More Than I Could Ever Promise

(Ingrid Michaelson: The Way I Am)

"Whose turn is it?" Cath exhaled hard, trying to catch her breath.

They were playing Would You Rather. Levi had said something that made her laugh so hard she had to run to the bathroom in order to not wet herself. She crawled back onto the bed and nuzzled into Levi's chest next to Baz, who was trying to get comfortable on his bare skin. He had been so busy since they got to the ranch, they hadn't spent much time alone together in the first week. Cath kissed his collarbone and left her head on his shoulder.
"It's your turn." Levi said.
"Okay." She scratched Baz behind one of his floppy ears, "Uhm, would you rather have a bunny tail or-"
"Bunny tail." He interrupted, "Don't even need to hear the second one. I'd be so cute."
Cath giggled, "Okay, go."
"Would you rather live a rich and healthy life here or live a very average life in the world of the Mages?"
"Mages. Easy." She smiled, "Would you rather be me or be a woman?"
"Are you trying to tell me you're not a woman?" He raised an eyebrow.
"No, like would you rather be me or the woman version of yourself?
"Well, if I were you, would you be me?"
"Sure."
"And if I was girl me, would you be boy you?"
"No, I'd still be me."
He bit his bottom lip and his voice lowered to a whisper, "Would you still love me if I were a girl?"
"Quit asking questions, you're making this less fun." Cath pushed him playfully.
"Fine..." Levi kissed her, "But would you?"
"I'd like to think so..."- She nudged him again- "Now go."
"I'd rather be a woman."
"Why?"
"Well for one, I hear women have better orgasms." He twirled her hair around his finger and kissed her forehead, "And two, because I wouldn't be able to look at you the same way if I was you."
Cath took Baz, "Stop being cute, this game is serious business."
Levi sat up and lifted her shirt, leaning in to kiss around her bellybutton. She wiggled under his tongue as he licked her down to the elastic of her panties, snapping it with his teeth. If she hadn't been holding the little rabbit against her chest he'd have tried to take off her shirt. He straddled her hips and took her hands in his. Cath wanted to kiss him everywhere.
"You're so beautiful." His eyes were scanning her face, down to the rabbit and back up.
"God, quit saying that." She frowned.
"Why does it embarrass you?"
"Yes."
Levi scrunched up his face, and leaned over the edge of the bed, "Blegh, you're so grody. I can't even stand to look at you." He was pretending to gag, "I don't know how I ever fell in love with a troll like you!"
When their lips met again Levi was on his side pulling Cath into his arms so that Baz slid gently between them. Cath would have stayed in bed that way for the rest of the night if he hadn't perked up all of a sudden. His grin was at 100% and his eyes got that sparkle in them.
"Cather Avery, the night is young, and so are we." He gave a little dance, not letting her go.
Cath eyed him, "Levi, it's 10pm."
"Duh, Captain Curfew! Let's go out." Still wiggle-dancing.
"Levi, it's a Thursday." She insisted.
"Let's go to the bar! And sing karaoke!" He was trying to get Cath dancing.
"Levi, I can't get in, I'm 19."
"That's okay, it's more of a club anyway. It's 18 and over." Baz woke up.
"Levi, I don't want to go."
He stopped dancing, and lowered his grin to a 65% smile, "You can meet John."


John is Levi's favorite guy. They met in kindergarten and have been partners in crime ever since. Cath had never met John before, but he came up as "my really tall friend, John" every so often when Levi would tell her stories about different shenanigans he's gotten into. What Levi failed to mention is how puppy-dog John looked. It took her by surprise.
His dark freckles were sprinkled liberally across his cheeks and his brown hair flopped over in a mess that looked like a baby duck fell asleep on his head, little ducktail included. He had big, brown eyes with long, droopy lashes, but he wore wire-rimmed glasses that just intensified the whole goofy look. When he smiled at them as they walked into the musty, beer-scented building, she noticed that he bites his lower lip with his two front teeth. If he had shaved the 5 o'clock shadow, he might have looked like a giant high school freshman. John was adorable.
"Levi, my love! You have returned to our place of sacred union!" He shouted from his table holding his arms out like he was going to quote Hamlet's fourth soliloquy.
Levi ran to him, "Jonathan, my pearl, not only have I returned to you, but I come bearing a woman as a sacrifice to our love."
"She's beautiful. But, dear Levi, she is..." John paused, "She is really cute. Good job, buddy."
"Thank you." She blushed, "I'm Cath."
"I know! I've heard a lot about you. Actually, I've seen a lot of pictures of you, I'm just excited to finally meet you," he smiled abashedly and extended a hand. "I'm John."

They sat around a table getting acquainted. John worked/lived on a farm, his family primarily grew organic berries, that was not too far from Levi's house. When they were little boys they used to play in Levi's apple orchard treehouse to hide away from their after school chores. They were proud father's of a bag of flour in their Home Ec class, joined the drama club to meet girls, and at one point they even tried hitchhiking to New York after their senior year with no success (to even leave town). Cath rested her head on Levi as she listened to their stories. It felt nice when he laughed because she could feel it ring through his whole body.

"Cath, do you do karaoke?" John asked.
"God, no." She laughed, scrunching her nose.
"Well, I do." He said, "In fact, I took the liberty of signing myself up before you two even got here."
"Okay."
"Better than okay."
John stood up when the last song ended and walked to the mic. Cath, anticipating secondhand embarrassment, buried her face into Levi's cardigan. He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. Then the music began to play, and they both recognized it immediately, though anyone who's listened to the radio within the last 13 years would recognize that intro.
"ALL THE SMALL THINGS..." John sang out.
"He really likes you, Cather." Levi pulled her into his lap so they could see John on stage.
"Yeah?" She smiled.
"Definitely, he's usually really shy and calm, especially around strangers."
"I would have never guessed." Cath watched him performing a little more attentively.
"Oh, he just really likes karaoke," He rested his chin on the top of her head, "And acting. He's got social anxiety, but he's a sucker for the stage"
"NA NA NA NA NA NANANANANA NA NA NA NA NA NANANANA!" John's hips and downy hair got into the action.
Levi giggled, "What do you think?"
"I like him, he's cute."
"Yeah, me too."
They sat together, wooing and clapping until the song was over. Instead of walking back to the table, John went to the bar and came back with a tall glass of beer. He took a long drink, and Cath watched his Adam's apple bob.
"So," He said, setting the glass down, "Do you sing, Cath?"
"God, I couldn't go up there even if I wanted to." She rolled her eyes.
"Whyever not?"
"Because I'm a terrible singer."
"Karaoke means bad singing." John smiled, teeth sinking into his lip.
"Cather doesn't sing." Levi said matter-of-factly, "She raps."
"Oh my god." Cath groaned.
"You do?" He perked up.
"I do not."
"She does! To Kanye West nonetheless." Levi pulled her hair gently.
"Well, let's hear it then!"
"No," She frowned, "What do I gain from it?"
John was quiet for a minute, twirling a finger in his little ducktail. She moved back to her own seat, trying not to make him feel like the third wheel. Levi kept his arm around her shoulders though, like he was trying to show everyone that they were together. Not in a jealous way, but in a peacocking kind of way.
"Hmm," John scratched his chin, "Did Levi tell you we were in a play together?"
"No! What play?"
"Pride and Prejudice," He was smiling again, "We were Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley."
"I was Bingley." Levi chimed in.
Cath giggled, "That's so cute, that's my favorite Jane Austen book."
"If you go up and do a Kanye song, I'll have you over to watch a recording of us."

"Really?" She looked at Levi who just smiled and shrugged, "Fine, let's do it."

As soon as her turn was up Cath regretted the deal. No amount of cute, little Levi was worth publicly humiliating herself, too late to drop out though. John signed her up to do Stronger because "that song is too fun for even the biggest introvert to look like a sad, little muppet." She was starting to think Levi didn't know what shy meant.

The music started and Cath felt her stomach drop to her knees. Lyrics were coming on screen, not out of her mouth. She was shaking and on the verge of tears, but she didn't want to go back on the deal and look like a total loser so she sang along. People were even trying to cheer her on.
"Cause I can't wait much longer. I know I got to be right now' cause I can't get much wronger. Man I've been waitin' all night now, that's how long I've been on you." It all came out in mumbles.
Cath spun around when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Levi was bouncing on his heels and rapping along. His smile was the best thing Cath had ever seen and they started dancing. He ran a hand through his hair and pulled her rubberband letting hers fall over her shoulders.
"Heard they'd do anything for a Klondike. Well, I'd do anything for a blonde-dyke. And she'll do anything for the limelight."
Levi made everything feel okay. It was like singing in her room with Wren or reading out loud to him. It was easy; it was nothing. When the song ended, the rest of the bar crashed over them with whistles and clapping. Cath threw her hands over his shoulders.
"It seemed like an emergency." He mumbled as his lips crashed onto hers.

She was completely in love with him.


By the time they got back home it was 3 in the morning. Cath must've fallen asleep in the car because when she woke up she was on the bed, not wearing pants. Levi walked into the room only wearing a pair of black boxer briefs. He smiled sleepily and fell into bed next to her.

"You're my favorite person on the planet." Cath kissed his nose and she could feel his cheeks get warm.
"I'm just your friendly neighborhood spider, I'm nothing too special." He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a little squeeze.
"Levi, you do so much for me." She hid her face in his neck, "I just feel like I won't ever be able to thank you enough for everything you do."
"Cather Avery, I love you too." He switched the lamp off and twisted his fingers in her hair, "You're all I think about anymore."
"Me too."
"I don't know how I'm going to go back to waking up every morning without you." Levi yawned, "Or going to bed without you. Especiallygoing to bed without you."
They were tired, but neither of them could fall asleep. Cath told him a story about the time she and Wren had watched Nightmare on Elm Street when they were little girls. They were 7 years old and their mom told them that they were old enough to watch it. After that Cath was afraid to sleep for a month. Levi told her a story about his first time watching The Sixth Sense when he was 11. He and John convinced Delilah to let them watch it with her one night. To this day, if he puts too much thought into it, he's still afraid of dying and not knowing. Of being dead and pretending like everything was still okay, never looking out for help or worse having to scare the shit out of another kid just to move on.

"Is that your biggest fear?" Cath asked.
Levi had to think about it for a minute, "It's up there, but I don't think that it's my biggest fear."

"So what is your biggest fear?"
"I've always been scared of losing people." He sighed, "What are you afraid of?"
"Being left behind." Cath was teary-eyed, but she couldn't tell if she was sad or exhausted.

"Well, I'll be around as long as you want me." Levi held her hand.
"What about when you don't want me?"
"I'll love you as long as you love me." He said it like they were making a deal.
She snorted, "You're such a cheeseball."
"Honestly," His mouth was resting on her forehead, she could feel him smile, "If you want me as long as I want you, and I want you as long as you want me, then it won't ever stop because neither one of us will be able to stop."
"You're confusing." Cath frowned.
"Then go to sleep, sweetheart." Levi pulled the quilt over their heads to block the dim light coming through the window.
"Okay."