Giulia and Luca were walking down a dark alley. The two were a couple now, so they held hands tightly. Like, really tightly. I'm not sure how to describe it but it was super tight. Like my parent's marriage. The fighting means nothing. Just because Dad brought over a woman 20 years younger than him doesn't mean he's leaving Mom. We'll be fine.

Where was I?

Oh yeah Giulia and Luca were walking down an alley. Giulia was really spooked by the area.

"Luca, I'm really spooked by this area" said Giulia, in a fittingly spooked voice.

Luca looked nervous.

"Hey, why are you so spooked?" asked Luca.

Giulia sighed.

"This is a very dark area. I guess that makes things spooky for me. Don't see me as a wuss, I just don't like spooky things. I don't want to lose you" Giulia said quietly.

Luca looked at Giulia, determination in his eyes.

"Giulia. I would NEVER leave you. I love you so much. You helped make racism no more, like that chad Skipper. Oh god, Skipper..." Luca said moaning.

As Luca's eyes turned into the back of his head Giulia became visibly concerned.

"Um... are you ok?" asked Giulia.

With that Luca's eyes went back to normal and his penguin boner vanished.

"Oh yeah sorry about that. Skipper is just such a chad you know?" said Luca.

Giulia got very sad. She looked down at the ground because that's what sad people do.

"Luca... are you gay?" asked Giulia.

"Only for Skipper. But I think everyone is. He's just that good."

"So you don't need me" Giulia said sadly.

Just as Giulia began to walk away Luca realized his fuckup and ran up to her.

"Hey hey hey I still love you. You've given me so much, you're so energetic, and not only did you defeat racism but you defeated Ercole"

Giulia smiled.

"Yeah, I guess I did" said Giulia.

Luca smiled as well. But a voice was heard.

"You didn't defeat me yet you limp dicked fucktards!"

The two turned around to see Ercole, who was holding a knife and looked very angry.

"Ercole! What are YOU doing here?" asked Giulia.

"Stay back Giulia, he could be dangerous" said Luca.

"You should listen to fish boy Spewlia. If you do not, I will stab you until the floor looks like a Jackson Pollock painting!" said Ercole.

Ercole laughed menacingly but once he stopped he looked at Giulia and Luca, who had blank expressions on their faces. Ercole looked very annoyed.

"Really? You don't know who Jackson Pollock is?" asked Ercole, annoyance in his voice.

"No" said Giulia.

"Nope" said Luca.

Ercole groaned.

"Fucking idiots. How do they not know who Jackson Pollock is? Stupid children. I will kill them soon enough. Good thing they do not understand me. Now, time to kill them" Ercole said in Italian.

"You realize I speak Italian right? This is an Italian place. Everyone speaks Italian. Even the cat speaks Italian. Yeah that's right he speaks. Not meows, speaks. He keeps telling me I need to pledge my allegiance to him or else he'll lay waste to everyone I know and love. Its so weird. Dad makes me scoop up the cat's shit. No one else, just me. I'll be in school and Dad will come to my school and bring me home just to scoop up the cat's shit. Smug little shit."

As soon as Giulia finished she took in a deep breath and took it out, cause that's how deep breaths. I take a lot to deal with my parent's impending divorce. That's right I came to grips with it. Its called character development.

Anyways Luca and Ercole looked at Giulia.

"Wow that's a lot of exposition. I wonder if it will come back later, wink wink nudge nudge I have no concept of subtlety" said Luca.

"Enough of this. Tonight, you die!" said Ercole.

Ercole ran over screaming.

"OOOOGGGGAAAA" screamed Ercole.

As he was finished he got to Luca and without a second to waste plunged his knife deep into Luca's stomach. Luca gasped, his mouth suddenly full of blood. Without warning he was vomiting blood, horrifying Giulia. It spewed all over Ercole. As the blood cleared Luca said two final words.

"Silencio... Bruno"

After that Luca's body went limp. He had died.

"Ha ha Spewlia I guess in his last moments he was Spewca. You two really are meant for each other" said Ercole.

"He just died you asshole show some respect!" Giulia said in a very angry voice.

"Well I killed him you dumb dumb. I'm not gonna show him respect" said Ercole.

"Oh yeah" said Giulia.

"Do you see my point?" asked Ercole.

"I mean I don't like that you killed the love of my life but I guess I was being a dumb dumb. Want to discuss it over coffee?" asked Giulia.

"Ok I guess I... wait a minute I'm trying to kill you! Why would I let you live for enough time to have coffee with you?"

"Oh well I guess it was worth a try" said Giulia.

"And now you die!" said Ercole.

"Wait why are you trying to kill me? What's your motivation?" asked Giulia.

"I don't know. I was a generic asshole so might as well be a generic slasher villain. But now... you die!" said Ercole.

Without warning Ercole's knife was plunged deep into Giulia's stomach. Her heart to be exact.

Blood ran down Giulia's lips. She spewed blood all over Ercole. They both thought that that was very ironic although Ercole was the only one who found it funny because Giulia had no thoughts. Because she wasn't really alive anymore. After that her body fell on the floor.

She was dead.

"HA HA HA" laughed Ercole.

As Ercole laughed he heard something behind him.

"Who disturbs the great Ercole? I'm Italian you know. I can cook a da meatball, so you better watch out!" said Ercole.

More noises were heard. Clunking noises. More clunking noises. Even more clunking noises. Even more of the already even more clunking noises. Even more of...

Ok I'll stop.

Anyways Ercole was scared but tried to hide it.

"Show yourself you coward!"

"You are not ready for me human" said the voice.

"Human? What are you, a monster?" said Ercole.

The voice laughed.

"No no no. I am much more than that. I am all powerful. I am quickly. I am deadly. I am a god that makes every other god look like a little bitch. All in all..."

As Ercole was close to death the voice revealed itself.

IT WAS THE CAT FROM LUCA!

"I am death" said the cat.

Ercole stood there until the cat attacked. Hissing and screeching it propelled itself onto Ercole's face. The cat moved quickly, ripping out Ercole's eye. Ercole screamed, but the cat lapped up the blood flowing from the socket like milk. Suddenly Ercole felt a burning sensation and held up his arm.

His skin was peeling off.

He screamed really loudly, and that scream caused his head to explode. Pleased the cat jumped off from Ercole's head and walked over to Giulia. Chanting magic was around Giulia. Suddenly, Giulia's eyes lit up.

"Holy shit I'm alive. Cat, do you seriously care for me?"

"No I just need someone to clean up my shit. And I feel a big one coming on."

As the cat took a giant dump on Ercole's corpse Giulia groaned.

"Fuck my life" said Giulia.