Cause The Hardest Part of This is Leaving You

(My Chemical Romance: Cancer)

Wren's jeans were soaked through with tears. Her hands were running through her sister's hair and she made comforting sounds every so often.

"Okay Cath, it's been at least two hours now; what happened?" Reagan finally asked resting her hand carefully on Cath's ankle.
"I couldn't do it anymore," Cath said through waning sobs.

"Do what, sis?"
"I just couldn't make him smile. Levi. I couldn't make Levi smile."
Reagan snorted, but spoke softly, "that isn't your fault, Cath. It's been a crazy summer for the two of you."

"He's just been so sad about his grandma and the baby-"

"The baby?" Wren said with a slight jerk, "what baby?"

"She still doesn't know?"

Cath pulled into herself, her body a tense ball of muscle and guilt. She wasn't even breathing anymore. Not really.

"Wren, I lost it. I didn't even want it, but I didn't want it to die! And his grandma died right in front of him and his mom hit him a-and he didn't want me to go with him." She felt her throat tighten with every word, wasting precious oxygen on the words.
"She knew? Your scary roommate knew. Not your twin sister? What happened to it?! Did he make you get an abortion?"

"No, it got stuck." Her entire body was quivering at this point. It was a full blown panic attack.

"Hey, back off a little. She can explain more later, I don't actually know much more than she was pregnant and then not." Reagan snarled in Cath's defense.

She nodded, "you're right. Cath, I'm sorry. Just breathe, I'm here. Breathe with me, just follow me."

Cath must have passed out, because she hadn't remembered falling asleep or Wren curling up with her in the small bed. She crept out from under the covers and into the silent hallway. Her feet felt shocked against the cold bathroom tiles and her heart rate picked up again. The person in the mirror looked so exhausted and discolored, Cath didn't recognize it as alive, let alone as herself.

She reached into the deep pocket of her pajama pants and pulled out her phone. It was dead and she felt a wave of relief because of it. There had to have been texts and voice messages from Levi that she just wasn't ready for. He was probably just as angry at her as she was upset with herself.

With a long, exasperated sigh, Cath shook her head and shoved the phone back into her pocket. She splashed some cold water on her face before heading back to her room. Wren was still asleep, but Reagan was sitting up against the wall.

"Hey, are you alright?"

Cath sat on the edge of her roommate's bed and spoke softly back, "yeah. I had to walk around a little bit."

"Okay," she nodded and held out her phone. "Levi texted me yesterday, but it didn't make any sense and he never responded to me. Do you kno–"
"I don't think I can handle whatever it is. It'll just make me miss him more."
Reagan was frowning, but she looked more sad than aggressive this time, "I think you left something at his place. It really didn't make sense though."
"Well, it must not have been anything too important. I can't go back for it anyway. Seeing him would be too hard now."
They were quietly staring at a little spider skittering across the floor, neither of them in the mood to kill it, and sitting together on Reagan's bed.
Reagan sighed, "we're terrible."

Cath snapped her head towards her friend. Not disagreeing, but curious.

"We're the girls who broke the nicest man on Earth's heart. Twice."


Professor Piper leapt onto her desk with a grin.

"I was so happy to see your email request for this class! Did you receive your copy of The Prairie Schooner?" She asked, her hands accentuating her words.

"I did. My sister is keeping it on the bookshelf in the living room with the photo albums so she can show it off to everyone." Cath smiled meekly.

"That's so sweet. I'm so excited to read your novel next term; I can only imagine the wonderful work you'll produce!"

This class was extremely exclusive, with only eight hand picked final project for this advanced class, Novel Writing, a two-term course, was to write a novel that was anywhere from 40,000-100,000 words long. They were supposed to check in with the professor at least twice each term to touch base about their progress and get help if they needed it. Because it was by appointment only, and Cath was very obviously one of the favorites, she and Piper scheduled her class on the first day.

"I'm thinking of trying out urban fantasy, like the Hobbit meets the modern world" she said, more to her feet than to the older woman.

"That's an interesting combination, I think you can pull it off though," the professor nodded with her eyebrows pinched together. "But I have to ask, Cath, are you alright? You look like the little sparkle has left your eyes."
Cath swallowed hard, "I'm okay. It's just been a chaotic summer."

When she walked back to Pound Hall with her sister, a thought hit Cath like a ton of bricks and she began to tear up. Little Baz was still with him. Not that she was really allowed to keep a pet in her dorm anyway, but the fact that she actually forgotten about her little companion in the mess of things made her feel horrible. Maybe he would be willing to give him to her. Maybe she could just go take him while he was at work.

"Do you think Reagan would let me keep a rabbit in the room?" Cath sniffed.

"Cath, going back for Basilton would be too hard. He knows how to take care of rabbits better than us anyway. We could hardly keep hamsters alive. It's better this way, you know?"

Between the twins, neither of them used his name anymore. Even Reagan avoided mentioning him around her. It made Cath sad to hear.

She took Wren's hand and sighed as they entered the elevator.