Fireworks exploded in the air as the U.S.A celebrated its victory in Vietnam. The Comedian sat in a bar, drinking alcohol while Doctor Manhattan stood there, pondering what the point of it all was.
"Fireworks, don't you think this goddamn country has had enough fireworks?" said the Comedian
Doctor Manhattan lightly smirked at the Comedian's joke before Blake continued "You know, if we'd lost here in Vietnam, I think it might've driven us crazy. You know, as a country, but we didn't, thanks to you" said the Comedian pessimistically.
Doctor Manhattan just emotionlessly said "you sound bitter"
The Comedian just smoked a cigar and said "fuck no, I think it's hilarious."
A pregnant Vietnamese woman soon entered into the bar, holding her enormous belly. The woman then uttered the words "Mr Eddie?" as the Comedian held his head down in shame as he didn't want to deal with what was coming.
The woman continued with "the war is over now, we must talk about this baby" while she was holding her stomach.
The Comedian chugged his entire glass of bourbon before he faced the woman and said "there's nothing to talk about, because I'm leaving. I'm gonna forget about you and your horrible, little, piece of shit country"
The woman just looked stunned at what this man was saying. The Comedian didn't even bother giving her a second thought before telling her "Get the fuck out of here."
The woman just let out a weak "no" before the Comedian yelled "Get the fuck out of here."
The woman wasn't stunned anymore, now she was angry. She grabbed the first weapon she could find, that being a brown glass bottle, before smashing it over a table and coming at the Comedian with murderous intent.
"You will remember me and my country forever" declared the woman. The Comedian looked back before being sliced across the face with the woman's broken bottle.
Blood poured from the wound as the Comedian yelled "MY FACE!"
The Comedian then pulled his pistol from his gun holster and aimed it at the woman. Doctor Manhattan meekly said "Blake, don't do this"
As the Comedian pulled the trigger, he was dumbfounded to find that his gun turned into steam, the bullets turned into mercury, and the woman's bottle turned into snowflakes.
The Comedian then looked at the Doctor before saying "so it looks like this is a gentleman's challenge then"
Doctor Manhattan then said "agreed, old chap. En garde"
The Comedian then reached into his pocket and pulled out a red glowing lasersword while Doctor Manhattan reached into... somewhere and pulled out a rusty spoon.
The two superheroes began clashing their blades against each other left and right with neither party appearing to stop. It seemed almost as if both of them were wielding a dozen different blades at once.
The pregnant Vietnamese woman watched the two warriors square off before looking at her watch and saying "oh golly, I'm late for work." The lady then turned into a rocket ship before flying off into space.
Doctor Manhattan continued swinging his rusty spoon against the Comedian's lasersword before growing tired of this monotony and pulling out a chainsword so that he could duel wield.
The Comedian smirked at this and said "clever old chap, but it's nothing compared to me" before he pulled out a copy of Donkey Kong 64 and tossed it directly at Manhattan's head, bonking the good Doctor on his noggin and giving the Comedian ample time to tackle the blue god.
Doctor Manhattan and the Comedian punched each other in the face thousands of times before the two superheroes realized that it wasn't doing anything, so they just stood back up and squared off.
Doctor Manhattan and the Comedian then stared each other in the eyes as they knew the next blow would finish this fight.
Time seemed to stand still for both heroes in this very moment. Doctor Manhattan cleared his throat and spit into a bucket. This bucket then blew up with the force of ten Hiroshimas.
The Comedian took a bite out of a pear before he tossed the fruit away.
The pear then grew legs and proceeded to rape Jake from State Farm.
After what felt like an eternity, the two superheroes drew their pistols and fired. The blasts from both guns could be heard from everywhere in Vietnam.
Doctor Manhattan stood still, completely emotionless as the Comedian said "ya got me partner" in a southern accent before Blake fell over, dead from a shot to the heart.
Doctor Manhattan smiled, before he pulled the moon out of the sky, rolled it up, put sprinkles and chocolate syrup on it and began to eat it like a crepe.
