"Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiight everybody! It's time for yet another fabu epi of Kaoru's Toyland, yeah? And I promise we have a totes perf toy for you guys this week but before we get to that I just totes wants to thank all of you for the great great great sales numbers we have at the store, despite the ensuing lawsuit, and hope that you continue to choose us for your fab toyland needs this upcoming holiday season, yeah?!" Kaoru blinked a couple of times and shook her head. "Okay, yeah. There's no way I'm going to talk like that for the entire episode so let's just get this whole toy thing going, okay?"
The hare ran to the back of the stage and carried a box back to where she was originally standing upstage. "Now imagine this, you are a boy (or girl) just sitting in your room and playing your favorite Sonic game, when suddenly, your mom comes in and orders you to clean your room. What are you supposed to do? Just save and quit when you are on the verge of beating the crap out of Eggman? Are you just supposed to listen to your mom without rolling your eyes and actually clean your room? That's boring. Right?
Kaoru ripped open the box and pulled out a Mephiles the Dark toy that was probably just under 3 feet tall. "Introducing, the amazing Mephiles: Shadow Clones!" she yelled with way too much enthusiasm. "Mephiles will create clones out of the shadows to do your bidding. Just pinch his ear, and he'll be ready to go! But just keep in mind that once you pinch his ear, you may want to hide in the next 5 seconds. 'Why?' I'm sure you're asking yourself. Well if he gets a rude awakening, he'll try to blast you with a Dark Chaos Lance...
"Oh, and don't forget to buy some candy on your way in to Kaoru's Toyland because to actually make him produce a few shadow Mephiles you need to give him a Chaos Emerald: Rock Candy! which are coming in delicious peppermint flavor for the holidays!" she pulled a candy cane from her pocket and stuck it in the edge of her mouth as if she were chewing on sugar cane.
"Of course, there is one little thing that I am required by the suits to "warn" you about," she airquoted sarcastically. "Mephiles here only listens to you 1/64 of the time. So basically, 63/64 part of the time, he is carrying out his own plans of world domination. Which isn't really that bad when you really think about it. I mean, how many of us don't spend that much time trying to take over the world, am I right?" Kaoru laughed half-heartedly for a few seconds before continuing. "He'll only listen to you if you got something worth saying.
"And don't bother trying to fight him, he'd...destroy you in an instant," she added quickly. "Now here are some nice and Happy customers!"
The camera faded in on a kid and a Mephiles Doll, holding a Purple chaos emerald. The boy seemed overly excited. "FINALLY!" he screamed. "After all my saved items, I finally got it! And lucky I had spare Chaos Emerald candy!" The boy stopped for a few seconds as the Mephiles Doll mumbled something about fires and the Empire State Building. "Now, make some clones to clean my room!"
"You're not the boss of me!" the Mephiles toy yelled as he sent a heck of a lot of Dark Chaos the boy's way.
The boy began to frantically scream & ran from the room. The cameraman looked at the Mephiles toy in fear and fled from the room soon after.
Next, the camera showed Mcdonalds guy is standing up at the door, a Mephiles toy seems to have taken over this Mcdonalds with his posse of clones. "Are you sure this is a good way to conquer nations?" Mephiles asked Mcdonalds guy.
"Of course!" Mcdonalds guy laughed. "All you have to do is take over every single one of these babies all over the world... And leave me with their food... And you'll have the whole world to yourself... As long as you leave me with their food."
For the last happy customer video, Eggman was standing in front of the Mephiles toy, frowning down on him. "Hmm. That annoying little Hare is getting better at this." The Doctor circled around Mephiles for a few moments. "I bet this toy will take the place of the real thing quite nicely... My plans will soon be put into action."
"Doesn't that just make you want to buy, like, 50 of these things? Hey! I just thought of something! If you buy 64 of these things, chances are good that at least one of them will listen to you each time you want to get your room cleaned! And isn't that enough to make you want to run out there and just buy some? After all, this wonderful toy only cost a bundle of...5... Legendary Excaliburs!
"Now, as a helpful little hint, I must warn you that if you put this Mephiles toy near a Silver toy, it will hypnotize the poor dear and make it do its bidding. BUT if you put it near a Sonic toy, it will send a Dark Chaos Lance through it stomach!"
"So make sure to stay on this toy's good side and not get yourself hurt! Haha!"
a/n
Big thanks to anon DragonRider for this toy idea! It was a lot of fun.
Why do I find it sad that I believe if you were to take over every McDonalds all over the world you'd be able to take over the world?
I hope all of you had a good time reading.
Have a nice night and DFTBA
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