"Hi, everyone! I'm Kaoru, and this," the chocolate hare gestured to the studio that surrounded her, "is Kaoru's Toyland! Star appears to have disappeared and I have no patience this week! So let's move on and get this show over with as quickly as possible!"
Kaoru walked over to a table in the middle of stage and picked up the box that was sitting under the chair. "This, my dear friends, is what I call the Espio: Give Me Espresso!" She tore open the box and pulled out an Espio doll that was about 20 centimeters tall.
"So, I bet you're all wondering what this thing does. Am I right? Of course I'm right. Although it's pretty self-explanatory so I really shouldn't have to explain." Kaoru looked down at her feet for a couple of seconds and shrugged. "Ah well, might as well."
She picked up the small toy and held it with one hand, frowning down at it. "These things are hard to turn on because they're a little hard of hearing. You'd thing their tiny ear would be ultra sensitive our powerful sound waves but they don't seem to care about physics." She sighed in frustration and shook her head. "I must be losing my touch."
Shaking her head, she laughed. "Joking, of course. Me? Losing my touch? As if. The thing is a little hard of hearing because it drinks so much coffee. Its system gets all ahead of itself and its tiny brain processes words so fast that it doesn't absorb any of the words. The only way to get it to understand anything is to say it really low and really slow. That way when it processes the words it'll sound normal."
"Fair warning though, as soon as you turn it on, it may be a little hard to control. It'll start vibrating and running around and its invisibility function gets all out of whack and sometimes he'll be visible and sometimes not," Kaoru waved her hand dismissively through the air, "it's a big mess really."
She set the toy down in front of the table and lied down on her stomach, putting her feet up in the air. "Anyway, I guess we should get started with the demonstrating and such." The hare cleared her throat and began talking very slowly. "Hey Espio, I believe it's time for an espresso."
The toy suddenly began to vibrate very quickly, flashing between being visible and invisible quickly.
"You know, if you stare at it," Kaoru said, "it almost looks like a mobian strobe light without the light. I wonder if I can market the toy just as that. The Espio: Strobe Non-Light!"
In front of her, the toy began running around in circles quickly before rushing out the back stage door.
"Uh-huh. Well, while we're waiting on that espresso, we should discuss a few important issues. First: Price. These babies cost 5892039 glass shards. That should be easy enough, right? They better not be stained by blood. We won't accept them if they are. Second: Turning it off. The little devils are bloody hard to catch and even harder to turn off. Especially if you're ticklish. The thing vibrates so hard that if tickles your hands and then you fall over laughing and it gets away again. It's frustrating really." Kaoru sighed and shook her head. "I don't remember what my point was."
"Anyway, the point is that when it brings you your coffee it makes a huge mess because the bloody thing is vibrating and it spills coffee all over you. And all over everything. And not only that, but this toy also like to dips muffins, cakes, gumbo, steak, brisket, and just about everything else into coffee to eat it. So, if your couch ends up stained and half chewed, you know that it was the toys fault."
Kaoru looked around the stage for the toy before shrugging. "I guess we'll skip drinking coffee and just show the videos."
Silly, Smart Sally the Schnauzer was sitting at her kitchen table with a mug in her hand. "Honestly," she said, without looking up from the newspaper she was holding, "this thing makes one great cuppa. All I had to do was tweak it a bit, send it to coffee rehab, and make it take Tea lessons from my mom, and BAM! Now I can have my tea every morning with my breakfast." She looked behind her and stooped to pick up the small toy and set it on the table. "Doesn't it look so cute in its little butler outfit? I worked very hard on it."
Bertrand the Beagle was wearing a bright blue blazer that seemed to be covered in coffee. "I honestly don't know what I was expecting," he mumbled, looking down at himself and grabbing a paper towel.
McDonald's guy was staring happily down at his mug of coffee. "I don't know what this masterpiece is, but it is DELICIOUS! I CAN'T BELIEVE KAORU HASN'T MADE THIS BEFORE! OF ALL THE THINGS I'VE TRIED IN MY LIFE I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVEN'T TRIED COFFEE! AM I YELLING? I FEEL LIKE I'M YELLING BUT I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MYSELF! WHY ARE MY EARS BUZZING? HOW DO I STOP? HELLO?"
Kaoru frowned down at the floor around her and was mumbling to herself. "Honestly, many more shows like this and we might have to cancel it entirely." She waited for someone to bring her a towel before crouching down to mop up the large puddle of coffee. "And I don't even know where the little demon went."
Cream laughed nervously and stepped in front of the camera. "Don't worry! Nothing she is saying is true!" she assured the audience. "She's just having a bad week! I promise that there WILL be a show next week, no worries! And... Um... really... You should just come back next week when she is in a better mood." Cream looked back at Kaoru and lowered her voice. "Coffee makes her cranky, and she has been drinking a lot to make sure the coffee taste good. I'll get her off of it right away." Looking back again she called, "Kaoru? Is there anything else you'd like to tell the audience?"
"No," Kaoru responded flatly.
"Okay, then..."
