Bill dreaded coming home every day.
Lenore was usually there. She didn't seem to work, yet she kept spending his money. Whenever Bill asked her about it she would simply wave him off. She was still very lovey and touchy-feely, and it still made Bill feel disturbed. And she kept talking about getting married again. Even though Bill hardly participated in the conversation, she talked on as if she didn't notice.
He also saw signs of Mia everywhere. It was like the trace of a ghost from a lifetime ago. Sometimes he saw one of her long, dark hairs in random places around the house. He still smelled her in the bed, vanilla and peonies. He had taken to sleeping on the side she used to sleep on so he could envelop himself in it. He felt guilty for seeing Mia in everything, for aching for her, for missing her more than he'd missed anything in his life. He tried to want Lenore again, as he had wanted her for all those years since she left him, but he forgot what it was like. All he knew anymore was Mia.
Bill wondered how Mia was doing. The last time he saw her beautiful eyes, full of pain and tears, haunted him. It was he who did that to her...it was he who made her so sad. He would never forgive himself for that. He wondered if she was thinking about him too, but then again, if she was, it was probably about how much she hated him. She told him she hated him. He couldn't blame her.
He hated himself, too.
When Gilbert stopped by last week, Bill was pleased to see him. He desperately needed someone to talk to, someone who would at least listen to him and not immediately resort to calling him an idiot, like Hank and Dale did. He already knew he was one. Gilbert's advice, however, was essentially the same as Hank and Dale's: break it off with Lenore and beg for Mia's forgiveness.
As if it were so easy. As if he didn't destroy everything beyond repair.
That Saturday out in the alley, Boomhauer had returned from his holiday trip with Leah. Everyone was very celebratory when he told them he and Leah had gotten married while they were gone.
"Shotgun wedding," Dale had said.
"No, you dick. I was always going to marry her someday, even before the baby. Things just got sped up."
"Well, I think it's great, Boomhauer," Hank smiled.
Later on after more talking and beers did Octavio show up to see Dale. His presence annoyed Bill like usual, but he ignored it. Octavio joined them in drinking; he brought his own Mexican beer to drink as he stood with them.
Lenore's car pulled into Bill's driveway. Boomhauer watched in surprise as she exited her car, while Octavio watched appraisingly. She sauntered over to them all, arms slung with shopping bags, wearing skintight leggings and a low cut blouse.
"Hi, baby," she greeted Bill, and kissed him. Boomhauer looked at Bill with one eyebrow raised, though Bill would not meet his eye.
"Boomhauer, so great to see you again," she simpered and looked him up and down. Boomhauer shifted uncomfortably. "And you are?" she asked after turning to Octavio, also assessing him.
"No hablo ingles."
She gave Octavio a devilish smile. "I'm cooking dinner tonight, baby, come home in an hour!" she said to Bill, and kissed him again. She walked across the alley back to Bill's house, swinging her hips as she did so.
After the door clicked shut behind her, Boomhauer said "What the fuck?"
"That's what we keep asking." Dale shook his head in disappointment.
"Bill broke up with Mia so he could be with Lenore," Hank explained.
"What?" gasped Boomhauer.
"So the little chica is single, then, eh?" Octavio rubbed his handlebar mustache thoughtfully. He had a glint in his eye, the same glint that Bill never appreciated. Bill hid his sneer by drinking another sip of Alamo.
"What happened?" asked Boomhauer.
Bill didn't respond, so Hank did for him. "He said Mia might break up with him someday so he dumped her before she could dump him. Conveniently, Lenore helped him come to that decision."
Boomhauer paused, attempting to process the situation. "But didn't we just talk you down from that, Bill? Didn't we help you come to your senses?"
Bill sighed.
"Gribble, where does this girl live?" Octavio asked Dale with a casual air.
"You stay away from her!" Bill growled, squeezing his beer can as he pointed at Octavio, until it dented the sides. Octavio smirked, unfazed.
"To be fair, Bill, she's not your girlfriend anymore. Other people are free to date her now."
Bill scowled. "Yeah, I know that, thanks Hank. But she doesn't need random weirdos showing up at her house."
"Who's to say I'm not just a friend who happened to be in the neighborhood?" Octavio said lightly, "Maybe I want to check on her, see how she's doing after getting her heart broken…"
Bill hated the idea of Octavio going anywhere near Mia. But Hank was right...she wasn't his girlfriend anymore.
"Are you happy with Lenore?" Boomhauer wondered, "Do you think you made a good choice?"
Bill wasn't sure how to answer that. Everyone turned to look at him, waiting for his response. "I don't know. I mean, Lenore has been pretty good to me."
"So far!" Dale shouted. "It's only been what, a week? It was only two weeks after your wedding when she started cheating."
Bill frowned. "She said she's changed."
"And maybe she has," Hank said, though he sounded doubtful, "But you know Mia was the one."
"I don't think she told Leah you broke up yet," Boomhauer said.
So that was why Leah was so friendly to him when she and Boomhauer got home. Once Boomhauer goes and tells her the news, there goes that…
Hank spoke into the tense silence. "Bill, I have to say, you don't seem very in love with Lenore. You go stiff as a board whenever she comes near you."
"Have you even had sex yet?" Dale asked crassly.
Sighing, Bill answered, "Yes."
"How was it?"
Bill shrugged. It still didn't feel right to him. He almost felt like he was cheating on Mia, even though they weren't together anymore. He had barely gotten hard enough to please Lenore, and it was only because he focused intently on thoughts of Mia that brought him to finish. He felt deeply guilty afterwards, like he was somehow defiling her by using her for someone else. Lenore rolled off the bed and left the room immediately after, leaving him alone in the darkness. He shuddered the thought from his mind.
"You should have stayed with chica for that ass alone...oy dios mio."
Bill slammed his beer can on the ground. "That's IT! I've had enough! You wanna go? Huh?" He imposed his wide frame into a looming stance over Octavio, ready to fight.
"Bill? Everything alright?" Lenore called from across the alley. Octavio sipped his beer indifferently, still unfazed.
"Answer your girlfriend, Bill," Dale goaded.
"I don't need this." He kicked his beer can down the pavement and stiffly crossed the street, fuming, back inside the house.
As soon as Boomhauer told Leah about the breakup, she called Mia immediately.
Mia saw her number ringing on her phone and knew why she was calling. She debated ignoring it, but thought better of it and answered.
Mia had barely said "Hello," before Leah gasped, "Oh my gosh, why didn't you tell me?!"
"I'm sorry. That's why I called before, but when you told me about getting married you sounded so happy; I didn't want to ruin your mood."
"Oh you'd never ruin my mood! I want to be there for you! What are you doing tomorrow?"
Mia looked around. "Nothing."
"I'm coming over! Let's hang out!"
Mia couldn't come up with an excuse to tell her she couldn't.
The next day, Leah burst through the door, in a floral sundress, hair in her usual side braid, and one of her many crystals hanging from a necklace. She was glowing, radiant from her pregnancy and from her joy as a newlywed. It was a stark contrast against Mia, who felt dull and listless, a raincloud to Leah's sunshine.
Leah brought a break up first aid kit with her, which included things like candy and fresh art supplies.
"Creating things really helps with the grieving process," Leah told her. Mia didn't much feel like creating anything, but she appreciated the effort Leah was going through, so she started to sketch and color alongside her. They watched one of their favorite shows, something funny and familiar that didn't need their full attention to enjoy.
After a while of sitting together and filling up their drawing papers, Mia decided to ask the questions that were hanging on her mind. "Who's the she?"
"Um…" Leah hesitated, not wanting to upset Mia, but she knew she would have to answer her. "His ex-wife...Lenore, is it?"
"What?"
"Hank referred to her as 'a real ball-breaker.'"
"Jeez… He told me a few times that she used to cheat on him. I just can't believe he cheated on me-and with her."
"Um, I don't think he did cheat on you. From what I understand, she showed up at his house and told him to break up with you so they could be together."
Mia felt anger begin to flare. Leah sensed it and rushed on, explaining to her Bill's strange actions. Mia was dumbfounded by the time Leah had finished. "He thought I would break up with him so he decided to do it first? And his ex wife was there ready to go?"
"Broken down to it's core, that's what it sounded like…"
Mia bristled. "I don't fucking get him. After all the time we spent together. After everything we said to each other. I've told him how much I liked him and wanted to be with him. Why wasn't that enough?" Then in a small voice, she added, "Why wasn't I enough?"
"I don't think it was you. I think it was him. Really," Leah consoled, after Mia began to scoff. "I think he has a lot of issues with self-worth and self-esteem. He's gotten hurt and his heart broken a lot over the years, too, which adds to it. It seems like he was trying to protect himself but, obviously, he was wrong."
Mia felt her voice crack with emotion. "He hurt me in the process. Just...selfish."
"He probably didn't think you would be hurt by it too badly. He thought you were too good for him and it wouldn't have meant much to you."
"He really fucking thought that?"
"Well, this is just me speculating. I'm a paralegal, not a psychologist."
"How could he think so poorly of me?"
"If it's any consolation, he's miserable."
"Good," Mia said firmly. "But, how do you know?"
"His aura is worse than I've ever seen it. It's very murky. He never smiles and he seems lost. And Jeffrey told me he practically flinches when Lenore tries to touch him."
Mia sighed. She couldn't muster up any sympathy for Bill. He was an adult capable of making his own decisions, whether or not his ex-wife was planting seeds in his ear.
They sat together, watching TV and going through the chocolate, drawing and adding colors to their works. Mia was feeling a little better after having Leah there to keep her company. She was so grateful for her support system, for Jackie, for Leah, for Raul and even for Gilbert. She still felt the same pain, the aimlessness, and the sorrow, but she at least wasn't feeling as alone.
