DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own.
Thinking
Biju, etc. speaking
Biju, etc. thinking
Emphasis
Iruka Umino was sitting in the mission assignment office, greeting Genin teams and handing out missions. He missed the days where his Hokage sat beside him, whether it was Hiruzen Sarutobi or Tsunade Senju. The job was as much fun as serious back then, as both his former Hokages used to tell terrible or ludicrous tales about their shinobi once they left the room. He remembered them being chastised about it a few times by Kurenai Yuhi, telling him and their village leaders that gossiping wasn't appropriate among the ranks.
As if!
They were ninja for Kami's sake: information was power! Iruka didn't believe that they were actually gossiping about real things anyway, because he didn't believe that even half of the stories he heard from his leaders were true. If they were, then the Leaf was in real trouble, because it meant that nearly every shinobi they had would rank from mentally unstable to completely insane.
Iruka shook his head, considering the things he'd heard over the years. Give me a break, that stuff can't be true! No way did Genma really do THAT with that senbon on all his missions at night: it would be too painful! Jiraiya certainly wasn't the leader of a gay harem, of that he was positive - well, mostly positive. Orochimaru being in that previously mentioned harem? No - maybe a different one, but not with Jiraiya-sama! Shizune shacking up with and being caught snogging Tsunade? Yeah, maybe that was true - although why the Sandaime decided to mention it one day out of nowhere puzzled him then and now. Surely Kakashi wasn't a virgin suffering from frigidity OR secretly a woman, and he knew that Naruto had NOT reigned over a village of Amazonian women south of the Land of Fire. He sighed…
Naruto.
Naruto and Kakashi; Kakashi and this Naru woman... How often had Iruka thought of the rift that had come between him and his current Hokage? Nearly every day since that night. It had been months now since he'd met the female look-a-like of his favorite student/little brother figure. He still wasn't sure what to do about it, other than finally take the Jonin exam and encourage others to do the same. Iruka didn't want to think that whatever was happening with this woman would lead to violence or another war, but he had always been a worrier. It paid to be prepared. The village and the Will of Fire had to be protected no matter what.
He even missed the perv - er, Hokage. Iruka smiled as he handed out another mission to a team of new graduates, thinking about how he couldn't stand Kakashi back when he would see Naruto standing in front of a man that was openly reading porn. ...That particular silver-haired sensei looking like he couldn't care less about his charges back then! Then of course his knucklehead ended up taking over Icha-Icha fortune and franchise after Jiraiya-sama's death, ironically enough. Iruka himself was the only one he knew of that had the book that never made it to the printers because of copyright issues upon Naruto's death. Oh, if Kakashi only knew! It was one of the reasons he kept his apartment trapped up like a prison!
Of course, he'd come to respect Kakashi beginning after the horrendous C turned A mission to Wave around a decade ago. The Hatake had protected his students, after all, so he gave him another chance - a new beginning between the two of them. It was Kakashi that had eventually introduced him to Anko. Well, everyone knew of Anko, he laughed gently to himself.
Iruka thought of last night with the snake mistress and felt his tan cheeks heating up.
"Hokage-sama!" greeted a team of very wide-eyed Genin, standing in front of their equally shaken Jonin-sensei. Iruka turned toward the chair that scraped as loudly as could even be possible, as the robed man with the hat himself plopped down into it bonelessly.
"Yo!" The Hokage greeted, giving an utterly sloppy two-fingered salute. Kakashi took off The Hat, his silver hair springing up everywhere. He looked at the Chunin next to him and popped the bottom of his jaw with the back of his hand, finally making Iruka shut his open mouth.
Iruka thought he was seeing things! Throughout his entire term thus far, the Rokudaime Hokage had never ever come to the mission assignment desk. He also didn't visit the Academy or really do anything the previous Hokages had done as a part of their JOBS. "I can't believe you're here! Did something happen?" Iruka found himself asking his old friend before he even greeted his village leader properly.
"Hmm? You say something?" Kakashi answered as he patted the genins' heads when they bowed, looking incredibly awkward as he did so.
Iruka almost smacked himself in the forehead. I'm not Gai, dammit! And the Hokage also wasn't supposed to be patting heads! He was supposed to… Iruka internally growled: Kakashi was infuriating! He continued watching as the copy-nin began going through missions happily. It was even weirder to see the Hatake looking so happy while doing work. His smut wasn't even out! Iruka put his hands together and muttered the word, "Kai!"
No - it's not a genjutsu: it's really Kakashi.
Iruka wasn't the only one. Looking at the line in front of the desks, he saw every Jonin and some Chunins in the room trying to dispel a genjutsu, too. The room was eerily absent of more mature voices, as only the Genin were excitedly speaking to one another about meeting the Hokage. Iruka realized he was still staring at the man, as the village leader continued handing out missions and patting - more like thumping - the Genins' heads and utterly ignoring their senseis. Troublesome!
A dark-haired, ponytailed boy in the back of the line sneezed.
This went on for a good fifteen minutes before Iruka decided to speak. "Hokage-sama…"
"Ah, ah, ah, Umino-san! I need to hand out a few more missions," Kakashi said happily. Eerily happily.
Great. So he was back to being called by his last name. He really needed to talk to Kakashi - his leader - about what he was thinking the night that Kakashi brought this "Naru" to his apartment. Looking back on the whole thing, he realized why Kakashi became so angry. He should have explained his rationale for his thinking and actions toward the unknown woman before this, but Iruka believed that both he and Kakashi were avoiding each other until now. He needed to speak with the Hatake in private.
"I'm here for mission number 01628-B9," said a young genin in a hushed voice directly to Iruka. Iruka didn't immediately recognize the boy but he looked a little like a Nara if anything. That dark ponytail was always the tell, although the child's ponytail was lowered, like his own. There was also the fact that this Nara - it that's what clan he came from - had green eyes.
"Maa, Maa, Nara-kun, don't you want to properly greet your Hokage?" Kakashi asked, thumping the child's head particularly hard. The child winced and tried to back away.
"Greetings, Hokage-sama," the boy slurred lazily as he looked away pouting. There was an awkward silence as the Hokage's visible eye looked particularly excited. Iruka didn't like where this was going.
"Let's see," Kakashi said as he dug through the mission scrolls, looking absolutely gleeful if not deranged. "Mission 01628-B9: the TORA mission!" he yelled, gathering the attention of everyone in the room. Iruka saw the child scowl and was reminded of another Nara he was very familiar with. The Genin tried to pull the paperwork away from his leader harshly, which alarmed most of the shinobi gathered. "Maa, wait a minute, Nara-kun! You'll need to activate this little seal before I can give you the mission scroll!" The child sent a chilling glare at the Hokage, and Iruka nearly jumped to the Hokage's defense as Killing Intent was released, though it was just as quickly was reigned in from this CHILD.
What the hell's going on here!?
The young Nara had the attention of everyone in the room. The boy grumbled and split his thumb with his teeth, then activated the seal. His transformation dropped, leaving a very unhappy Shikamaru Nara standing in the genin's place.
"Chunin Nara-kun! So good to see you this fine day," the village leader hollered. Laughter had taken over the confusion formerly in the room all around. "Your mission is to find and bring in the Fire Daimyo's wife's widdow kitty cat, Tora-chan! Tora-chan's been a very bad girl, but you aren't allowed to punish her or use your shadow technique! You know why, of course, Nara-kun?" Kakashi was being so fake it was bewildering, Iruka thought. "Because your Clan techniques could potentially hurt widdow Tora-chan, that's why... We can't have that, can we Nara-kun?"
Now the Hokage was glaring at the Nara menacingly.
Oh, Shikamaru... What in the world did you do? Iruka wondered.
Shikamaru was frowning but finally said, "No." Kakashi gave him a look and the Nara Clan Head continued. "No, Hokage-sama - greatest of all leaders of all the hidden villages…" The Nara looked like he wanted to puke. Barks of laughter were heard throughout the room. Shikamaru closed his eyes tightly and rubbed his temples. "Troublesome."
"Good, good. This is a very important mission to the village, and I need to ensure that you treat Tora right, ne?" Iruka watched as the Hokage quickly grabbed the Nara's hand and pressed chakra into a little paper seal he'd laid on top of it. Still smiling in that infuriating way of his, Kakashi patted then let go of the Clan Head's hand and asked if he still had weapons on him. Shikamaru affirmed that he did, then the Hatake reminded him not to use them on Tora. The younger man began stalking out of the room before his Hokage called to him again. "Remember now, Nara-kun. Be back downstairs before 1300 hours!"
What the hell was that about?! Reminding himself of the current time, Iruka didn't see how in the world Shikamaru could finish the dreaded Tora mission by 1300… Especially if that seal Kakashi used suppressed his chakra.
"Maa, time for me to go." Kakashi gave Iruka the remaining missions and turned to leave.
"Hokage-sama, wait!"
Kakashi looked back at Iruka, a blank expression plastered on his face - what you could see of it. "I'd… like to speak with you." Iruka looked down in embarrassment. "I need to explain…"
Kakashi looked away from his old friend. "Come by after the weekend, Iruka. But consider what you say when you do."
"Hai, Hokage-sama. I'll see you then." Kakashi gave a quick nod of his head and began to briskly walk away. " And thank you," Iruka finished.
Incredibly loud wailing was heard in the Eastern Jonin complex. That wasn't unusual really, considering that both the Green and Blue Beasts lived in buildings across from each other. What was unusual was that the men's loud cries weren't coming from the same apartment. It seemed to their neighbors that something had particularly upset or perhaps excited - it was always hard to tell - both of the Taijutsu masters at nearly the exact same time. This time though, they were each in their own homes and not together. Both men were required to have silencing seals in all rooms of their apartments in order to rent: that law had been ratified over five years ago. Tonight's drama, courtesy of Rock Lee and Maito Gai, must really be something special for the silencing seals to fail this badly.
"Gai-kun! Gai! Calm down!" Kakashi demanded, struggling under the weight of a grown muscular man somehow still attached to his wheelchair as he clung to his rival's neck desperately.
"Kah - kah - shiiiii! His flames of youth still burn!" Gai cried out as he sobbed, leaving Kakashi's ear ringing.
"Damnit Gai! I'm going to be deaf and completely soaked if you don't stop!" Kakashi hissed, chastising his best friend, not that he would admit that relationship to anyone. Gai pulled away from Kakashi's neck before erupting in more wails. Oh, that's enough! The Hatake pushed his rival away from him as hard as he could. Gai flipped away into a handstand, his wheelchair crashing into the wall behind the men. Kakashi had ducked just in time, as he always did when it came to wheeled or other projectiles. Although Gai was upside down and still crying, he gave the Green Beast a stern reminder: "And remember, Gai, it's 'Naru' now and SHE's a woman!" Kakashi was careful to look right in the man's teary eyes as he said this, even if it meant that he was now doing a handstand, too.
Both men stood on their hands staring at each other before Kakashi flipped himself upright and grabbed Gai's fallen wheelchair. Gai flipped himself gracefully into the seat and grabbed tissues from the case of them he kept on hand in each of his rooms. He blew his nose and began to sob again.
Genma had just left his apartment and heard the horrible noise. "So is it a wind-user that's just taken up the trumpet, or is that just Gai blowing his nose?" he muttered to himself. Either way, he needed to put up more silencing seals, and give some to the sucker that was once again ruining the once-peaceful apartment complex he'd moved into after the Pein attack.
Over Gai's sobs, Kakashi heard Lee's howls of either despair or joy across the lawn. Poor Sakura. They had agreed to tell the beasts about Naruto/Naru at the same time tonight: 1930 hours, precisely, and the loud bawling had been going on for over an hour since. Kakashi had a clone outside that had been waiting for about a half-hour now, just in case their neighbors had called in authorities about disturbing the peace. When dealing with Gai and Lee's eccentricities, it was good to be the Hokage. Or rather it's good for them that I'm the Hokage.
"Look, Gai - I've gotta get back to Naru and my work at the Tower by 2100." Cue shouts of his youthful flames, even as Gai continued to sob. Kakashi sighed and rubbed his pounding head. "Why don't we practice, ne? You'll be going over to meet us at Lee and Sakura's tomorrow at 1800 hours," Kakashi reiterated. "I need to be sure you aren't going to call her 'Naruto', or particularly 'Naruto-kun': anything like that really. Also, I'd like to remind you that no one can know for now about her at all, for Naru's safety, ne?" Gai nodded his head eagerly, once again blowing his nose loudly. The rivals spent the rest of their time together practicing greetings, "youthful phrases," and reminiscing more on what had happened between Kakashi and Naru since he brought her home from the Memorial Stone. By the time he left to leave for the Tower, he had placed Gai into his bed because the green-clad man was so exhausted from crying, and realized that only silence was coming from the Haruno/Rock residence.
"Success."
Tomorrow's going to be a big night!
