Hey readers! This is the 20th chapter of this story!
Now I don't have much to say for the author's note. For this chapter, Andrew gets a special surprise from his mom sent to South Korea, and word about it goes around, and some other stuff will occur. How will this go? Find out now!
AT THE M*A*S*H 4077:
It was a new day in the M*A*S*H 4077. Things weren't any different now than they were before. The mail had arrived at the unit, and Klinger had proceeded to deliver all of it to their respective and rightful owners. Andrew was an exception since he didn't get any mail. However, that didn't mean that he got nothing at all.
But he'll find out about that soon enough.
Currently, Andrew was just in the Swamp, lying on his bed. His bunkmates all went to take showers, so he was alone for now. He was fine with that. He was reading one of his magazines, for the time being, wondering if anything good was going to happen today. Anything was possible at the 4077, and Andrew was more than certain that something will happen.
Just then, the Swamp door opened up, and entering the abode was Klinger. The look on his face showed that he had some important news to say to the sole member in the Swamp at the moment.
"Hey Major? Major Peterson!" Klinger raced over to his bed. "Major Peterson, I have some big news for you!"
"Yes," Andrew put down his magazine and looked at the company clerk. "What can I do for you, Klinger?"
"There's a big package for you from the mail," he told him. "It's it my office!"
"What? Why is it in your office?" Andrew was confused by this.
"Let's just say that it's on the heavy side," Klinger answered. "And your package is more like a wooden box."
"Wooden box? You mean a crate," Andrew guessed.
"Yes! It's a crate," Klinger exclaimed. "And it's too heavy to move on my own! That's why I need you to get to my office, right away!"
"Well, what are we waiting for," Andrew got up from his bed. "Let's get to your office!"
"Right sir!"
With that, the two of them left the Swamp and went for Klinger's office. Andrew was unaware of the surprise that waiting for him there...
Once they got into Klinger's office, Klinger entered first and directed Andrew towards the crate that came in recently.
"There. That's the package that I'm talking about," he motioned before moving out of the way for him to see.
What Andrew saw was a rather large rectangular-shaped crate taking up one side of the office. Just the sight of it caught him off guard.
"Whoa! That crate is addressed to me?" Andrew gawked at it.
"Yes sir," Klinger confirmed as he approached the crate and read the text. "It came from the United States, and it's addressed to you. The person who sent it is a...Ms. Peterson."
"Ms. Peterson?" Andrew grew shocked, as he knew who that was. "Klinger, this is from my mom!"
"Your mom," Klinger was a little surprised by that. "I wonder what she sent you if she's so willing to send a crate to her son."
"Well let's find out," Andrew declared. "Help me open up the crate, Klinger!"
"Got it, sir," Klinger saluted before giving Andrew a hand with opening it up.
It took a few minutes before they could pry the lid off with some tools that Klinger decided to use. As soon as he could lift the lid, Andrew took a peek inside. What he saw next shocked him to the core.
"Oh no...She didn't have to do this," he modestly shook his head. "She really didn't have to send this to me."
"What did she send you," Klinger asked curiously.
"Take a look for yourself," Andrew showed him. "The only thing in there is a bunch of uncooked kernels of popcorn."
Klinger took a look and he did see a bunch of kernels of unpopped popcorn. Why would Andrew's mom send this to the 4077? What were they going to do with all this?
"Holy Toledo! It is kernels of popcorn," Klinger proclaimed. "Major, why did your mother send this to you?"
"I don't know Klinger," Andrew sighed and shook his head. "I wish she didn't do this."
"How many kernels of popcorn are in there?"
"Hmmm...given the size of the crate, and how it was too heavy for you to lift on your own," Andrew took a wild guess. "I'm willing to assume that this contains 1120 ounces of unpopped kernels of popcorn."
"1120 ounces? That's enough to feed at least 10 South Korean villages," Klinger yelped. "You are planning on sharing this with the rest of us, right?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I? I would love to share this with the rest of you. Although there is only one problem with that," Andrew told him.
"What's that?"
"We don't have a popcorn machine to use this for," Andrew pointed out.
"That's right," Klinger brought up. "Wait! What about the kitchen tent? We can use that!"
"Sorry Klinger, but I'm not gonna have this stuff get wasted in the kitchen like the rest of the stuff that they serve," Andrew deadpanned.
"You have a point. No one would want to have this if it was butchered up," Klinger understood his reason. "So what should we do with it for now?"
"I'll tell you. Help me bring it back to the Swamp," Andrew ordered him. "We better make it quick. We don't want anyone to see us bringing a crate containing 1120 ounces of unpopped kernels. They'll get desperate."
"Right," Klinger grabbed one end of the crate, while Andrew grabbed the other end. "Let's get this back to the Swamp."
"I'm on it," and so the two of them headed for the Swamp to drop off the crate there...
IN THE SWAMP:
Andrew and Klinger successfully got the crate into the Swamp. Specifically in Andrew side of the abode. They tried to hide it from sight but to no avail.
"Well, I'm afraid that'll have to do for now sir," Klinger panted. "There's no way for us to hide it out of sight."
"I guess so," Andrew wiped his forehead. "I just hope that the guys don't get too suspicious by it, namely Pierce. Knowing him, he'd probably do anything to get real food not served in this M*A*S*H unit."
"Yeah," Klinger agreed. "And if he knew about it, he'd also blab this to everyone else in this compound."
"The last thing we need right now," Andrew groaned. "Now listen Klinger, not a word about this to anyone. Understood? No one is to know about this."
"I hear you loud and clear sir," Klinger obliged. "But what are we going to do with all this?"
"I'm getting to that," Andrew said. "I also need you to see if you can find a popcorn machine being sold by anyone in South Korea. It can be from anyone. Surely there should be someone who is selling an old-fashioned popcorn machine."
"I get what your saying Major," Klinger remarked. "And it's not a problem. I'll see if I can find one in South Korea."
"Good," Andrew nodded. "Because we need to do something with these unpopped kernels of popcorn so it doesn't go to waste. Not only that, but I can't keep this a secret forever. It'll have to come out eventually. I just need some time for us to find a popcorn machine somewhere in South Korea."
"I'll look into it right away," Klinger turned around and headed for the door.
"And remember Klinger," Andrew reminded him, getting him to stop and turn his head. "Not a word of this to anybody. Okay?"
"Roger that, Major," Klinger saluted him again before walking out of the Swamp and looking into finding a popcorn machine in South Korea.
Once Klinger was gone, Andrew sat down on top of the closed-up crate and sighed. He didn't know why his mom would send him something like this, but he knew he couldn't keep it a secret. At least not from his bunkmates. The moment they enter this place, they'll be prying questions from him before prying open the lid and seeing what is in it.
Adjust his cap for a second, Andrew had to figure out a way to get things under wrap before it escalates. If everyone in the compound knew about this, not only would he feel overwhelmed. He would also have to deal with a bunch of hungry and impatient personnel members. That's something that he didn't want to put up with.
He was quickly brought out of his thoughts when the door to the Swamp opened up again. Entering this time was Hawkeye and BJ; both of whom had just got done with taking a shower, and they were willing to make themselves comfortable again.
"Ah, you know Beej," Hawkeye said. "There's nothing like a good shower to help you get started with the day."
"Couldn't say it any better myself Hawk," BJ agreed with him.
The two captains then had their sights land right onto Andrew, who was sitting right on top of the crate that he got in there, smiling nervously.
"Well lookie here? While we were showering, Andrew got creative and got himself a crate to sit on," Hawkeye pointed out.
"Hey Andrew," BJ greeted. "What's in the crate?"
"Crate? What crate?" Andrew tried to push it off with a lie. "I don't see a crate."
"How about the crate that your sitting on," Hawkeye told him. "The one you are nervous about showing us what's in it. You know, the one that you're trying to hide from your bunkmates."
"Oh, that crate! Yeah," Andrew blurted out nervously. "Well, there's nothing special in this crate."
"Can't be nothing if it's a large crate," BJ pointed out.
"I can tell that your hiding something from us," Hawkeye grilled. "And we want to see what's in it!"
"Oh no," Andrew stood up. "I don't think you should see what's in it!"
"Oh come on. We're curious," Hunnicutt insisted as he and Pierce walked over to the crate that Andrew was guarding. "What's the worst that could happen?"
"And besides, may I remind you Andrew that this happens to be our sleeping quarters too," Hawkeye pointed to himself and BJ for emphasis. "And as two halves of the owners here, I request that you let us see what's in that crate."
"Oh but guys, I...I...uh..." Andrew trailed off as Hawkeye and BJ approached the crate and removed the lid to see what was in it for themselves. "Oh, what's the use."
What the two captains saw next left them a little surprised for their own good.
"Whoa! Is...Is this...?"
"Yes Pierce," Andrew nodded shamefully. "It's 1120 ounces of uncooked and unpopped kernels of popcorn."
"I don't believe this," BJ was also startled. "Where did you get this?"
Andrew let out a groan as he answered reluctantly. "My mom sent it here to me."
"Your mom," now this got Hawkeye interested. "You're saying that your mom sent this to you? All the way from the United States?"
"That's where she lives." Andrew sighed, pinching his nose.
"So let me get this straight, your mom sent you 1120 ounces of popcorn," Hawkeye was grilling into the Major. "Real genuine kernels of unpopped popcorn, coming all the way from the USA and not this sewage dump! Some real food that isn't the stuff they served in the mess tent, and it came from America! Is that where this came from?!"
"Yes Pierce, and I know what you two are going to ask," Andrew said nervously as Hawkeye and BJ approached him. "You're wondering if I'm going to share this stuff with the two of you, right?"
"That seems to be the most reasonable thing to do; share it with your bunkmates," BJ said.
"Do you have any idea how much I'd kill to have some all-natural American popcorn right about now?" Hawkeye insisted.
"I know, and I would like to share it with you guys, and the others, but there's one thing wrong with that," Andrew explained.
"And what would that be?" Hunnicutt queried.
"We don't have an official popcorn machine," Andrew answered. "And there's no way I'm wasting this stuff in the kitchen, just so it can be turned into slop like the rest of the food served in the mess tent."
"Ah, at least he's making sense," Hawkeye agreed with what Andrew was saying.
"Couldn't have agreed more," BJ shrugged casually.
"Exactly. And as of now, Klinger is looking into finding a popcorn machine somewhere in South Korea," Andrew told them. "And until he does find one and gets it to the 4077, I want this to be kept a secret. Not a word about this to anyone. Am I understood?"
Before anyone could say anything, Charles came into the Swamp, wearing his bathrobe as he got done taking a shower too.
"Gentlemen? It is a great pleasure, to inform you all that I have...returned to the Swamp," Charles announced before noticing his three bunkmates in front of a large crate. "Well, what is this? My three bunkmates have gotten a large crate delivered to the Swamp. How unfortunate."
"Oh this ain't our crate Charles," BJ informed him. "This is just Andrew's crate that he got."
"Come again," this got Charles confused.
"Yeah," Hawkeye answered. "Andrew got 1120 ounces of uncooked kernels of popcorn shipped from the United States. His mother sent this to him."
"What?" Charles got interested. "Let me see that!"
Charles got by Hawkeye and BJ to see this for himself. When he looked, he realized that it was true. It was a crate of unpopped kernels. Looking at the owner of this crate, Charles then gave him a look of contempt.
"Major Peterson? Is it true that you got this crate full of American unpopped popcorn from the United State, from you mother, and you were willing on hoarding it all to yourself?!" Charles queried in a sneering manner. "Were you even thinking of sharing it with the rest of us!?"
"That's telling him, Charles," Hawkeye retorted sarcastically.
"Like a true champ," BJ added.
"I can let those pizzas Klinger made with ingredients straight from Toledo Ohio slide, but this?" Charles continued to rant. "I hereby refuse to allow you to keep this crate of popcorn to yourself!"
"If you'll stop your little rant, Winchester, I'll explain it to you," Andrew snorted in annoyance. "Yes, this popcorn came from America. And I was planning on sharing it from the beginning. But unfortunately, we don't have a popcorn machine to make this stuff in."
"Oh, right. Because this cesspool doesn't have anything that could make it the least bit etiquette for one to tolerate just a bit," Charles snorted.
"As I was saying, Klinger is trying to find a popcorn machine sold somewhere in South Korea, and we have to be patient," Andrew resumed after Winchester interrupted him. "Unless you'd rather it to be made in the kitchen tent, where it'll become as sloppy as the dreck they serve in the mess tent."
"Oh. Then by all means, please continue planning out your little scheme," Charles insisted, not wanting this stuff to be wasted into a pile of garbage.
"It's not really a scheme. More like making a proper plan," Andrew deadpanned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "All I can say is that this is a crate of uncooked kernels. And until Klinger gets that popcorn machine into the compound, I don't want any of you to say anything about this to anyone. And this does include you, Hawkeye Pierce. Do all three of you understand?"
"Oh yeah, sure. Because it would be smart of me not to let this stuff go to waste," Hawkeye remarked.
"Wouldn't dream of spilling the beans to the others in the compound," BJ said.
"Indeed. It is unwise to allow something as great as this to be wasted into more dreck in the mess tent," Charles huffed.
"Great. So I hope we can keep this pledge amongst ourselves for now," Andrew sighed.
His three bunkmates were wondering about one thing; how long was it going to take for Klinger to get back with hints of a popcorn machine being sold in South Korea? And will they be able to get it into the 4077? It was too much to take in.
But before anything else could be said, the sound of choppers were heard entering the compound, along with the blasting voice coming from the intercom.
"ATTENTION, ALL PERSONNEL! INCOMING WOUNDED! TIME TO GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!"
"Well, time to roll out the welcome wagon again," Hawkeye announced, heading for the door to get ready.
"Our work is never done," BJ followed Hawkeye.
"Indeed. Let's get this meatball surgery done and over with," Charles sighed, following the two captains out the door.
"Yeah. I guess we should go take care of the wounded," Andrew exclaimed.
But before Andrew could follow them, he went back to the crate, put the lid back over it so it won't be revealed, and then secured it shut with a lock. Afterwards, he dusted his hands and stormed out of the Swamp to help with treating the wounded. He could only hope that things wouldn't be compromised in OR...
IN THE OR:
In the operating room, everything was being run like it usually is. The doctors and nurses were busy treating the wounded and performing surgery on some of them. Andrew, in particular, was not paying attention to the discussion taking place around him. He was too worried about the crate of popcorn kernels left in the Swamp. Trying not to draw out suspicions from the others, he decided to continue performing surgery on his patient, with his partner aiding him. He tried to tune out the noise.
However, it was what Hawkeye said next that caught his attention, as he was talking to Colonel Potter.
"So anyway, Kernel," he realized his mistake when he saw Andrew flinch at that. "Uh, I mean Colonel Potter, how's your patient coming along?"
Colonel Potter raised an eyebrow at what he just said, but he shrugged it off. "Oh, just as dandy as you can think of. I'm just working on stitching up this open wound that I just sterilized and cleaned out."
"That's good sir," Hawkeye remarked. "I just need to place my patient's joint bone back into place."
"Oh please," Charles snorted. "If you think that's gruesome, my patients' arteries look about ready to pop."
"Pop?" Andrew squeaked nervously, flinching again.
"On come on Charles," BJ chastised him, tending to his own patient. "Don't you think that sounds a bit too corny?"
"Corny?" Andrew squeaked, feeling his left eye twitch at how these dropping hints will compromise the secret.
Andrew's OR partner and girlfriend Margaret noticed that something was wrong with him. As such, she turned her attention to Andrew while helping him with their patient's bullet wound.
"Is something wrong Andrew?" She queried.
"Oh no Margaret," he answered quickly and nervously. "Nothing is wrong! Everything is just fine!"
"Hmmm...are you sure," she wasn't convinced, as she raised an eyebrow. "Because you sound like your hiding something."
Andrew had to sigh. Because she was his girlfriend, she had every right to know about the secret regarding the popcorn. Of course, he couldn't tell her here, seeing that there were other people here, and he didn't want them to know. But it was definite that she would fill her in on it. As a couple, they have to be able to confide in each other their secrets.
"Margaret, I'll tell you about it later, when we are in private dear," he promised.
"Well, okay darling," she accepted that as an answer. "Just know that you can tell me anything, and I won't say anything to anybody."
"I know," Andrew smiled from behind the mask.
And that's why I'm going to tell you about it later Margaret.
With nothing else to say, Andrew continued to treat the bullet wound with Margaret aiding him like she usually would. He could only hope that things will ease down later when Klinger informs him about the popcorn machine, and maybe once he informs Margaret about the crate that he got from his mom...
THE OUTSIDE AREA OF THE M*A*S*H 4077:
After spending two hours or so in OR, Andrew had managed to scrub himself up from surgery and was no longer in his surgery uniform. Now he was wearing his usual green uniform with the green cap on his head. Currently, he was taking a stroll through the compound. He still hasn't heard back from Klinger regarding that popcorn machine that he wants him to find, so they can work on purchasing one. He continued to be patient, but things were starting to get hectic.
There's also the fact that Hawkeye nearly blew the secret right in OR when he referred to Colonel Potter as 'Kernel' before realizing his mistake. And if that wasn't enough, Charles had to comment his patient's arteries looking ready to pop, and then BJ tells him that that was pretty corny. And to top it off, Margaret was growing suspicious and figured that Andrew was trying to hide something.
There was no way that he would lie to his girlfriend. He certainly wanted to fill her in on it. And he was going to do that later after he spent some time cooling off a little after performing surgery.
As he was approaching the Swamp, he ended up hearing someone call out to him, which got his attention.
"Excuse me, Major?" This was from Father Mulcahy, who Andrew turned to face as he was in front of the Swamp.
"Yes, Padre? What is it," Andrew asked.
"You know something," the Padre started to speak. "I just heard the strangest rumor."
Now Andrew felt some dread building up onto his face, fearing as to where this was going. "What rumor?"
"I've heard that you have a large crate of uncooked kernels of popcorn in the Swamp," Father Mulcahy answered matter-of-factly.
"Pierce didn't tell you, did he?!" Andrew cried weakly.
Sporting a sheepish smile, Father Mulcahy answered truthfully. "You know, the Lord would forsake me if I were to tell a lie. So I'm gonna have to say...yes. Captain Pierce told me."
"Ugh!" Andrew groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "That Pierce! And to think that he almost blew the secret in OR today."
"Uhh, if I may get back to the crate for a second," the Padre queried. "Are you planning on sharing the popcorn with the other personnel?"
"Yes. Of course, I am," Andrew sighed. "And I was planning on sharing it right from the start. Sadly, I can't right now due to some massive complications with the plan."
"What are you talking about, Major?" Father Mulcahy was confused.
"I'll get to it in a minute," Andrew said. "For now, I don't want you to tell anyone else about this. Please. I don't want anyone else to know about that crate of unpopped kernels of popcorn that is being kept in the Swamp."
As Andrew said this, Margaret stepped out of her tent. She was wearing her casual black long-sleeved shirt and green pants and her hair was hanging down. She had overheard what Andrew said about the crate and there being kernels of unpopped popcorn in it. Something about it caught her attention.
So that's what he was trying to hide from me in OR. She mused. I'm gonna find out more about this from Andrew.
Feeling destined, Margaret approached Andrew and the Padre, getting their attention as she stopped right in front of her boyfriend.
"Andrew is it true about how you have a large crate of unpopped kernels in the Swamp," she asked politely. "That's what you were trying not to talk about in OR, wasn't it?"
Andrew could only nod and sigh at this. "Yes, Margaret. It's true."
He then noticed other personnel walking about in the compound. Not wanting to blurt out the secret, Andrew then decided to go somewhere more private.
"Margaret, I want to take you into the Swamp where it'll be more private, and I'll explain the secret to you there," Andrew exclaimed. "You too Padre."
Both of them couldn't argue with that. They followed Andrew towards the door, where he cracked it opened and poked his head in to make sure they were given 100% privacy, so he could confide his secret to them. Luckily, no one was there at the moment. This was the golden chance.
"The coast is clear. Come on," Andrew told them as he entered the Swamp, followed by Margaret and Father Mulcahy. He then closed the door and made sure it was completely shut.
Once they were completely alone in the Swamp, Andrew motioned them over to the large crate in his side of the room, where he proceeded to unlock it and open it up. Once he lifted the lid, he allowed Father Mulcahy and Margaret to see the kernels for themselves. Needless to say, they were astounded by this.
"Holy matrimony," the Padre exclaimed silently. "That has to be a lot of popcorn kernels."
"I know," Andrew nodded modestly. "If you two must know, my mom was the one who sent this to me."
"Your mom," Margaret looked at him and then asked him. "Tell me, honey, just how many kernels of popcorn are in there?"
"Well, I'd like to say at least 1120 ounces," Andrew told them.
"1120 ounces?" Father Mulcahy was impressed. "That's enough to feed 5 separate M*A*S*H units, plus the orphanage."
Suddenly, Margaret got that saucy look in her eyes as she approached Andrew and clung to him.
"You were planning on sharing some popcorn with me, were you darling?" She said seductively, rubbing the index finger of her right hand across his chest as a way of swooning him.
"You know I would share some popcorn with you, honey," Andrew said. "In fact, I was planning on sharing it with everyone in the compound right from the start."
"Hey uh Major," the Chaplin brought up something from earlier. "The massive complications that you spoke of earlier, what were you referring to?"
"I was referring to the fact that we don't have a popcorn machine in this compound," Andrew answered, as Margaret was kept close to him. "And I want both of you to know that I am having Klinger trying to look into where I can get a popcorn machine in South Korea that I can use it for. Because I do not want to use the kitchen for these kernels, since I don't want it to turn out like the rest of the slop served in the mess tent. It would be wasted as such."
"I understand what your saying Andrew," Margaret told him.
"Same here," Father Mulcahy agreed. "Something as sacred as these kernels of unpopped popcorn, that came from the United States no less, should be treated with the utmost care."
"Exactly," Andrew nodded. "And that's why I need you two to keep this a secret from everyone else in the compound. Things would get out of control if they found out about this."
"Your secret is safe with me," the Padre accepted. "I wouldn't dare act against a sacred promise such as this, seeing that it would lead to a rather...chaotic outcome."
"And you can always trust me to keep a secret like this and not tell anyone, darling," Margaret promised.
"Thanks, guys," Andrew let out a sigh of relief. "I really appreciate this."
They didn't say another word as they nodded in understanding. In an instant, Klinger came into the Swamp with some important news for Major Peterson.
"Hey Major, I got some wonderful news for you," Klinger then noticed that he had company in the Swamp with him. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that you had company."
Andrew knew what he was trying to do, but he felt that it wasn't necessary since they found out.
"Forget it, Klinger, they already know about the popcorn." Andrew sighed.
"They do?" Klinger looked at him puzzled.
"Yes," Andrew nodded. "As does Captain Pierce, Captain Hunnicutt, and Major Winchester too."
"Ah. I see," Klinger then got to the point. "Anyway, I've got good news for you. I managed to find a South Korean merchant who has a popcorn machine on hand."
"Really? That's excellent news," Andrew claimed as Margaret and Father Mulcahy were delighted with that news. "When is it going to get here?"
"It should be here first thing tomorrow morning sir," Klinger told him.
"Great," Andrew flashed a grin. "Now I can do something about these unpopped kernels of popcorn, and not let them go to waste. And I was serious when I said that I'd share this with the others in the compound."
"I know you did sir," Klinger said. "And I look forward to it."
"Me too," Margaret smiled. "It'll be nice to share some popcorn with my boyfriend."
"I'm delighted too," Father Mulcahy agreed. "It's been ages since I had popcorn that came from the United States."
"Yeah. Klinger, can you come over here for a minute," Andrew motioned him over. "I have something that I need to say to all three of you."
"Got it," Klinger walked over to join them. "What is it."
"It's this: we have to be a little more patient for that popcorn machine to get here," Andrew told them. "So until it does, I don't want anyone else in the compound to know about this. As long as we do that, no one else will learn about this. Provided that Captain Pierce doesn't blab this to the others."
"You got it, sir," Klinger smiled. "We don't need there to be gossip about this stuff, where the others get selfish and impatient. We don't want a repeat of what happened last time things went out of control in this compound."
"I'll say," Margaret agreed. "We all know how much Pierce loves gossiping about stuff. Having everyone else know about this will only cause extra stress. And I don't want you to go through that again darling."
"You can count on me to keep this a secret too," Father Mulcahy added. "What we don't need is for everyone else to be selfish to the point that they ruin this for everyone. It would be unfair to everyone, and it would be unholy. So I won't let you down either, Major."
"Thanks, guys," Andrew gave all three of them a genuine smile. "I really appreciate this."
All three of them nodded and returned the smile to him. In Margaret's case, she gave him a promising wink and a peck on his cheek. Andrew was unsure about what to say at the moment as did the others. But before anyone could say anything, an announcement was made on the intercom courtesy of Colonel Potter.
"ATTENTION, THIS IS YOUR COLONEL SPEAKING! I'D LIKE THE FOLLOWING PERSONNEL STAFF TO REPORT TO MY OFFICE IMMEDIATELY! THEY WOULD HAPPEN TO BE DOCTORS PIERCE, HUNNICUTT, WINCHESTER, AND PETERSON, MY HEAD NURSE HOULIHAN, THE PADRE, AND MY COMPANY CLERK KLINGER! THAT'S AN ORDER!"
The intercom was turned off as all four of them exchanged curious looks with each other. They had no idea what that is about, but it sure made them wonder about it.
"What do you suppose that's about?" Klinger queried, rubbing his temple with his index finger.
"I don't know," Andrew shrugged. "But if he's telling us to report to his office by the intercom, it must be important."
"In any case, I suggest that we don't keep the Colonel waiting," Father Mulcahy insisted. "We should probably head there right now."
"We'll find out what it is when we get there," Margaret murmured. "For now, we should get going."
"Wait! Before we report to his office," Andrew motioned towards the open crate. "Could you three maybe give me a hand with closing and secure this crate shut?"
None of them objected as they helped Andrew with putting the lid back over it and then made sure it was secure so no one would break into it.
"That takes care of that," Andrew dusted his hands off. "Thanks for the help guys."
"It was an honor to help out," the Padre remarked.
"Yeah, it was no trouble at all," the company clerk said.
"You're very welcome," Margaret kissed him on his lips. "I love you, darling."
"I love you too, dear," Andrew grinned at his girlfriend. "So, shall we get going?"
All three of them nodded as the four of them left the swamp in a single file line as they went straight for the Colonel's office. Chances are the two captains and Major Winchester were already there waiting for them. All they could wonder is what the colonel has to share with them. They were about to find out in a minute...
IN COLONEL POTTER'S OFFICE:
It turns out that the other three members of the Swamp made it to the office before the other four did, as they took their seats. Of course, Andrew and Margaret decided to sit together, Father Mulcahy, Klinger, and Charles took seats that were to the side, and Hawkeye and BJ chose to stand up, wondering what their Colonel needs to share with them.
The Colonel himself was standing right behind his desk as he eyed all seven of them to make sure no one was missing. When he made sure that they were all here, he decided to get down to business.
"So, you're probably wondering why I've gathered you all here today, right?" He queried.
"Well now that you mention it, an answer would help," Hawkeye said.
"That's the best place to start," BJ shrugged.
"Indeed. The sooner we get done with this meeting, the better," Charles snorted.
"Well you're not going to be in a bad mood for long," Colonel Potter said. "Because I've got some good news that I need to share with you."
"You do?" This got the Chaplin very interested. "Well, we would love to have some good news Colonel!"
"So, what's the scoop sir," Klinger questioned.
"I'll explain it right now," Potter got to the point. "For the past few days, we've been working hard in OR, where we are constantly treating the wounded that we've been getting, along with some other stuff."
"Yeah," Andrew agreed. "We all have been putting in some effort in what's been going on lately. Well, some of us more than others."
Andrew eyed Charles, who snorted as a response, but didn't deliver a retort.
"And it's because of that that I've got a treat for all of you," the Colonel assured them.
"You do," Margaret looked interested. "Well, what is it?"
"I'll tell you, Margaret, for all the hard work we've done, I had issued a movie to be sent to this camp, and I just got it today," Colonel Potter said ecstatically. "We'll be having a movie night tomorrow for the whole compound."
"That's wonderful news sir," Andrew beamed. "What movie are we going to be watching?"
"Please tell me it isn't absurd and nonsensical like The Three Stooges," Charles groaned. "I am not up to watching a copy of those three imbeciles having at it with each other."
"It wouldn't be a good idea," Andrew agreed with a smirk. "Not that we'd need to watch it anyway, seeing that I'm rooming with three bunkmates that make perfect renditions of Larry, Curly, and Moe as it is."
"And so the critic strikes again," Hawkeye retorted. "I wonder why he'd come to that conclusion."
"Probably the pranks that we pull on everyone and each other, Andrew included," BJ shrugged.
"Yes. Well, I rest my case," Charles said.
"Now people, we are not watching The Three Stooges." Sherman Potter exclaimed.
"So are we going to be watching Bambi instead?" Hawkeye wondered. "Because we could really use the companionship of Bambi, Thumper, and all their other animal friends."
"It'll make a good petting zoo for the kiddies," BJ remarked.
"We're not watching Bambi either." Sherman Potter said.
"Is it His Girl Friday," Hawkeye guessed. "We could use a screwball comedy starring Cary Grant; a true comedic classic for all to see."
"No Pierce. That's not it," the colonel answered.
"What about A Matter of Life and Death," BJ wondered. "I haven't seen that movie in a while. The last time I saw it was when I was back at home, and it would be a real treat for all of us."
"Sorry Hunnicutt. It's not that either."
"Wait, could it be Rome, Open City that we'll be watching," Charles asked. "Unlike the rest of you bozos, I am more than willing to learn about the cultures from one of Europe's finest countries, which in this case, is Italy."
"Yeah, that is if you happen to be into neorealist war dramas," Andrew rolled his eyes. "In any case, it might be a bad idea to show that film on the compound."
"Andrew has a point, Winchester," Potter shook his head. "We're not seeing that film either."
"Hey! I know! What about Spring In a Small Town," Klinger snapped his fingers excitedly. "It's a Chinese black-and-white film, but it's a classic that I saw with my dad when I was back in Toledo. Everyone will love it!"
"Klinger, the only person who could stomach that sort of rubbish is a Section 8 scheming fool such as yourself," Winchester huffed. "Besides, we know that the South Koreans are also dealing with the Chinese Communists in addition to the North Koreans. So I say that film is out of the question."
"Yeah Klinger," BJ nodded. "After all, we all know that Charles is a bigot when it comes to certain ethics and country origins."
"What did you say, Hunnicutt?" Charles growled.
"People, please! Before we get into a heated debate, I'll have you know that we're not watching that film either," Potter exclaimed, getting the arguing to halt.
"Colonel, could it be The Bells of St. Mary's?" Father Mulcahy got his guess out. "That is a remarkable Christian classic that everyone should see for themselves. If I must say, it'll bring how Catholics like myself are put into a new light."
"Sorry Padre. It's not that movie either."
"Colonel, if I can make a guess, I bet that it's Casablanca that we're watching," Margaret got her comment in, her face morphing into a suggestive one. "After all, I think the compound could use a little romantic drama for once. Isn't that right, Andrew?"
"Oh yeah, Margaret," Andrew claimed as his girlfriend was giving him a seductive look. "I would love to watch that with you, dear."
"I would love watching it with you too, darling."
"My apologies to the young couple, but it isn't that movie either," Colonel Potter broke the bad news.
"Colonel Potter, I'd like to put my guess onto the table too," Andrew spoke up. "I bet we're going to be watching The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp!"
"Ah, a little romantic drama and war satire combined," Hawkeye said. "An interesting choice."
"What? I've seen it before. It was pretty interesting," Andrew shrugged. "Besides, it's got plenty of war humor that we need right about now to deal with the Korean War, and some romantic elements are thrown into it for drama, especially since I'll be with my girlfriend."
"Andrew, if I would choose a movie that wasn't Casablanca, I'd go with that one," Margaret told him honestly.
"I thought that you might," Andrew grinned.
"I'm sorry to say this Andrew, but it's not that film either," Colonel Potter put a damper on it.
"Well Colonel, we seem to be out of guesses," Charles admitted. "So what movie could it be?"
"Yeah," Andrew agreed. "Which movie are we going to be seeing?"
"I'm glad you asked. Those are all good guesses, but the one that we got is an oldie but a goodie," Potter gave them the answer. "The film I've got is Red River; a western classic starring John Wayne. And it ought to be a grand spanking good movie that everyone will get a kick out of faster than you could say 'gid along, little doggy'!"
"A western film," Charles was disinterested. "I should have known."
"Don't mind him, sir," Andrew said. "I think it's a good choice."
"I have no objections to it either." Margaret agreed.
"None on my end either," Klinger stated.
"I have no objections to this Colonel," Father Mulcahy exclaimed.
"I'm good with it too," BJ added.
"So am I," Hawkeye spoke up before blurting out. "I just can't believe that we are having a movie night again! And just in time too! Andrew's popcorn that he got from his mom will go perfectly with this movie night!"
"Pierce!" Andrew yelled angrily at how he blew the secret, as the others gave Hawkeye some dirty looks. Even Charles was unimpressed by what he just blurted out.
The exception to this was Colonel Potter, who now grew curious by what Hawkeye was implying. He turned his attention to Andrew Peterson and asked him.
"Major Peterson is this true," Colonel Potter demanded an answer.
Andrew was put into the spotlight again, as he couldn't lie to the Colonel. Nodding in shame, he answered truthfully.
"Yes. I do have a crate of unpopped kernels of popcorn."
Now Colonel Potter was interested in this. This is the first that he's heard about this from any of his personnel members.
"I see," he then questioned. "Tell me, were you planning on sharing it with the rest of the compound?"
"Yes. Of course, I am. And I'm planning on it too," Andrew admitted before pointing out. "The only trouble with it right now is that we don't have an official popcorn machine to make the stuff in. Klinger just told me that he found one owned by a South Korean merchant."
"He's right sir," Klinger spoke up. "And it's supposed to get here first thing tomorrow morning."
"That's understandable son," Potter responded. "You can't make popcorn without the popcorn machine. Just like you can't hold a ranch without the authority, a horse to ride on, and the herd of cattle to go with the ranch."
"Yeah," Andrew then told all seven of them. "And until it does get here tomorrow, I want all eight of us to keep this a secret, and do not tell this to anyone else in the compound. Any slip-ups will ruin everything for everyone who wants it. And I don't want anyone patient to miss out because some personnel had to be selfish and impatient. So not a word to anyone. Understand?"
"We promise," they all said, even Colonel Potter who wouldn't pop the lid about this secret with the others. If it means getting fresh United States popcorn, then it would be worth the wait and secrecy.
"And that goes double for you Pierce," Andrew glowered at the chief surgeon. "I don't want our peers, medical staff, personnel, and my girlfriend to miss out because you felt like gossiping. So you have to be sure that you keep that mouth of your shut regarding this secret. Do you copy that?"
"Copy that loud and clear, Major Andrew," Hawkeye snorted.
"Alright. That's all that I ask for," Andrew sighed.
"So, is there anything else that you want to tell us, Colonel?" Klinger wondered.
"No. That just about does it," Potter said honestly. "You can all go back to your usual activities for now. Dismissed!"
With that, the seven of them got up and headed to the door, and went back to their previous activities for now. They were excited for movie night to show up, and they were even more eager for the popcorn machine to show up so those unpopped kernels don't go to waste. They can only wait for what'll happen the following day...
THE FOLLOWING MORNING:
It was a brand new morning at the M*A*S*H 4077. In the Swamp, in particular, we see Andrew snoozing away in his bed, as he was having pleasant dreams. He was awakened when Klinger came into the Swamp and woke him up.
"Hey Major?! Major," the company clerk shook him up. "Major, I need you to wake up! I've got news for you!"
"Uhhhhh..." Andrew droned, looking at Klinger with a tired expression. "What is it, Klinger?"
"I just want you to know that the popcorn machine you requested has just arrived," Klinger exclaimed. "The South Korean merchant is waiting outside for you to make the purchase."
"What," this got Andrew to bolt awake with his eyes wide open. "The popcorn machine has shown up?"
"That's right," Klinger confirmed.
Andrew got out of bed, put on his clothes, and let out a yawn and a stretch. "Well, let's go meet him and see the popcorn machine."
"I'm right behind you Major Peterson," Klinger encouraged as Andrew got into his daytime clothes.
Without another word, Andrew and Klinger left the Swamp so the former could meet the merchant for himself, and see what the popcorn machine looks like.
When they got to the merchant, Andrew saw the popcorn machine for himself. It looked like one of those old fashion street carts with the popcorn machine attached to it. It was an 1890s brand popcorn machine. Just the sight of it reeked entirely of retro and old-fashioned. Despite that, Andrew figured that he could work with this just fine.
As for the merchant himself, he looked like a typical South Korean merchant. Andrew has seen plenty of them since he's been in South Korea, so this wasn't a surprise. His eyes were glued straight onto the machine itself.
"Wow Klinger," Andrew admired. "The popcorn machine is attached to a street cart. And this is the 1890s style popcorn machine. How interesting."
"I know. And the best part is it still works," Klinger exclaimed. "And what's more? It even has a popcorn scooper for scooping those kernels into the popcorn machine, and it'll do the rest for us."
"Yes. This is antique," the South Korean merchant said. "It's been passed down our land for many decades."
"I see," Andrew got out his wallet and dug through it for the appropriate amount of cash. "So anyway, how much is this going to cost me?"
"Well, in South Korean won, this antique would be...86498.25," the merchant explained. "But in U.S. Currency, its price would be about...$75.00."
"$75.00? Is that it," Andrew seemed a little shocked by that, figuring that it would be more expensive. "I thought that it would have been sold at a higher price."
"Yes. But this is a special antique. You can't get a good deal anywhere else with this."
"Yeah. I suppose so," Andrew sighed, digging out $75 from his wallet. "Here you go."
"Thank you, kind sir," the merchant took the money and gave them the popcorn machine street cart. "Pleasure doing business with you."
"Anytime mister," Andrew smiled as he observed the street cart.
"See? Is that a good deal or what?" Klinger queried as the merchant took his leave.
"It sure is," Andrew nodded before getting serious. "Okay, Klinger? We need to get this street cart to the mess tent immediately.
"I'm already on it sir," Klinger grabbed one side of the street cart. "I'll grab this end, and you can take that end."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Andrew grabbed the other side of the street cart. "Let's get going."
The two of them worked on getting the street cart all the way to the mess tent. Once they got there, they moved the street cart to the side where it wouldn't be in the way. Satisfied with its position, they released their grip from it.
"Okay Klinger, now we need to get the crate from the Swamp, and then deliver it to the mess tent, and then we'll figure out what to do afterwards," Andrew pointed out.
"Right," Klinger agreed with him.
The two of them headed out of the mess tent and were about to head for the Swamp. However, before they could make it, they were stopped by a crowd of people, who looked at Andrew with some determination. This got Andrew to smile nervously as he then spoke up.
"Uh, hello," he said. "What can I do for all of you?"
His question was answered as Nurse Kelleye spoke up first.
"Hey Major Peterson," she called out. "When are we gonna get our popcorn?!"
"We're all waiting impatiently for that popcorn that came from America!" An unnamed doctor hollered.
It was then the crowd of people spoke in unison about it that it was hard to make out what they were saying. Andrew knew what happened. Someone must've spilled the beans about the secret, and he knew which one did it. Klinger was in a similar boat as Andrew.
"Ugh," Andrew pinched the bridge of his nose. "Only one person could have blabbed about the secret."
"He's in the Officer's Club with a ginger head nurse if your wondering where he is," Klinger answered, already knowing who Andrew was referring to.
"I'm gonna have to talk to that chief surgeon," Andrew declared. "Klinger, do you think you can get one of the members of the main crew to help you get the crate to the mess tent while I take care of this?"
"I'll do it, sir," Klinger obeyed as he ran to find someone within the main 7 while Andrew went to the Officer's Club to give a certain captain a piece of his mind...
IN THE OFFICER'S CLUB:
Meanwhile, in the Officer's Club, we see Hawkeye Pierce wearing that casual blue floral Hawaiian t-shirt, sitting at a round table with that cute-looking ginger head nurse from before. Apparently, he was attempting to woo her.
"So sugar, do you come here often," Hawkeye swooned.
"As often as you'd like me to," she cooed.
"Why not give me some for the road," the captain referred to a kiss.
But before anything could be said, the door slammed open, and entering was one Andrew Peterson, who looked peeved as he was looking for a certain captain.
"PIERCE!" Andrew boomed, getting Hawkeye's attention as Andrew stomped over to his table.
"Oh hey, Andrew Peterson. Fancy running into you here," Hawkeye acted like he didn't know what was wrong.
"Don't you give me that routine, buster!" Andrew spat. "What did I tell you? What did I say to you before? I told you not to spill the secret out, and you went and did it anyway!"
"Secret? I have no idea what you're talking about," Hawkeye played innocent.
"You damn well know what secret I'm referring to Pierce," Andrew howled in frustration.
Margaret, who was at one of the tables, was drinking alone when she saw Andrew grill Captain Pierce. Confused by this, she approached him to find out what this is about.
"Andrew, what are you talking about," she queried.
"Didn't you know Margaret?" Andrew groaned. "Pierce had spilled the beans about that secret that I didn't want him to tell! And now the whole compound knows about it!"
"What?!" Margaret's confused look morphed into anger as she glared at Pierce. "Well, Pierce? Are you satisfied? Because of you, many of us who deserve that surprise for being patient are going to be left out!"
"How do you know that it was spilled," Hawkeye queried.
Before Andrew could deliver another retort, the people who hounded him before entered the officer's club.
"There he is! Major Peterson, we want some popcorn! And we want it now!" One of the doctors howled.
"We are growing impatient with the wait!" An unnamed nurse cried out.
"Does that answer your question Pierce," Andrew deadpanned as he and his girlfriend gave him the stink eye.
"Okay! Okay! I might have tipped a few people off about it," Hawkeye admitted. "But I didn't think it'd get this crazy."
"Gee, you think?" Andrew snorted sarcastically. "What did you expect from a whole crew of medical staff that takes things out of proportions!? Now we have a drastic situation on our hands again!"
"And I was looking forward to sharing popcorn with my darling of a boyfriend," Margaret let out a rather childish whine.
"Now dear, let's not get upset. I think we can do something that might end up saving everything," Andrew got her hopes back up. "And you are going to help us, Pierce since you got us into this mess!"
"I'd love to, but I'm on a date right now," Hawkeye dismissed with a hand wave. "So if you two don't mind?"
"OH NO, YOU'RE NOT!" Andrew roared, grabbing Pierce by the arm. "You aren't getting off the hook that easily! Come on!"
Andrew dragged Hawkeye out of the Officer's Club with Margaret trailed right behind him as they pushed through the crowd of staff members and made their way outside...
Eventually, they got outside in front of the intercom speaker with all those people following them. It was loud enough to get Colonel Potter's attention as he stormed outside of his office.
"What, in the name of Buffalo Bagels is all the commotion," Potter demanded, approaching the two majors and chief surgeon.
"Guess who spilled the beans about the popcorn surprise," Andrew told him. "It was Hawkeye Pierce."
"What," Potter was not pleased by this. "Pierce, you had to open your big mouth, didn't you?"
"Well, what can I say," Hawkeye defended. "I'm a sucker for gossip. So I tipped a couple of people off. I wasn't expecting it to get this crazy."
"Pierce, haven't you learned anything from the last time this happened," Colonel Potter groaned. "Of course the compound will react like this!"
"But don't get worried sir! I have an idea that might save everything," Andrew told him. "And I forced Hawkeye to help out since he got us into this mess."
"It's only fair since he couldn't keep that mouth of his shut," Margaret agreed, crossing her arms.
"What is the plan that you have in mind Major," Colonel Potter asked him with interest.
Before Andrew could answer, Klinger came to the scene with Father Mulcahy and BJ Hunnicutt, who helped him get that crate to the mess tent.
"Major Peterson sir, Hunnicutt, and the Padre helped me get that crate to the mess tent," Klinger informed him.
"I take it that someone spread the rumors about the secret," Father Mulcahy figured out.
"And now they're like an angry mob," BJ stated.
"Anyway, I'm glad that that's done," Andrew said. "But now I'm gonna have to go with Klinger to make sure that the popcorn gets cooked."
"Seems pretty good Major, but what about these people," Colonel Potter brought up. "We can't keep them from the mess tent forever."
"And that's why I've gotten Pierce into this," Andrew turned his attention to Pierce. "Since you were the one responsible for stirring everyone up, you are going to keep these people distracted while I help Klinger with the popcorn."
"What should I do?" Hawkeye asked.
"I don't know. Maybe entertain them for a bit," Andrew suggested.
Before Hawkeye could clarify this, Charles came out of the Swamp, hearing all the commotion from the crowd of people.
"If I may intrude on this discussion, gentlemen," he began. "But I would like to know what's so important that these people are holding a loud debate right outside the Swamp!"
"Long story short Winchester. Pierce spilled the beans on the secret," Andrew gave him the abridged version of the situation.
Winchester could only let out a gasp before casting a glower towards Pierce.
"Well Pierce, I would like nothing more than to express how furious I am with you right now," Charles sneered. "But I can see that you've got your hands all tied up."
"We can discuss this later," Andrew sighed. "Pierce, do anything you can to distract them from the mess tent. Do a comedy, stand up, perform a show, whatever. Just keep them down until I say so! And that's an order, Pierce!"
"Okay, okay," Hawkeye huffed in defeat. "Maybe I can break into a little Groucho Marx routine with the glasses and fake mustache and everything."
"Good idea." Andrew didn't object to that as he turned to face the colonel. "Colonel Potter sir, I think it'd be best if you help Pierce keep these people at bay and enjoy his little show since they're likely to do something bad to Pierce out of desperation."
"I get what you're saying," Potter nodded in understanding. "I think it'd be wise for me to help Pierce with this tough crowd."
"Thank you, sir," Andrew thanked him. "I shouldn't be gone long."
"Is there anything I can do darling?" Margaret asked him.
"Hmmm..." Andrew did some thinking before settling on an idea. "I think you should come with me and Klinger to the mess tent. In case these people get by Pierce and the Colonel, you can keep them out of the mess tent with that authoritative personality of yours that I admire so much about you."
"Oh Andrew," a smirk grew on her face. "I'd thought you'd never ask me to do that. I would love to keep them out."
"I only think of what's best, dear," he gave her a smirk in return. "And the rest of you stay here and make sure those guys don't harm Pierce or injure him."
The others nodded in understanding, knowing what is needed to keep this tough crowd at bay.
"Alright. Let's go Klinger, Margaret," Andrew proclaimed.
They both nodded as they headed for the mess tent while the others remained at the scene, with the rather impatient crowd looking at Hawkeye.
"Oh hey guys," he told them. "Who's ready for a dinner and a show?!"
"Forget dinner! We want popcorn!" One of the medical staff yelled, triggering the others to do the same.
"Well, how about I dance instead?" Hawkeye suggested.
He started doing a tap dance that came straight out of a Charlie Chaplin-directed movie. He pretended that he had a cane and hat and then came to a halt with a split.
"Ta-da!"
"That was stupid! When are we going to get some popcorn Hawkeye!" A nurse hollered.
The crowd was getting rowdy as Hawkeye tugged on the collar of his shirt and stood back up.
"This is a tough crowd," he said sheepishly. "Okay ladies and germs, how about I pull a Groucho Marx routine!? I'll be right back!"
Hawkeye ran into the Swamp for a second while the crowd was getting furious. No sooner than a few seconds later, Pierce raced out, now wearing those Groucho glasses, complete with a fake nose and a mustache. He then stood before the crowd of people again as he got ready.
"Okay folks, no need to get so excited! There's plenty for everyone. I know! Here's a line from The Cocoanuts," Hawkeye cleared his throat and recited. "Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket."
The crowd was not pleased by this as they kept demanding popcorn. Colonel Potter sighed, knowing that he'd have to intervene in this situation.
"Attention, all personnel," Potter got them to silence themselves. "Let me remind you that I am your commanding officer, and I make the commands here at the 4077! Therefore, I want you to laugh at Hawkeye's comedy! Laugh, and that's an order!"
The people weren't impressed, as they kept questioning his order. Colonel Potter knew it was time to break out the big guns. And that meant he'd have to pull a drill sergeant tone on all of them. Blowing his whistle, he got their attention.
"PRESEEEEEEEENT...LAUGH!" He bellowed like a drill sergeant.
This got the crowd to force a laugh at Hawkeye's little Groucho routine. BJ and Father Mulcahy found themselves laughing sincerely, while Charles was less than impressed by it. This didn't go unnoticed by Sherman Potter, as he used the same drill sergeant tone when speaking to Charles.
"LAUGH WINCHESTER! THAT'S AN ORDER!" The Colonel barked.
Charles then found himself letting out a forced laugh at the show Pierce was pulling before them. Hawkeye felt pleased by the roaring crowd.
"Okay, if you think that's funny, here's another one from Duck Soap," Pierce then recited another quote. "You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that"s too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle."
Again, the crowd and Winchester let out forced laughs at this while the others were laughing genuinely. This was going to take a while for them. It would be worth the wait when the popcorn was ready...
IN THE MESS TENT:
While Hawkeye was keeping the crowd occupied and entertained, Andrew and Klinger were in the mess tent observing the popcorn machine street cart, while Margaret was standing outside the door in case that crowd got past Pierce. Currently, Andrew and Klinger were discussing how to make this popcorn.
"Okay Klinger, we got the kernels and the popcorn machine," Andrew stated. "Now we need to get this stuff made."
"You got it, sir," Klinger said. "We've got the cooking oil to use for it."
"Klinger, can I ask you a question," Andrew started. "Do you know how to work this?"
"Are you kidding me? I can work this thing off the tip of my head," Klinger was confident. "In fact, I once used a popcorn machine street cart when I was often handing out popcorn to people at the Toledo Mud Hens baseball stadium during baseball games! You can count on me to work this thing!"
"Excellent, just what I want to hear," Andrew smiled. "So what do we do first?"
"Well first off, we need to heat the kettle for 7 to 9 minutes," Klinger proclaimed. "Hold on. I'll turn it on for us."
And that's what Klinger did. He activated the kettle in the popcorn machine and allowed it to heat up. Andrew had the popcorn scooper in his hands as the opened crate of kernel seeds was right on the left side of him. He hoped that Hawkeye wasn't getting himself hurt by that crowd. Even though he got them into this mess, he didn't want Pierce to get seriously hurt by an angry mob. That's why he asked the colonel to watch over things so they don't get too crazy...
Speaking of Pierce, he was still doing some Groucho quotes and skits to keep the others at bay.
"Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much?" Hawkeye recited, getting the crowd to force laugh again. "That line came from Monkey Business. Truly a classic."
"Uhhh, gentlemen? How much longer do we have to pull this ruse," Charles asked with a forced smile. "My jaw is starting to hurt from all this forced laughing."
"However long it takes for Andrew and Klinger to make the popcorn," BJ shrugged.
"I must say, this is a great diversion," the Padre admitted. "Well, thanks to the Colonel issuing the order, it's buying us some time."
"I just have to wonder how long this'll last," Charles moaned.
"Keep it up, Winchester. I'll make sure you don't go unrewarded," Potter told him.
I just hope that these shenanigans are worth having some American popcorn. Charles thought.
"Okay! Okay! Here's a good one! This one is from Animal Crackers," Pierce continued, feeling more at ease that the crowd was not focused on the popcorn. "Ahem, one morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."
The crowd let out another forced laugh at this. This diversion was working as it should, as the popcorn machine should be in the process of making the popcorn...
"Alright, sir! The kettle is ready," Klinger exclaimed. "Now I'm going to pour some cooking oil into the kettle!"
"Go on ahead," Andrew encouraged as Klinger poured some cooking into the kettle of the popcorn machine.
Once Klinger felt that there was enough oil in the kettle, he stopped and put the bottle to the side.
"Alright, now grab a few kernels from the crate," Klinger instructed. "We're gonna test them by putting them into the kettle."
"Sure," Andrew grabbed only 5 small kernels and gave them to Klinger.
From there, Klinger put them into the kernels to test them out. They had to wait until it was ready to scoop the other kernels into the kettle bit by bit.
"You don't think that the popcorn will become burnt, do you," Andrew queried in concern.
"No worries Major," Klinger assured him. "I got this under control. Nothing should go wrong for us."
"I hope so. It wouldn't be right for the others to have to eat burnt popcorn when it should be nice and fresh."
Klinger agreed with him on that. Afterwards, they noticed that the kettle was ready to be used.
"Okay Major, we just need to scoop up some kernels of popcorn and take one step at a time."
"Good thinking Klinger," Andrew took the scooper and scooped up some kernels, and gave it to Klinger, who worked on dumping them into the kettle. They wonder how long this'll go on before...
Quite some time had passed after that, and the popcorn machine was starting to fill up with popcorn, buttered and all.
"Hey, Klinger! It's working!" Andrew chimed excitedly.
"I know pal! We're in popcorn city baby," Klinger agreed. "And there's still some kernels leftover for us to use."
"Yeah. That could prove to be a problem," Andrew rubbed his chin. "The popcorn machine will be overfilled with popcorn and we still have some kernels left to cook."
"That's true," Klinger said thoughtfully. "We're gonna have to put some of the popcorn out of the machine and put them into serving racks."
"But how are we going to do that?" Andrew asked. "We don't have any access to that kind of stuff."
"Yeah...maybe we can get the serving rack that they use here to serve the slop in the mess tent," Klinger did some counting with his fingers. "I think we have three of them that are available, all of which were cleaned out."
"Well, let's use them," Andrew suggested. "But we're going to have to bring the serving trays over to put the popcorn in them."
"Yeah. We're going to need a third person to help us bring it over," Klinger proclaimed. "But who can we get to help us?"
"Why don't we get Margaret," Andrew pointed out. "I don't think she's busy, and it wouldn't hurt for her to help us."
"I don't see why not," Klinger shrugged. "I say we go for it."
"I'll go get her," Andrew went over to open the door and got her attention. "Hey, Margaret? Could you give us a hand?"
"Sure. What is it," she wondered.
"Klinger and I are going to use three of the serving racks that are available to put some of the popcorn into them since the machine is getting overstuffed," Andrew explained. "We have to get them into the mess tent, and we would like you to help us getting them in here."
"Yeah, I'd love to help!" She beamed.
"Alright," he chimed. "Klinger, hold off on putting more kernels in there until after we get those serving racks in here and scoop some of the popcorn into them."
"You got it, sir," Klinger obliged as the three of them went to get the serving racks to put popcorn in them, so there'd be more room for the rest of the kernels to be cooked in...
BACK OUTSIDE - AFTER SOME MORE TIME HAD GONE BY...
"When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay. That one is from A Night at the Opera," Hawkeye recited some more quotes. "And this one is from A Day at the Races. If I hold you any closer, I'll be in the back of you."
By this point, everyone's jaws were getting sore from all the forced laughing that they had to do as commanded by Sherman Potter. They had to wonder how long this would go on. This was also true for Charles, who was not pleased with the sore jaw that he was getting.
"Oh wait a minute! Wait a minute! Here's a personal favorite of mine," Hawkeye then did another quote. "Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life."
Before the crowd could let out another forced laugh, Andrew came racing to the scene with some good news with Margaret accompanying him. Klinger stayed behind to cook up the rest of the popcorn kernels that remained.
"Alright Hawkeye, that's enough," Andrew told him. "You can stop that now! I've got good news for you all!"
"Finally. I thought he'd never stop," Charles grumbled. "My jaw bone was getting sore from all that forced laughter."
"Well don't leave us hanging Major," Colonel Potter encouraged. "What's the news?"
"Well people, you can be at ease," Andrew told them. "The popcorn is being made right now as we speak!"
This got the crowd to break out into cheers as they were happy that things were getting somewhere.
"But there is a catch," Andrew told them. "The popcorn won't be ready to be served until later on tonight."
Now the crowd of people broke into jeers as they were upset with this delay. Andrew had to whistle and get them to stop.
"Now hold it, people! Hold it!" Andrew told them. "I only ask of you all to be patient for a little longer! I promise that you will all get some popcorn!"
"Who cares about getting it later? I want it now!"
"My appetite is picking up! I can't wait any longer!"
"Don't leave us hanging!"
They all argued as Andrew tried to reason with them but to no avail. He facepalmed and shook his head at this insolence. Margaret saw how he reacted and decided to get these people to respect him as the Major he is. Taking two of her fingers, she whistled loud enough for them to cease the chatter.
"THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF ALL OF YOU! STAND IN ATTENTION, ON THE DOUBLE!" She bellowed before speaking in an authoritative tone. "Now you all will listen to Major Peterson whether you like it or not! No giving him any backtalk! If you disrespect him, you'll have to answer me! And I'm sure you won't like the punishment I'll give you for disrespecting a superior officer like him! So remain patient, don't whine and complain, and show Major Peterson some respect! And that's an order! Is that clear!?"
Nobody could object to that. They knew how Major Houlihan could act when she's speaking all authoritative-like. She was not to be messed around with. So they clammed up, stopped complaining, and they stood in attention as she commanded. Andrew had looked up to see Margaret giving them these orders to respect him like the major he is. To say that he truly appreciated the assistance she was giving him would have been an understatement.
"Thanks for that Margaret," he thanked her. "That really does help things out with me."
"Think nothing of it, Major," she said sweetly. "Please continue with talking to our troops, darling. And give them hell."
"You got it Major, dear," he smiled before facing the crowd again. "As I was saying, it should be worth the wait! For tonight, our beloved Colonel Potter has a surprise for all of us. Colonel, if you wouldn't mind revealing to them what it is?"
"Sure thing," Colonel Potter nodded before stepping up. "As the major was saying, I have a treat planned out for all of us. We are having a movie night tonight, and we'll be watching it in the mess tent, where popcorn will be served on the house!"
Now, this got the crowd excited by this, as they wondered if they'd have another movie night in the 4077.
"And there's more! The movie we'll be watching tonight is an old-time favorite of mine," Potter continued. "It's called Red River; a western classic!"
They weren't complaining about that. It was still a movie night, complete with popcorn. So it should be worth it.
"So as both Majors Peterson and Houlihan stated, just be patient, wait it out, and look forward to movie night," Potter exclaimed. "I can guarantee you that it'll be worth all the waiting. Any questions?"
None of them had questions that could be asked in this situation, which was good enough for the Colonel.
"Good. DISMISSED!" He dismissed them, as the crowd dispersed and went back to their usual activities.
Now all they had to do was wait for tonight when the movie night event will begin, and popcorn will be served to everybody. This was going to be one hell of an experience...
LATER ON THAT EVENING - IN THE MESS TENT:
It was now movie night at the M*A*S*H 4077. And in the mess tent, the people were already getting ready to watch the movie to some popcorn courtesy of Andrew, sent to him as kernels by his mom. It was at this point that all the kernels were used up in the popcorn machine and were being served in the serving racks. Klinger did the honor in scooping fresh popcorn into popcorn boxes that came with the street cart. Everyone was given a share of popcorn to enjoy the movie too.
"Popcorn! Get your fresh popcorn here! Free on the house," Klinger spoke like a food vendor at a baseball game. "I'm telling you, this was a great idea!"
"You can say that again Klinger," Colonel Potter took a piece of popcorn and ate it. "I haven't had fresh American popcorn in ages."
"I must say, this was truly a blessing gifted to us," Father Mulcahy commented. "We are all thankful for this treat that was bestowed upon us."
"Mmmm...I really hate to admit this, but Major Peterson outdid himself this time," Charles remarked, albeit begrudgingly.
"Tell me about it," BJ agreed, eating some popcorn. "Nothing goes better with a movie than some good old fashion popcorn."
"Yes. Good old American popcorn! One of the all-time favorites in the USA, behind the American cheeseburger, the American hot dog, fried lobster, and the apple pie," Hawkeye commented. "But don't take my word for it. Our round of applause should go to Andrew, whom without his help, this wouldn't have been made possible."
"Well, thanks for that. I appreciate the compliment," Andrew said modestly. "By the way, those people didn't give you that much of a hard time, did they Pierce?"
"Are you kidding? I was having them eating out of the palm of my hands. Well, with some help from the colonel that is," Hawkeye admitted.
"That's good to know," Andrew sighed in relief.
"This was a great idea that you came up with, honey," Margaret remarked, snuggling right next to Andrew. "Thank you for this."
"You're welcome dear," Andrew smiled with a blush forming. "I thought it was a good idea that we get to share this big paper box of popcorn."
"You can say that again," she said as they started the popcorn together.
"Okay Klinger, I think we're ready," Colonel Potter commanded. "Roll the film!"
"Got it, sir," Klinger then activated the projector and ate his box of popcorn while at it.
Soon, the movie started to roll, and everyone was getting relaxed and enjoying popcorn and a film. They were happy that no casualties were expected to show up tonight. This was going to be a memorable night.
Once the movie got into motion, the chattering was halted as they enjoyed the film.
"Well, this is another night that I won't be able to forget. Isn't that right, Hot Lips?" Andrew muttered to his girlfriend.
"You said it," Margaret kissed him on the mouth. "I love you, darling."
"And I love you too, dear," Andrew murmured as she snuggled with him some more while they ate more popcorn and watched the film.
There was no doubt about it. This was yet another night that the 4077 would never be able to forget about anytime soon...
END OF CHAPTER 20...
Yeah. This is the longest chapter I've done for this story. Still, I enjoyed writing this chapter, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it despite its length.
In addition to that, this chapter contains the most pop culture references to date, referencing works that existed before the start of the Korean War in 1950. Trust me, I did a lot of research to make sure that the information was consistent enough for the story.
I have to admit, the timeline for M*A*S*H isn't that consistent. Only a couple of episodes mention the year that it's taking place in, such as the pilot episode, and the two-parter season 4 premiere. Still, I did my best to make it all work out for this series.
One more thing, having Hawkeye do impersonations of Groucho Marx was a clever idea for a diversion while the popcorn was being made. Considering Hawkeye's origins being traced to Groucho, this makes the most sense here.
Anyway, for the next chapter, a swimming pool is delivered to the two captains of the Swamp, more chaos takes place, and more stuff will occur. How will this go? Find out next time!
You can leave a review for this chapter if you like. Only leave constructive criticism if you are being polite with it, and positive reviews are allowed by anybody.
That's all folks. So until the next chapter, I hope you have been enjoying this story. And with that, thanks again for reading everybody!
