Okay, for once in the history of the Walking Dead show, I can actually say: Thank GOD for Carol! I mean, seriously! Whew - what an episode! LOL
Anyway, since I'm keeping an episode ahead of me at all times and I can't technically write tonight's episode until next week, I decided to pacify you guys with one of those flashback chapters I have on the back-burner (yup, still have 'em :)). So yeah, next week will be a present-day chapter and good Lord, do I have ideas! Also, Merle makes an ever-so-slight appearance in this chapter, and I must say, I miss him. I miss writing him because he was so damn fun for me to play with, but whatever. Seems like I just have to keep living for these little parts, eh? Also, I write in another person's POV too that you guys haven't seen yet, so I had fun with that too.
Anyways, onward to the review!
HaloHunter 89: Yeah, it'll put you in the fetal position. You know how I am when it comes to writing emotional scenes - if I don't put my readers in the fetal position, then I didn't do something right lol. And yeah, I was kinda happy with the ending of the last chapter. For a while there, even I forgot that Ethan was still, for all intents and purposes, a kid. Yeah, he's a teenager and all, but still, he's not an adult yet and I think allowing him to show that vulnerability, was really important, because it reminded Daryl that hey, he's still fifteen, he not an adult yet.
Love you bunches!
- Nagiana
"Honey, did you go into town and grab that bottle of wine I told you to get?" Sadie Nightrun yelled from within her kitchen, as she stood at the island counter and continued to glaze the ham sitting before her in a brand new pan. She heard her husband call something back to her but it came to her muffled and she rolled her eyes as she moved towards the fridge. She opened it and after peering briefly inside, let out a sigh of relief when she saw it was in there. For once, it seemed her husband had actually remembered to do something for her.
She jumped when the first plops of rain against the kitchen windows could be heard and shook her head. It had been a particularly rainy season and she prayed every day that the rain would go away and bring in sunshine instead. God only knew her garden could use it.
She stood there for a minute, humming lightly to herself, the gold bangles around her wrist tinkling merrily as she ran the brush of honey and spices over the tough skin of the ham, but stopped when a pounding on the door could be heard. Her eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion and she looked up, only to see the questioning look that Colton Nightrun was giving her from within the living room. He was standing in front of the record player and flipping through his albums looking for suitable dinner party music, when the pounding on the door came.
"Do you think the Prior's are early?" He asked and Sadie shook her head as she glanced at the clock hanging above the sink.
"It's only seven, though! They're due at eight; why be an hour early?" She asked and Colton gave a shrug as he left his record player and headed through the living room to the sitting room and from there, towards the front door.
"I don't know, maybe it's a weird . . . Northern thing?" He asked and Sadie rolled her eyes as she took off after him. He could feel his wife hot on his heels, leaving the ham abandoned for a moment while the two of them went to go see who was pounding on their door at this time of night.
Sadie stood behind Colton as he opened the door and the sight that greeted them, turned them both speechless. They gazed out at their waterlogged daughter standing on their front porch for a moment. Their mouths were practically hanging open, and it took Tessa giving them a small smile and a quiet: "Hey momma, deddy . . ." for them to fully register that it was her and not a figment of their imaginations. They hadn't exactly ended things on good term with their daughter the last time they talked a few years ago, so no wonder her sudden appearance hit them like an incoming train.
"T-Tess?" Colton eventually asked, his eyebrows furrowing in both shock and confusion and she turned her small smile onto him while nodding.
"Can . . . can I possibly come in? This rain is pretty cold." She asked with a little laugh and immediately, they moved aside, gesturing her quickly inside. She wasted no time in stepping over the threshold and as Colton closed the door behind her, Sadie ran to fetch their daughter a towel.
"Tessa, baby, what are you doing here?" She asked when she returned and wrapped the towel around her. Tessa gave her a thankful smile as she clutched it around her shoulders with one hand. The other held onto a black leather jacket that Sadie knew belonged to that man she called her fiancé, and gently prodded her to take a seat on the nearby sofa. The ham lay completely forgotten in the kitchen as Sadie took a seat beside her daughter and took up her hands, a look of concern on her face. She immediately gasped, though, when she took up her daughter's hands. "Tessa, your hands are freezing!" She told her as she began rubbing them in-between her own and Tessa let out a laugh. She allowed the jacket to fall over her legs before allowing her mother to take up both her hands.
"Yeah, I just . . . I just arrived. Me and Daryl, we, uh . . . we broke up," She told them with a nod. "And I left Shooter's Mill not soon after."
Sadie and Colton stared at her daughter for a minute, their faces expressionless. Sadie was desperately holding herself back from saying: "Well I told you so, didn't I?" and one firm look from Colton kept her lips sealed in that respect. The fight that had formed the bad blood between them before they left had been about her staying in Shooter's Mill with that redneck Daryl instead of moving onto the reservation with them. They had begged and pleaded with their daughter to move with them, but Tessa stayed firm in her decision that she was staying in that little Podunk town in the Middle of Nowhere, Georgia. She was going to marry Daryl, she had promised them, rather vehemently, and nothing was going to stop that. They were going to have kids and a life together and for the love of God, just the mere thought that she might have to look upon that ignorant, small-town boy and call him the father of her grandchildren, damn near almost made Sadie faint!
Eventually, though, they knew that no amount of pleads and threats would move their stubborn daughter, so they just picked up and left one day without a word. They had no idea how Tessa had managed to find them, but she did. And that was all that mattered.
That little white trash rat had broken her daughter's heart. He had driven her back into her arms and for the first time ever, Sadie felt like pulling him into her arms and telling him: "Thank you."
She never had figured out what it was that her daughter saw in that good-for-nothing Dixon other than his looks. Her daughter had always deserved better than him, but really, once she thought about it - who was she to judge? She had her own fair share of dalliances with good-for-nothing men when she was younger – she supposed every young woman must. She was just happy she had her daughter back . . . and without Daryl forming part of her shadow.
Sadie made sure she gave Tessa a smile instead of the beam she wanted to give her. "Do you need a place to stay, honey? Is that why you're here?" She asked her and Tessa gave her a hopeful look.
"That would be great momma. And of course, it'd only be for a little while, I promise – just until I got back on my feet!" She told her and Sadie shook her head and waved away her words like they were annoying flies buzzing around her head.
"Oh nonsense – you stay as long as you need to, baby – right, Colton?" She asked him and her father smiled and nodded.
"Damn right, honey." He agreed and Tessa gave him a small, watery smile before turning her eyes onto her mother. She pulled her into a tight hug and Sadie felt tears appear in her eyes as she hugged her daughter back with just as much ardor.
"Oh . . . I thought I would never see you again!" She eventually murmured to her, her voice heavy with tears and she felt Tessa nod.
"I know. And I'm sorry . . . about everything. I should have listened to you two . . . I should have come with you. I shouldn't have stayed . . ." She told them as they broke apart and Sadie smiled a small, comforting smile. She reached out and, using one of her thumbs, wiped away the tear that ran down Tessa's cheek from the corner of her eye.
"We all make mistakes, baby, and we all must learn from them. But, like I said, we're just glad your home!" She told her before getting to her feet. She took Tessa's hands and pulled her to her feet as well. Tessa hugged the jacket to her chest as Sadie wrapped an arm around her shoulders and steered her in the direction of the staircase. "Now come on, baby, I'll show you to your room and we can find about getting you into some warm, dry clothes. We have some friends coming over for dinner, but we can cancel, right?" She shot a look towards her husband over her shoulder. "Colton – go be a dear and cancel, would you? Tell them we have . . . tell them something came up and I'll explain things to Natalie later!"
Colton nodded and moved off in the direction of the phone as Sadie and Tessa made their way up the stairs to the second floor. The lamp on the nearby hall table was on and it was by that lamp, that Sadie came to a stop. "The bathroom's right there, so why don't you go ahead and get yourself a bath and clean up while I see about you getting some clothes? I'll set up the guest bedroom for you, too." She told her and Tessa nodded and smiled.
"Thank you, momma. You could have turned me away and you didn't, and . . . just thank you." She told her and Sadie returned her smile as she framed her beautiful daughter's face with her hands before pressing a loving kiss to her forehead.
"You're my daughter, Tessa. I could never hate you – I will, however, never stop loving you. You'll understand when you have children of your own, but . . ." She trailed off and gave a laugh and a roll of her eyes before continuing: "You could be a damn ax murderer and I'd still love you more than life itself!" Her eyes softened. "You'll always be that same little girl that I read stories to at night and had to drag away from mother to go to school because you wanted to know everything about what it was to be Cherokee, but nothing about math or how to spell or why the sky was blue . . ." She gave a shrug and a little laugh then. "You'll always be my little girl, Tessa, and I'll always love you."
Tessa gave a sniff before she gave her another tight hug. Sadie returned her hug for a moment before Tessa pushed away from her and moved into the bathroom. She cut on the light and closed the door and it was then, as she heard the bathtub faucet turn on, that she moved down the hall to the closet, where she pulled down the spare blankets, just in case she needed them.
The pounding on his door that next morning, was what woke Daryl up.
"Hey, rise and shine, eggs and bacie, baby brother - we gotta move! Daylight's burnin' and we gotta go bag ourselves a deer, 'member!"
Daryl let out a groan and rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he forced himself to wake up. His hand stretched out beside him and when it connected with nothing but air and cool sheets, he suddenly became frighteningly clear-headed. He shot up and when he didn't see Tessa lying beside him like she always was in the morning, he felt his heart pick up a beat in his chest.
Come on, idiot, it's prolly nothin'. She's prolly down in the kitchen gettin' coffee or somethin' . . . He thought and nodded, confident that was it. He sat up on the edge of the bed and popped his neck before getting to his feet and stretching upwards, his hands reaching for the sky. He moved to the chest of drawers across from the bed and yanked himself out some fresh clothes. He pulled them on and ran his fingers through his messy hair, trying to put some order in early morning chaos, before moving to the door. His hand was on the doorknob, swinging his bedroom door open, when he noticed something was amiss.
He turned back to face the bed and it was then that he saw it.
Tessa's tiny gold engagement ring sat on his bedside table, almost completely forgotten if his observant mind hadn't noticed that the tiniest thing was different about his room that morning.
His heart jumped up into his throat then as his hand fell limply to his side. He stood there at the door, gazing at the ring for a minute in dumb whatever (he didn't feel like figuring it out at that moment) before he crossed the room to it in two big strides. He picked it up and observed it, his heart pounding faster when he realized, with one hundred percent certainty, that the ring was Tessa's.
What the Hell was going on? Tessa never took her engagement ring off!
Never.
"Hey, are ya comin' or what, Darlina?"
Daryl glanced at Merle over his shoulder as his older brother, perpetual smirk on his face and with his arms crossed in front of his chest, moved to lean on his door frame. "Hey, is Tess down in the kitchen?" He asked and the smirk disappeared from Merle's face as he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
"Nah, I didn' see her. Why?"
Daryl gave a little shrug as he turned around and held the ring out so that he could see it. "Her ring was on my nightstand . . ." He told him and Merle shrugged.
"It's prolly nothin'. She prolly took it off to do somethin' and forgot she had taken it off and put it on ya nightstand, dummy. Don' worry, she'll be back later." He told him, his confident tone putting him at ease, and Daryl nodded in agreement. He pushed away the gnawing feeling in his gut that it wasn't something nearly that simply, as he turned around and replaced the ring back on the nightstand – just in case she came back and wanted to put it back on.
Because, he knew . . . Tessa never took her engagement ring off.
Merle cleared his throat as he stood outside by the burning barrel, the sheet of notebook paper in his hands. He glanced over his shoulder, watched Daryl load the back of Merle's truck up with whatever they would need for their day out deer hunting, for a moment, and then returned his eyes onto the words written on the page:
Daryl,
I'm sorry. I can't be with you anymore. Maybe one day I'll come back and tell you why, but for right now, all you need to know is that I can't do this anymore, and that I'm sorry.
I love you,
Tess
Merle heaved a sigh and shook his head as he tore up the page into little itty bitty, bite size pieces, before throwing them into the burning barrel. He struck a match and tossed it in before standing there and watching it burn for a minute.
"Ya were a good lay, sweet-pea . . . but ya ain' right for ma brother . . ."
A Few Weeks Later . . .
"Oh God . . .!"
The words came out in a miserable groan as Tessa kneeled there and heaved again, her abdomen constricting painfully as she vomited up nothing but stomach acid and orange juice into the toilet that morning. This had been going on for a couple of days now – her morning's spent dry heaving into the toilet before she could finally bring herself to actually eat something. After she would eat, she would fine, but still . . . she hated the accusing looks her mother would give her.
Hands shaking, she pushed herself away from the toilet and fell on her back to the floor, her eyes closing in misery as her head lolled to the side. The warm flesh that made up the side of her face, met the cool tile of the floor, and she let out a thankful sigh. Her arms wrapped around her middle, her fingers spreading out on the bare skin of her stomach, and she heaved a sigh. She wasn't stupid – she had paid attention in health class. She had heard about the pill – she had embarrassingly put the condom on the banana in front of everyone (and then later, on the real thing when she and Daryl were alone). She knew what all this was. Sick every morning, achy body and breasts – easily tired . . . she hadn't taken the test yet but she was still pretty sure she was pregnant, nonetheless.
Pregnant.
I'm pregnant . . .
Holy shit – I'm pregnant!
The words constantly kept flipping over and over in her mind, and no matter how hard she tried, Tessa still found herself unable to fully wrap her mind around the fact. She was pregnant and there was only one possible guy who could be the father.
Daryl.
They hadn't worn protection the night she left . . . the night that was supposed to serve as the last time they would ever sleep together. And really, she didn't know how they had forgotten! They always wore a condom - Hell, she had always found something erotic about it - even if it didn't always feel the best. There was something exhilarating about seeing the little plastic corner clenched in-between Daryl's teeth the split second before he tore it open. There was something so erotic about seeing him take a shuddering breath as she rolled it on for him.
But that night, there had been no clenching of a tiny corner of foil in-between his teeth; there had been no rolling on of the thin latex prophylactic. That night, about three weeks ago, there had been no protection and that day, two weeks later at approximately eight in the morning when she had been woken up by the feeling that she was about to puke her guts out, Tessa was reaping what they had sown.
He hadn't put on a condom like he always did and as a result, he had come in her without absolutely any thought as to the consequences. And for once, Tessa couldn't stop beating herself up because of it. She couldn't stop wanting to tear her hair out in frustration or to curl up into a ball on the floor of the bathroom and cry her eyes out with her arms wrapped around her stomach.
Her stomach: where Daryl's child multiplied its cells a thousand fold every second until eventually, in a few months, it would be a recognizable form – form enough in order for her to know if she was having a girl or a boy.
She was carrying something that would eventually be a living, breathing entity – something that would laugh and smile and tell her it loved her and call her mommy as it hugged her as tightly as it could. It would be something that would love her unconditionally, despite her flaws - her shattered mind.
She was carrying something that would eventually become a child . . . Daryl's child . . .
And it was at that moment, that she knew why she wanted to tear her hair out in frustration and sob her eyes out while curled into a little ball on the floor of her bathroom. Earlier, before she knew she was pregnant, she could live with herself for walking out on Daryl. She was ruined – her mind was in shambles – he didn't need her! But now . . . now that she knew with one hundred percent certainty that she carried a little Dixon inside her – Daryl's little boy or girl – she felt nothing but guilt.
She had walked out on him . . . pregnant.
She let out a groan as she turned her eyes onto the ceiling above her. "Oh, I am the worst type of person!" She groaned out as she rubbed her face with her hands.
Oh, won't her mother have a field day with this news?
