I can't believe it's almost been three years since I began this fic. So much has happened and I've incorporated alot of my life into it. So much of what Yuki goes through in this story happened to me. It's been an outlet for me, sort of a diary.
I got some PM's from readers not too happy with Kyo. Lol. I'm sorry to damper the character, but in all honesty I've based him off of someone in my real life. Hard to believe, but this man I know has red hair, works at a martial arts institute, and has a general likeness to Kyo. It's uncanny really. This man has added alot, and I mean ALOT of grief to my life. But time goes on and so have I. It's looney fic I know, but it has brought me closure and I've laughed alot when writing it.
I'm using Notepad to write this fic, so sorry for any spelling mistakes.
How are you doing with the madness that is going on right now? Let me know in the comments if you wish. I'd like to know. I'm a healthcare worker and I've been doing my best to stay sane. It's a scary world out there.
Anyways, on with the fic. Get ready for some modern events being thrown into the story.
"The Emptiness You'll Bring"
Weeks after the robbery in Yuki's apartment took place, Yuki recieved more details of the case from the detective. Turns out the man who entered his apartment was involved in a crime ring that had a past history of violence. It sent a chill through Yuki when he thought of it. Worse yet, they found identity of the intruder thanks to security cameras at a nearby store. The man was taken into custody and is in jail until the start of the trial. Unless the robber would plead guilty, Yuki would have to testify.
Yuki couldn't comprehend it. It felt so unreal that somthing like this would happen to him. He felt more alone in the world than ever. Who could he talk to that had a similiar experience? There was no one. No one else was even a witness.
Tohru was the only one who could bring him the comfort he needed, but he didn't dare tell her. She would worry herself sick.
She had enough problems with Kyo.
Yuki wondered if the other members of the crime ring would come back to get revenge. I wondered how he could handle being a father to the child of a woman he didn't love. He wondered if Tohru was okay. He wondered what would happen when Machi went home with him on Christmas break.
He also kept wondering what condomless sex felt like. It popped into his thoughts almost every few minutes.
In spite of Yuki's seemingly isolated troubles, a worldwide problem was brewing. A pandemic was spreading thoughout the world.
People where being told to stay inside and avoid any large gatherings. Many people couldn't go to work or school. Essential workers where only allowed about. Yuki fell into the category of an essential worker. The factory he worked nights at produced materials needed for medical supplies.
Yuki was feeling extremely stressed from the thought of his unborn child being harmed from the pandemic as well as the others that he cared about. As intense as his dislike for Machi was, he didn't wish ill on her either. Yuki was terrified of going to work, fearing he would catch it himself.
At least Tohru was getting to stay home. He knew that she was responsible and would stay put in her home. But who's to say that her shithead boyfriend wasen't going to drag it in?
Going to work was like entering a war zone. More than half of Yuki's coworkers refused to wear a mask. Yuki did not follow suit. He wore his mask diligently. He stuffed it was coffee filters for what was hopefully added protection. His coworkers would cough without covering their mouths, leave messes for Yuki to clean, call him paranoid for wearing the mask, and then go gather at eachothers houses to get drunk.
Yuki was never invited. Not that he really wanted to be a part of it. Especially since everyone was suppossed to be social distancing.
He just wanted it to all be over. The trial. The pandemic. Machi's constant nagging and condescending speeches. Machi trashing his apartment.
Although he had "broken up" with Machi, he still felt an obligation to have her near. His child was growing inside her. Yuki wanted that child inside of Tohru. He knew there was nothing to be done at this point. The past was the past. Kyo won Tohru, Machi trapped him, and his apartment would remain trashed to an oblivion.
He fantisized about Machi having the baby, giving it up to him, and then running away with Tohru to raise the child themselves.
He needed to stop dreaming.
He was trapped in his apartment with Machi coming in and out. She wasen't following social distancing guideline too well. It made his blood boil to think that she could be harming his child with her carelessness, not to mention possibly spreading the disease to others.
If she could trash appliances and rooms, she could trash people's health as well.
Yuki reclined back in his chair after returing home from his shift. He body ached with fatigue, but his mind was on auto pilot. How could he sleep during the day between shifts with all that was going on?
He thought maybe he could masterbate the pain away. No use. His libido was gone. Even when he thought about Tohru. Life sucked his sexual desire out of him.
Yuki's cell beeped. A text from Shigure.
"Sorry to bother u, hope ur not sleeping. Just wanted to let u know Christmas is cancelled. Stay healthy little mousie. :-)"
Of course. Social distancing meant no Christmas. He felt considerable relief knowing Machi wouldn't be accompanying him.
Then more pain set in. He wouldn't get to see Tohru. Or so he thought.
He sat there and fidgeted with his phone. Looking at photos, reading old texts, anything to keep his hands moving.
Then he decided to start researching skin cancer. He had been looking at his body alot lately. Finding different things to fixate on. He found a couple of spots that he wasent sure if he ever had before. Then he started to obsessively take his blood pressure and check his pulse. He researched heart diseases and convinced himself that he had possibly four different heart conditions. He spent a good hour after Shigure texted him looking at a mole on his ankle. He bookmarked WebMd articles pertaining to his worries.
He didn't think about these things when he was in high school with Tohru. But now he was.
Suddenly a large bang. Yuki jumped up in a cold sweat, his heart racing. Yuki had a touch of PTSD after the robbery. Noises set him off. He backed into the wall and met eyes with Machi, who had violently threw open the door to his apartment.
"Damn it Machi, it's a door, not a hammer!"
Machi stared at him. Not saying a word.
"Hey Machi...would you come look at this?" Yuki pointed to the mole on his ankle.
"So? It's a freckle. What about it?" Machi droned.
"Do you remember seeing it before?" Yuki asked in a genuinley concerned tone.
"Oh good grief Yuki, are you looking up health crap again on the internet? Knock it off. Quit worrying."
"Well I'm not a teenager Machi, I'm getting older and I'm starting to become more health conscientous!" Yuki barked.
"Oh shut up Yuki you're still young."
"Yeah well I took my pulse and -"
"You're fine Yuki. Drop it" Machi interupted as she helped herself to the fridge. Pregnancy cravings where taking a toll on Yuki's fridge.
"Yuki, go to the store and get me a case of Coke."
"Machi, I just got off of work. I'm suppossed to be sleeping and we are only getting groceries curbside. You're pregnant you shouldn't be out in public and neither should I! You shouldn't be drinking so much pop either! You bitch at me for worrying about my health and then you go off and pull these stunts while your pregnant! I can't stand you always-"
"SHUT IT" Machi interuppted him.
Yuki could feel that his newfound hypochondria was probably annoying, but she shouldn't be treating her body like trash while she was carrying his child.
She proceeded to knock the magnets off his refridgerator, one of which Tohru gave him as a housewarming present. A little magnet shaped like a mouse.
Yuki ran over and picked it up, examining it for damage.
"That little cunt gave you that didn't she?" Machi hissed.
Yuki's eyes turned blank.
"...Don't...you...dare...call her that."
Yuki eyed her angrily. "It just kills you that you don't have an inch of class like Tohru does. If you weren't pregnant with my baby,
you wouldn't be anywhere near me. I'd be out of this apartment, out of this town, and away from you where you could never find me. I hate you."
Machi narrowed her eyes and grinned.
She walked past him. He smelled a musty scent as she passed him. Men's cologne?
"You'll be getting your wish for a while. I'm going out." Machi said as she stood in the doorway.
"We're supposed to be on lockdown Machi. It is your mission to ruin others lives?"
She knocked over the coat rack and walked out the door.
Where the hell was she going anyway? Everywhere was closed.
Was she off to do somthing stupid? Hurt my baby? How is Tohru doing? What did Tohru have for breakfast? Is Kyo leaving her any food? Did she ever orgasm during sex with Kyo? Do they sleep in seperate beds at night? Is my pulse normal?
I wonder if Machi left any food in the fridge. Is the food out of date? Will it send me to the hospital if I get food poisoning? Will the hospital turn me away during the pandemic? Will anyone care if I'm sick? If I die?
Yuki laid back on the sofa. All these thoughts racing through his head. He started to feel dizzy and he checked his pulse. 104 beats per minute. Yuki was sure he had chronic tachycardia. He convinced himself it would result in chronic heart damage. He was too scared to go to the doctor though.
Indeed, his heart needed attention. It wasen't getting what it needed these days, he thought to himself.
"I'm so cheesy." Yuki mumbled to himself.
Cheese...
The ex-rat scoured his refridgerator for cheese. Mission accomplished. He had serving after serving of colby cheese that had once been a block. Machi had her way with it- shredded and smashed it into pieces.
Yuki then decided that the cholestorel from the cheese would kill him.
Then he thought about the lack of the sleep. That just might kill him too.
As he sat there on the sofa, red eyed and feeling fevered, his cell rang.
"Hello?" Yuki said, eyes still wide open, never blinking.
It was Haru.
"Yuki. How are you friend? Did I wake you? I worry about you on those night shifts. I don't like thinking about my Yuki not getting sleep..."
"Hi Haru." Yuki snapped back to reality. He wouldn't admit it to Haru, but it felt good to hear his voice. A familiar voice of someone who genuinely cared for him.
"Um Yuki...no one else was going to call you about this, but I'm your friend and I knew that it was the right thing to do and you have a right to know."
"Uh huh...what are you trying to say Haru?" Yuki felt his pulse race once more. What. Could. Possibly. Be. Happening. NOW!? Yuki chanted in his head as Haru let the lack of response drag on.
"Yuki. I'm going to come pick you up okay? I don't want you driving when your upset."
Yuki almost started to cry. He couldn't handle any more bad news.
"Is it Tohru!? Tell me Haru, is she okay!?"
"She's in the hospital in her hometown Yuki. She's going to be okay, but she's going to have to recover there for a while. Nobody wanted to tell you but I did anyway, are you proud of me? I care about you so much Yuki."
Yuki was silent. The blood felt like it was leaving his face.
"I have to go Haru."
"Yuki! Wait I-"
Yuki hung up, grabbed his keys, and raced out the door.
Haru called on repeat nonstop for the next few hours. Luckily Yuki was off that following night. Tired as he was, he drove on. Nothing was going to keep him from Tohru. He didn't stop to get a latte either. His adrenaliane was enough to keep him going.
As he drove down the deserted highway, the song "Big Log" by Robert Plant came on the radio.
He was able focus on the song. It was beautiful and eerie. It made him realize how much he loved Tohru, and how he would drive on forever for her. It was a pain that would never stop.
"She's going to be okay" Haru said. Those words ran through his head like a marquee.
What exactley is "okay" these days for her anyway? Yuki wondered.
His hands where shaking and sweating. The driving wheel was drenched. Yuki started to do box breathing, which he learned on the internet when he was trying to slow his pulse down.
Then it hit him. Would they let him in to see her with the pandemic going on?
He started to cry. He felt helpless.
He pulled over. He knew he shouldn't be driving as he was starting to panic. His hands shook as he grabbed his phone.
He opened his contact and went down the list. He was going to call Shigure to come and pick him up. But then a new emotion took over as he went down his contact list.
Anger.
He was going to call Kyo instead.
