A/N: Dedicated to my dear friend Linda, who shares my admiration for Wayne Northrop, and who served as inspiration for Louise.
Disclaimer – Sadly, I don't own Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars. (The live version from Royal Albert Hall is phenomenal!)
~ Chapter 45 ~
Seated in the back of a Washington cab, Alex was jittery. Although his outward appearance gave nothing away, inwardly, his stomach was churning. Despite the reassurances he'd offered Marlena before his departure, being summoned to a meeting with an Ethics Officer was not a trivial matter. It took no great stretch of the imagination to picture himself emerging from this encounter with his licence suspended, or worse.
Once again, he cursed himself for being so careless. He should've known better. Given his feelings for Marlena, and hers for him, there was no way for them to be out in public without betraying their closeness. In the privacy of the penthouse, he couldn't resist touching her, and kissing her, at every opportunity. Why had he thought he could control his actions at the fair? He'd been apart from her for so long, and he was definitely trying to make up for lost time. Now, it could cost him dearly.
Staring out the window at the passing scenery, he attempted to compose himself. He'd been in tighter spots before, and he'd always emerged in one piece – physically, if not necessarily emotionally. Covert operations were not for the faint of heart, and he'd survived his share of them. So why was he having such trouble getting his nerves under control now? The answer was simplicity itself – Marlena.
He couldn't bear to lose her again. He'd vowed that, if he were ever lucky enough to have a second chance with her, he'd do everything in his power to ensure that nothing happened to destroy it. He'd given in to them before, but he wouldn't make that mistake twice. She was his love – his life – and he would sacrifice anything to remain by her side.
He'd spent years training in psychiatry, striving to become the best in his field, working to acquire the expertise he now possessed, all with one overarching goal in mind – finding Marlena, and making her whole. He'd studied tirelessly, so that when the time finally came, he'd be able to restore her memories – the essential parts of her being that they'd stolen from her. And they were making progress, but he'd quickly realized that he was entirely too close to the situation and, in spite of his desire to be solely responsible for her care, ethics demanded that he allow her to be treated by someone else. Which he'd done, relieved that Frank was still in practice, and available to step in.
His gratitude towards Frank was infinite. The man had covered his back countless times when they were operatives in the field, and, essentially, he was doing so again. Frank was the only person, apart from the cold-hearted government men who had ripped her away from him, who knew how much Marlena meant to him.
Leaning back, he tried to focus on the guidance Frank had offered him earlier. Keep your answers direct and to the point. Don't elaborate. Give nothing away. Maintain a neutral expression. All logical, routine advice that was already second nature to him, but that he was having difficulty calling on at this precise moment. Pulling his wallet out of his jacket pocket, his fingers quickly locked on the partial strip of photographs that he'd felt compelled to carry with him. He grinned as he recalled his furtive entry into the booth with Marlena, and the fit of giggles that had overtaken them both as they posed for the quartet of pictures. With black and white proof of her love right in front of him, he was instantly calmed. Somehow, this would be alright. He'd simply have to trust that fate wouldn't be so cruel as to snatch his soul mate from him just as they'd been reunited. They were destined for each other, after all.
"Hey, buddy. Isn't this the address you gave me?"
The cabbie's gruff voice intruded on his reverie and snapped him back to the present, where he noted that the taxi had come to a halt in front of a nondescript grey building. Glancing at the numbers above the entrance, he nodded in the affirmative.
"Sorry. I was preoccupied. Yes, this is it."
Hurriedly, he stuffed the photos back in his wallet and extracted the necessary bills to pay his fare. Grabbing his briefcase, he stood on the sidewalk, and took several deep breaths.
"Here goes," he murmured, as he walked inside, and headed for the bank of elevators.
A few moments later, he emerged into a brightly lit hallway. Following the signs, he located the door to the APA's office, and slowly turned the knob. He was greeted by a friendly-looking receptionist, who motioned him to the waiting area once he'd given her his name.
The room was deserted, which suited him just fine. He was in no mood to make small talk with strangers. None of the magazines strewn about appealed to him, and he doubted he could concentrate on one anyway. Clasping his hands together, he became aware of the music emanating from the overhead speakers. The lyrics caught his attention.
…if I lay here, if I just lay here,
would you lie with me, and just forget the world?
His eyes sparkled at the thought of doing exactly that with Marlena. Being with her made anything bearable, and he couldn't wait to curl up next to her once he returned to Salem.
Get a hold of yourself, North. You're here because you couldn't keep your hands and lips to yourself, and you're daydreaming about repeating that very same behaviour.
Deliberately, he tuned out the music and focused on the large rubber plant that filled up one corner of the room. Breathing deeply once more, he lost himself in a few moments of peaceful meditation.
"Dr. Alex North?"
His eyes opened to discover a slim, petite brunette standing before him, waiting expectantly.
"Yes?"
"I'm Dr. Louise Sadick."
She extended her hand and he took it. Her grip was firm and no-nonsense.
"Pleased to meet you," he remarked, knowing the usual courtesies were required.
"I doubt you mean it, but it's nice of you to say," she shot back drily.
Hmm… the woman appeared to have a sense of humour. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as he'd anticipated. On the other hand, perhaps she was just throwing him off balance, softening him up so that he'd be less guarded during their meeting. As if she could read his mind, she turned to him with a quiet laugh.
"We shrinks certainly like to mess with people's heads, don't we?"
"We do, at that," he agreed, unable to suppress the chuckle that escaped him. If she was trying to put him at ease, she was doing a damn good job.
She ushered him into a small, cramped room, and motioned to the one chair that wasn't piled high with files.
"Please excuse the state of my office," she apologized. "I've been requesting new filing cabinets for what seems like ages, but I'm sure you're familiar with bureaucracy's flaws."
"And someone once swore that we were heading towards a paperless society," he muttered, taking in the clutter.
"The majority of my colleagues keep their information on their computers. I just feel more comfortable knowing I have something tangible to refer to, should the wonders of modern technology fail," she explained, her tone containing more than a hint of defiance.
She's touchy on the subject.
The good doctor no doubt took a lot of flak for her position, Alex realized. He continued to observe her as she set a tape recorder between them, and placed a pad of lined paper in front of her. Picking up a pen, she finally looked at him.
"Taping of this session is required, to ensure that everything is recorded accurately and fairly."
Louise's tone had become more businesslike, her earlier humour no longer detectable. Settling into his chair as comfortably as he could, Alex waited for the doctor to begin. She spoke clearly and briskly.
"I am Dr. Louise Sadick, Ethics Officer with the American Psychiatric Association. The purpose of this meeting is to investigate complaints number 15521-06 and 15524-06, made against Dr. Alexander…"
She paused a moment, slipped on her reading glasses, and rustled through some papers in his file. Having found the information she was seeking, she continued.
"…Dr. Alexander Thomas North, on the grounds of professional misconduct. It has been alleged that said psychiatrist has breached the rules of ethical conduct and has become personally involved with a patient. Both complainants claim to have witnessed Dr. North and…" She searched the file again. "…Dr. Marlena Evans in positions that clearly compromise his required neutrality as her therapist. Dr. North, how do you respond to these allegations?"
Silence stretched between them as Alex pondered his response. He needed to address the charge, but without giving too much away. Growing impatient, Louise re-stated her question.
"Have you, or have you not, crossed the line between doctor and patient?"
"Yes… and no."
"I'm sorry, I don't understand. Either you've breached the code of ethics, or you haven't. Which is it?"
"It's complicated."
"I've heard that before." Her tone was unmistakably sarcastic.
Alex snorted softly.
"I'll bet you have. In this case, things truly are complicated."
Louise glared at him, assuming he was mocking her, and the process she represented. It surprised her to note that his face bore no trace of humour. Rather, he was utterly serious.
"Perhaps you could see fit to enlighten me, then."
"I'll give it my best shot," Alex assured her, "but it is a long story."
"I've got plenty of time."
"Fair enough. Very few people know this, but Dr. Evans and I… well, we go way back."
"How far back?"
"We met in medical school."
"I see." Louise made a few notations on her pad. "Please, continue."
"I was instantly smitten," he whispered. His eyes took on a dreamy expression, as he allowed the memories to wash over him. "I knew from the moment I saw her that she was the woman for me."
"Go on." The doctor's tone was neutral, betraying no emotion.
"We shared classes. We were part of a group that hung out together. We spent hours side by side, poring over textbooks and studying for what seemed to be an endless round of exams. We walked. We skated. We talked. We danced. We fell in love…"
He lapsed into silence, but his face spoke volumes.
"And then?" Louise prodded.
"I asked her to marry me. She accepted my proposal. I was the happiest man alive. Until…"
"Until what?"
"Until something that neither of us could've foreseen tore us apart."
