AN sorry! I just noticed I uploaded only part of the chapter.

I had only uploaded Bella's part. Edward's part is now added.

Chapter 9 - The talk

BPOV

I sat down on the ground and bit the inside of my cheek nervously. I heard the ground rustle as Edward sat down as well.
'Alright.' He said, his tone light, but tense as well. 'Let's talk.'

'How could you say that?' I asked in a small voice. My voice carried such pain and hurt that it took me off guard for a moment. It also hurt Edward. He took a startled breath and his face contorted in pain.

'What do you mean Bella?' Edward asked almost desperately.

'How could you say you should have stayed away from me? Did everything mean nothing to you?'
The stupid hole in my chest throbbed painfully and I wrapped my arms around my midriff again, trying to hold my self together.
He took in a surprised breath and then he was next to me. His arms wound tightly around me.

'Bella.' He sighed into my hair. 'Bella, you mean everything to me. You can't even imagine how much you mean to me.'
I pushed his arms away from me. My temper flared up again. Words!

'You just said that you wished you had never met me!' I spat at him. I struggled to remain in control of my anger and took a deep steadying breath.
Confusion flitted across his features before understanding dawned.

'Bella.' He said, slowly coming closer again. 'You misunderstood.'

I looked up at him. 'I know what I heard.' I said angrily.

He gave me a crooked smile. 'I know. But there was something you didn't hear.' He smiled at me gently. 'I was answering a thought Rosalie had. She was calling me a selfish idiot. I agreed with that.'
I stopped breathing for a moment. Could it be? Could I have misunderstood? I bit my lip as uncertainty washed over me. Could I have jumped to the worst possible conclusion yet again? Jasper had been hammering into my head for this past week that I always assumed the worst and I should stop that.

'You didn't wish you had stayed away from me?' I asked in a small voice.

He thought about that for a moment. 'I don't regret our time together.' He said finally, choosing his words carefully. 'I don't regret one minute of every day I spent with you. I don't regret our talks or our kisses or our hugs. I don't regret loving you.' he paused then to take a deep breath. 'But I do regret what our love did to you. The danger it put you in. The hurt it caused you. I never wanted to hurt you. I want to love you. I want you to have everything you want and more. I want you to be happy forever.'
My heart lifted and I looked at him in wonder. Could it be true? Could he really love me?
'What I said to you that day in the woods… I knew you weren't going to let me go, Bella. I had to lie. I had to lie to get you to accept it. I didn't want to do it. But I felt I had to.'

'Why?' I asked hollowly. 'Why did you leave?'

'You weren't safe with me, Bella.' He said in a pained voice. 'You weren't safe as a human in my world.'

'Then why didn't you just change me?'

'You've been talking to Rosalie lately, can't you imagine why?' He said, looking away from my gaze, pain colouring his eyes. 'I didn't want to take away your options, Bella. I knew what it has meant for Esme, for Rosalie, never having children, never having a career, a human life. It's been hard for them. I didn't want you to have to give anything up for me. I just wanted you have everything you could possibly have out of life, and I couldn't give you that. I could only give you pain and fear and danger.' He finished miserably.

'You could have talked to me.' I said. I was beginning to see his point of why he left, and I was beginning to see how hard it must have been for him to do exactly that. But I was also still filled with so much hurt and anger at what he had done.

He hung his head. 'I know. But you wouldn't have seen my side.'

'you shouldn't have decided something this big for both of us without hearing my side.' I stated stubbornly. I wasn't going to let this go without at least an apology and a promise to never do it again.

he nodded. 'I know. It was stupid and selfish and foolish of me. I was convinced somehow that your feelings weren't like mine. That you would get over it.' He took a deep breath. 'I was wrong and foolish and so incredibly arrogant to just dismiss your feelings. I'm so sorry.' he said.
I nodded that was one answer I wanted.

'Bella.' He continued. 'I'm so sorry for what I put you through. I'm so sorry you weren't safe either way. I'm so sorry this happened to you… but… baby… ' he said, a different emotion flitting across his face that seemed to ignite something within me. 'I can't pretend not to be thrilled to have you here.'

'You're not upset I'm not human anymore?' I asked in a small voice. His confession had thrown me a bit.

His lips pulled up in a half smile. 'A bit. I miss your blush, the tell of your heartbeat… your warmth. But this new Bella… I can't tell you how much I love this. You're beautiful. You're strong, you're a natural from what I've heard from my family. And you're so much more durable now… I don't have to be afraid for you anymore…' he said softly. He stretched his hand out slowly, and trailed his fingers across my cheekbone softly. His touch was soft and gentle and I froze to the spot. 'you can't imagine what it did to me to have you dominate me so completely.'

Feelings surged through me. love, desire, lust, hope… but I wasn't sure… could I really trust him?
'Bella.' He said coming a bit closer again. 'Bella. I love you so much.'
he leaned closer and his gaze flitted to my lips. My gut clenched in anticipation, but just before he touched his lips to mine, I put my hand on his chest.

'Stop.' I whispered.

Hurt flashed across his face, followed by dread. 'Am I too late Bella? Do you hate me? Do you wish never to see me again?' he asked, his voice filled with pain that echoed in my chest.

'I…' I took a deep breath. 'I don't know how to feel right now.' I admitted. 'I can't trust you anymore.'
His face crumpled and fell. He sat back, giving me space, but I grabbed his hand.
'but I… I still love you somehow…' I muttered. Elation rippled across his face and he squeezed my hand in both of his.

'Thank you. Oh Bella you don't know what that means to me.' he sighed, as he bent his head over my hand and kissed it softly.

I took my hand away from him and he froze again. 'I can't just go back to where we left off.' I said, avoiding his gaze. 'You hurt me… so much. I can't go through that again. I won't. So before anything else happens… before we can go back to being together… you're going to have to prove to me that you've changed. That what happened… will never happen again. You're going to have to earn my trust back. And until then… I don't want you to kiss me… or speak for me or make choices for me. I need to be my own person and if you can prove you can respect that, then we can work on being friends and maybe…' I gulped, 'maybe even more someday.'

'Okay.' His voice sounded strained. But he let go of my hand.

'I'm going back to the house now.' I said. I got to my feet and turned to walk away from him. He stayed on the floor. It was hard to walk away, but I knew this was what we needed. I couldn't allow him to just waltz back in like he hadn't hurt me. I couldn't let him back in without knowing he was serious this time. That he wouldn't do that ever again.

EPOV

I stayed on the floor and let her walk away from me.

I had hurt her. Deeply. I had caused this. There was no one else I could blame for my predicament. But I couldn't feel the pain anymore. I could only feel hope. Hope that she had not closed the door on me completely. Hope that she meant what she said and that I could earn back her trust and her love. It was painful to hear her state so bluntly what I had done to her. But I deserved it. I deserved it that if she didn't love me anymore. But I was so grateful she still did somehow. I couldn't believe it. I would prove to her I would let her be her own person. I would prove to her I would never hurt her again. I would prove to her I would love her on her terms. My way was what let us to this debacle in the first place. So I would let her lead from now on. I was just glad I was still able to be a part of her life.

I sat there on my knees in the dirt, staring after her for a long time.
Alice and jasper eventually found me.

'Hi.' I muttered as they appeared next to me.

'So it went well.' Alice stated. I shrugged.

'Well enough.' I answered.

Jasper smiled. 'Just give her time and she'll take you back. You'll see.'

I smiled up at him. 'Thank you, for being there for her. Thank you both for everything.' I said sincerely. They both nodded.

'Just hang on, and keep your promises from now on.' Alice warned me. Then she showed me her visions. Bella and I laughing, Bella and I in a remote place, our arms wrapped around each other, her shirt on the floor. I groaned at that image.

'When?' I asked before I could stop myself. Jasper shuddered form the desire coursing through me.

Alice looked down at me evilly. 'That's for me to know and you to be patient about.'
I glowered at her, but I couldn't really blame her either.

'Alright.' I agreed. Then I looked up at her again. 'but.. can you see any futures where it doesn't end well?'

I was nervous somehow, afraid something was going to mess everything up. Perhaps me, perhaps something else.

She shook her head. 'Everything will go fine.' She said. 'but it just depends on your behaviour how fast it will happen.' I nodded my thanks. 'Come on. Esme missed you. let's get back.'