I'm Just a Knotch in Your Bedpost

(Fall Out Boy: Sugar, We're Going Down)

Cath tried hard not to miss Levi. After the first month passed, she was able to listen to sad songs and talk about him without breaking down into tears. There was even a boy in her European Romanticism class that she got along with really well.

They were out one day, talking about their papers for a writing workshop that they had taken together and decided to stop to get something warm to drink. At first, she had been distracted, but as they stood in line, she realized they were in Levi's Starbuck. Her eyes widened as she looked around, but didn't see any sign of him.
"You alright, Cath?" The boy asked, raising his thick, black eyebrows.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
She ordered a hot chocolate and stood facing the door, just in case he walked in. Knots in her stomach began to form and tighten. I'm going to form an ulcer one of these days.
"Drink for Cath!" One of the baristas called.
As soon as she grabbed it, Cath urged her friend to hurry outside.
"What was that all about?" He laughed awkwardly.
"Oh, nothing. I have an old friend who works there, I didn't really want to run into him..." She forced herself to smile and took a sip.
It wasn't hot chocolate.
She flipped the cup around, pulling down the sleeve too fast and spilled a little bit of the hot drink on her hand. Tears started to brim her eyes.
"What's wrong, Cath? Did you burn yourself?"
"I'm fine. I'm fine, I just... I'm fine," Cath wiped her eyes and covered the name written on the cup. She realized hadn't given them a name to call out, and she especially hadn't given them her full name. It was written in afamiliar, scrawly handwriting, too.
"Are you sure you're okay?" The boy touched her elbow.
"Yeah, but I need to get back to my dorm soon. Need to get to work on that paper."
His hand slid down to hold her hand, "hey, I'll give you a ride."
"It's alright, Reilly, I can walk, it's not that far."
"Cath, please? It's 39 degrees out here, I'd feel bad if you walked when I have a perfectly good car with a heater."
The cold October air swirled around just long enough to convince her to agree. The wind was unforgiving that day. It made her tears sting as she forced them back.
"What's going on, Cath?" Reilly sighed, clicking his seatbelt. "We're friends, you can tell me."
"It's nothing. Well, not nothing, but I really don't want to talk about it right now."

Reilly nodded and turned up the heat. He was really handsome. His hair was curly and dark, and his eyes were a nice shade of green that reminded her of some sort of candy. Cath couldn't help but watch his wide pink mouth when he read William Blake in class or his bobbing Adam's apple when he'd take a drink of coffee. She often wondered what it would be like to kiss him, but whenever that thought crossed her mind, so would Levi.

He didn't start driving until the car was completely warm. It was only a ten minute drive to Pound Hall and they hadn't spoken much on the ride there. When they pulled into the car park, Reilly started laughing.
"What?" Cath had to smile. His laugh was infectious.
"Looks like someone defaced the building sign," he pointed up to the sign in front of the building that now read "Pound Town."
"God," she began to laugh.
"I guess you could say I took you all the way to Pound Town tonight."
Cath looked away so he couldn't see her blushing.
Reilly cleared his throat, "so Cath, I was actually wondering... Maybe I could take you out sometime. I mean on a real date, not school related, you know?"
"Oh Reilly, I'm-" she cut herself off. Why shouldn't I? We both like each other and I need to move on. I can't be sad forever... The voice in her head sounded more like Wren, but it was just as convincing as her actual sister. "Yes. Yes, I would love to go out with you."
"Really?" His face lit up, "how about Saturday? Oh, that's tomorrow! How about tomorrow night?"
"Tomorrow night." Cath nodded.
"Alright, I'll come around at six. Six o'clock."
"It's a date."
He let out a sigh of relief and grinned, "it's a date."


It was a date. A real date with a new guy. Reilly had shown up just before six with a rose cheesily clamped between his teeth. He kissed her cheek when he handed it to her.
"You look gorgeous, Cath."

Cath smiled up at him, rubbing her cheek like she was trying to clear away the red, "Thank you. You look great as well."

He really did look nice in his burgundy button up with tiny white dots with a simple black and khaki pants. Cath knew she looked nice in her dark jeans and low neckline cable knit sweater, but she hated that her chest felt so exposed. Wren put a little bit of contour on her to "make them really pop" when she had done her make up earlier.

"So, what are we doing tonight, Reilly?" She twisted one of his curls back into place.

Reilly beamed, "I was thinking we could go grab some food and maybe go back to my place to watch a movie."

"That sounds great." Cath tried to smile flirtatiously, hoping he couldn't tell how nervous she was.

The restaurant was a little Vietnamese place downtown that she had never noticed before. They ordered some salad rolls to share and some pho. Reilly laughed when he noticed Cath looking around for a fork.

"Do you know how to use chopsticks, Cath?" He smiled and set aside the bottle of hoisin sauce.

"I've never tried before, it seems so tricky!" She giggled.

"Do you want to learn?"

Reilly touched her hand carefully, watching her face to make sure she was okay. Cath nodded and let him maneuver her hands in the right position. His hands were warm and he moved her around so delicately, like she might change his mind if he made the wrong move. She finally managed to get a meatball into her mouth, but they ended up asking for a fork.

Dinner was delicious and her date was so charming, he made her forget how nervous she was. When they pulled up to his house and went inside, it wasn't until he brought her into his bedroom that she felt awkward again.

"Go ahead and take a seat on the bed. I'll just move the Xbox back in here real quick; I think my roommate was borrowing it earlier." He threw his jacket on the ground and ran back out to the living room.

Cath sat on the foot of the bed and waited for him to come back. She had only ever been in one other man's room before and now she was a little worried about what they might do in there tonight. He came back to the room holding his console and cords and offered a little wave. When everything was set up, he pulled up Netflix and sat next to Cath.

"What kind of movies do you like to watch, Cath?"

"Uhm, maybe we could watch a corny horror movie?" She let go of the breath she was holding.

He nodded, "sure thing!"

The Evil Dead 2 was on in seconds and Reilly leaned back on the bed with his arms bent. Cath didn't move, but her date seemed unable to sit still. After ten minutes of trying to get comfortable, he finally made his way towards his pillows and sighed.

"Hey Cath, would you like to sit up here with me?" He gestured to the pillow next to him.

She felt her stomach twist into little knots, but smiled, "uhm, sure."

They sat in silence for a while, just watching the movie and Cath felt less nervous again. His hand rested on top of hers, not really holding each other, but acting like an anchor so that neither of them felt alone. Reilly was chewing on his lower lip when he finally spoke up.

"Can I put my arm around you?"

"I'd like that." She blushed and leaned into him.

"Hey Cath..." His cheek was rubbing against the top of her head while he spoke, "can I kiss you?"

Cath stiffened a little and she felt her heart rate rise, but she turned to face him. His cheeks were flushed waiting for a response, and when she pressed her lips to his all the color came back and then some. They kissed for a few minutes before he tugged her by the belt loops towards him. She moved to straddle him and played with his curls, twisting them and tugging on them individually.

He was fiddling with the bottom of her sweater, "Can I-?"

"Yes," Cath smiled between kisses.

Her sweater was off in a not so swift movement, but she didn't mind. Wren had gifted her a new forest green bra with lace and matching boyshorts. Originally, she had put them on to feel confident and now she didn't want them to go to waste. He kissed her breast along the lace, moving one of the straps aside to expose more shoulder for him to kiss. His hands moved lower towards her hips landing just at either side to pull closer into him.

"You're really hot, Cath." Reilly pushed himself against her so that she had a better angle to grind against, "d-do you want me to go d-down on you?"

Cath wiggled out of her jeans and let the curly haired boy take in the view. He slid down on the bed looking simultaneously eager and nervous, but he pulled Cath onto his face and began to kiss her inner thighs. She moaned, grateful for the headboard so she could steady herself. He pulled the fabric of her panties aside and let his tongue touch her in places she hadn't thought about since August. As nervous as he had been before, he seemed confident in his oral abilities. After all the tugging and teasing, he finally focused on her clit and coaxed her into coming hard. She fell beside him and smiled.

"Thanks, I really needed that."

"You're kind of intense, huh?" Reilly was panting but he rolled over her to kiss her on the cheek.

"No, not usually. I don't really know what came over me."

"Me neither, I feel like such a dork... shit, I mean," he cleared his throat and tried to look sexy, "do you wanna fuck?"

Cath giggled and guided his hand inside of her so that he could feel the answer and bit her lip, "if you want to."

Reilly quickly undressed himself and pulled a condom from his bedside drawer. Cath stripped her bottoms off, then spread her legs just enough for him to crawl on top of her. He took a deep breath and pushed inside of her. His penis was about an inch shorter than she had been used to, but he got into such a nice rhythm and kept hitting her just right.

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna come." He moaned.

"Mm, Levi just a little bit more." Cath bit her tongue right after she said it.

He came, but she could tell from his eyes that he noticed what she had said. They were laying side by side, not touching each other anymore and it was so quiet aside from their heavy breathing. Her date sat up first and began to get dressed in a white t-shirt and pajama pants. He didn't look at her.

"Hey, Reilly, I'm really, really sorry." She reached for her panties and sweater and quickly put them back on.

"It's," he said to her over his shoulder, "not great."

"I really didn't mean to say..." Cath thought better than to say his name again, "I was having fun with you."

"Look, Cath, I'm really embarrassed right now. I really like you, but I wasn't planning on us doing this tonight." Reilly sighed, "and I think maybe you weren't either."

She teared up, "I wasn't. I just got so nervous, I think I over compensated."

"You didn't want to go out with me in the first place, did you? You're not over the guy from Starbucks."

"How-"

"I noticed that he recognized you from behind the counter, but neither of you guys said anything. Then the cup thing and when I asked you out, you started to say 'no,' but then you said yes anyways."

Cath touched his shoulder and sat next to him again at the edge of the bed, "I did want to go out with you, I do like you. But I'm not over him, at all."

"Right."

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Reilly. I had a good time tonight."

"So did I," he smiled a little, "but I really don't feel comfortable doing it again. In fact, I'd actually really like it if we could be friends instead, Cath."

Cath smiled and gave him a little side hug, "me too, Reilly."

They spent the night together after that, talking about her time with Levi and finding out that Reilly had also fallen in love and lost it over the summer. What happened between them was a rebound that they both needed and neither them wanted to last forever. Cath suggested they watch some more movies, so they did, hand in hand, a foot of space between them.

In the morning, they got McDonald's hash browns and he dropped her off back at the dorms. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, apologized and thanked him for the night before, and went up to tell her sister about her date.