"Alright, this goes here, this goes here, aaand done. Bingo."

Dazai pressed the delete key and brought his hands off the keyboard. He stretched his arms as he smiled to himself. Another hard task done, now he could go and annoy Kunikida-kun and commit suicide in peace.

"Aaaaahhhh I'm so tired, I'm going to take a nap till you're done, Kunikida-kun," he said to his partner, who was diligently working away and comparing the report to the notes he'd taken.

"You still have paperwork you lazy monkey. I'm not letting you go till you've written it all out," he reminded him in a sharp tone. The office was empty aside from the two of them as the sun came to slowly set, so he could very well tie him up and keep him there if he so wished.

The fact that Dazai could escape without much trouble was another matter.

"But I just got done with this report! I deserve a break, Kunikida-kun! You're so meeeeeaann..." he complained loudly.

"I don't see a word that you've written here," Kunikida pointed out as he looked over the shared document. "This is all my work over the past hour."

"Well then you need to update your software. It hasn't synced so it needs a new makeover," Dazai told him easily. "Your laptop's more prone to viruses if you don't update it."

"Huh? Really? But I haven't gotten a notification for an update in over 7 months," he said, genuinely confused.

"Oh that's normal. Sometimes you need to poke at it with a pen. If the tip burns, that's when you need to update it. You should write that down!" Dazai informed him with a perfectly made poker face.

Kunikida nodded as he actually did take note of that, and Dazai had to convert a laugh into a grin before he told him he'd lied to him again - laughing as he manhandled him and angry Kunikida noises reverberated throughout the room.

Two hours later, inside a certain triplet of ominous buildings:

Snacks and tea were brought in to the conference room as the mafia members awaited the start of the meeting. Round the table were seated a certain short redhead with a fedora, another redhead in a pink kimono, an old man with a monocle, a young man whose black bangs had ivory tips, a girl? with a facemask, yet another redhead with a green jacket and a bandaid on his nose, a blond young woman and a brunette with a bowl cut, an absurdly long green scarf and large goggles on his eyes. A young girl with blond hair was roaming around the room. A man with black hair, white gloves and a red scarf stood at the front. Next to him was a projector screen.

"Alright, let's begin," he began.

He pressed a key on the laptop, and, presto. On the screen came a projection of "The Super Duper Evil Plan of the Port Mafia :OO". Underneath that was written "The quality of your fashion sense is even lower than your height, Chuuya."

Mori blinked, Chuuya let out a "Haah?!", Koyou hid a smile behind the fingers she'd raised to her lips, Hirotsu smiled internally, Kaiji exploded in a silly "WHAT??!!", Higuchi made a noise of frustration, Gin and Tachihara snickered to themselves and Akutagawa just sat there, stunned and not sure what to do.

Mori pressed another key. This time it displayed "BOOM! BOOM! KABOOM!" with pictures of explosions. To the side, it said, "Try wearing something red Akutagawa. I wanna see if Rashomon's eyes are still visible."

Mori blinked again. Hirotsu couldn't help himself and a smile broke out on his face. Koyou almost giggled. Chuuya was very nearly triggered. Kaiji furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to calculate just how many bombs of his it would take to replicate the explosions shown. Higuchi had narrowed her eyes further in anger. The rest of the Black Lizard shook with the effort to suppress their laughs, and Akutagawa raised his non-existent eyebrows, thoroughly confused and sorely annoyed.

The next slide said "drumroll please," and elicited much of the same reactions, only with more annoyance seeping into certain people. The only person unbothered by it all was Elise, who continued to draw.

Around 5 minutes later, they had accumulated a hoard of insults, references to only those aspects of pop culture that all of them hated, lame, childish imitations of real mafia business and a ton of memes that were 6 feet under five years ago. There were compliments, too, but only for a select few. The slides weren't even over and this was only the second time that week.

In another 5 minutes, on the other side of town:

Dazai's bandaged wrists held a book above his face. His phone rang just as he flipped a page and Dazai accepted upon seeing who the caller was.

"Dazai-kun, can you stop hacking into the mafia's servers and leaving dead memes? Most of us don't mind, but Mori is pissed and Chuuya-kun is about ready to murder you."

"...Aww, okay, but only because you're asking, Hirotsu-san. If it was anybody else I'd have increased the frequency even more."

He moved to sit up and placed the book in his lap.

"It's such a fun way to die if I made them that angry though, but I suppose it will be painful if Chuuya's the one after me. Still, I could just trick him out of it. But I'd have come so close..." he thought aloud.

"I'd certainly assume so."

"I'll probably do it again in a week or so, just so you know."

"Ah, that will be alright," he paused.

"For us, at least," Hirotsu added. Dazai hmphed with a shadow of a smile.


"Ah, Fukuzawa-dono, would you mind asking Dazai to stop putting dad jokes in the place of important mafia documents please? I'd do it myself, but he never picks up when I call and he won't listen to me anyway. It's very annoying."

To him he says, "Alright, Mori-sensei. I'll tell him to stop."

What he says in his head: Keep it up, Dazai. I'm proud of you.

Also, anybody else think Tachihara looks suspiciously like Overhaul (from MHA)?