Tony couldn't sleep. He blamed himself for the last week. What had he been thinking sending Angela out with Mona of all people? Disaster could be the only result. He hadn't slept much the night before, either, though for entirely different reasons. He couldn't shake the memory of Angela's breathy performance of Fever – that along with the realization she could easily attract any man of her choosing.
Guilt had been his motive for sending her out. He'd be stupid not to admit that now. Somehow his relationship with Kathleen felt more wrong once he figured out she was no longer with Peter. The fact she'd hidden it from him didn't help matters, either. It was his fault for the wild streak that had been set off in his responsible, predictable Angela.
At least she'd snapped out of it now. When she'd come down for breakfast the next morning it was business as usual. If he didn't know better, he'd think the jazz club scene never happened. Mona was true to her word, taking a leave of absence, forcing Angela to throw herself back into the grind. It didn't upset her. In true Angela fashion, she looked even more content when she came home in the evening than she had the morning after she won the limbo contest.
"Are you sure you're okay, Angela?" Tony had asked before saying goodnight a couple of hours before.
Knowing by the tone of his voice that he wasn't talking about her actions the past week, she said, "I'm fine. Please, Tony, you don't have to keep fretting over me and my relationships."
"I thought you were having a good time with Peter?"
"I was, but it's like I told you, he was ready for something serious and I wasn't. I'm not upset over this. He was understanding and we left things on good terms."
"Oh… that's good. I just don't want you getting hurt."
Angela sighed. "Tony, my breaking up with Peter has nothing to do with you and Kathleen."
"I never said it was," he said in defense.
Her eyes didn't waver from his. "But you're thinking it."
He looked down after a few seconds.
"I can't tell you this past week wasn't a result of everything that's happened this summer. I can't tell you that it was, either. I don't know, but I don't regret it. It felt good to cut loose. There were worse things I could have done than skip work, go to a few parties, and sing a song on stage."
"A sultry song," he reminded.
She smirked. "It freaked you out, didn't it?"
"It did not."
"You're blushing just thinking about it," she teased.
His eyes darting around the hallway, he said, "It's stuffy up here, that's all."
"Admit it, you were turned on."
Wanting nothing more than to disappear behind his door, he nervously cleared his throat. "I mean, sure, a pretty girl sings a song like that in a red dress… any sane man would be."
"Well," she said, almost disappointed, "it doesn't matter now. My clubbing days are over."
"Aye-oh, don't you remember what I said about all the middle gears?"
She chuckled. "I really didn't look for this to happen. You were right that it was good for me to get out of the house for a while, but contrary to your belief, I was never here moping. It's my choice not to see anyone for a while. That's not to say I'm purposely not dating. If it happens it happens. My decision has nothing to do with yours. It doesn't change how things are between us."
It was the last two comments that had nagged at his brain since. What's worse is that it hadn't been said out of anger or resentment or even hurt. It was plain fact. If not for him and Kathleen, they might still be spending their evenings together. Her flirting in the alley and there at their doorways might have turned into a little more. If not for him dragging his feet, they might be starting their future together. Peter, Christopher, and the craziness of the last week had all been the result of his actions. She could say she was simply living her life, but he knew that she was only seeing other people because he'd done so first. She was – had been – ready to be with him, and that thought pained him to no end.
He didn't know how to step back without making more of a mess. He didn't know what his relationship with Kathleen was anymore. She was good company, but did it go any further? Could it? He'd been questioning things more and more lately. Maybe it was the same reason Angela had broken up with Peter. Maybe not. But a breakup seemed risky now. If he was being honest, he didn't necessarily want to. Not yet. He also didn't want Angela to think he'd done so because of her. Right now, he wasn't ready to commit to Angela or anyone else. That was one reason he liked being with Kathleen. She appeared content with how things were as well. Being with her was safe, especially now that he and Angela had rekindled their friendship.
He still had feelings for Angela. That was another thing he couldn't deny. Those feelings weren't going to go away. The problem now was that he wasn't sure what to do with them. He never did, of course, but now more than ever. In theory, it would be so easy to push everything aside and give it a chance. Or it might have been a few months ago. He couldn't be sure Angela would put herself in that position again. Not without a great deal of apprehension or a grand gesture to prove he was serious. It wasn't something they could talk about, either. So what more was there to do? His only choice was to continue down the road he'd taken with Kathleen and push down those feelings.
He shook his head. These thoughts hadn't been an issue a week ago. Any questions were general wondering. He had to wait it out. It seemed to be working for Angela. After their discussion tonight, he had to acknowledge that she'd come out of this better than he had. She embraced the uncertainty – she proved that this week – and somehow she was no worse for wear. He'd tied himself down, once again creating the same problem he'd unconsciously tried to escape from in the first place. At least there was less to lose this time, he thought.
