Disclaimer: still don't own anything.

Summary: Severus feels lost after he did not get his letter. He tries to figure out what to do in the future.

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and drug abuse, mentions of death

Chapter 11: Moving on

One week has passed since Severus' birthday.

The boy had not been at his parents house, nor had he been at the old oak tree in the park by the lake. But apart from those places, he had been nearly everywhere in Cokeworth.

He had wandered through the shabby looking streets near the river and had followed the flowing water up to the old factory, which was the source of the ever present reeking odour of the water. He had passed the huge factory buildings with its smoking chimneys and had gone all the way up the hills to the better parts of the city. There he had taken a left at the newly opened mall and went down the small hill until he reached the train station from where he went into the direction of the park he was so used to live in, just to turn at the last corner before its entrance and wander down the shabby streets again.

By the end of the week, he had wandered this exact route twelve times, but still felt restless.

He did not know why he had the urge to keep moving, nor did he care.

He had to think and going forward was the only option that seemed... acceptable.

Why had he not been accepted into Hogwarts?

Why did he not get a letter?

Was it because his mother was so weak?

Was he to weak?

On his occasional breaks, he had reached into his pouch to retrieve any book that could give him answers to his many questions. Was it wrong, that the young wizards got their letters on their eleventh birthday? But after leafing through some books, he knew the letter should have been delivered last week. Were there any changes in recent history? He went through more books. No. Had there ever been a case when a young wizard had simply been forgotten? He literally scanned the pages. No, never.

So why did he not get a letter?

Why?

He really could not find an answer.

The only thing he could do was keep moving. He knew it made no sense in any logical way, but still, it was the only thing he could do. What else was there he could possibly do? How could he reach the school if he was not invited there? Could he learn magic by his own? He had a wand now. But no. Under-aged wizards were not allowed to do magic outside of school. If they found him – and Severus was sure they would- they would break his wand and might even throw him into Azkaban (he had recently read about this place).

Now what should he do?

He couldn't talk to Lilly, of course. She will go to Hogwarts while he will... not...

He couldn't think about it. This was so unnerving. All this time he had only thought of going to Hogwarts and becoming a strong wizard. Since the day he had met the man with the crimson eyes- a true wizard- he had seen his future clearly before him. And now... it was gone.

Nothing left...

He came to a halt on the seventh day at the shore of the reeking river right under a bridge. It was dark and damp and musty. The sun was setting and the last light of the day shone red on the river reflecting blood red bits of light on the dark stonewalls of the bridge.

Severus lay down and watched the glistening light slowly fading away, ready to let sleep take over his exhausted body like it had done the last few days. His stomach was aching of hunger. He took out a small vial with a pink liquid -his last one, he knew- and slowly drank it. It would calm his hunger at least for a few hours.

Soothing numbness took him slowly into a dreamless sleep, just like any night before.

Until...

"You are crying in your sleep again, boy."

Severus jerked up. Immediately awake and alert he scanned the darkness.

That had been the man with the red eyes, hadn't he?

But instead of red eyes, blue eyes greeted him and an old man smiled sadly at him.

"Good evening, my boy. I have seen you five days ago at the train station. Interesting, you have still enough tears to cry five days later."

Severus wiped his wet face. He really must have cried in his sleep. "What do you want?", he asked agitated. Seriously, what does the old Muggle want from him?

But said old Muggle simply chuckled and ruffled his grey dishevelled beard with his dirty hand.

"First of all, I want a good meal, a warm bed and maybe a nice book, although I doubt I get any of this. Nevertheless, thank you for asking. You might be the first one to ask me that since... well... I really can't tell since when. Would you like some bread and cheese?"

The old man sat down and held out a slice of bread and a piece of cheese to Severus. But the boy only stared.

"You don't talk much, my boy."

Severus huffed:" I am not a boy."

The man looked at him for nearly a minute before he answered in a serious tone:" No. You definitely are not. Otherwise you would not be here. Boys normally sleep in their beds and eat home cooked meals."

Severus stood up. He did not want to be pitied by this Muggle.

"Wait, young man."

But Severus did not turn around and started to walk away.

"I am sorry if my words had offended you in any way. You have to see it from my point of view. I don't have anyone to talk to. At least no one who is sober enough at this time, believe me, I know everyone around here who is sleeping rough. And I just..."

The man sighed:"... must look like a creep to you. I am sorry. I wont talk to you again."

Severus turned around and looked at the man:" I am not afraid of you. You are just an old geezer."

The man did not respond. Sighing Severus sat down in the grass again:" Ok, you give me that cheese and bread and I will listen to whatever is on your mind. Tomorrow we part ways and you wont talk to me ever again, understood?"

As an answer, the man gave him the food and smiled sadly. At the moment Severus held the bread and cheese in his hand, he could have sworn the man was a wizard too for he had never had food in his hand that smelled so delicious and looked so good. He began eating, or rather he wolfed it down immediately.

"You should slow down a bit otherwise you will feel even more hungry after eating.", the man advised with a chuckle.

Severus glared at him but still followed the man's advice.

"I am Theodore. What is your name?"

Since his mouth was full of cheese and bread he could only shake his head to indicate he was not willing to tell him.

"All right. I will call you little Crow then."

The disbelieving look on Severus face made the man grin wide.

"Well. You are all black, young man. And you wander around searching. If someone talks to you, you simply snap at them."

Severus gulped:" That's not what crows do."

"No. But you still remind me of them. So, why are you on the streets, little Crow?"

"None of your business."

"Hm... must be tough at home. But I get it, you don't want to talk about it. Do you want to know something about me?

"No."

The man sighed. He lay down and turned his back to Severus.

"Well, good night, little Crow."

Silence fell for about five minutes. Then the boy asked:" Why are you on the streets?"

"Because I killed my son and wife.", the man said gravely.

Severus looked up and studied the relaxed figure next to him. The man wore an old overgrown dark green coat and a matching dirt stained hat. His light blue trousers looked like they had been part of a suit and were torn on the knees. He had an old suitcase with him which looked like it had been expensive once. But the now broken lock was mended with a pair of laces. The boy spoke again:" There is more to this. Criminals normally end up in prison cells. So, enlighten me. What is your story?"

Theodore slowly sat up, breathing heavy. It took him a moment to speak again:"I had been in prison. But they let me out last year." He looked at the boy with a pensive thought, then, he started to talk again. "I had been a businessman. A very successful one. The money I made... lets say it was a lot. More than a single person should have, actually. And... well I felt invincible. I had a huge house, an expensive car, a good looking wife and a wonderful son. I even owned a boat and a small airplane. But I did not see what I had. I just saw what I did not have..."

He sighed and took a water bottle out of the inner pocket of his coat. After he drank a few gulps, he resumed his story:" I made a lot of deals. Always wanting to gain more and more money. I seldom saw my family since I often went on long business trips. Chicago, Tokyo, Paris, Berlin, Moscow, Hong Kong. I could count all days. There was no place on earth I hadn't visited back then. And after so many nights away from home and after so many offers from young sweet girls... I became unfaithful. It was not only that. I became another person. If you were told that you are somehow special, that you are superior to others. If you were told this over many years. You might be stupid enough to believe it. And believe me, young Crow, I was. Money was everything that ruled my world. Money was the only thing worth to me. If you had no money, you were powerless, worthless, weak. And I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be powerful. And I was willing to sacrifice a lot for this power."

Theodore went silent for a moment. Severus could not see him clearly in the darkness, but he heard the heavy breathing. He suddenly felt that this man had actually never spoken about what he was going to tell him. He felt a rush of sympathy for this man, although he did not understand why. Maybe it was because he himself had not anyone to talk to for the last seven days. This man probably had no one for years.

Theodore started to talk again. This time with a much more shaky voice:"There was a lot I did back then. Drugs, Alcohol... Drinking hard was considered to be strong. So I drank with my colleagues and my higher-ups. Taking fancy little pills that boosted your already to high confidence was compulsory. So I took the fancy pills. And after a while, it had become a habit. I always thought I had control over it. But one night... I was driving home. I had not been there for at least a month. I had bought a new football for my son. He had turned elven and he always had loved football. It was dark and I might have drove too fast and I might not have realised it because I had some drinks and some fancy pills. Just to feel good, you know. But when I drove around a corner... I... it was so dark, I couldn't see them and... and I don't even know why they had been out at this hour... and I..."

The words lost itself in the heartbroken sobs of the man.

Severus just sat there. He did not know what to say or do, although he wanted to help the man to ease his pain. What had his mother done when he had cried? She had hugged him, yes, but this was a grown man, not a child of four or five.

A grown man should not cry.

A grown man, who was crying because he had lost his wife and son.

Severus looked at the water.

Tobias would not cry if he and his mother died. Hell, his mother would not cry if he died.

And suddenly, he felt tears on his own cheek. But not because he knew his parents would not care about his death.

It was because he knew Lilly would cry.

He sat next to the crying man, quietly sobbing.

XXXX

The next morning Theodore was gone.

Severus cursed. He could not even tell, when he had fallen asleep. Looking around, he found a slice of bread and a piece of cheese wrapped up in a sheet of paper. He unfolded it and started to eat. Only when he had finished his breakfast, he realised the scrawly handwriting on the paper.

Dear little Crow,

I thank you for listening to me. And I thank you even more for your condolence. I never believed someone would even shed one tear for my child and wife apart from myself. Sometimes words are not what we need in our life.

My wife's name was Mary and my sons name was Leon.

They meant the world to me.

And when I saw you lying there on the ground, I could not pass by. It was not pity that let me stop, it was grief. Grief about my loss as well as yours. Although I do not know your story, I could see it in you.

I may be old and I might have learned a lot about the cruelty of life but believe me this, young crow: Life can be cruel even without us doing anything wrong. But if you keep on fighting for a better life, you will surely earn it. This is not the place were you belong to. so please, move forward, and I am sure you will find a person in your life, who is willing to share your grief but also your happiness.

Take care.

Theodore

Severus stood up and moved away from the river. He walked along the streets passing by the old industry building and went up the hills through the streets with those rich houses and laughing children. He did not even look at the mall nor at the train station he passed a few hours later. But when he finally reached the street leading to the park with the old oak tree, he looked up. This time he did not take the last street before the park. And when he finally reached the tree – the place he most likely felt at home, or at least at peace- the sun shone already in a deep red, illuminating not only the old tree, which was greeting him with his ruffling leaves, but also illuminating a small girl waiting there.

"Severus!"

The girl ran to him and hugged him so tight that he nearly fell over. He felt so overwhelmed that he did not move or said anything. He had not expected to meet her here right now.

"Sev... I am so glad... I thought you were... Where were you?"

He slowly hugged her back, answering calmly:" I have been lost. But I am back. Don't worry."

She lifted her head and looked up at him. Over the last years, he had grown much faster than her and was now about a head taller. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks glistened wet, but the expression on her face was reflecting her happiness. She had been crying, Severus knew, she had been crying because he was away and now that he was back, she had no reason to cry.

He slowly lifted his hand and wiped away the wetness on her face. His heart felt strangely heavy. He would not be the cause of any of her tears ever again. He will be strong enough. No matter what.

"Sev?", Lilly looked at him with a puzzled expression.

He smiled calmly. The moment which had been so emotional just a second ago now felt a little awkward. He let go of her and slowly walked to the tree. Spotting Lilly's picnic basket, he sat down next to it. Lilly immediately started to retrieve two mugs and a thermos as well as two huge sandwiches. Severus chuckled while he took the offered sandwich.

"What's so funny Sev?"

"Nothing. I am just glad. That's all." He knew she had been waiting here every day for him with a picnic basket. She had known.. no, rather trusted him to come back. Again he felt this tenderness around his heart.

"Thank you, Lilly."

She gave him a hot cup of peppermint tee and smiled.

They sat there for about fifteen minutes, eating and enjoying the presence of the other. Severus knew he had to tell her about the letter, or rather its absence. With a sigh, he looked at her, catching her gaze immediately.

"Lilly, I need to tell you something. It is about the letter. The invitation to Hogwarts. I did not receive it."

Lilly looked at him, silently sipping her tea, not in the least perturbed. Severus just stared at her, finally asking:"You do know what it means, Lilly? I wont go to Hogwarts with you."

And Lilly smiled.

"What is so funny about that?", Severus huffed angrily. But Lilly's smile only became wider. Was she really mocking him? Lilly, of all people!? He got up and went around the tree. He did not want to talk to her about it. Just when he reached the entrance of the cap in the old tree, he heard her laughter. What the hell was wrong with her? He felt betrayed.

"Coo?"

What?

In the entrance of the gap sat a small owl. Its huge eyes were fixed upon Severus face. It turned its head slowly to the right and then to its left, cautiously inspecting him. Severus stared back in disbelief.

The small owl hopped out of the trunk and onto the grass before the boys feet. Its feathers were ruffled and it looked as though it had been waiting here for a while now. Again it stared at Severus, waiting. Severus only stared back. As to indicate what he should do the owl lifted its leg. A letter was strapped on it. Severus knelt down and took the letter with shaking hands. Right in the moment the bird was freed from it, it took off, ascending into the night.

"It had been waiting here for you since last Saturday. It did not let me touch it."

He turned around and looked at her. The girl smiled and held out a wrapped package to him: "Happy birthday, Sev."

XXX

Mr. S. Snape

The old oak tree in the local park

Cokeworth

Leicestershire

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore (a real big boss in the wizardry world)

Dear Mr. Snape,

I am pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwars School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on 1 September.

Yours Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster

"Sev? How many times do you want to read that letter again?"

"About a hundred more, I think."

A thrown pillow landing on his face was the answer he got.

"Let us sleep. I am really tired now. Please, turn off the light."

Lilly turned around in her bed. Severus stood up to turn off the light.

Earlier that evening Lilly had taken him to her family. Her father and mother had greeted him like an old friend. While Lilly and her mother were in the kitchen, her father showed him to the bathroom, where he had showered and dressed in the new clothes his friend had given him for his birthday: a new blue jeans, a dark grey hoodie and a black jacket as well as new socks and shoes. He did not remember when he last had fitting clothes. It felt damn good. And when he had returned to the living room, he could already smell roasted meat.

This evening turned out to be one of the best days in his life so far. Lilly's mother had made a delicious roast with boiled potatoes and steamed carrots. But it was the moment they brought out a chocolate cake with a burning candle on it, when he really had to fight back his emotions.

Lilly's family was full of love and kindness. Well, apart from her sister Petunia, but she was at her friends house and therefore could not poison the atmosphere.

Severus lay awake for another hour, dwelling in the happiness he felt. He lay on a bed (Petunias bed, actually), he had his stomach full of meat and cake, he had his letter and the best friend in the world. He could not believe he had been lying at a disgusting river under a musty bridge solemnly crying by the side of a stranger only twenty-four hours earlier.

He turned around and closed his eyes, wondering what the next day will bring to him.

Life sure was full of surprises. Good as well as bad.

Bold talk starting in 3...2...1...

All right, whoever made it through to this part: welcome and congratulation, take a piece of the chocolate cake leftovers!

I am happy I could finish this one this week. I was so happy to have two free weeks and my body is like: hey, perfect timing to get sick (not Corona, got tested). It will take me a while to upload the next one since I have some exams in three weeks and I cant learn as efficient as I normally would.

But enough rambling. I have one important topic: Lilly and Severus.

I already wrote in the previous chapter: this story will be build up from cannon. And Severus loved Lilly in cannon. There is another important reason. But I wont tell it now. For all who don't like it, I am sorry, but it is an important part of the story. But don't worry. It will develop into a Voldy/Severus relationship. Since the story will be very long, it will take some time.