"Why am I here?" Shadow was asking as the show started.
"Because, I need someone to be a demonstrator and Cream didn't want to do it. So you're going to be the demonstrator."
Shadow rolled his eyes, but Kaoru knew he didn't really care one way or another and wasn't going to run off because it just gave him too much trouble. "Are you at least going to tell me what the toy is?" he asked her.
"Why do I have to? You're going to find out when I have you demonstrate it."
Shadow made an annoyed noise but didn't say anything, instead he just crossed his arms and settled for glaring at the hare.
"Welcome to the show everyone! Sorry for the wait! Curtains!"
Behind her the red stage curtains slid open revealing a very large metallic Sonic robot. "It may not be colorful, but it gets the job done!" Kaoru smiled broadly.
"And what exactly is this job?" Shadow asked, staring up at the robot in amazement.
"And I bet you're asking your television right now, 'What exactly is this job?'" Shadow shot an annoyed look at her but didn't say anything. "Well! The answer is very easy! This, my dear friends, is Sonic: The Teleporting Robot!"
"You're going to have it teleport me somewhere?"
"Yes, yes I am," the hare said in an overly enthusiastic voice. "But before we set up this demonstration, I need you to put this on." Kaoru walked over to the hedgehog and tried to put a hat on his head.
"What is this for?" he asked, yanking it from her hands.
"There's a camera in it, we're going to follow you so you can show everyone how it works."
"Don't they have an imagination?"
"We are professionals and have to prove that these things work," Kaoru said seriously.
Shadow lifted an eyebrow but put the hat on anyway. "Well, now what?"
"Okay! Great!" she turned back to the camera. "It's very easy to get this toy to work, you guys. First, you'll need one of each of the emerald rock candy. Then, when you're ready, you jump into the robots arms, bridal style."
"Excuse me?" Shadow said, crossing his arms again.
"The faster you do it the faster you get to leave," Kaoru told him as he shoved the candy into his arms.
The black hedgehog grumbled to himself as he climbed into the robot's arms.
"Excellent, now, you tap the nose and wait for the mouth to open. When that happens, you shove the candies into his mouth and then you announce where you want to go."
Shadow put the candy into the robot's mouth and waited expectantly. "Well?"
"Well what?"
"Aren't you going to tell me where you want me to go?"
"Where the fun in that? Just pick a place and go."
He shook his head, completely clueless about where to go. "The Great Wall of China," he shrugged, then he disappeared in a loud burst of sound.
Kaoru flinched. "Sorry. I forgot that would happen."
The robot dropped Shadow to the ground the second they arrived at the great wall.
"What the hell?" Shadow yelled, the fall long enough to hurt more than his pride. "You could've warned me!" he said through clenched teeth as he ripped the hat off his head so he could talk directly into the camera. "Are you trying to kill me?"
He shoved the hat back onto his head, angry that he couldn't get an immediate response and looked around. He was surrounded by tourists that were curious as to where he came from and why he was yelling into a hat.
"Don't mind me," he mumbled, climbing back into the robot's arms, and shoving more candy into its mouth. "Niagara Falls."
Suddenly, the robot started flailing and screaming loudly, dropping the very unhappy hedgehog to the ground again. "What the! Kaoru! I'm gonna! Ugh! What the hell..." He kicked the robot, causing it to stop and look down at him. Uneasy about the growing crowd of people, he jumped into the robots arm again and yelled "Harmonyland!" just as someone reached out to touch him.
As he fell to the ground again, he looked around and saw that he standing in front of the large Hello Kitty theme park. "What the? Geez, I panicked and said the first thing that popped into my head. I have to leave before someone finds out I'm..." He stopped and threw the hat on the ground, stomping on the camera.
"Ooo-kay," Kaoru laughed, turning away from the monitor she was watching. "That was just full of surprises, wasn't it? As you can see, the robot does drop you onto the ground unceremoniously. But isn't the little bit of pain worth it if you can finally visit all of your favorite vacation spots?
"Also, the robot will not teleport you to any place that within 10 feet of water. Sorry guys, that means no trips to the beach with this toy. If you try to get it to go somewhere with water, the robot will either panic or pick a different place to go. In Shadow's case, it panicked."
She shook her head and laughed again. "Of course, you probably don't want it to panic in a large group of people. We are not responsible for deaths due to embarrassement. If you were born with glass bones and paper skin we suggest that you don't use this toy, it may be too dangerous for you. The last thing we want is for you to break your arms every morning and your legs every afternoon. So stay away!"
"This toy costs 4000 bags of flaming hot cheetohs! Thank you and goodnight!"
A/N
A big thanks to Kirbyisawesome for this idea!
As promised I'm going to explain the wanting to end this story: When I started writing it I wasn't even that big of a fan of Sonic. The only thing I knew about Sonic was the things I learned from the Sonic Heros game. I started writing this because my friend Ash was really into Sonic and she wanted me to write some stories about, so this came about. When I started it, I was just goofing off and when readers started giving me ideas I had to do research on characters I had never even heard of before (Blaze, Bean, etc), so I was going through the SonicWiki like crazy. And eventually I watched Sonic X hoping it would help me out a bit (though all it really taught me was that Chris was too annoying for words). Though, I have played many other Sonic games since then, I'm still not a hardcore Sonic fan and I can't really make jokes or puns about the comics or games I have never heard of.
So, it feels to me that my jokes are old, tired, worn out, and repetitive. And there just aren't many ideas out there anymore. Sure, I can make Eggman is fat jokes and Shadow is emo all I want, but there comes a time when you're like "Is this even funny anymore?" And I'd like to quit while I'm ahead before the answer becomes no.
Thanks for reading and stay turned for more.
DFTBA
