****TW: Please beware that this chapter mentions miscarriages and may be triggering.

Emily - March 1944

The world seemed to narrow in around them. The black sky felt heavy, draping them in a blanket of privacy where all time seemed to stop. Nixon looked frozen staring at her.

"What?" Nixon sounded gobsmacked.


She could only imagine what she looked like standing there in front of him. Her hair was down - he rarely saw it down since she was always in uniform. The icy breeze blew wild strands of auburn across her rosy nose and cheeks. Emily had rushed out of the hospital and had spent the entire train ride back crying and doing her best to make sense of her emotions. She hadn't thought once about checking her compact to fix her complexion or hair as her body brought her back to the base that had become her home.

All that ran through her mind was the vision of John's hospital bed and the woman who sat beside him. As soon as she had seen that woman turn, her profile punctuated by her bulging stomach, it dawned on Emily that nothing but opportunity lay before her. She was no longer tied to this man. Everything Emily had ever wanted began with her returning to the airborne division of the United States army, so she immediately did just that.

"I'm free," she repeated. She smiled up at him as tears filled her eyes, giving her a manic look.

"What do you mean? Why aren't you in Worcestershire?" Emily shook her head as if in awe and Nixon wondered if she had gone mad.

"When I got there he had another woman at his bedside." A tear ran down her cheek. Nixon stepped forward with an outstretched hand as if to comfort her. Emily quickly wiped the tear away, "no I'm okay, it's okay." Nixon stopped just in front of her. His eyebrows wove together in confusion and Emily knew she had to go on, "John was involved with another woman," Emily swallowed as she felt her face grow red. She couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed that she had been usurped by another woman. "They met in Liverpool when he first docked over two years ago, before Italy. Almost immediately after he left the states actually," Emily laughed a bitter laugh. "And she's pregnant, with their second child."

Nixon let out a low whistle. This caused Emily to burst into a fit of giggles. She didn't know why- she wasn't sure why she was responding this way at all. The entire train ride back to Aldbourne her mind had gone in circles trying to make sense of everything that had happened in the short morning she had spent at the convalescent hospital. The plan she had when she first arrived in England was completely shot to dust. What would her parents think? What would they say? Who cares what they had to say, Emily reminded herself. That was her new mantra. The end of her relationship hadn't been her doing, she had done everything right. If anyone was at fault now it was John. Now free from guilt, Emily was free to make her future anything she wanted it to be.

Nixon was looking at her as if she was crazy when she finally recovered herself. "It's fine, I'm fine." She pressed two fingers against her temple and exhaled.

"Are you?" Nixon's eyes were wide with bewilderment, "Emily that is.. that is fucked up. And you didn't know?''

"No! Didn't even suspect," Emily said almost laughing again, "although, a lot does make sense now. I may have accidentally received a few letters meant for her over the past couple years."

"What did you mean you're free?" Nixon was nearly a silhouette in the darkness though they were only standing inches away from each other. The gears were turning in Emily's mind. She wasn't sure how much she should reveal to him, but at this point did it matter?

His eyes narrowed. "What?" he asked.

"Can we go inside to talk? It's cold." Emily shivered for effect.

Nixon took her suitcase and led her inside. By habit, they ended up back by their desks in the intelligence room. Officers filled every other comfortable room in the manor house but even so this work room was where they both felt comfortable.

"Coffee? Tea?" Nixon asked going over to the coffee station.

"Tea sounds lovely," Emily said.

"You really like that stuff? It tastes like brown water to me." Nixon disappeared to fill the kettle. When he returned he placed the piping hot pot on a crochet pad and set to preparing Emily's mug with a strain of herbal tea leaves. It was sweet, Emily thought. He had such a look of concentration for such a simple task. Emily felt too restless to sit down so she leaned against Nixon's desk as she waited for him to finish.

Eventually, Nixon handed her a well-steeped cup. He leaned against her own desk across from where she stood, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand.

"So what did you mean you're free?" he asked. So much in Emily's world had changed in the last twelve hours but Nixon was still his impetuous self.

Emily inhaled deeply, trying to think of how to best explain herself. "What I meant was, I finally feel free without a fiancee. My life, my career here, was on a timer and each day it ticked closer to the buzzer. Now that I'm not engaged I could do anything."

"Sure, but free is an awfully dramatic word to use."

Emily shrugged but Nixon didn't miss her withholding smile. "It's not like you were trapped, being engaged isn't a death sentence," Nixon cocked his head, "well, not complete death."

"It wasn't the end of the world, no," Emily conceded, "but it wasn't what I really wanted."

"Then why were you engaged to him in the first place?" Emily eyed Nixon wearily. "You can tell me," he said soothingly, "I promise Em, you can trust me."

Emily sipped her tea meditatively. Could she trust him? He had teased her over what she had confessed to him in the past.

"Fine, you don't have to tell me," Nixon said, "but just know that I regret embarrassing you back then." Nixon nudged his shoulder, gesturing back in time. "I shouldn't have teased you about something sensitive, especially in front of Harry."

Emily flushed hot at the mention of Harry. She had thought of him on the train. Then she had thought of Kitty. The woman she had only briefly seen in a little black and white photo, and a character that seemed further away the more she and Harry spent time together. If Emily had learned anything today it was that not all men were as noble as they seemed. A very deep-set, shameful part of Emily wondered if Harry weren't as noble as he seemed.

"You have to promise, Lewis. If I tell you anything it stays here, between you and me."

"Between you and me."

Emily cleared her throat in preparation and took another sip of tea. "I met John at a Notre Dame socail. I liked him enough at first. He was cute, still a boy, but entertaining enough. I was so bored at school and happy to have a distraction. And, I have to admit, I didn't hate the other girls envy that I was on the arm of a Notre Dame football player."

Nixon snorted, he couldn't stand jocks. Emily glared at him. "Continue," Nixon prompted with a wave of his hand.

"Anyway, things were fun, casual. And we began…" Emily circled her finger in a propelling movement, "ya know."

"What?"

"We began having relations."

"You slept together?"

"Yes," Emily said curtly, "which again was just fun and casual." She paused, "but then I got pregnant."

Nixon's eyes widened. His expression said what everyone's did; so where's the baby? A steel hand clenched around Emily's heart.

"Obviously, it was a disaster when I found out. I wasn't married, hadn't graduated yet, but at least I had a guy on the hook. I didn't know who was devastated more, me or my parents." Emily's gaze was far away now. She was falling away into the land of memory. The only thing anchoring her to the room was the hot mug clutched tightly between her hands. "I felt like my life was over. The best I could hope for was that John would make a decent woman out of me, which he did. He proposed. My parents, my mom, was thrilled and the wedding was rushed ahead. The hope was that we could be married before anyone realized this baby was conceived out of wedlock," it was Emily's turn to snort.

"But a few weeks before the big day I began bleeding," Emily tried to swallow past the rock that had formed in her throat. The sorrow that had overwhelmed her then was edging itself back into her chest. "I lost the baby," her voice was barely a whisper, it was all she could manage. "my mom thought John would cut and run. He had no reason to be with me anymore. She told me I was spoiled goods. She was terrified no other man would want me. I asked her why did anyone have to know? But in a town like ours, the size of ours, it was unavoidable. Everyone knew about the wedding and suspected the reason. Luckily, John didn't cut and run. He honored our engagement. The wedding was pushed back but then Pearl Harbor happened, and John enlisted." Reaching the end of her sad story, Emily finally looked at Nixon. His eyes were darker then she had ever seen them. His mouth was fixed in a taught line across his face. She couldn't read him at all. He was probably disgusted by her - her recklessness, her lack of backbone and desperation for any man who would take her. "So, now you're all caught up," she said quietly.

"Emily," when he finally spoke his voice was raspy, "I'm so sorry."

Emily fought against the sobs that were forming in her chest, her throat and eyes. If she let the tears fall they wouldn't be out of relief like before but tears of utter grief. A grief she didn't have the energy to touch tonight. She shrugged, "yeah, well, apparently I was just an obligation to John. But that's fine, he was only meant to be a fun time for me. We weren't each others forever."

The corner of Nixon's mouth turned up, "careful, one may say you're a romantic Miss Rooney."

Emily smiled, "maybe one day. Not today, I've got a job to do."

"Come here," Nixon pulled her into a tight hug and Emily let him. She allowed her body to melt into him and allowed herself to, in that moment, be completely dependent on him. She exhaled her suppressed sadness gratefully into his broad chest. The lump in her throat grew stronger but she fought against it by concentrating on Nixon's warm embrace, the smell of his aftershave and the roughness of his uniform against her cheek. All was well with the world, she reminded herself. Her future had never seemed more hopeful.

Finally, Nixon released her. "Ya know, George Luz is going to be thrilled to hear you're single again."

Emily laughed a true laugh and punched him on the shoulder. "Leave it alone, Lew."