Being put in a half used trash bag is definitely not something I thought would happen to me. Ever. Much less be something that would bring me relief. The scary man put me in here and wants to get rid of me, because I'm 'not worth killing.' I don't understand his way of thinking, but I won't argue it. Although I really thought he would torture me. He threw me somewhere maybe 10 minutes ago. His car drove off immediately, not even to check if I suffocated. I'm laying here, in trash and limited air, because it hurts to move that badly. The whole time he got me my body dealt with a lot of abuse. I feel sore in places I don't remember him even hurting. Mentally preparing myself, I finally get up. As soon as I do, I realize he put me in the alleyway he got me from.
Slowly getting up, I feel the weakness of hunger hit me again. Dehydration from the crying. Trash sticking to my hair, clothes, and skin doesn't even faze me. I knock off a bit of it, not caring about littering right now. I'm only a couple streets away from home. Walking alone again at night, the disgusting things he did to me causing blood to run down my face and stickiness to run down my legs. Usually walking is relaxing, but this is a chore at best. My mind is tired, yet it's thinking too much. Why did this happen? I've been really good. I've been trying not to complain and being as adult as possible. Then again, everything to do with Tetsuo Yoshida makes me wonder. Maybe I'm being punished for thinking about him like that. Maybe I deserve it.
When I get home, I'm eating until it can't take it anymore or maybe I'll take a shower first. The thought of being home is the only thing keeping me from breaking down. The icky feeling is something I've never experienced. How long has it been anyway? It feels like weeks, but I know I'm being dramatic. No one sees me limp home. If they did, they didn't say or do anything. Unlocking the door with a passcode, my muscles already want to collapse. As soon as I'm inside, I want to pass out on the floor and sleep for weeks, but if I don't bathe I think I'll die. "Nagito...?" Aiko's voice comes running up to me. Her hands cover her mouth as soon as she sees my face. I haven't gotten the chance to see it myself since there wasn't a mirror I coukd use, but if it looks as bad is it feels... "Oh my god, what happened?! I was only gone 3 days and you're all beat up..."
3 days? I was there for 3 days and no one came to save me. I can't blame Aiko, since she was finally out of the house. She can't be blamed for any of it. Still, I can only wonder how much longer I'd have to be missing for anyone to do anything. Aiko drags me to clean my bloody face and nose. Asking questions I don't want to answer. "What happened? Oh my god, your face is all bruised up... Did some kids do this? Why won't you talk to me? You're not in trouble. I'm not mad, just please talk to me. I'm so sorry, hon. Please, just tell me who did it." I don't want to tell her. I don't want to talk about it ever again. Maybe if I lock up the memory of this, I can forget it. She won't budge. Repeating those pleds for answers.
"I don't know his name." Purposefully leaving out the worst part, I end up just spilling what happened. My mind has a hard time vocalizing what happened in those 3 days. Saying it aloud feels like describing a movie. I don't give her nuch detail. Listening to my story, Aiko looks sickened. Like she wants to hurt someone. Shaking her head in disgust, she takes out some of the trash in my hair. "Okay, okay." A saddened sigh. "I'm gonna fix you something to eat and we're gonna go report it, okay? That's what we have to do." I only nod in response. As weird as it is, this is the closest I've ever felt to her. Maybe she really does care. "Hey, you had a lottery ticket in your hair. You wanna scratch it off? I know it's silly." She's trying to lighten the mood, so I go with it.
"Okay. I will." Handing me a coin, Aiko goes off to fix some food. As a distraction, I let myself play. How does this even work? Just scratch it off and they'll announce the numbers online or on TV, I think. I just hope this will make the food come out faster. Scratching it off, the numbers seem so random. They don't mean anything to me. 5, 6, 10, 21, 27, and 38. Hm... I don't know what I was expecting. Before long, I finally had some food. Never thought cup ramen could taste so good. "As soon as you finish up, put your clothes in a bag and wash up. We'll go right after that, okay?" Her pink painted nails go through my messy hair. Another nod in return. I don't know what to think. I just wanna bathe and sleep.
"How do you know they'll want my clothes?" I ask inbetween scarfing down noodles. She sighs while fixing her glasses. "I learned the hard way with my daughter that I should've handled things differently when she got... hurt. I know it's different with you. Don't worry. We'll get that sick man." She smiles at me with pain still behind it. I should've known. She's a strong lady, stronger than I thought. Maybe it's my fault we aren't close. After this, I'll try to talk to her more.
We went to the police station, gave statements, gave them the clothes, and a description of the man. I don't know why they scared me so much. The entire time I was giving them the story, they sounded almost bored. Now, we're home again. Being clean and fed never felt so good before. I want to sleep until I forget what happened. As soon as we get settled in, Aiko jokingly says: "You should look up your lottery numbers. What if we get lucky from all this?" I know she's only trying to make me not so sad, but it makes me think.
My luck cycle. I mean, this whole thing is life changing. Awful. Nightmarish. Almost unreal. Last time something this bad happened, it took months to have anything go my way. Maybe this will be the good thing? I don't know. I don't think anyone ever wins this. Looking up the numbers on our bulky computer, Monday's winning. 6, 38, 27, 10, 21, and 5 are the winning numbers. Back and forth. Huh? Double, triple checking. Yeah... They match! They actually match? What!? I reload the page, check my eyes, and look at the prize. 3 million yen. 3,000,000?! Oh my god. "Aiko! You're not gonna believe this!"
Time goes by again. Good things happened! Of course, I won the lottery. I actually won! My kidnapper was found in a few days after I reported him. Apparently, he killed around 10 women and got caught mainly because of his DNA on my clothes. Aiko says if I didn't report him, he'd probably kill more. I wonder if he didn't kill me because I'm a guy? It doesn't matter now. Hm... It's just so crazy. How easily the worst experience of my life got me so much praise and even money. Maybe Aiko was right all that time ago. If something bad happens, something good will follow.
After this, I can't deny it. The more I think about my life, the more I realize this cycle followed me ever since I was concieved. The bad of an unloving mother, wealthy parents, those parents dying, and now the kidnapping, maybe it was worth it. The good of having a loving dad, being a miracle baby, freedom, and now the lottery. It's all too much. Why? Why is it all like this? Why couldn't I be a normal kid? Did i piss some god off in a past life?
I suppose I just have to deal with it. So now I'll be sure to appreciate anything good that I get. The fortune, freedom, justice, anything. That's all I can do. Maybe now I'll be safe for a while. Or should I look for bad things so the good things stack up? I don't know. If I seek it out, will it work? Am I the only one it affects so intensely? I have so many questions that no one could have the answers to. Through all this, I've learned my lesson. I need to hold onto hope, because that's all I truly have.
