Bill and Mia saw each other again a couple times over the following week, and spoke on the phone on the nights they didn't. It was the only thing that kept him going, the only thing that got him out of bed. He had never been so happy, so truly and genuinely joyous. It was unbelievable to him that he had lived without this, living barely a notch above wanting to die, day after day and year after year.
If his past relationship experiences were anything to go by, his situation with Mia was likely to crash and burn any moment now.
He anticipated it, or maybe he was just overthinking, but he kept expecting Mia to tell him it wasn't working out, and to tell him she didn't want to see him anymore. But whenever he saw her again, or whenever his phone lit up with her text or call, his doubts seemed to fizzle away...at least until he was alone with his thoughts again.
Last night they met up at a nightclub for drinks before his birthday. It was darkened inside, the lights muted, synthwave music playing in the background. Each time he saw Mia she was more beautiful than the last, last night being no exception. Her hair was pulled up, the first time he had seen it so, which exposed her delicate neck and collar bones which kept catching the light. She wore a low cut dress, too...lower than anything she had worn so far…
He tried not to think base thoughts about her, not wanting to degrade or disrespect her, even if it was only in his mind. But damn, was it difficult. It was difficult when she kept gazing up at him, tilting her head to the side. And when she kept holding her body close to him. And, most especially, when she kept kissing him. She kissed his jaw last night when they were out, softly yet tantalizing, as she was entwined around his arm, her chest pressed against him. It sent Bill's head swimming, making it difficult to concentrate for minutes after.
As they left for Bill's car, she certainly seemed to touch him more than usual. Even grazing his hip bone, sending an electric blaze throughout his body. He knew, in some way, he could have asked her if she wanted to come back to his place, and she would probably would have said yes. It was almost physically painful to make the decision to just take her home instead. He was certain it was the right choice. He didn't want the relationship they were building to delve into just hooking up. He didn't want to move too fast, and ruin it all, and then he would have nothing. Again.
But damn, was it difficult.
He walked her to her door and she kissed him fervidly, even cupping his face in her hands. How easy would it have been to go inside her house with her? But, yet again, his conscience won out as he tried to leave before she were to invite him in. He then went back home, alone, with nothing but the events of the night playing in his mind. He still charred and tingled in all the places she had touched him. He could still smell her, the smell of peonies and vanilla, infused into his clothes and on his skin.
Why didn't he ask her to come home with him again?
Oh, right...he was doing the noble thing. Trying to take it slow.
He sighed.
He was sitting alone at home with Mia still imprinted all over him. Her figure, her lips, and the way she kept looking at him was stamped onto his mind and body.
He needed to get it out of his system…
Mia didn't think much of him not lingering at her door, not waiting to be invited in. She figured him to be too modest maybe, and they had only known each other a couple of weeks, after all.
Damn if she didn't lay it on a bit thick, though. She couldn't help it. She was so attracted to him, and it had been a long time, a really long time, since she had done anything physical. Even before leaving Aaron all those months ago it was still quite a while since he had even touched her. That was for the best, obviously, as he was probably fucking other girls behind her back at the time, anyway.
Tomorrow was Bill's birthday, and he insisted he didn't want to go out. He said he wanted to spend more time alone with Mia, just the two of them. She had an idea: since they both liked cooking, they could go to the farmer's market in East Arlen, find some fresh ingredients, then go home and cook something together.
"Perfect," he said eagerly.
"Are you sure? Are you sure you don't want to hang out with your friends?"
"They're taking me out in the morning. I'd rather spend the rest of the day with you."
Bill picked her up from her house again the following afternoon, and they drove to the farmer's market. It was always full of different vendors, especially in the summer. It was packed with almost any local produce imaginable and then some, even fresh cut flowers, which Bill bought a bouquet of for Mia.
"What are we cooking?" He asked her, as he looked around at all of the different vegetables and herbs. Mia stood and smelled her new peonies.
"It's your birthday...what do you want?"
"Can we make something Colombian?"
She beamed with excitement. "Okay!"
They held hands as she led him down the different stands. She grabbed up plantains, cilantro, green onions, chilis, bell peppers, and quite a few other bright and colorful ingredients.
"What else?" Mia asked, taking inventory of the produce she had.
"I don't know, you're the Colombian expert."
"Ha, yeah right. We'll see. Oh, I hope everything turns out."
"It will be great. I can't wait to eat whatever it is."
"I just haven't cooked this stuff as much as I have other things. I can't let you have crappy food for your birthday."
"Hey, to me, even bad food is still pretty good."
They finished browsing and returned to the car, just in time, as the high summer heat was out in full force. They stopped at a supermarket on the way back to pick up fresh chicken.
"I think I have everything else at home," Mia said when they got back into the car again.
They started driving down the Arlen streets, talking together and listening to music. The song playing on the radio ended and transitioned to a new one, which Bill shut off in disgust. Mia looked at him curiously.
Feeling her eyes on him, he sighed and said, "That's the song that was playing when I met my ex-wife. I can't listen to it anymore."
"Oh. I have stuff like that, too. Songs, smells, places…"
Bill couldn't help but think what new things would be ruined when he and Mia would stop seeing each other. Inevitably…
They got to her house shortly after, a cute little one bedroom she was renting. It was bright and clean inside, yet a little empty. She had a lot of things in storage she hadn't bothered to get back out, and a lot of things she left behind with Aaron. She didn't have the drive or motivation to make the place more homey. Nothing felt like home anymore.
She filled up Pierre's old vase and put her new peonies in it, front and center on the kitchen table.
"Come look at your son," she called.
"Um...what?" Bill said, confused. He approached where she was, standing in front of the new fish tank. "Oh. Pierre!"
The fish was swimming, seemingly happily, as much as a fish could emote. The tank was spacious and filled with lots of bright green plants.
"It's nice having a pet," she said quietly as they watched Pierre, "It feels a little less lonely now."
"He looks very happy."
Mia then unbagged the ingredients they brought home, and pulled out a few other things from her cupboards and fridge.
"Some traditional recipes I had in mind would have to take a few hours to cook, so I've been thinking of quicker ones. I think we should just make a bunch of different things and make a smorgasbord out of it."
They got to prepping. Bill chopped peppers while Mia prepared the chicken for the oven. Mia explained what she was doing when she prepared the empanada dough, and showed him the best techniques for mashing up the plantains to fry them. Bill showed Mia an efficient way to dice onions. They were both having a lot of fun. Bill could see Mia really did enjoy cooking, just like he did. The kitchen warmed up with delicious smells and the sound of food crisping in frying oil. They made patacones, which were fried green plantains, empanadas, spicy aji sauce, and a peppery chicken stew. Bill hadn't had any of these before, and was incredibly pleased with their handiwork.
"This is all so good," he said after several bites of each.
"It all did turn out really well. You're a great cook."
"Nah, it was all you," Bill dismissed.
"Next time you'll have to show me some Cajun recipes."
"Of course. I already have some planned."
Mia smiled. It always pleased her when he alluded to thinking about her, or planning for the future with her in it.
They finished eating, several helpings later, full and satisfied. Bill made to help clean up but Mia insisted otherwise.
"No way, it's your birthday! You're not allowed to clean on your birthday."
She offered for him to sit in the living room while she finished in the kitchen. He had a great view of her there on the couch. She was always so beautiful. She chatted away as he watched her putting things away, reaching up on tiptoe to get to the higher cupboards. He felt deeply relaxed and at peace, having spent the day with her, his birthday, a day that never amounted to anything more than a usual day.
Just then, the couch cushion beside him buzzed. It was Mia's phone, the screen lit up from a text. Bill had only glanced out of instinct, but after seeing it was a man's name who had texted her, he peered down a little more closely out of curiosity. Someone named Raul had asked "Am I going to see you tomorrow?"
Bill felt strange now. Jealous, maybe? He wasn't really the jealous type, but he had been cheated on so many times by so many women, or dismissed in favor of other men, better men, it made him jaded. He knew he was being ridiculous. For starters, he and Mia were not exclusive, and therefore she was able to see or talk to any man she wanted to. And secondly, he didn't know who this guy was, anyway. Maybe a brother? No, she told him she had one brother, and his name wasn't Raul… what was it again? Sam, that's right.
Could be anyone…
"What do you want first, cake or your present?" she asked.
Bill snapped to attention, pushing away his shadowed thoughts for now. "You got me cake and a present?"
"I made you a cake...and your present," she smiled proudly.
"Oh wow, Mia, you didn't have to do that," Bill said in awe.
"But I wanted to! And it's already done!"
"Okay, present first," he accepted.
She clapped her hands together gleefully and twirled away down the hall. He wasn't expecting a present. He couldn't remember the last time he had gotten one. Not even when he was married to Lenore did he get much of anything.
Her phone buzzed again, and Bill squinted back down towards it, trying to read it quickly before she came back. It was Raul again, saying, "I miss you."
His stomach dropped and he bristled. But he knew he was still being ridiculous…
Before he could dwell on it any longer, she returned to the living room, her hands behind her back, grinning excitedly.
"Okay...it's not the best, but I had short notice," she fretted, "If you don't like it, it's okay…" Her grin had subsided into worry.
"Let me see it!" Bill urged, laughing.
She bit her lip and swept to the couch, sitting down beside him, and presented her gift.
He was speechless.
It was a beautiful canvas watercolor painting, filled with rich colors of golds, oranges, and blues, depicting a picture of a swimming goldfish. The depth and detail was stunning; she clearly had artistic talent.
"You made this?" he asked in amazement, while she hovered beside him nervously.
"Yes. I painted a little after work every night for the past week."
"This is incredible…"
"Do you like it?"
"I love it. It's, honestly, it's the best gift I've ever been given."
He was profoundly impressed, both by the skill she possessed and by how long she must have spent on it. And she did it all for him, when she didn't have to do anything at all…
"Thank you. I love it so much. I can't wait to hang it up." He smiled at her, and she kissed him on the cheek.
"I'm glad you like it. Pierre was a good influence."
"Do you paint a lot?"
"I used to. It's been a long time now. I was surprised my paints hadn't dried out."
"You're very talented. You should keep painting."
"I might start back up. I'm feeling newly inspired again." She smiled, looking into his eyes.
It was almost dark outside due to the lateness of the evening. Bill was feeling dozy from all the good food he ate. Yet when Mia pulled out the cake she baked from the fridge, he was suddenly feeling hungry again.
"Lemon chiffon," she announced, "I've never made it before."
"When did you make this?" He was in awe once again, that she took the time to make something for him.
"This morning!"
"You whipped this up, just for me, this morning?"
"Yep! Happy birthday!"
It tasted absolutely delectable. It was definitely one of the best cakes he had ever had. His birthday today was by and far his best. Mia made him feel so special and worthy, worthy of her time and energy. What did he ever do to deserve her?
Mia cleaned up again and sat back next to him on the couch. It was fully dark out now, the only light in the room coming from a lamp on an end table. They were watching TV together, having settled on a cooking show. She grabbed her phone from the cushion beside her. She hadn't looked at it for a couple of hours now. Bill sat with bated breath to see what her reaction to this Raul guy was going to be. He looked out of the corner of his eye so as to not be obvious.
He watched her type "Miss you too. Yes, I'm meeting you at Jackie's."
The mystery still had not been solved. Slickly as he could, hoping to sound casual, he waited a minute before asking "So, what are you doing tomorrow?"
"Going hiking, with my sister and our cousin. Up at Hillwood Gorge. I should be back later in the afternoon. Unless you want to come, too?" She looked up at him sweetly.
Cousin...no shit. Why was he being so ridiculous? Why did it matter to him? Because he didn't want any other potential...boyfriends, in her life. But that wasn't up to him.
"Oh, no. You saw what I was like going up that one hill. I might die on a hike."
"I wouldn't let you! You would be fine. I think it's an easy trail. Six miles all together, though."
"Six miles? Yikes. I'll just wait until you get back."
"So you want to see me again tomorrow?" she teased.
"I want to see you again every day."
Mia smiled and nestled against him, her head against his chest. His arm was wrapped around her, holding her hand from her other side. He was again deeply at peace and comfort, and feeling much lighter now knowing it wasn't just some other guy who was texting her. That he knew of, anyway...but he pushed that thought from his mind, instead trying to focus on Mia, and how her delicate body melted into him.
"I hope you had a good birthday," she said after a while. They were both zoned out watching the TV quietly.
"I did. This was the best birthday I ever had. Thank you. You really made it special."
"I had a lot of fun. And I'm glad you want to keep hanging out with me." She was looking up at him now, with the same look in her eyes that he saw last night. Something half-lidded and demure. And again he had to wrestle with his conscience. Did he want to take things further yet? Or would it ruin what they were building between them? He liked Mia too much to want to risk it. She was so perfect, so beautiful, the best thing to have happened to him in a very long time…
"I'm glad you want to keep seeing me," he responded, a bit hesitant to return her gaze.
She kissed his jaw again which ignited him, immediately clouding his mind and his judgement. She moved her kisses slowly across his face until she met his lips, kissing him there, softly and sweetly. They kissed for a moment, until suddenly she slid onto his lap, facing him, still kissing him. His breath caught in his chest and he felt dizzy, his head was spinning. Her hands roved over him, over the sides of his face, his neck, his chest, as her kisses deepened. Bill impulsively ran his hands down the sides of her slender waist, around her hips, sliding up underneath her shorts, grabbing the firm mound of her ass. Mia sighed when he did so, rocking against his lap, moving her lips to his jaw and down his neck. She nibbled him there, her kisses grazing him. Bill was a tightly wound coil ready to spring. He felt her hands slide under the waistband of his jeans, creeping under his boxers, her fingers finding the tangle of hair there...slowly moving closer and closer to-
"Mia," he gasped, but it matched the sighing and breathing of the moment, so she thought nothing of it and kept kissing his neck, her hands still grazing down.
"Mia," Bill said again, a little more firmly, "I can't."
She stopped suddenly and looked at him, still starry-eyed and breathless. "What?"
"I...can't. Do this."
"Oh." She looked sheepish now, withdrawing her hands from beneath his boxers, and slid off onto the cushion beside them. "Sorry," she said quietly.
He felt embarrassed and a little flustered. "No, don't be. It's not you, you didn't do anything wrong."
She was hunched over, looking at her hands in her lap. She was ashamed by how she was acting. What had gotten into her? Crawling all over him and stuffing her hands down his pants? Who does that?
"Mia…"
"No, don't. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."
"It's not- Mia, I liked it. I just want to...take things slow."
"Okay."
"Are you...mad at me?" he asked.
"No, of course not. Just um, mad at myself, if anything. Sorry."
She should have thought about taking things slow. Didn't she think about that last night after the nightclub? She was like a hormonal teenager who couldn't keep herself together.
Bill tried to explain further. "I just don't want what we have between us to get ruined. Um, in my past experience, I go right into the physical stuff...and it never ends up working out."
Mia looked at him, eyes troubled.
Good call, Bill, he thought to himself, talk about all the other women you had sex with except for her.
"I like you too much to want to ruin it, he added.
"Okay." Mia still didn't seem convinced by what he said.
"Should I go?"
"No, I mean, unless you want to. But I want you to stay, if you want to."
"I want to stay."
She did smile a little at that, at least.
He held her again, while she laid her head against him, and they quietly watched TV together until late into the night. Eventually he snapped out of a doze, having fallen asleep briefly without realizing.
"Mia?" He shifted to look at her.
She looked angelic, sleeping peacefully against him, her long lashes fanned out over her cheekbones. So beautiful. And she was all over him just a little bit ago, probably going to have sex with him...and he made her stop. He was doubting his decision now, he surely made a bad call. Why was every decision he made the wrong one? He wanted so badly to keep what they had between them safe, but he probably ended up ruining it anyway. How many men would give anything to sleep with her? And he threw it away, trying to do the noble thing…
He turned off the TV and sat there in silence, feeling the rise and fall of Mia's breathing against him. He needed to leave, he needed to get away before he tainted her any more with his stupid thoughts and choices. Slowly he slid out from under her and lowered her down onto the couch. He made sure she was comfortable before shutting off the light.
Then he turned around and walked out.
