Mia felt strange.
She couldn't explain it exactly; it wasn't something that was able to be put into words. She knew she felt off, she felt odd, but she didn't know how. Was it her upcoming birthday? She somehow didn't think so, as she felt separate feelings and emotions over that. She was excited, certainly, and looking forward to having a nice birthday dinner with Bill and her family.
She wasn't looking forward to turning another year older, however.
When she envisioned her future, years ago during her long relationship with Aaron, she thought she would be married, she thought she would have a baby, she thought she would have a nice house and maybe even a dog. But as the years went on, her bright dreams dimmed darker and darker until they all but vanished forever.
"There's no point in getting married. It's just a piece of paper. Who cares?" Aaron had said to her.
Mia could see it his way, she supposed, begrudgingly...
"I don't want to be tied down with kids," he had also said during a separate conversation.
"Well, what if I do?" Mia protested, finally frustrated enough to stand up for herself.
Aaron sneered with a crude laugh. "Why would you want to subject innocent kids to having you as their mother?"
He saw the hurt inflicted in her eyes, and he felt more powerful after seeing her shrink back. "You're so needy and annoying. It's like I'm already raising a fucking baby."
Such comments were normal to her. But when they piled on enough to make her finally threaten to leave him, he would flip the switch from horrible to sweet. He would hold her, kiss her, compliment her, beg for her forgiveness, express how incredibly sorry he was, and how he didn't mean it, and that he was going to change and be better from now on, and things were going to be different and they were going to be happy again.
Repeat over and over, for years and years…
It was hard to believe it was nearly a year since she was with him. And it was always hard to believe she put up with that for seven entire years of her life. But it all seemed far away now, like it happened a lifetime ago, or like it happened to someone else.
Bill had changed her so much. His support, his attentiveness, his love, everything about him and everything he gave to her improved her very self. She was confident, she was outspoken, she was optimistic. So different from where he found her, when she felt small and self-conscious, and out of place in the world.
She pushed the strange feeling out of her mind, instead focusing on Bill's big business trip he was on and her upcoming birthday dinner. He and Gilbert were only gone for the weekend, but Mia and Raul still missed them greatly. The two of them decided to team up together to distract themselves from their loneliness.
Raul took Mia out to a local bar and grill as an early birthday treat. The lighting was low with neon signs illuminating the walls, sports channels played on suspended flat screen TVs, and it was packed with a rowdy crowd of people. Raul sat across from Mia at a round wooden table, wearing his usual muscle shirt and backwards baseball hat.
"So what's Jackie naming her baby?" Raul asked her over a sip of beer.
"I think Arthur, after Tom's dad."
"Cute." He pondered that a moment. "Art. Artie. Lil Artie."
"Oh God, please stop."
Raul laughed.
"What does your dad call you? Mimi?"
"Shut up!"
He laughed again, amused by her agitation.
Mia sighed and tried to change the subject.
"How's the house hunt going?"
"Mmm…" Raul sipped his drink thoughtfully, "Nothing has been sticking out to me."
"Where are you looking?"
She saw him waver as he considered his answer.
"Well, I uh, I like Arlen."
"But?"
"But Gilbert lives in Austin."
"Does he like Arlen?"
"I think so. But I think he prefers city life."
"Well, maybe someday he'll move down here."
"Yeah...maybe."
He said it with finality, but Mia still wanted to be sure Raul was okay. "Are you and Gilbert alright?"
"Oh, yeah, of course. I'm just hoping the distance ends up working out. I haven't really talked to him about it yet."
"I know it will work out for you two. You will figure something out. You're worth it to him."
Raul smiled, dimples and all. "Thanks. You're right. It just feels worse than it is because I miss him."
"I know. But they come back tomorrow!"
"I can't wait." He grinned. "Well, happy birthday, cuz!" He raised his glass to her. They clinked together, and drowned the rest of their heartaches.
When Mia woke up on the day of her birthday, she yet again felt strange.
She tried to reason it was simply because of her birthday, the impending excitement of seeing both Bill and her family. However, the little persistant feeling in the back of her mind wouldn't go away. The more she tried to figure out what the issue was, the more annoyed and frustrated she got. Pushing it from her mind, again, she focused on her birthday dinner tonight.
Bill wasn't due to get back until later in the afternoon. He apologized profusely, many times, deeply remorseful he wouldn't be with her for the entire day. She truly didn't mind, and of course understood, but his regret was also endearing to her in a way.
Leah took Mia out to celebrate instead, and the two of them had a great day together. Mia was treated to getting her nails done, choosing shiny black like usual. For lunch, Leah took her to a vegan bistro, a place Leah frequented often. They sat at a little spindly table outside in the pleasant sunshine. Mia ordered a soy latte and a wedge salad, both of which were very good.
"Thank you for lunch, and for my nails, too. You've really made this a nice birthday!"
"I'm glad. Today was a lot of fun!"
Mia beamed. "Have you narrowed down any baby names yet?"
"Well, sort of. I think we are leaning on Jeffrey being his middle name. I know my father in law will be disappointed but, well, I'm glad Jeffrey and I are on the same page here."
Mia nodded.
Leah sipped her wildberry kombucha smoothie. "I shouldn't be saying this, but I saw Luanne at Hank and Peggy's the other day. I think she's pregnant."
"Really? How do you know?"
"People get annoyed when I say 'aura' so much, but that's what I mean. There's a change in her whole field of energy."
"Wow...did that happen to you?"
"Yes, something similar. That's how I knew I was pregnant before ever taking a test, I could just feel it."
"Hmm…" Mia contemplated, "Well, that's so exciting! Another baby for Jeffrey Junior to play with."
Leah laughed.
"I really want him to have a lot of good friends."
"He will. Gracie is so sweet. Luanne's next baby will be just like her. And my sister is due in a couple months, remember!"
"I'm so happy I know people who are having babies around the same time as me."
Mia was happy for Leah, and Jackie, and Luanne, and anybody else in the world who were excited to be mothers. But she also felt a sense of longing. She learned long ago to stomp out that particular feeling, to spare herself the heartache.
Later that day, after Leah dropped Mia off at her house, Mia waited anxiously for Bill. She had already gone over a month without him, under different circumstances, but even just these three days apart still had her feeling restless. Her strange feeling kept bothering her which wasn't helping matters. And now her house seemed especially bare without Pierre's fish tank there anymore. It was bare enough to begin with, as she had only brought in basic furnishings, and didn't bother much with actual decoration. A wave of emptiness washed over her as she sat in the living room, looking around at all the blank spaces.
She changed into a white sweater and black leggings, then touched up her hair and makeup a little, mostly to kill time. Bill hadn't called or texted since morning so she wasn't entirely sure where he was now. She hoped he was on his way at least, hoping some business meeting didn't keep him longer.
A little while later the doorbell finally rang. Her heart jangled with excitement and she threw open the door to see him standing there, in a black button down shirt tucked into black slacks, holding a bouquet of flowers and gifts. She barely fully registered him before pulling him inside and hugging him with everything she had.
"Wow," Bill laughed, "Maybe I should leave more often."
"I missed you so much," Mia said after kissing him. She felt much better now, calm and at ease, now that Bill was here with her again.
"I missed you, too. Sorry I haven't called in a while. I got right on the road quickly."
He held out the flowers to her, a bunch of beautiful petals of pink and white blooming over bright green leaves. "Happy birthday!"
"Thank you! These are so pretty." She held them close to her while she smelled them, a light and dreamy scent. She then tugged his hand towards the kitchen. "Let me put these in a vase while you tell me about your trip."
"It went very well. The setup is great there, very professional. It was really important to me, well, and Gilbert too, that everything would be done properly and to a T. I think this is the best packager and distributor in the area."
"I'm so excited for you guys. Where is it going to be sold?"
"A few local places here and some there. Once there's a good gauge for the market we can expand. Buck is already asking me about making new flavors but I want to see how things go with these three first."
Mia had filled up a clear glass vase with fresh water and was placing her new flowers inside. Bill moved behind her and put his arms around her front in a backwards hug and kissed the top of her head.
"I missed you so much," he whispered.
She turned around and embraced him, pressing closely against his chest.
"I'm glad things for your business went well up there. But I'm glad you're back now."
"Me too. I don't think I'll have another business trip like that for a little while, hopefully."
Mia kissed him deeply for quite some time. She wanted to nudge him down the hall to her bedroom, but had to unfortunately think better of it, as it was going to be time to leave soon.
Instead, she nudged him to the living room.
"Raul really missed Gilbert, too. We drank our sorrows away last night."
"Hey, Gilbert and I did the same thing. He was so lovesick. I mean, I was too, but he uh...wears it differently."
Mia chuckled. She thought she understood what he was talking about.
"I have presents for you," Bill said happily, bringing out the wrapped packages he brought.
He put a flat, rectangular box in her lap.
"So this one is, well, not really a joke gift, but I saw it in a shop in downtown Dallas and thought you might at least get a kick out of it."
Mia tore the paper away excitedly, and lifted the thin cardboard lid off of the garment box. Inside was a pullover hoodie colored like the Colombian flag; Three horizontal stripes, the top half a bright yellow, the bottom half split evenly into blue and red.
Mia gasped in delight. "This is awesome!"
"You like it? I know it might be kind of, uh, loud to wear out in public…"
"No, no, I love it! I'll wear it everywhere!"
And she pulled down it right over her head.
"It looks great on you," Bill smiled, pleased with her enjoyment. "Gilbert got one for Raul, too."
"He's going to love it. This is definitely his type of thing."
"I thought so, too. And here's this one," he handed over a square box.
She had always been enthusiastic for every gift he had ever gotten her, yet he still felt nervous when giving her things. He peered on tensely, hoping what he got her was befitting.
"Oh, wow…" she murmured. It was a large set of watercolor brush pens, a rainbow of many colors, and made by a brand she knew was on the higher end of quality and price.
"I know you like your brushes and paint, but I thought you might like to try a different medium."
"These are incredible, how did you know to get these?"
"Gilbert knows more about art stuff than I do. I was asking him what you might like for your watercolors. He mentioned these brush tip pens so I looked into them."
"I can't wait to use them!"
He mentally breathed a sigh of relief. He was worried she might not have used these pens before for a reason, but she did seem to genuinely be interested in them.
Mia smooched his cheek, her excitement radiating out of her. "Thank you so much for my gifts, my flowers, everything!"
"You're welcome, I'm glad you like them. But I have one more…" He placed a small box in her hand.
"Jeez, you spoil me," she teased, and began ripping the paper away.
It was a rectangular box, and after prying up the lid it was revealed to be a beautiful necklace. A small diamond hung on the end of a thin gold chain.
"It's beautiful," Mia whispered, and she pulled her hair aside while Bill clasped it around her neck. The gold of the chain complimented the golden warmth of her skin tone.
"I don't know anything about jewelry, but...well, this one really called out to me."
"I love it so much," she awed, lightly brushing her fingers across it.
"Good..I felt like I was going out on a limb...I'm not the best gift giver."
"No, everything is perfect! You know me so well."
She held the side of his face and kissed him. He was grinning when they broke apart.
Mia and Bill later arrived at Mia's parents' house, noting Jackie and Tom's car in the driveway already. Bill was both eager and nervous to see her parents again; he had had a great time meeting them back at the Thanksgiving dinner, however he felt guilty for breaking their daughter's heart.
Mia was still wearing the Colombian flag hoodie, which Bill had to say she looked very cute in. She led him through the house and went through the kitchen, were Mia's mother was finishing up dinner at the stove. Her long, straight hair was swept elegantly over one shoulder. Mia's grandmother was preparing other foods on the kitchen island.
"Mi bebé!" her mother exclaimed when they entered, and she embraced Mia in a loving hug. "Feliz cumpleaños!"
"Feliz cumpleaños!" Her grandmother joined her in a hug as well.
"Thank you!" She sounded muffled in their hugs. "You remember Bill," she motioned to him, and Bill stepped forward, intending to shake her mother's hand but was instead also pulled into a hug.
"So nice to see you!" Mia's mother said happily.
"And you as well," Bill smiled, "It smells wonderful in here."
"Oh, thank you. Mia asked for stir-fry. I'm trying my best with it."
"I think it looks great, mamá!" Mia assured her.
Mia's grandmother nodded at her new hoodie and said, "I love your sweatshirt."
"Bill got it for me!"
"I've never seen anything like that before."
"Next time I'm in Dallas, I'll pick one up for you," offered Bill.
"You're so sweet!" she beamed.
Mia's father, Jackie, and Tom entered the living room. Tom was carrying a box brought down from the attic. Mia could see some baby things in there, things her parents kept to pass onto their future grandchildren. Jackie's belly was bigger than ever, as she was due in only a few weeks. Bill noted Tom was probably ready for a haircut soon. He wondered if Tom would start coming to him for that again.
"Happy birthday, Mia!" Jackie cheered.
"Happy birthday!" Tom chimed in.
"Happy birthday, my munchkin," her father said, and squeezed her with one arm around her back.
"Thank you!" Mia grinned. "Dad, you remember Bill."
Bill and her father shook hands.
"Of course. Nice to see you again."
"Hi, Bill," Jackie said, sounding stiff, but smiled all the same. Tom nodded towards him, also smiling. Their reception to seeing him again wasn't as stilted as he thought it might be. He was especially thankful Mia's parents never found out he had broken up with her two months ago.
They small talked for a while until dinner was ready, and they all moved to the dining room. Mia's father sat at the head of the table.
"This looks so good! I've been having a strange craving for stir fry for a while now," Mia said, mostly to her mother.
Mia's grandmother looked at Mia but didn't say anything.
"So, Bill," Mia's father began to say after their plates were made, "Mia says you started a business?"
"Yes, my cousin Gilbert and I are selling barbecue sauce using our family's special recipe. That's why I went to Dallas," he nodded towards Mia's grandmother, "We were finalizing things at the packager and distributor located there."
"How nice!" her mother said, "Is it something we will find in a store?"
"Some places in Arlen and some in Dallas for now. Eventually it might expand enough to distribute more widely. But, I actually brought you a few bottles so you can try them now."
"Oh! Thank you so much."
They continued to talk and eat throughout a very tasty dinner. Afterwards, her father brewed coffee and her mother brought out Mia's favorite cake, chocolate topped with vanilla frosting.
"Please don't sing Happy Birthday to me," Mia begged.
Her mother tutted. "Why don't you want your mommy to sing to her little baby? You're still my little baby, you know."
Her father spoke as her mother ruffled Mia's hair. "The day you were born was right after a heavy rainfall. Your aunt had taken your mother to the hospital and I had to rush to meet them there. I wasn't watching where I was going and I stepped right in a deep mud puddle...pulled my penny loafer clean off."
Everyone laughed.
"Grandma told me before I was the cutest grandbaby," said Mia.
"Oh, absolutely," praised her grandmother.
"Hey!"
"You were the cutest too, Jackie," their mother assured her, "You just hadn't been born yet to compare."
Later that evening, when Bill and her father were deep in conversation about golf, Jackie spoke to Mia in a low tone.
"Guess who I saw at Mega lo Mart a few days ago."
"Who?"
"Aaron's sister Alicia!"
"Oh jeez… Did she talk to you?"
"Yep. She had a field day when she saw I was pregnant. And she kept trying to ask me about you, but I wouldn't take the bait," Jackie chuckled.
Mia shook her head. Mia had always been on good terms with Alicia, but knew she sided with her brother when things went to shit between them.
"She did tell me though that Aaron and what's-her-face had their baby. A girl named Camille."
"Are you serious?" Mia gasped. She felt a surge of annoyance. Camille was one of her favorite names for a girl, a name she had on reserve in the event she were to have a baby someday. Aaron and Carly knew that, which must be why they used it for themselves.
"I hope they don't come back to Arlen," Jackie said darkly, "Imagine our kids being in the same class!"
When it was time to leave and Mia and Bill were saying their thanks and goodbyes, her grandmother gave Mia a tight hug and drew back at arm's length. She began to mutter something in Spanish, something that sounded like a blessing or a prayer, and she drew different symbols in the air along Mia's body.
"What was that for?" Mia asked curiously.
"Just protecting you," her grandmother wisely responded, a loving smile on her face.
Bill caught Mia's eye and she shrugged.
They drove home without much talking, as it was late and the two of them were sleepy. Bill especially, as he had spent a few hours driving earlier that day already. They were both going to stay at Bill's house that night, each of them looking forward to a better night's sleep now that they were together again.
The next morning, Mia woke during the dull purple-grayness right before the sun climbs above the horizon. The shapes in the room were dim and fuzzy, and birds had only just started chirping somewhere in the trees outside.
She sat up quickly, heart hammering. Bill merely stirred slightly yet remained asleep.
That strange feeling that had been following her around, like a pesky shadow, had finally surmounted whatever part of her mind was blocking it. It may have come to her in a dream, one she wouldn't remember. It may have finally all clicked together during the serene openness of sleep.
But now she knew, but still, she just had to be sure…
She crept to the closet where Bill said he put her things after he broke up with her. She hadn't rummaged through much of it yet. But now she was reaching up to the top shelf on tip toe, pulling the box down to the floor, and she sat on her knees as she dug through and found her zip up bag where she kept her extra makeup and toiletries.
She knew what she would see, she knew it, but she had to see it with her own eyes…
Her stomach was in knots, her heart was banging against her chest, and with nearly trembling hands she pulled the zipper open and peered into the bag.
"Oh...shit."
