"Howdy everybody! It's time for another rootin' tootin' time of an episode of Kaoru's Toyland!" Kaoru limped on-stage and smiled at the camera. She was wearing a cowboy hat and one cowboy boot. "This outfit is a long story and has absolutely nothing to do with today's toy. So we'll ignore it and go right on with the show. I have two pieces of good news this week! The studio camera has been fixed and my walking cast should be off of my leg when you tune in next week! YAY!"
"Kaoru, can you just start the show?" Mr. Director came over the speakers of the studio.
"Sure thing. Cream, our assistant director, is absent this week, so Mr. Director will be back up to his old ways. Recently he has been working mostly on our new website, getting it to run faster and what not, so he hasn't really been watching the show. I happen to think it's a good thing he doesn't. He's a party pooper, don't you think?"
"KAORU!"
"See what I mean? Anyway, we have an amazing new toy this week. Amy: Love Protector!" Kaoru walked over to a toy that looked exactly like Amy, but was almost three times her size. "This toy acts exactly like the real Amy and has her exact personality!
"As you can see, this toy comes with it's own hammer which just so happens to be built to scale. Amy: Love Protector! is built to protect your significant other from everyone! No one will be able to get near your significant other without having to face Amy's hammer. Of course, this means that Amy will also be protecting your significant other from you. Don't feel too bad about this, just make sure that you are ready to put up a fight," Kaoru laughed loudly as she finished the sentence.
"Um Kaoru," the Director came over the speakers. "Can we make the show a little less sadistic sounding? I think you are laying it on a little..."
"No worries! Moving on! This Amy toy can also find Sonic anywhere! We aren't sure how this feature is useful, but I wasn't even aware of it until after the toy is built. I mentioned Sonic in a sentence and the toy took off. About an hour after that, this toy had Sonic by quills and plopped him on the floor right in front me. Let's just say he wasn't very happy, especially after last weeks show." Kaoru laughed again and the director made a warning 'tsk' sound over the speakers.
"Of course, just like the real Amy, this toy sometimes mistakes other hedgehogs for Sonic. While trying to test this feature, this toy brought back many different hedgehogs. All of them were equally unhappy about being dropped at my feet. So I'd just like to warn you against mentioning Sonic around this toy unless it's an absolute emergency."
"Kaoru...Do you really have to explain everything? You're trying to sell the toy, not talk the customers out of buying them."
"And this, my fans, is the reason I prefer to have Cream directing the show..."
"Kaoru!"
"Yeah, yeah. There is one more thing I would like to warn you about before we switch over to the happy customer videos. This toy has a horrible temper. She is easily offended and will not think twice about attacking her owner over a slip of the tongue. You should definitely use this toy at your own risk.
"Okay Mr. Director, let's show our viewers the happiest people on Earth!"
Music started up over the speakers as the camera started to fade out, "It's a small world after al..."
"NO!" The camera faded back in and Kaoru looked at the ceiling with a worried expression on her face. "Not them! I meant the videos of our happy customers!"
The director laughed over the speakers, "You should be more clear next time."
Shadow appeared on screen looking even more unhappy than usual. A young fox was desperately trying to apologize to him, but seemed to be having no success.
The screen changed over to a young woman who looked frightened and lonely. "She...The toy...JARED!" The woman burst into tears and ran off screen. The camera swiveled to show the toy standing guard over a frightened young man, shivering in a corner.
When the camera opened up to a new scene a woman was laughing maniacally. "Let's see him try to cheat on me ever again!" The woman eyes were wide and seemed to be out of focus. "I'll never let him out her watch! Never!"
A beeping came across the screen as it went dark. The words, "I'm sorry, we are having some technical difficulties. Please stay tuned," appeared on the screen.
"Um, sorry about that, you guys. I try not to show things that may frighten children and I had that shut down as soon as possible." Kaoru laughed nervously for a few seconds before forcing a smile at the camera.
"So come one down to Kaoru's Toyland today to buy your own Amy: Love Protector for the low price of only 999,999,999 blocks of gold. Warning: This product may likely cause random outbursts of "HALUMHIFGILEUFS!" and the unfathomable need to ride unicycles while chasing bears dressed as Charlie Chaplin.
"Remember to read all warning labels and to check out our website! Well, it looks like we have a few minutes left to fill, so lets see if we can get that video of the happiest people on Earth? Mr. Director?"
"Of course!" The director laughed and clicked off the speakers to the director's booth.
The music started to play and Kaoru waved to the camera, "Goodbye everybody!" She turned around to walk out the back stage door and the screen faded out.
"It's a world of laughter, a world or tears
It's a world of hopes, it's a world of fear
There's so much that we share
That it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world
There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
and the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all..."
A/N
Big personal thank you to Red Axis for providing my brain with this idea. Originally it was supposed to be a mini toy but for some reason my sadistic mind shows prefers this toy to be big.
I'd also like to thank my friend Kirk for providing me with the currency and the side effects of this toy.
I'd like to apologize for my complete lack of humor in the past few chapters. I think I need to go back and read the previous chapters to get back in to zone. I'm actually thinking about taking down the TV show and just making it commercials again. We'll see how that goes.
I hope you have a good day and enjoyed reading this chapter.
Please review.
