Turns out, I didn't need so much time to proof read this chapter as I thought.
So, happy reading :)
KISS PROTOCOL
CHAPTER 4: SCAPEGOAT.
While they waited for the three old men to go through their history, Bella and Jacob decided to go to his house and wait until they had any sort of news. Bella was confused. Billy didn't think she had been manipulated by any of them. But how did they explain the difference in her? All this was giving her a headache again.
"Do you have anything for a headache?" He didn't answer. Instead, he went to retrieve the medicine and a glass of water for her.
"is it bad?" He asked concerned.
She shook her head. "It's uncomfortable. But not bad."
He remained quiet again. It was unusual. He was usually teasing her, or making small talk, or just talking in general, even if it was a monologue. It worried her that he was so quiet. "Why are you so quiet?" It was in moments like this, that she needed his talkative nature.
He seemed surprised at the question. But he answered, nonetheless. "I don't know. I don't have anything to say."
She frowned. She didn't like that answer. "Are you mad?"
"No. Of course not." He hugged her tightly to him, trying to convey his feelings for her. Feelings that he didn't know how to word. He loved her since he was little. He had been a devastated toddler when Rennee took her away. He saw her sporadically a few summers, but she stopped visiting. When his dad told him to fix the truck for Charlie's daughter, he could not believe she was coming back. But then, she took an interest in Cullen, and she seemed so serious about him, that it bothered him. Then, he found out the truth, and he was very angry at her, at the world. But he couldn't deny that he was deep in love with the girl that had been in love with a vampire. But now he had her, she was willing to be with him, to give him an opportunity, and then life threw them this curveball, and he didn't know what to do with it.
"I'm nervous too." She assured him, mistaken his silence for nervousness. He decided to let her believe that. He only nodded and held her for a few more seconds.
…
…
…
While they waited, they thought a movie would provide with the necessary distractions. That and Chinese food.
The hours passed, and they hadn't received any kind of news. It was getting late, and Bella had to go back to her house, even though Charlie could tend to himself if she told him that she was hanging at Jake's. But honestly, he was too quiet. He was barely speaking to her and it bothered her because he wouldn't tell her what was going on. She wanted to help him, but he wasn't allowing it. She knew, logically, that he would open up when he was ready. But it still stung a little. So, she decided that it was a good idea to put some space between them and give him some space to think about whatever was eating him.
She stood up under his watch, grabbed her things and after kissing him on the cheek as a goodbye, she went home. On the way, she thought about what she had felt with Edward. She had loved him, truly, honestly, and deeply. She had genuinely thought at the moment that she wanted to be forever with him. She had wanted to be superman as well, and not always be Louis Lane. She could hold her own. She had wanted to be strong.
She only now realized, that being strong wasn't something that came with physical fitness. The strength she was talking about was of a different kind. She wanted to be his equal. No longer weak and breakable.
She had always felt comfortable in their relationship, secure in the fact that despite his negative to change her, he did love her, just as strongly and she did love him. But there was always the fact that she was on the sidelines of everything. Every little joke, every major moment. During the summer she had tried to keep up with the family. She assisted to as many activities as she could. But it wasn't enough. Then her damn party. A party she didn't want in the beginning. A day she didn't want to celebrate. The day where everything started going downhill. That day she had fought with Edward more than in the entire summer. Or more accurately, more than in the entire time they had been together.
Alice didn't respect the fact that she didn't want to celebrate her birthday. Edward didn't respect the fact that she had her own opinions, and that they were not always going to be on the same side. Neither of them understood why she was adamant to pretending it was just another day. For her, aging meant she was distancing herself from Edward. From the life she had dreamt with him. It was indeed a doomed relationship from the beginning. You cannot want to be with someone forever if they didn't want it back. Why waste your time on a relationship where the only thing you would get out of it, is pain?
Bella took he phone and stared at her pictures with Jake. He had fought her from the start. Well, from the start of his involvement in this crazy supernatural world. She had only admitted yesterday what she knew she had been feeling for a while. At least from the moment they started fixing the bikes. She knew then that she had feelings for him, but she was too attached to the idea of Edward. To the fact that she wanted to hear his voice again. Then she fell off the bike, and she managed to ignore Edward's voice, and focus on Jake's panicked screams.
She did say he was sort of beautiful. He had dismissed her saying she had hit her head hard. But she was speaking the truth. Now, she could see he was indeed beautiful. Inside and out.
When she jumped off the cliff, because she was in denial and conflicted over her feelings for Jake and Edward, the current almost drowned her. But he caught up with her, only to tell her that Harry Clearwater had died of a heart attack.
And when she arrived home, Alice had been waiting for her. She caught up with her lost best friend, and it had been amazing. She loved Alice as well. She had missed her terribly these few months. But then, the situation got tense again. Turns out, werewolves and vampires don't mix well. She had to make a decision. And she did. When the phone rang, she knew what she had denying all this time. It was Jake. She wanted Jake.
She sighed confused. On the one hand she could see why this situation was still hard for him, she had chosen Edward too many times before, even if he didn't know it. But she had chosen Jake for the most important part of her life. She trusted him with her heart. It had been broken before, but she knew that if she gave him it, he would guard it carefully. Which is why she felt uncomfortable with the silent treatment.
He had been there for everything, every stupid little decision she had taken, every tantrum, every word. She wanted to be there for him in the same way. It stung to think that he thought he didn't deserve it, or that she was too hung up in the past to be there for him. She was going to make it right tomorrow.
And just like that, she face-palmed herself. She understood why she looked different in all the pictures. She had missed a big fact. The dates of the pictures. The ones where she was happy were the ones of the early stages of their relationship, where they avoided conflict after James' accident. The other happy one was at the beginning of summer when everything felt normal. Then, as the summer progressed, and as her feelings of inconformity with the situation grew, she also grew weary, uncomfortable, distant. It was a surprise that her birthday threw her for a loop. All the signs had been there. And the fact that she looked so happy with Jake was precisely the indication that she had made the right choice.
She blushed deeply at the thought that she had bothered the elders with such a stupid thing. And with the embarrassment came guilt. The Cullens always were there for her. Despite the ups and downs. They would never betray her like that. How could she thing of that?
She shook her head. It was obvious what she did. She wanted a scapegoat on whom to put the blame for her own unconscious actions.
She could see that the only person to blame was herself.
Jesus, did she really go to old Quil and Billy with such a childish thing? Only her.
She decided to wait until the next day to tell Jake about it. Perhaps by then, he would have had his needed space, and would be ready to talk to her.
She took a shower, put her pajamas, and got into bed, feeling the events of the last two days catching up with her. She was physically and emotionally exhausted.
She felt as if she had just fallen asleep when a warm body pressed against her back. She turned around, opening her eyes sleepily. "Jake?"
He looked conflicted. "I'm sorry I was a jerk today." Her heart shrugged at the man-boy in front of her. He had grown so much in the last few months.
"We'll talk about it in the morning." She scurried towards the edge of the bed to give him space to lay down with her. He took that as consent to sleep with her, and after taking off his shoes he got under the covers. She was still facing him but had fallen back asleep.
He kissed her forehead and mumbled "I love you, Bella."
