here. You are no longer part of this family. This…choice you're making is unacceptable and disgusting! Pack your things and don't bother coming back! Your Madre and Abuela are as angry at you as I am." Carlos then retreated into his study, leaving a despondent Santana with a desperate phone call to make. Even though she expected it now that her mother was not there to fight for her, she still found her world spinning out of control at a rapid pace, her centre of gravity all distorted. She swallowed heavily and pulled out her phone, dialling the only number she could remember off by heart in her state. It just so happened to be the person she needed the most.

"What's up, gorgeous?"

Santana felt the tears smart at her eyes and refused to let them fall. "Kurt."

She knew that Kurt would hear the sorrow in her tone. "I'm coming over. Hold tight, baby girl."

She thanked God that Carlos had a soundproof basement and would probably not leave until he could be sure that Santana was gone. Because he and Kurt would not have gotten along and that was a dire understatement.

She packed her things while she waited; clothes, accessories, electronics, and shoved them into a suitcase or two. She didn't have a lot of material possessions, strangely enough. It was enough to fit in Kurt's car. Normally, she would not want to be presumptuous but she knew that Kurt would welcome her into his house. If not, she would stay with Brittany.

Left behind were her family photo albums and a few old books that she had read too many times. Santana was honestly too tired to pack them.

Kurt knocked at the door twenty minutes later.

Santana quickly opened it. Kurt's eyes darted to the suitcase and the cogs in his brain clicked together.

"He didn't," Kurt cursed.

Santana nodded. "He wants me to leave. I've packed everything."

Kurt grabbed the suitcase. "Well, obviously you're staying with me. My dad will love it."

"What about Finn? Aren't they moving in soon?"

Kurt clucked. "Who gives a shit? He's on the other side. We take him down if necessary."

Santana smiled for the first time since leaving school. "That sounds like a plan. Thank you, Kurt, for letting me stay with you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, darling."