Here it is, because you asked for it. She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is produced by Dreamworks Animation Television, and both She-Ra and He-Man are owned by Mattel. Enjoy.

Chapter 18: Love and War

Out of all the kingdoms on Eternia, the island city state of Arcadia was by far the most peculiar. For although the inhabitants appeared to be human, the drastic physical differences between the two genders have led many researchers to believe that they are actually some sort of human subspecies.

Confused?

Allow me to explain.

Arcadia is a matriarchal society where woman make all the important decisions. This is largely due to the fact that Arcadian females are much larger and more physically fit than the males; averaging about thirteen to fourteen feet in height. By way of contrast, the males average only about four to five feet and possess about as much muscle tone as a canned ham.

However, this is not to say that Arcadian men are oppressed or mistreated by the woman. In fact it's quite the opposite. You see, the two genders exist in a symbiotic relationship with one another. The women serve as laborers, hunters, warriors and protectors, while the men serve as doctors, teachers, lawyers and anything else that requires too much mental energy. And because both sexes provide a necessary service to the other, each tends to shower the other with praise and affection.

This is the natural order of Arcadia.

What follows is an example of what happens when this order is disrupted by outside forces.

"What do we want?"

"BOW DEAD!"

"When do we want it?"

"NOW!"

"What do we want?"

"BOW DEAD!"

"When do we want it?"

"NOW!"

Chanted a large crowd of scrawny, pasty skinned men in togas and thick prescription glasses, while on the opposite side of the street, a group of dark skinned Amazonian women dressed in black were crying and pleading to the heavens for a miracle.

And high above all this madness, the Heirs of Grayskull observed the scene from the relative safety of the Arcadian Royal Palace.

"Oh man, this is worse than I thought." Adora said worriedly as she looked down at the mob below. "Those guys really want Bow dead."

"Fear not, Sister Dear." Adam said reassuringly while giving her a gentle pat on the back. "I'm sure we can get this all straightened out once Auntie shows up."

As if on cue, the large door on the far side of the room suddenly opened and in walked a dark-skinned, statuesque woman dressed in gleaming bronze armor.

"Hello, my Darlings." She said excitedly as she rushed over to greet her guests. "Come here and give your Auntie a hug."

Eager to get on her good side, the twins gladly obeyed and once the pleasantries were out of the way, they got right to business.

"So, Bow's a friend of yours?" the Arcadian Queen asked casually as the trio strolled into the throne room. "Wish he would've told me. Could've saved me a lot of headaches."

"Auntie, I still don't understand. How did this happen?" Adora asked concernedly.

"It's a long story, sweetheart." Sumana replied as she sat down on her gilded throne. "It all started a few months ago. One of our fishing crews caught the little bugger in their net and brought him back to the island to recover. When he regained consciousness he told us he'd been transported here from another world, but we honestly didn't think much of it. I mean, such things happen all the time on Eternia."

The twins just nodded and allowed their 'Auntie' to continue.

"Anyway, a few days later, a sea monster attacked the port, which is nothing all that unusual, but while all the other men were hiding in the shelter, Bow leaped into battle to help our warriors vanquish the foul beast. That's when the trouble started."

"I don't understand." Adora said confusedly.

"I do." Adam spoke up knowingly. "You've seen the quality of men they have here in Arcadia. Smart and sensitive, but not the most athletic or physically attractive. But from what you've told me, this Bow guy's got all four qualities in spades. It's a miracle he's survived here as long as he has."

"I'm afraid it's true." The Queen jumped back in. "As soon as everyone saw what Bow could do, nearly every woman on the island fell madly in love with him. Women started dumping their boyfriends just to try and earn his favor, but for some strange reason he's rejected all their advances. Poor thing must be intimidated by our beauty."

"Yeah, that's probably it." Adam said sarcastically, though his 'Aunt' didn't seem to notice. "But Auntie, if you knew Bow was causing so much trouble why did you let him stay for so long?"

"Well, I was hoping my own daughter would fall in love with him too so she'd finally abandon her silly RPG obsession and start acting like a proper Arcadian Woman. So I, kind of… sort of… held him here against his will."

"You what?" exclaimed Adora.

"Auntie, how could you?" asked her brother disapprovingly.

"I know, I know, but I was desperate. Ever since Scamander met that horrid game designer from Viridas, she's completely lost all perspective. She spends all her time online gaming, she's woefully out of shape, and she's even started ick shaving her armpits. Ugh. So unwomanly. But my plan didn't work. She's pretty much the only girl on the island who isn't in love with Bow. And now all my women are fighting and all my men are miserable. Oh, what a disaster."

"Well, why don't you just let him leave now? That should solve everything." Asked the Princess hopefully.

"Believe me, I would if I could, but the women have all threatened to leave with him if I do. So, with no other options, I gave the poor boy an ultimatum. Bow must either choose a bride by tomorrow, or I shall have no choice but to execute him for inciting this madness. I'm sorry, Darling, but there's just no other way to restore order."

"Maybe there is." Adam said suddenly with a foxy grin. "Adora, go get your friend from the tower dungeon and bring him out to the front gate in exactly one hour."

"But there's an angry mob outside, he'll be torn to shreds."

"Worry not, Sister Dear. Just leave everything to me."

XXX

Twenty minutes and about a jillion steps later, Adora finally made it to the top of the castle's highest tower. Although it may as well have been the highest tower in the whole damn universe.

Seriously, why were there so many frickin stairs in this place?

Had no one on this island ever heard of an elevator?

But regardless, the point is that she had made it to the top of the tower and was standing before the door that led to the room where Bow was being held. Naturally, she was excited, but also a little nervous. It had only been about four months since she last saw him, but so much had happened that it felt more like a lifetime. Would her friend still be the same? Was she still the same? So many questions. So many ways this could go wrong. But just standing there worrying about it wouldn't solve anything. So, after much deliberation and stalling, Adora psyched herself up and pushed right on through.

The room beyond the door was relatively small compared to the rest of the palace, but still quite spacious; which she supposed made sense, since it was probably designed to house Arcadian Women. A wall of steel bars ran down the center of the room, dividing it into two equal halves. Adora's side was mostly empty, save for a couple of torches on the wall. While the other side had a small window with bars on it, a toilet and a rather large cot with some kind of lump laying on it beneath a blanket.

"Bow?" she said aloud, hoping beyond hope that this would all go well. "Bow, is that you?"

"Whoever you are, the answer is still no." the lump said in a gruff but familiar voice. "I'm not going to marry you or anyone else on this island."

"What? No, Bow, it's me, Adora."

"A… Adora?" the lump said skeptically as it forced itself into a seated position. It's head was still covered by the blanket, but she could see its eyes squinting at her, as if trying to examine her. Then the eyes went wide and the blanket came off; revealing the teary eyed but familiar face of her dear friend. "Adora?"

"Bow."

"Adora!"

"Bow!"

And before either of them knew what was happening, the two were hugging each other through the bars.

"Adora, I… I can't believe it. I thought I was never gonna see you again." The noble archer said, looking a bit dirtier and a little thinner, but still very much how she remembered him. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean? I came here to rescue you, you big goof."

"I figured that, but I meant, how did you get here? I thought you were back on Etheria."

"That's what I thought about you. I didn't even know you were here until Adam showed me that newspaper."

"Adam? Who's Adam?"

"Oh, he's my brother."

"Oh… Wait, what?"

"Yeah… It's kind of a long story, but short version, this is where I came from. This is the planet where I was born. Bow, I met my parents. I found my family!"

Adora hadn't realized she'd been shouting until the very end, but she couldn't help. She just loved saying it out loud. But luckily, Bow seemed to understand.

"Adora, that's… that's wonderful." The noble archer said, sounding genuinely happy for his dear friend. "Tell me, what are they like?"

"Oh, they're the best. Adam's so much fun to hang out with. I mean, sure we fight sometimes, and he's kind of smug and he's a real sore loser and I hate it when he calls me 'Baby Sister', but I still love him. And my dad is super cool. He's been teaching me all about hunting and fishing and falconry and sword fighting. And mom… uh… teaches me weird mom stuff. I don't think I've ever been so happy in all my life."

By this point, Bow had been driven to tears, which the young heroine completely misinterpreted.

"Aw, Bow, I didn't mean… you guys are still important to me too, it's just…"

"It's not that. Adora, I'm happy for you, I really am. It's just… hearing you talk about your family makes me remember that I'm never gonna see mine ever again. Oh Lord, I'm gonna die here!"

Unable to control himself any longer, the noble archer finally broke down and let his raw emotions run freely; much like the tears running down his face.

"I don't wanna die, Adora! I don't wanna die! Not here! Not like this!"

"And you're not going to." The warrior princess said reassuringly. "Adam says he's got a foolproof plan to get you outta here, but first you've gotta tell me what happened. I already got most of it from the paper and Auntie Sumana, but I'd like to hear your side of it too."

"Well… alright." Bow said, straightening up a bit before asking confusedly. "Wait, the Queen is your Aunt?"

"Eh, kinda, sorta. It's a long story, but it can wait 'til later. First, tell me how you got into this mess."

"Well, if you talked to the Queen then you know how I got here and about the sea monster, but after that I just don't know. For some reason, all the women here find me irresistible. I can't take two steps outside without getting mobbed by a pack of lovesick giants. And when I try to tell them I'm not interested, they think I'm just playing hard-to-get and that makes them want me even more. And the Queen's the craziest one of all. She keeps trying to force her daughter on me; who's pretty much the only one who doesn't want to marry me. I've tried to escape like fifty times, and each time I'm caught, she sentences me to house arrest in her daughter's bedroom. That woman's a freak!" the archer vented, before remembering an important detail. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to insult your family."

"Oh, Sumana's not really my aunt. She just makes me and Adam call her that for some reason. I don't really get it."

"O…kay… Well, anyway, now the Queen says I have to marry one of them by tomorrow or she's gonna cut my head off. And obviously I'm not gonna marry any of those nutjobs."

"Why not? I mean, I know I don't have any personal experience, but I've always assumed that being married was better than being dead."

"Well for one thing, I don't love any of them. And for another, they're all insane! I just wanted to scare off the sea monster, but they ripped out all its teeth while it was still alive and then started hacking it to pieces from the tail up; again, while it was still alive! Plus they have no concept of boundaries or personal space or table manners. And Ugh, don't even get me started on their hygiene. The women here only bathe once a week and they never wear deodorant."

"Oh… so that's what that smell is." Adora said understandingly.

"I've lost eight pounds since I got here because of all the times I've throw up from their rancid BO."

"Well, did you try just being honest with them? Telling them how you really feel?"

"Are you nuts? You want me to tell a bunch of super strong, musclebound giants that I think they're gross and crazy? Adora, these women have almost killed me over a hundred times because of how much they love me. I don't even wanna think about what they might do to someone they hate."

"Okay, okay, I see your point." Adora admitted. "I'll admit, you're in a pretty deep hole here. But Adam says he has a plan to get you out of this. We just need to meet him by the front gate."

"The front gate? But that's where all those crazy women are! Adora, are sure about this?"

"Look, I know it sounds crazy, but trust me, Adam's really smart, and he knows how much you mean to me. So if he says he can fix all this, then I believe him."

"Well… okay." Bow said tentatively. "I guess he can't make things any worse."

XXX

It was approximately two minutes to the appointed time when they were supposed to meet up with Prince Adam and our two brave heroes were already approaching the main gate. Outside, they could hear the roars of the opposing mobs; half wanted Bow dead, the other half wanted to take him to bed. And since neither option was particularly pleasant, they waited patiently for the third member of their group to arrive before daring to venture outside.

"Where is he?" Bow asked anxiously; and understandably so.

"I'm not sure." Adora answered nervously. "Maybe… Maybe Adam meant for us to meet up with him outside the gate."

"Are you out of your mind? If I take one step outside that gate I'm a dead man. If the men don't lynch me, the women will smother me!"

"That won't happen, I promise." The young heroine said in the most reassuring tone she could muster. "Look, just trust me and have faith in my brother and everything will work out fine. Probably."

"Probably?"

But before the noble archer could protest any further, his friend had already taken him by the hand and led him outside; straight into the path of the two mobs.

"There he is!" yelled one of the men. "That's the jerk who stole our girlfriends!"

"Shoot him!"

"Hang him!"

"Skin him alive!"

"Who says we can't do all three?"

While on the opposite side.

"Bow, marry me!"

"No, marry me, hot stuff!"

"Come home with me, cutie! I'll protect you!"

"No, me! I'm way hotter!"

For a moment, it looked like they were going to be swarmed on from both side. Then, seemingly from out of nowhere, a short, stocky, balding man with thick prescription glasses ran up and punched Bow right in the face; sending him tumbling to the ground.

"That's for stealing my fiancé, you bastard!" the little nerd said triumphantly as he looked down on the injured archer.

Adora expected this to be the catalyst for another terrible riot, but strangely enough this did not come to pass. To her astonishment, the Arcadian woman all began to flock around the assailant; blushing and giggling like schoolgirls.

"Oh my, Darius~" one of them said flirtingly. "I had no idea you could be so bold."

"Yeah, how'd you like to come back to my place, handsome?"

"Hey! I saw him first!"

"No I did!"

"I did!"

"Back off, you cows!" yelled a particularly buff female who forced her way to the front, before kneeling before the much smaller male with a pleading look. "Oh, Pookie Bear, I've been such a fool. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course, Love Bug." The man replied pleasantly. "Let's never fight again."

And with that, the woman squealed delightedly and proceeded to carry her man off to somewhere more private.

One by one, the other women followed suit; asking for their jilted lovers' forgiveness and then carrying them off to make love. Within minutes the street was empty, save for Adora, Bow and a certain Prince who had been hiding amongst the crowd.

"And they all lived happily ever after." He said, grinning ear to ear.

"Adam?" Adora said confusedly. "You did this? But… But how?"

"Elementary, Baby Sister-O-Mine." The Prince replied proudly. "Arcadian women are notoriously fickle. I figured they wouldn't be so hot for your friend there if they saw him getting decked by one of their own little weaklings. So I spent the last hour riling up the biggest wimp I could find and, well, you know the rest."

"Adam, you mad genius!" she declared joyously as she embraced her sibling in a tight but affectionate hug. "I love that twisted little brain of yours!"

"Oh please, it was nothing." Adam replied, feigning modesty. "Now come on. Let's go pick up your pal."

"Oh right, I almost forgot." Adora said excitedly as she prepared herself into introduce her two favorite people to each other. "Bow, this is my brother, Adam. Adam, this is my best friend, Bow."

"Nice to meet you, buddy." The Prince said good-naturedly. "Adora's told me all about you. So, how does it feel to be a free man again?"

"Ugh…" the noble archer groaned groggily as he continued to lay on his back like a turtle while the blood flowed profusely from his nostrils. "I think my nose is broken."

End Notes:

Thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one.

Peace.