The screen faded in to an empty stage and the director was yelling over the speakers. "Where is that girl? Can't she take this seriously for once? The show is about to...the show HAS started and she is not on stage! She is the OWNER of this entire station! How is it possible that she isn't here on time?"
During the director's tirade, a yellow ferret ran onto stage and started shaking her head. She placed one hand on her hip and one in the air and yelled, "THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR! I HAVE ARRIVED!"
The set was completely quiet for a few seconds while she posed until the director said, "Unfortunately, you are not who we are looking for. Who are you?"
She came out of the pose and began speaking into the ceiling. "Au contraire, Mr. Hothead, I believe I am exactly who you are looking for. I am Ash the ferret and I am the answer to your prayers."
"...Who are you?"
Ash shrugged, "A friend of Kaoru's. I'm here to host the show."
The director gave a dry laugh. "I don't think so. Go get Kaoru and tell her to stop messing around. She needs to come here and do the show."
"I can't do that~" Ash sang as she began to rock on her feet.
"And why, may I ask, not?"
"Because," she began as she took a deep breath and stared intently into the ceiling, "I was left specific instructions to host the show and not come looking for Kaoru and if I don't host the show and/or do come looking for her she will blurt out to the entire world me secret crus...uh...Nothing, and I, for one, will take her seriously and do exactly as she said because when she gets angry she glares at me and growls all scary-like and quite frankly...she frightens me." Ash exhaled and looked up at the ceiling hopefully.
"Right. So tell me, why is Kaoru not on set?"
"Actually, she's not in the studio at all. She's not even in town." Ash smiled.
"WHAT? WHERE IS SHE?" The director was starting to sound desperate.
"There was an emergency at the loony bin in the next town that Kaoru had to take care of, she left a few days ago. You see, three years ago a friend of ours started to..."
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE LEFT A FEW DAYS AGO? WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL US? WE COULD'VE CANCELED THE SHOW!"
"Oh, that's easy. She wanted to show to go on. She said you guys had a deal that she wasn't supposed to let anyone else host the show and that I was to dress up as her and...Oh...I knew I forgot to do something. Anyway, it doesn't matter, before she left she told me exactly what to say and do.
"Well ferret, here's the deal." The director sighed loudly, "We've taken about half of the show time fighting about all of this, so you are going to have to go on and do the show quickly. I'm going find some aspirin." Three clicks were heard over the speakers as he left.
"YES!" Ash jumped and cheered with her hands over her head, "VICTORY IS MINE! BOW TO MY ULTIMATE AWESOMENESS! But do that later...as of now, I have a show to host. Let's skip the introductions and get right on with it, shall we?" Ash ran off the stage and returned almost instantly with a box. "This," she patted the top of the box, "is the new toy. And you," she pointed into the camera, "are the people who buy the new toys. And that's that! Bye everyone!"
"WAIT!" A frantic Cream rushed onto the stage, "Ms. Ash, don't you think that you should explain to everyone what the toy is?"
"CREAM! It's been a long time! And why should I? I think that whether this show goes on or not people will still line up at the door of Kaoru's Toyland and buy whatever toys they can get their hands on." Ash looked at her watch. "Besides, the show is almost over anyway. So who cares? I am throwing out the plan Kaoru gave me to follow and do my own thing. Observe." Ash clapped her hands and a large group of Eggman Approved Robots marched onto the stage. I am going to show everyone what I taught my robots to do."
"But Ms. Ash...the toy..."
"No need to fear young rabbit. I have everything under control. YO! ROBOTS! SINGLE FILE!" The robots began to scatter everywhere. They were running into each other and falling onto the ground.
Cream's face broke out into a light sweat as she watched. "Wha?"
"Oh yes," Ash laughed loudly and maniacally, "I taught my robots to do the opposite of what I say. Genius, no?"
"No," said a voice from the back of the set. "In fact, I don't think it's genius at all."
"I know that voice anywhere! Shadow, I see you still hover around Kaoru..."
"WHAT? I DO NOT HOVER AROUND THAT IDIOTIC HARE!" Shadow screamed as he stepped next to Ash.
"Oh? Then why are you here?" Ash smiled smugly and waited semi-patiently for an answer. Shadow only mumbled something incoherent and stalked out the door. "They're in love~" Ash sang loudly. "Anyway! Robots! Oli Oli Oxen Free!" The robots pulled easels out of their chest and sat down at chairs. "That's right everybody! My robots know how to draw and paint and OH THE ARTISTIC ABILITY!" Ash started laughing again. "You there! Robot number Dee Oh Gee, do job1243! NOW!" The robot ran towards Ash and pulled a triple decker turkey, cheese, lettuce, tomato, bacon, bologna, ham, banana, pickle sandwich out of his chest. "DELICIOUS!" Ash yelled as she jumped onto a chair. Simultaneously the robots all stood up, picked up their easels, jumped onto chairs, and started waving their pictures into their air. All of the pictures showed Eggman in a different pose. Ash looked at them and her eyes widened. "PUT THOSE DOWN!" The robots laughed and started waving them more. "GIVE THOSE TO ME!" The robots started playing monkey in the middle, tossing the pictures over Ash's head. "AH! Stupid not listening robots! DON'T PUT DOWN THE PICTURES!" The robots dropped the pictures onto the floor and Ash sighed and then laughed, "They're Eggman approved robots, what do you expect?" She rubbed the back of her head nervously. "Good. Now. Dance number 98723897!" The robots lined up and they all began dancing to I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt as the abruptly went blank.
An official sounding voice came over the blackness. "Due to 'technical difficulties' this episode was yanked off the air and thrown into a flaming dumpster. Miraculously, when Kaoru came back, she found this episode completely in tact and watched it herself. Ash is still in the hospital recovering. Please keep her in your thoughts.
Kaoru is also in the hospital for a mysterious accident that occurred not long after Ash was admitted. Please keep her in your thoughts. Please stay tuned for the episode that was filmed almost immediately after this episode to see the new toy of the week."
