When the show started, the stage was pitch black and oddly quiet. The lights came up on the stage dramatically, like they do when it's time to ask a new question on the Millionaire Show, and Kaoru smiled creepily into the camera.
"Today on Kaoru's Toyland," she said in a low and almost mystical voice, "we are entering a dark, hidden, and mysterious place. We are going into the past. We are headed into the opposite direction of the future. We're heading away from Destiny!"
"Kaoru," the director came on over the speakers. "How long do you think you can draw this out for and still be entertaining? Because I think the answer ended after 'Today on Kaoru's Toyland.' "
"Mr. Disembodied Voice!" Kaoru said cheerfully as someone flicked on the overhead stage lights. "You're still here! I thought you disappeared a long time ago! What's up, home dawg?"
"You should never, ever do that again," the director said after a moment of silence.
"Got it!" she held up a thumb. "Now, this week's toy is coming to you from years in the past. And by that I mean it's based off of someone who is dead! Isn't that fantastic? So if Star will please open the curtain..."
Kaoru held out her hands like Vanna White as Star revealed what was behind the curtains. Kaoru rushed over to the small, two-foot tall toy and knelt in front of it, straightening its coat. "So? How many of you recognize this little devil?" Kaoru asked when she turned back to the camera. "I bet none of you do! He's been dead for a really long time. On that note! I'd like to present our newest toy Gerald Robotnik: Make a Creation!
"So you all remember the robo builder kit of yesteryear? I'm sure a lot of you are tired of making your own robos, aren't you? Well, we've made this one step better! Now we have someone who will make something for you! This Gerald Robotnik toy will make you your own Ultimate Lifeform! Isn't that fantastic?"
"As always," Star started, stepping forward, "Kaoru's toy is easy to start up and easy to begin playing with."
"Exactly!" Kaoru butted in, allowing Star to kneel in front of the small Robotnik. "To turn on this cute little monster you just kneel down in front of him, we don't want him to feel short, and put your hands on either sides of his mustache." Star looked at Kaoru curiously but did as she was told. "And now, you pull both sides as hard as you can." Star frowned, pulling on the tiny human's mustache.
"Hey!" Gerald yelled at her the cat, causing her to fall over. "What do you think you're doing?"
"I...I... Well... Kaoru..."
The hare rolled her eyes and dug into the pockets of her hoody, handing Star a slip of paper.
"I don't know what I'm doing," Star read, "but weren't you supposed to be building an Ultimate Lifeform or something?"
The small toy became very flustered, waving his arms around widely. "You're right! I was supposed to be doing that, wasn't I? I have to... Where is my lab? Where are my tools? I need..." Robotnik started mumbling quietly and pacing quickly in front of Star.
"Uh.. Kaoru? Now what?"
"Now, you'll give him our brand new Ultimate Lifeform Kit, sold separately for only 9,839,438 clocks, and he'll get to work immediately." Kaoru pointed to the large golden box sitting against the back wall of the stage and waited for Star to retrieve it. "This kit has over nine thousand more parts than the original Robo builder kit, and since you don't have to build anything yourself you can get to the fun that much faster! Yes?"
"Since this is a personalized toy Gerald Robotnik here will make a different Ultimate Lifeform for each different person that he comes into contact with," Star said, reading a paper that just fell out of the tiny Robotnik's pocket. She turned it over, "The list of warnings?"
"Kaoru," Cream called from offstage, "you should really make that easier to find. If it hadn't have fallen out of..."
"There's nothing I can do about it now," Kaoru cut her off. "The toys are already packaged and on the shelves, but just so everyone knows what they are up against, Star, why don't you read that list out loud."
"Warning: Kaoru's Toyland is not responsible for the dismantling of household items to be used in the making of the Ultimate Lifeform, spontaneous explosions, are the loss of movement in your left pinky toe. And as with any Kaoru's Toyland product you should use caution when picking up toys due to random misplacement of different measures of spine."
"And we'd love to show you a few happy customer videos, but our off-site camera was destroyed during testing so the only Ultimate Lifeform you'll be able to see today is the one that should be done any second now. While we wait, is there anything I've forgot to talk about?"
"I don't think you've said how much the toy cost."
"This toy cost 38928849 ice cubes. None of these ice cubes can be slightly melted, of course. What use would they be to me then?"
"It's done! I've finished!" Gerald yelled, jumping up and down and waving his arms through the air. It looked as if he was trying to get everyone's attention. Behind him stood a 3 foot tall yellow bird that was smiling uncontrollably.
"This is Star's Ultimate Lifeform?" Kaoru laughed loudly. "You're kidding me, right?"
"And you think you could build a better one?" the small Robotnik argued.
"Hey! I made you, didn't I?"
The toy sputtered for a second before marching away in a huff.
"He's in denial," Kaoru nodded to the camera. "Anyway, these toys will do almost anything for you. They're kind of like little servants. And you can teach them to do whatever it is you want them to do. However, the first thing you teach them will be the thing that they are best at. It will be like their superpower. So, choose wisely... And maybe we should cut down on the dancing robots? No? Okay. That's entirely up to you.
"I'm not sure, but I think I've covered everything, so while Star teaches her Ultimate Lifeform something fun, I'm going to say good bye and have a nice day!"
A/N
Big thanks to Storm337 for this idea. Also, I know this was from a long time ago but once when I was sick you posted this as a review: "*brings Kaoru medicine* Try to hang around Shadow. He can't get sick and he might be able to make the germ go away. Get better soon!" Every now and again I look at that and smile because I've been sick a lot lately. Thanks for that. It's mostly why I chose to do this chapter next.
I almost wasn't sure if I was going to update after all the people I traumatized last chapter. Sorry...
Yes, yes. I know. It's been a while. I'm barely able to admit how long it's been. But I'm going to give you my excuse and it'll all be okay. Kay? Ever since the end of January, I've been sick. Sick, sick. I've been to the doctor and they haven't told me what it is, because they don't know. I get more tests back in a few days, but who knows? I'm not writing this to make you feel sorry for me. That's just why I haven't been updating much.
Of course, to people who have me on author alert, you've noticed that I've been updating A LOT, just not in the Sonic category (yeah... I apologize for that). But I have a notebook that I write in at school when I'm trying to take my focus off everything else and I'm not in the Sonic state of mind a lot. Plus, I need to be on my computer when I write in this story because I need to know where I left off. And that's where all ideas are. HOWEVER! I have written a Sonic one shot to make up for it. So I'll be uploading that soon.
For those who have me on author alert... Once again... I'm REALLY sorry about the influx of story alerts from me.
For those of you who are still reading this author's note. Thanks for reading this chapter and I hope you leave a review. Have a good day and DFTBA
