Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does.

This story is non-canon and contains fem slash.

Author's Note:

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First Person POV: Isabella

I lounged on the arm of the couch looking over Tanya and her sisters' shoulders as they went ham online shopping for me. I told them it wasn't necessary for them to buy me things, I was fine living off what I had. But they insisted, saying that the baby of the family was supposed to be spoiled. Honestly, if I was going to be around others, I wasn't keen on walking around in the same ragged clothes every day. So, I accepted their generosity without further argument. The girls asked me a series of questions to gage my preferences and went to work. I felt rather neutral about ordering furniture and clothes at first but once we got started, I found myself enjoying it.

"That one is nice." I told Tanya, pointing to a light wood carved headboard. "But why do I need a bed? It's not like I can sleep."

Tanya and the girls giggled.

"Oh, you'll find a purpose for it eventually…" said Tanya trailing off suggestively. I caught on to the innuendo a second later and thanked God that I couldn't blush.

"Oh…" I said but it came out high pitched and squeaky from my nervousness. The girls roared in laughter.

"I know you don't remember your human life, but if I had to wager a guess, I'd say you're a virgin." Kate joked and I shot her a glare.

As if on cue, Carmen glided down the stairs.

"Okay girls, it's time for the newborn to feed. Eleazar and I can take her hunting if you're busy shopping." She turned to me and continued. "I'm surprised you're not complaining about the burn yet."

As soon as she mentioned the burn it was like an inferno was lit inside my throat. My hands flew up to cup my neck. I was taken by surprise at the intensity of my thirst. For the last several months, I had spent all day in the woods with nothing to do but hunt, so I never went thirsty. But now that I was living with others, I would have to make a conscious effort to monitor my thirst level.

"That's what I thought." Carmen said with a sympathetic smile.

Tanya stood and placed her laptop on the coffee table.

"I'll go with you. It'll be safer with three of us there - even if she is so tame." Tanya offered.

The three of us were joined by Eleazar at the back door and Tanya led us out towards the forest line. Just like last time Tanya took the lead and scented the air.

"There's a herd of eight caribou two miles northeast." She relayed to us, and we took off towards our meal. When we reached the herd, Tanya held up a fist signaling us to stop. I looked at her in confusion. What were we waiting for?

"We're going to test your control. It'll only be 15 seconds; you can do it." Tanya explained in a low whisper that went undetected by the caribou.

I waited for about 5 seconds and started getting antsy, the burn in my throat was nearly unbearable. I looked over at Tanya and she gave me a nod of support. I took a deep breath through my mouth and released it slowly. I focused on my other senses. I watched the tiny bugs crawling on the shrub leaves. I felt the assortment of microscopic rocks that made up the soil under my fingertips. And I listened to the rustling of the leaves.

Sooner than I thought possible, Tanya moved her hand forward signaling us to go. I jumped the nearest caribou and drained it rapidly. Once I had taken down my second kill. I looked at Tanya and beamed. I had done it; I resisted the call of blood even though I was thirsty.

"You did well." She praised. "You seem to have a knack for controlling your beast."

"Beast?" I questioned.

"Ah, yes. The state in which a vampire follows their primal instinct instead of their conscious thought. It's associated with unrestrained feeding, risky fights, and indiscriminate sex. Also known as the three f's. Feeding, Fighting, and Fucking." Tanya informed me.

I could identify with the description, that was what had happened to me when I killed those hikers. My smile faltered and my mood dimmed as I recalled the memory.

I think the group noticed the change in atmosphere, but I was thankful when they didn't question me about it. Instead, we carried on hunting for a few hours. Once I couldn't drink another drop of blood, we headed back to the house.

When we arrived, I went up to my room located on the third floor. I ran myself a piping hot shower and scrubbed my body down with soap. It was such a luxury to have soaps and other cosmetics. I watched as an absurd amount of dirt washed off my skin leaving it far paler than I was used to. As the water started running clear again, I was satisfied that I was thoroughly clean. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel.

When I got to my bedroom, I was pleasantly surprised to find one of the girls had left me a pile of clean clothes with a note on top. I chuckled as the note only promised the underwear was new and unused, signed by Irina.

I slipped on the clothes, throwing my old ones into my bag. Then I plopped down on the floor in the middle of the room. There was a nice warm spot where the sun filtered through the window, so I laid back and soaked it in.

I tried not to think about the earlier discussion but couldn't stop my thoughts from drifting in that direction. What would my new coven say if they knew that I had killed a child? Would they reject me? Kick me out? I could try to hide it from them but that seemed dishonest. Maybe they would understand though. After all, if the 'beast' was present in all vampires then it was possible that they had lost control and done something they regretted too.

A knock sounded on my door, breaking me out of my contemplation.

"Come in." I called softly, knowing whoever was there would hear me. Tanya cracked the door and stepped in, closing it behind her.

"Hey sweetheart, I just wanted to check on you. I could tell our conversation earlier upset you, but I wanted to give you some space to think first… Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, joining me on the floor under the sun rays.

"I was just recalling the incident when I killed those two hikers. It was like you said, I became a beast." I told her.

"You need to stop beating yourself up about that. You know, I wasn't even aware of this diet until I was already far into this life. And when my sister's and I converted, we all slipped up and fed off humans on several occasions. It took a good decade until I was able to master my thirst. It's always harder to go back to our diet when you've tasted human blood." Tanya replied.

I sighed and looked down.

"It wasn't just that I killed the hikers - there was more to it." I insisted.

"Well, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to but know that you can confide in me." Tanya told me. We sat in silence for a few seconds, soaking up the warmth of the sun.

"I killed a child." I murmured and gazed out the window to avoid eye contact. I braced myself for her reaction.

"I can see why you're so upset… Empathy is an admirable trait but you're going to have to forgive yourself and let go of your guilt eventually. Whether you forgive yourself now or spend the next decade mourning is your choice. Learn from the experience but don't waste your life regretting." Tanya responded.

"You're not upset with me?" I said, surprised at her reaction, or lack thereof.

"No sweetheart, any newborn would have done the same or worse in your position. Control isn't innate, it must be practiced and built up over time. No one expects you to be perfect from the start. In fact, no one expects you to be perfect ever." She reassured me earnestly.

I sighed in relief and gave her a grateful smile. Now that the truth was out in the open, I felt like I could finally begin to let go of my guilt.

"I've lived a long life, Isabella. Trust me when I say that I've had ample time to build up my list of regrets. You are not alone." Tanya told me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I playfully threw back at her, earning a chuckle.

"I promise I'll tell you my story one day but for now we need to help Kate and Irina finish shopping." She said and led me back downstairs.

Third Person POV: Eleazar

Eleazar sat in his study with a book propped on his lap. His cell phone started vibrating and he slipped it out of his pocket to see who was calling. Carlisle's name lit up the screen.

"Carlisle my friend, how are you?" He greeted congenially.

"Eleazar? Oh, thank goodness, I was so worried! Where are you and the rest of your coven? Are you all safe?" Carlisle spoke with panic laced in his voice.

"Of course, Carlisle, my whole family is at home and fine. What's going on?" Eleazar told him, growing concerned.

"It's Alice, she says your futures have all disappeared. The only reason we didn't head to you immediately is because she can occasionally glimpse one or two of you at a time." Carlisle continued. Eleazar understood now, apparently Isabella was a far more powerful of a shield than he had initially realized.

"Ah, I think I know what's happening. Our coven recently took on a new member, Isabella. We believe she is a shield of some sort." He relayed.

"Isabella…?" Carlisle muttered in recognition.

"Yes, why? Does that ring a bell?" He asked, maybe Carlisle knew something about how Isabella was turned.

"No, no, I'm sorry, it can't be the same person. The Isabella I'm thinking of is dead." Carlisle told him.

"Well, are you certain she's dead and not turned?" Eleazar pressed. They were close enough geographically that there could be a connection.

"It's impossible, the Isabella I knew committed suicide by jumping off a cliff. Alice said her future went completely black after that." Carlisle said solemnly.

"Oh… I'm sorry for your loss. Though, I didn't think you made a habit of growing attached to the humans around you." Eleazar said cautiously. He didn't want to accuse Carlisle of anything before he knew the whole story but letting humans too close always came with the risk of exposure.

"I don't but… she was special. I would rather recount the story in person if that's alright. We should schedule our next visit so my family can meet our new cousin." Carlisle replied.

"Yes, Isabella will be out of her newborn year by next spring so, to be cautious, let's schedule something for early June." Eleazar responded.