DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own.


Thinking

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

Emphasis


"Hai, that's it. We're out of here," Kakashi stated and sunshinned them to the Tower. He continued carrying Naru into his bedroom and placed her under the bedcovers. She was shaking and nearly begging him to make the unicorn come back. "What was I thinking?" he asked no one. Shaking his head, he took off his clothes and cuddled his addled girlfriend against him, hoping that he wouldn't be plagued with nightmares that revisited this entire night.


Waking up close to noon was a concept completely unknown to the Hatake. Even when he was a small boy, his father had either been training or on missions and would always wake Kakashi by 0500, before the sun had even peeked over the horizon. Kakashi had kept that schedule for the rest of his life, even if it meant that he just sat around reading his beloved literature until he was late to meet whatever team or mission he had. Upon opening his eyes today, though, he was blinded by the sun. He had smelled her first, of course: Naru was here in his bed, which immediately excited him.

He heard her heartbeat directly under his ear. Smiling pervertedly he rubbed his face against her breasts, taking in her scent and mixing it with his own. She made a little sound and he glanced up at her face, peaceful and sleeping, just as she let out a snore. Kakashi suppressed his laughter, then realized the position he was in. Somehow he had crawled between her legs and snuggled into her chest during the night. Life is good. Moving his arms from around her a bit, he looked over his would-be-paramour. She must have gotten up in the night and put on one of his old shirts, which meant that she purposely stayed in his bed. Now with her being in what looked like only his shirt, plus being in his bed... If those thoughts weren't enough to make him horny, he didn't know what would.

But what of the plan - the one where she was to lead the way? Considering it for two seconds, tops, he decided that she had led him to the position he was in now and that it would just be rude not to acquiesce to the wishes she had surely made. Unbuttoning the shirt she wore, he began kissing her neck - working his way down. Hearing her moan drove him to take in her breasts faster than he'd planned, nipping and sucking at one nipple while waking the other.

"Ka - Kashi?" she asked, her voice both sleepy and sexy. "What… oh… Mmmm!" she uttered helplessly between choked breaths and gasps as she threaded her fingers through his silver hair, pulling him closer.

"Morning, koi," Kakashi said against the breast he'd moved to, continuing his work. Her legs moved their way up around him in response. He began to grind against her inner thigh - he was so much taller than her - and she responded just the way he'd dreamt she would. He felt like he was losing his mind and brought his head up to look at her eyes, which were filled with lust. "Kami-sama: you're beautiful, Naru."

His woman pulled him down for a slow, lazy, rather sloppy kiss. Morning breath be damned; this was fucking awesome! Kakashi reached down to pull off her panties and found that she wasn't wearing any. He snapped to attention - well, part of him was clearly already at attention - grabbing his member as he began to rub it against her sex. She was nearly ready for him; he could only groan in approval. Just as he was about to push himself inside of her, a loud beep - an alarm - sounded in the room: the intercom.

"Hokage-sama, permission to enter…" said the voice.

Permission to enter? Permission to enter! He was just getting permission to enter Naru when that little shit…! "Tenzo-kun: you are hereby granted a quick death. What the fuck do you want, Cat?" Kakashi looked up at a thoroughly dazed Naru while continuing to rub along her slick core, giving her breasts attention once again. He covered her mouth with his hand when she began to moan.

"Aa, haha, Hokage-sama," Tenzo heard his senpai growl: that was never a good thing. "We have an emergency, sir. Bandits, kidnapping… yeah," he continued lamely.

"Kidnapping?" The Hokage asked, pulling himself away from the woman he was ravaging. "Who?"

"Saratobi Konohomaru-san, Hokage-Sama," Tenzo/Cat began. Kakashi got up whispering words of apology to his almost-lover, then grabbed his mask, headband, a pillow, and yukata. He headed out his bedroom door, finding the Cat and Blank-faced ANBU awaiting his orders. Kakashi shut the door behind him and the three men discussed the situation. The Hokage had moved quickly, so he didn't see the stunned expression on Naru's face.

"Oiroke-no-jutsu! Is this it boss? Did I get it? Huh? Huh?" Naru cracked up laughing at the image before her. Another howl of laughter passed her lips as she grabbed her inexplicably and horribly orange-covered stomach. Standing up, she tried to advise her little apprentice, laughing between every few words. "Maru-chan, look at yourself! I swear you look like a fat female version of JiJi, liver spots and all!" She barked out another laugh, seeing the boy look down upon his body in horror. "Dude! I know your grandma was skinnier than that: did she look like a monkey too?!" The boy across from her scowled angrily and rudely pointed his finger at her. "Shuddup, Naruto! Biwako-sama was a beautiful woman: elegant and powerful!" She still couldn't stop laughing. "Well, you sure as hell aren't, imouto!"

Naru frantically began putting on her clothes from the night before.

Having ordered a retrieval mission, Kakashi opened the door to see Naru nearly dressed. "No! No, no, no, Naru-chan!" She looked up at him in all seriousness, as if he were crazy. "No clothes… No, pleeease!" He dropped down to his knees in front of her as she looked around hastily. Kakashi didn't notice the wild look in her eyes - he was only thinking about continuing their previous activities. "Kami, Naru - I'm just a man! Human!" he cried out. "I might be the village leader and whatnot, but I'm just a man!" A man who hasn't had sex in ages and you've been teasing the hell out of me - that part went unsaid. He really was trying not to cry, but it was so hard!

"...need to find my weapons," Naru muttered to herself. Kakashi frowned, thinking he had misunderstood her.

"Nani? Nanda?" were his oh-so-clever responses.

Naru huffed angrily. "Weapons! I need to go after Maru-chan!" Kakashi grabbed her hand as she tried to walk past him. There was only one person who called Konohomaru by that nickname, and that had been Naruto. She was remembering again…

"Naru-chan, you can't." Kakashi stood up and pulled her into his arms. She wiggled out of them - he was surprised at the strength he felt from her at that moment but was absolutely shocked when her eyes flashed red. He took a step back from her. I did not see that: no way. That's not possible! Getting a hold of himself, he tried to reason with his blonde but realized then that there were two clones of the woman in the far corner, both sitting down, very still with their eyes closed.

Oh, fuck no! Kakashi grabbed a shuriken from a drawer and threw it, dispelling both clones. He turned back to Naru and shivered from the look she was giving him: she was beyond pissed and looked scary! He pulled up his headband, uncovering the Sharingan, and she collapsed into his arms. "Collecting natural energy: is that what I saw? Crazy woman," he griped - muttering about not having a stone frog as a wife. He dropped her unceremoniously into his bed, made a visibly angry clone to watch over her, and finally walked off to unhappily get into ANOTHER cold shower.


Having taken care of his needs and refreshed himself, Kakashi looked upon the woman out cold on his bed and sighed tiredly. "One of these days, Naru-chan…" His thoughts were interrupted by a booming voice outside his room. Crap, I forgot to re-engage the silencing seals.

"I'M HERE TO SEE MY ETERNAL RIVAL! How are you, Tenzo-kun?" the blasted voice said.

"Gai-san, it's 'CAT' - you know that…" Tenzo replied. Kakashi could hear the exasperation in Tenzo's voice as he walked to meet his nemesis - er, best friend. Seeing his senpai, the Hokage, close his bedroom door behind him, he followed up on their earlier discussion. "Team 12 and ANBU team Kitsune are on their way, sir. Following the trackers, we should know more by 1600 hours." Kakashi gave a quick nod of acknowledgment and grabbed Gai's chair, wheeling him toward his office.

"RIVAL! We stand at 76-75, ne? You won't catch up! I have asked 18 women out this morning, and although I have not had a positive response, it's only a matter of time!" Kakashi looked at the bowl-cut man as if he were crazy - which Gai was, Kakashi knew. Gai slapped him in the back upon arriving in Kakashi's office, knocking the silver-haired man forward a few steps. "What say I challenge you to be the first to marry?"

"Maa, did you say something?" Kakashi replied automatically, then grimaced. It's not like he wanted to make Gai speak even more. Because then he'd hear him!

"Still so hip and cool…" Gai muttered as he folded his arms over his chest and continued grumbling. Kakashi closed the door behind them: the ANBU standing guard by his office had already heard too much. He trusted them to stay silent about him and most goings-on in the Tower, but then again, Gai's antics were always amusing topics among nearly every shinobi in the village.

"So," Kakashi sighed, "how is Sakura-chan and Lee-kun's place?" He asked, remembering the huge hole in the wall from the previous night, and how he forgot to tell someone who could right the damage immediately. He had just been too tired - of all his dining companions.

"Aa, right as rain now, Kah-kah-shi-kun! The lovely Sakura blossom called upon Tenzo-kun, who youthfully repaired the wall and… other damage done." Gai's face faulted at that last part. It seemed to Kakashi that Gai was rather embarrassed about the "other damage." He tried to remember what other damage he was talking about - other than all the damage done to his Naru. Kakashi made a snarling noise and Gai jumped, landing on Kakashi's desk.

"Do not worry, eternal rival! Your flames of youth are…" The Hatake tuned Gai out for the next few minutes, wondering why he allowed the infernal man to plant himself on his desk so regularly. Tiring of his wild hand gestures as he spoke, Kakashi finally pushed the man backward off his desk. Gai backflipped easily into his chair, still chatting as if nothing happened. Kakashi folded his arms over the desk in front of him and laid his head upon them. Finally, he reached for The Hat, plopping it down on his head unceremoniously to hide.

"Rival, your flames are distinguishing… Pray to tell: what is troubling your rapidly turning-to-autumn-mind?" Gai asked with all sincerity. Kakashi made something akin to a whining sound.

Gai patted The Hat firmly, knocking it off the Hokage whose silver hair once again sprang up in all directions. Kakashi mumbled something Gai couldn't make out, so Gai asked again.

Kakashi looked up at Gai in utter defeat. "Sex, Gai. Sex," he said sadly. Gai stared at him, wide-eyed, before his lips eventually turned up at the corners, bringing fear to Kakashi's heart.

"Oh ho! You have not youthfully done the deed!" Gai surmised snarkily, making the Hatake groan. "Then rival, I challenge you.."

"Fuck you, Gai! No way…"

"Fuck indeed, Kah - kah - shiiii! I challenge you to…"

Kakashi leaped over his desk, straight at his former friend. Wrapping a hand around part of his wide green-clad neck in warning, he fired back, "You will not challenge me or try to screw my woman, Gai-kun."

Gai just laughed loudly, his head falling back as he chuckled. His rival was so possessive now! "I would never dream of doing that, rival! I was thinking more of a challenge to see who had sex first that leads to a youthful marriage!"

Kakashi thought about it, climbing out of his rival's lap. Normally that would be a win for him, but with his luck lately and just Naru in general? Better not bet on it. Oh, there's the fact that it's just wrong, too. He'd never want to encourage the horror that is Gai further on the female population of his village, after all. Denying Gai's challenge, the two played janken-pon instead, Gai crying out in dismay as he was beaten.

Now they were even in their challenges, but not for long! Kakashi had not flat-out denied his first request...

Gai was gleeful! The hunt for a bride was on!