"Alright everyone! It's time again for an episode of that one show that everyone watches all the time and does nothing else with their lives while they are eating a burger in the middle of a church while I talk to this pretty amazing hedgehog guy that has no idea why I would even wear that shirt in the first place I mean god what was I even thinking don't I know that I'm in public? Probably not but that's not really the point because sometimes when you've gone to the disco and you've dropped your favorite quarter on the ground only to find out you've won a lifetime supply of crayons from Crayola you have to sit back and appreciate that some sharks are going to gobble up the bride on the night of her wedding."

"What?" Cream had frozen in mid step while walking a box onto the stage.

Kaoru jumped a bit and looked over at her. "What?"

"Can you... Can you just start the show... Please?"

"Right! Okay! Imagine you had a girlfriend and your girlfriend just broke up with you, and you want to want to make her jealous. Alright? Have you imagined it? Good. Now. What do you do? You get Amy: "Girlfriend" Doll! She'll do anything to make your girlfriend jealous! She'll chase you, hug you, make you food, and never let go of you! And she'll do all of it in any public forum that you could imagine!"

Kaoru thought for a second before adding, "Keep in mind that once you establish this "relationship" with her, she'll actually think that you two are going out. So if your ex wants you back, the Amy: "Girlfriend" doll will chase her down, beat her up, and then chain you to her, the doll, to make sure that you never leave her!"

"But don't worry! You can stop your girlfriend from getting a beat down by simply buying the Sonic doll. This Amy Doll will drop you as if you were a month old bagel... Covered with Larva... And Lava... And Barva... Which is a city... In Costa Rica... There's a volcano there... So it all goes back around to Lava.. I think..."

The hare tilted her head and stared off at the air for a couple minutes before jumping visibly and shaking her head. "Right! The Sonic doll will run at the sight of Amy: "Girlfriend" doll; and, in some unusual cases, will just stick to you even after the purchase of the Sonic doll. We have no idea why this is. There must be something wrong in the formula. It's like those viruses that only cause something to go wrong once every 15 times you open a window... So you never even notice they are there because by the time the second one has happened you've most likely forgotten about the first..."

She thought for a second, "Of course... I'm not trying to say that someone has put a virus anywhere in my store... I think... Anyway. The Sonic doll is sold separately for the cheap price of 356,653,143,145 laser arrows! Let's see some satisfied costumers.


As the camera comes up on the scene we see McDonalds guy sitting next to an Amy: "Girlfriend" doll, who is busy making hamburgers and fries. The Amy doll looked up at the McDonalds guy. "Are you sure that my Sonic wants all of these greasy cheeseburgers?" Amy Doll asks, making a face at the food she was making.

"Yes, yes. I'll give them to him later... Just let me sample them... Just to make sure you are making them right. We wouldn't want him to get mad cow disease

The camera's lens comes into focus to see a brown cat on the verge of hysterics. He's pointing at the Amy Doll, currently beating the crap out of a brown puma. The cat looks into the camera with a scared expression. "I don't know what went wrong! My cousin came to visit and my Amy doll went NUTS! Now I can't pry her off of Terra!" The cat said, pulling at his ears.

The puma was currently trying to kick the doll off of her. "What's wrong with you?" She shouted at the doll. "I'm his COUSIN! Do you read me?! COUSIN!"

Amy pulled her hammer out. "How do I know that you aren't just telling me that? How do I know you aren't secretly seeing him behind my back?!"

"Um... What are you doing?" An Amy doll asked an artic fox as she walked into the room. The fox looked down at the table in front of him.

"Eating cereal?" he said, taking another bite.

"Why are you eating that cereal?"

"Because I'm hungry."

"Who gave it to you?"

"I gave it to myself. I bought it from the store yesterday."

"When did you go to the store yesterday. I didn't go to the store with you."

"No," he said. "You were asleep. I didn't want to wake you up. And we needed groceries."

"But you didn't need cereal," she frowned.

"What?"

"I gave you cereal yesterday. Are you trying to tell me that my cereal isn't good enough for you?"

"I just like to have sugary cereal..."

"What's her name?"

"Excuse me."

"The girl you bought the cereal from. What's her name?"

"There's no girl..."

"Then why didn't you tell me you went to the store?"

"I didn't think it was important."

"I see." Amy stormed from the room and returned with a jacket and her purse. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"To the store."

"You don't need to go to the store. We have everything we need."

Amy nodded. "I'm going to go find your girlfriend. I assume she works at the store."

"There's no girl. I just went to the store."

"And now I'm just going to go to the store. I'll speak to every girl there if I have to." She stormed out of the house.

"Wait! This is ridiculous!" the fox grabbed his jacket off the chair and bolted out of the house.


"Oh, right. Sorry. Yes, one thing about that. The Amy:"Girlfriend" doll will attack any girl that comes within a protective 40 feet of you. Even a guy that looks like a girl will be pummeled. So I suggest you find some very masculine looking body guards to form a perimeter around you if you get too close to the Amy doll. It wouldn't be very pretty if you ddon't. The Amy: "Girlfriend" Doll can be yours for just 123,356,489,147 Chaos Emeralds! See you next week!"


A/N

Big thanks to Poppy the Rabbit for this idea.

I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter.

You won't see me and I won't see you but you will read me next time!

Have a nice day. DFTBA