DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own.
Thinking, etc.
Emphasis
Biju, etc. speaking
Biju, etc. thinking
Kakashi reappeared in his office, scaring the hell out of the ANBU who were searching for clues as they investigated his prior disappearance. The fox jumped away from him and stood on the windowsill, staring out at the village with a frown on his face.
"What do you think you're doing, Tenzo?"
"Bah! Don't call me that! Where the hell did you go, senpai?! You know you can't leave without…"
"Talk to that…" Kakashi held himself back from using expletives to describe that shitty little "Kurama." The Hokage gestured toward the windowsill and turned his attention to the little asshole himself. "Why did you bring me here instead of bringing me to Naru?"
"Hmmm?" Chibi Kurama voiced mockingly, still staring out into the night. "Did I say that I'd take you to Naruto?"
Kakashi's nerves were fried. Naruto was putting herself into dangerous situations he didn't even want to consider! It's all my fault. I've been a horrible partner, avoiding her when she needed me… She hadn't been doing any of this before! His self-loathing was interrupted when a pink frog poofed into the room and took a small scroll out of the container on her neck. Before dispelling, she threw the message on Kakashi's desk, frowned at him, then gave him the finger.
Apparently, this was the toads' new thing.
Tenzo picked up the scroll and nearly howled as he jumped away from it. "It's rigged! Son of a bitch! I haven't seen one of these in a while. It's for your eyes only, Lord Sixth."
Kakashi picked it up and felt lightning chakra pierce his thumb and fingertip before the scroll sprang open. Inside of it was a cocktail napkin that had an odd combination of Naruto's scrawl and Naru's elegant, precise penmanship.
"Kage-sama,
Outsiders have accessed the outer Uzushio shores. Invaders were defeated but please be on the lookout: they were accompanied by Jonin-level chakra users. Konoha will investigate their identities and corpses.
As anticipated, the outsiders used various projectile weapons that were initially housed in black cases. Assistance from Iwa is requested to determine weapon specifications, accessories, and exact abilities. I have split evenly the attached projectiles that were found in the cases. My comrade and I were hit with them and they hurt like a Bitch!
Also recovered were 20 newer model cellular phones."
Kakashi noticed that the initial scroll that had unrolled had a storage component where the projectiles and hopefully cell phones were encased.
"This is a threat that all of us must work together to stop. We cannot forget the devastation inflicted upon Japan in the last century by these aliens to our home. I request the assistance of anyone with intermediate to advanced knowledge of fuuinjutsu to aid in examining and restoring the continent's barriers.
I understand that this request is a first, particularly coming from an Uzumaki. My clan is honor-bound to protect the barrier concealing the Elemental Nations at all costs. My absence and "rebirth," as some are calling it, has resulted in a need for assistance in this urgent endeavor. However, don't think that my abilities have lessened or I'll come over and kick your ass to show you what's what!
Respectfully,
Toad
"Yep, that's from her," Genma drawled from behind Kakashi, no longer bothering to wear his mask.
"That was for my eyes only, Dragon," Kakashi fumed.
"Nah, I've always had access, man," Genma said, enjoying Kakashi's annoyance. He ordered everyone but Tenzo out of the room with a couple of hand signs.
"Unlike Jiraiya-sama's Pervert Codes, Naruto always includes a little disrespectful language that she refers to as Arrogance-Lite. Very unlike hi- er, her, ne?" He let out a lengthy hum before nearly laughing. "The use of the word 'Bitch' means that this is a Level A threat. Here," he pointed to a specific line in the letter again, "she used the word 'ass,' though, so that could indicate the threat's an S. ...Fuck. Her memory's not fully back yet, right? She might not remember her own code, or she could just be asking you to classify what is an obvious threat.'"
Both Tenzo and Kakashi stared at him blankly before Kakashi reexamined the note carefully.
Kakashi wondered if Naruto was trying to straightforwardly give him her current location - or at least where she had been when she wrote the message - or perhaps she'd made a mistake while still trying to hide from him. There was only one place in Konoha that used hot pink cocktail napkins.
The Hokage used protocol this time, informing his ANBU where he was going before sunshinning to the nearly hidden little bar next to the nightclub Naru had asked to go to some time back.
"You'll be alright while I step into the ladies' room?"
"Hai, hai. Go on, Baa-chan: I'm not exactly helpless," Naruto sighed, sinking down into the booth she was sitting in, her head now nearly at table-level. "Apparently I have chains that will pop out of me if there's a threat," she scoffed. Sometimes she just secretly yearned to be a normal civilian.
Her last waking thoughts were of where she might find Shizune. Both she and Tsunade missed her a lot. She and Cee - I'm almost positive it's Cee - they weren't in Wave earlier, and I cannot imagine them honeymooning in Ame. Mei told Tsunade-obaa that they hadn't been in Water Country, so maybe an oasis in Wind?
Lucky her… Eventually, Naru found herself in a ramen oasis that didn't assault her senses at all. Oh, wait: dancing gummy bears!
Kakashi walked silently from one booth to another, giving a quick wave or sloppy salute to the civilians or shinobi, respectfully, populating the Green Gang bar as he worked his way toward the back. Facing away from the door in the last booth, he found Naru knocked out with two drinks in front of her. At first, he was shocked, then he wondered if Tsunade had… No, surely not: Tsunade might hate him right now, but fathers had rights, too. Even though he had reacted badly at first, he wanted his pups. And although (Naruto and) his Naru had occasional random acts of recklessness, he couldn't believe that she would ever drink when pregnant.
Tell me you didn't terminate the pregnancy, please baby.
He sucked in a large breath, wondering if he'd lost another person he loved again. No, two of them!
My pups. Say I didn't drive you to do it, Naru.
Closing his eyes and too afraid to ask his sleeping fiance the question that was eating him up inside, he lifted the first drink, closer to where her lovely hand was resting: the drink turned out to only be club soda. He held the second fruity concoction up to his nose and smelled it, breathing a sigh of relief that it was mixed juice with what he guessed was a healthy dose of coconut and what looked like ice cream, considering the consistency. Yuck.
"Naru? Baby?" She didn't respond at all, not even when he pulled her into his arms. Picking her up bridal style he felt his heart beat faster as she eventually muttered his nickname against his chest.
"Godaime-sama is in the stock room, Hokage-sama. You'd better make it fast," Tenzo advised.
"Thanks, Cat. Stay here and advise Tsunade-sama. Wouldn't want her destroying the village in search of Naru, now would we?"
"Why can't Genma deal with that… Dammit, senpai!" Kakashi had already sunshinned out and took to the rooftops with his seemingly exhausted fiance.
Tenzo winced behind his mask: there was the incoming devil, herself.
"Where the hell's Naruto, Catman?" Tsunade angrily asked, slinging bottles of sake in each hand. Another one was just barely sticking out from her cleavage.
"Hokage-sama has assured Naruto-sama's well-being by taking her home for the evening," he replied. He didn't like the way her lips curled up on one side, accompanied by the tick mark on her forehead. That expression always spelled disaster.
"What an... Tch! Follow me, Cat. I find myself needing a good sparring partner, NOW!"
Tenzo whimpered as he followed the Godaime Hokage to what was, for the time being anyway, Training Ground 12. She'll destroy it and me, then they'll force me to restore it!
Maybe it would be better to run and go missing-nin right now.
Naruto psychologically tensed as she realized that she wasn't still in her fairly comfortable bar booth, nor did she smell sake and thus Tsunade-obaa. No, what she smelled was Kakashi. Before she could go run screaming and kicking said man's ass, she heard him murmuring into her crotch.
"...and one day you'll each have your own pack, but you'll always be part of mine. I love you, puppies. Now, wait until you meet Pakkun..."
How was she supposed to stay mad at..? Wait. He'd taken her against her will - sort of - and brought her to his bedroom in the Tower to talk about Pakkun to her kits? And did he say "puppies?"
"Kits, asshole."
"Naru! You're awake! Hehe - Baby," Kakashi stammered all over himself.
"Kits. You said puppies. They're kits," Naruto said, forcing herself to look away from his deep dark eye that looked so hopeful. "Probably more like kits than I'll be able to handle," she let out a miserable chuckle and tiredly wiped her hands down her face. "I just hope Kurama doesn't give them tails or something," she muttered before drawing her hand through her hair. Feeling entirely too close to the man she would always love but fucked her over, she moved across the bed and turned away from Kakashi. Dangling her legs over the edge, she felt anxious and absolutely nauseous.
"Did you say 'tails?'" Kakashi asked weakly.
"Well, I got whiskers from being the child of a jinchuuriki so..." Naruto grabbed her mouth and went running to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her she barely made it to the toilet. "Ugh! Shouldn't this be stopping or going away a little by now?!" She barfed again and realized that Kakashi had come into the room and was now holding up the hair that she had been desperately trying to hold away from the cookies and everything else she was tossing. "Go away! I don't want you to see me like this! I don't want you to see me at all..."
Kakashi's heart felt like it ripped; she sounded so miserable when she said that. "Naru, I really fucked up. I'm begging you..."
"Get out of here! Your nose is as good as mine and this stinks!" She began to dry heave. "I fuckin' hate this," she said in just over a whisper before flushing the toilet again.
"Do you really hate it so much? Tell me, Naru. Is it so bad carrying my pups?"
"Kits," Naruto said while crawling toward the toothpaste she knew the asshole kept in his medicine cabinet. She stopped mid-crawl, feeling her stomach heave again. This time she was able to wrestle control over her traitorous gut. "Gimme toothpaste or I'm out of here."
"Wouldn't mouthwash be better?" Kakashi asked. Naru was so cute when her eyes lit up as if he'd just mentioned ramen. Oh, that's a good idea: I'll make a clone to go get us some ramen. She accepted his mouthwash and spit it into the toilet. Finally, Kakashi watched silently as Naru rested her back against the wall. She was still so, so beautiful, but he'd admit that she looked awful compared to how she normally looked right now: her eyes had dark circles under them and her skin was pale and clammy.
"You'll have to use another bathroom. I can't move," Naru said, making sure she didn't look at him.
Kakashi picked her up and Naruto didn't even squirm. He'd take that as a win. He carried her to his bed and then made two clones: one to pick up ramen and the other to grab what he'd hope was a very small see-through nightgown. He'd really rather have her naked in his bed but figured he'd need to slow his pace with her.
He'd be charming! He would seduce her with his wits, charisma, and naked...
"What's going through that brain of yours 'ttebayo? You look like a perverted villain with whatever you're thinking right now," Naruto asked, glaring at him sleepily.
"I wasn't! Why," he cleared his throat and shook his head. "You've lost weight. Shouldn't you be gaining?" Naruto rolled away from him, curling herself into a ball.
"I've been sick and on the move," she answered. "Just pregnant stuff; you know I don't actually get sick." She tried to pull the sheets and blanket over her but Kakashi beat her to it.
"What's it like?" Kakashi asked quietly. He had so much to say, but felt like being next to her again - being finally close to all three of them - had messed with his rational, strategic mind.
The things you do to me, Naruto...
"What? Being pregnant?" Naru laughed, "it sucks! Kami, I'm so tired."
Kakashi's clone returned to the room with a very tiny teddy he'd bought for her just before everything happened. He cringed. I can't give her the wrong idea! Just as he was about to point his clone back to Naru's room the clone pulled out a nightgown from behind his back. He gave the annoyed clone an approving nod for that one before dispelling him. Naruto looked behind her at the noise and quietly thanked Kakashi for bringing her the nightgown.
"Can you give me a second to put this on? Go outside or somethin'?"
"I won't leave you." Ever. "Is it okay if I just turn around?" he asked.
"I guess." She put on her favorite nightgown - well, it was a little short and she would've preferred the orange plaid flannel jammies she'd loved wearing when she was disguised as a man - but it would do. ...Except her breasts now barely fit in it! She struggled to pull them up and still keep them in the fabric. "Well, this just sucks. Honest to god, I just can't catch a break."
Kakashi turned around, wondering what the problem was, then covered up his nosebleed. It was so embarrassing but damn! Fortunately, Naruto laughed at him tiredly before sounding like the weight of the world was on her shoulders as she sighed heavily.
"We need to talk, Kakashi. Hokage-sama. Whatever," she said, looking away from him. He began to speak, but she held her hand up to stop him. "Look, I was an idiot. You have to understand, though, that before this - I'd only spent around a year and a half as myself - as a female, ya know. Total!"
"My dad's seal weakened with the onset of puberty, then the Pervert," she stopped and finally choked back a sob but the tears fell anyway. "Stupid hormones!" She shrunk away, avoiding Kakashi's attempted comforting embrace. "I'm not finished! Stupid Pervert found me as my real self, ya know, with... well, messing around with a boy." She tried to will away the stupid blush that she could feel creeping all over her face, but it was a no-go.
Naru turned further away from her once-fiance but continued. "He freaked out and sealed my gender again the next time I trained too hard and passed out. Damn him," Naruto wiped at her eyes and took the tissue Kakashi handed her reluctantly. "When he - when Jiraiya died, ya know, the seal dropped all at once and I didn't know what happened. I fell off the damn tree I was jumping from and totally freaked at realizing I was myself! I was weak and could hardly stand - and there before me was... Itachi." She began crying in earnest. Kakashi moved once again to hold her. "No! Go away! I'm not done!"
"Anyway, all that's neither here nor there, and it certainly doesn't explain my stupidity. I'm the one who was an idiot, but so were you. Neither of us used protection, so there it is." Naruto shook her head and sent her hair and salty tears flying. "The kits are my responsibility, and mine alone." Boldness taking over, she let him have it. "I've already decided..."
Naruto sent him a cold look that made the Hokage shiver.
"I never had a real family, nor did I think I'd ever get a chance to have one, but I'm going to have my family now," she said forcefully. "You get to choose whether you want to be in their lives or not, but heed this Hatake Kakashi: if you ever hurt them... If you ever decide to wimp out on parental responsibilities should you choose to take them, I'll kill you," Naruto finished, staring him down, her eyes icy and defiant.
This, Kakashi did not expect. Naru - holy shit!
Naru was fucking serious and damn scary about this. He was not dealing with his sweet Naru; he had a Tiger Mamma on his hands. No, a pregnant vixen... He needed to reassure her that he firmly made up his mind the moment he realized how badly he'd fucked up: the moment he realized that she was missing. He needed to...
"Fine. It's obvious you don't have an answer now, not that I expected you to," Naruto began.
Well, that hurts.
"...I'm too fucking tired to go to Baa-chan's place now, but I'll move out tomorrow."
"NO!"
"Yes, and fuck you for telling me what to do in my personal life, Hokage-sama. I'll give you a month to figure out your shit concerning the kits. After that, you'll be my superior officer, but as far as personal stuff goes, you stay the fuck away from me and my babies."
"Naru-chan," he said with deep sincerity, "you don't understand!" He froze as Naruto popped right in front of him.
When had she switched out with a clone?
"ANBU," he ordered and his men immediately kneeled before him. "Bring Uzumaki Naruto in at once! Do not hurt her in any way, but do not hesitate to bring her back." They all disappeared silently with the exception of one. "Move it Cat."
"Senpai, are you sure this is the best way to handle her?" Tenzo asked, pulling up his mask to give his Hokage the latest version of his Ghoul Eyes. He really didn't want to fight Uzumaki Naruto.
"I'm sure. I'll handle that stubborn woman, alright. She's probably with Tsunade, Tenzo. Go."
Tenzo whined pathetically before following orders.
I really need to have a word with him about his attitude lately. Hmm. Were Cat's clothes torn? Now that Kakashi realized it, a portion of Tenzo's armor looked like it had been ripped off.
Genma reappeared almost instantly holding a hissing red-eyed Naru tightly. "Knock it off you brat! Hokage's orders! OUCH! Goddammit, Naruto! You haven't bitten me since you were three! OUCH! Uncle! Uncle," Genma yelled.
Kakashi grabbed Naruto harshly by the shoulders and held her close to him while she nevertheless tried to beat on him with her little fists.
He punted Genma out of his room and moved toward slamming the door as Genma yelled at him for kicking him. "Tsunade's pissed, and Tenzo had to cage her! He's going to lose his..."
"Go assist in putting down the hag. Send reinforcements." Kakashi kicked the door closed and turned his attention to his feisty fiance.
"You, woman, are going to listen to me!" Naru glared at him, but her eyes turned back to blue after a few seconds. She snarled and then bit him, too.
"Oh ho," Kakashi muttered darkly. "You know what your biting does to me, Princess." Holding her tighter, he jumped onto the bed and pushed himself between her legs, still holding her arms down. Seeing her eyes dilate as she sucked in a breath made him nearly lose control. He looked down to gather his thoughts but groaned when he saw that her breasts had tumbled out of her nightgown and her nipples were already hard. Keep it together, Hatake! He pushed his erection into her and was rewarded with a desperate-sounding moan. Naru wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer, glaring at him all the while.
"Now, before I fuck that bad attitude right out of you, again and again, I've got some things to say. You, Uzumaki Naruto, are going to listen!"
