Chapter 4

Double Mochaccino and a Croissant

A/N

Really, thank you for the reviews! They're like a drug…I keep re-reading them. Yes, apparently I am that nerd.

Those of you that are worried…I promise no Bella kidnappings. I think she has enough to deal with – no?

SWAK!

CoMeKiTtY

I couldn't believe this asshole.

First I find out that Godzilla will be my babysitter for the day! Then I find out that Edward has called the café to let them know I wouldn't be in today. This news comes as a surprise and I honestly don't know what to think about it.

The icing on the cake though is when I find out Godzilla is supposed to take me shopping for a cell phone. I don't want to embarrass myself by telling him I simply can't afford one so I try to politely decline the offer by telling him that's not necessary. When he tells me it's non-negotiable, I'm taken aback by the firmness in his tone. Reluctantly I tell him the truth – I simply cannot afford one. I think my mouth literally fell open when he tells me it's already taken care of per Mr. Cullen….who he clarified is Edward.

It isn't the first time I wonder….who is this man?

On one hand, it's nice to have someone look out for me for a change. It makes you feel less alone in the world and there's almost a completeness about it that puts a smile on your face and heart.

On the other hand having someone do something for me is a strange concept to grasp. For me, this role has always been reversed and it seems that I've spent my whole life taking care of others. First there's my drunk of a mother who couldn't even make it to her bed after one of her drinking binges. Here I am eight years old and I'm hauling her drunken ass off the couch for bed and then making sure she's up in the morning for work. Remind me….who's the adult here? Then there's my father the confirmed bachelor who's idea of cooking is using the smoke detector as a timer. Though, in all fairness even before my mom split with her new boyfriend I did the cooking and cleaning.

There was never a time where I could just be a kid. Now I have Adrianna, and although I wouldn't have it any other way, looking after her is a full time job. And let's not forget my scatterbrained roommate who never unplugs her curling iron and can never find her wallet or her keys. She leaves her shit everywhere. I don't have enough fingers to count off the many nights I had been startled awake from some much needed REM by strange creaking; and I can mentally calculate the seconds before it's followed by a single thud and Jessica's signature muffled groan that has a slight resemblance to a sick dog. These are the nights I find Jessica in a heap on her carpeted floor after somehow scaling the fire escape and wiggling in through her jimmied bedroom window. With all of Jessica's carelessness, some days it seems like Adrianna isn't the only kid living here.

Most parents teach their children how to tie their shoes or ride a two wheel bike for the first time; they teach their children to love and respect themselves, others, and life in general. They help them discover the person they were meant to be and when they make mistakes and fall down their parents are there to help them put the pieces back together again. My parents taught me very few things in life but the one lesson that rings louder than all the rest is that depending on others brings nothing but disappointment in life. It is this lesson that creates a very unsettling feeling that I just can't shake.

The liquid foundation I spread over my darkened cheek doesn't really do a whole lot to cover the bruises James has left. When I look in the mirror, I barely recognize the broken girl that's staring back at me. The differences, while slight, are more than just the darkened discolorations, it's something that goes deeper and honestly, I couldn't even say when it happened.

These differences aren't tangible so I'm not really sure what I expect to feel underneath my fingertips as I run them down my bruised cheek. The dull ache does little to discourage the tips of my fingers from continuing their path. It's as if they're trying to cleanse the injured area; working to rub the darkened marks off like you would an offending smudge and when I turn my attention to my fingertips and rub them against my thumb, I almost expect to see them stained purple from the process.

The round stains that litter my cheek are a bitter reminder of my weaknesses and mapped out by his hand, my mistakes rest in plain sight for the world to cast judgment.

Gripping the edge of the small bathroom vanity for support I let out a sigh…. Well it is what it is - this is just gonna have to do. I take two aspirins for the throbbing ache beginning to take hold on my head.

Stalking across the living room, I glare at Jake. "How long is this going to take?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "Shouldn't take too long. Why?"

My right brow rises with growing irritation and I do nothing to hide my annoyance. "Because I have to pick my daughter up from the babysitter's and it'd be nice to know how long she'll have to be there."

Jake's forehead creases in confusion. "Bring her along then."

I roll my eyes at his stupidity. "Because you always drive around with a car seat?" I scoff, "Yeah, cuz I'm sure that'd be a real chick magnet."

"Oh shit…I didn't think…"

I cut him off. "Yeah, I didn't think so."

I let out a frustrated sigh and pull my hair back into a ponytail. "Look let's just go and get this over with. OK?"

I was pleased that it really didn't take too long for us to get what we needed – or more like what Edward demanded at the store. It wasn't like I wanted this phone so I didn't give a shit what kind it was. Well, I should really rephrase that…it wasn't that I was opposed to having a phone – and I'll even agree that it's a handy tool in an emergency; what I did oppose was Edward paying for it. It didn't seem right and was definitely more than just a little strange. There really was no use in arguing with Jake about it anyway; he was firm about getting the phone and just ignored my continued complaints from there on out.

I tried to pick the cheapest model. Of course that phone wasn't up to Edward's standards – so I tried again. It was my third or maybe even forth try now and when the salesman said that model didn't have this GPS option either I gave up. I literally threw my hands in the air and walked away. I knew it was childish but I was done. I told Jake I didn't care and he could just pick it out himself.

I was surprised when Jake drove to Target next.

"What are we doing here?"

Jake kept his eyes on the parking garage as he expertly rounded the corner. "Getting a car seat."

"What for?"

Jake frowned, "Um…for my car."

"Oh," I said dumbly. "Yeah but…why do you need a car seat?"

"Because I don't want a ticket." The casualness in his tone made his answer seem like it should be obvious.

"Do you have kids?"

"No."

"Then why do you need a car seat in your car?"

"Because you have a kid. It's Adrianna, right?"

"Yeah, it's Adrianna. But wait…what?"

"I'm supposed to be around till the end of the week. If you need to go somewhere - I'll take you. Adrianna can come along if there's a car seat. Ok?"

"Wait…what? Around where?" I'm sure I must have heard wrong and quickly add, "Did you say for the next week?"

"That's what I said." Jake's matter of fact tone does nothing to quash my growing irritation.

"Don't you work?"

"I am working."

I scoff at the ridiculous of this nonsense. "Aren't you a bit big to be babysitting?"

A scowl spread across Jake's face as he glanced sideways at me, "You ask a lot of questions."

I took that as a 'shut up already' and just got out of the car to get this over with. Truth was I had a hundred questions and the few answers I did get out of Jake just created more…so I gave it a rest – for now.

When I get Adrianna home, my sweet baby, wraps her little arms around my neck and gives me a kiss right on my sore cheek. Fighting a wince, I look over at her and smile. "What's that for, sweetie?" "You're hurted mommy – I make it better." The sweetness in her words brings fresh tears to my eyes and I lightly rest my head on her shoulder to hide them from her. "Thank you, sweetie." My right hand wipes away the few tears that have strayed and I kiss her chubby pink cheek.

Adrianna and I look out the window where I left Jake and see him fighting with his seatbelts trying to get Adrianna's car seat installed. I roll my eyes – what a buffoon!

"Mommy what's daf man doing?"

I look back at her and smile. "Who knows." She starts squealing and wiggling in my arms from the tickling vibrations and slobbery noises my lips are making on her soft tummy.

Through rolling fits of laughter she pushes back on my shoulders as she tries to wiggle away. "Stop, mommy. Stop!"

She loves raspberry kisses! The sloppier they are – the more she laughs. I stop and set her down. When she calms down – she looks over at me with sparkling eyes and a bright smile. "More mommy!"

I go to grab her and she takes off running and lets out a loud squeal as she rounds the corner to the bedroom. It doesn't take much to catch her and when I do, I swing her around in a circle and kiss the top of her head. "You feel like watching….hmm… let's see here…" I walk over to the shelf of DVDs trying to find something she hasn't seen in a while. "Ooo, how about Blues Clues?" Her eyes light up excitedly and she runs to get Floppsey – her favorite, albeit very 'loved' bunny rabbit before throwing herself on the couch.

There's not much in the way of groceries and I mentally curse myself for not picking up a few things earlier when I was out with Jake. When Jake walks through the door – inspiration hits and I suddenly have an idea.

"Hey. Did you get the seat installed?"

Jake rolls his eyes. "Yeah, it's good to go."

"Hey, thanks." There aren't many times in my life that I've had to extend a thank you for something and this feeling of gratitude is just awkward. It's not that I'm a rude and ungrateful person, I'm just not used to someone going out of their way like Jake has. Avoiding Jake, I watch intently as my index finger scratches at a nonexistent smudge on the countertop and shrug my shoulders with uncertainty. "That was pretty cool of you."

"Yup. Don't mention it."

"So you're probably hungry…I know Adrianna will be and…" I look up and see her small heart shaped face peeking at us over the back of the couch. Jake frowns as I giggle at her attempt to be sneaky. I look at Jake and nod my head in her direction. He smiles and she dips her head a little lower; the top of her head and curious eyes barely peeking out now. She studies Jake for a moment then lifts her chubby little hand; opening and closing it at Jake. Smiling, I watch this large man mimicking her gesture.

I call her to me and she shyly pads in the kitchen. "Adrianna this is a friend of mommy's. This is…" I stall not sure what he'd prefer to be called. When I look at Jake, he finishes my introduction for me.

"Hi! I'm Jake." He patiently waits for her reply as his tough exterior fades into a big grin.

She smiles and takes the hand he has offered before bashfully returning to my side. Her cheek presses into my leg making it easy for my hand to smooth over her baby fine hair. Looking up at Jake I apologize for her standoffish behavior and try to reassure Jake that she's just really very shy. I'm relieved when Jake seems to take it in stride and waves it off with his hand.

"Ok, so food. I was thinking that since I didn't have time to do any grocery shopping…maybe we could test out her new seat and go get some dinner?"

We made dinner simple – not like there are a lot of options with a three year old in tow. Jake quickly scored points with Adrianna when he suggested McDonalds. It amazed me how quickly she had become comfortable with Jake and in listening to their silly bantering I couldn't help but smile in amusement. The joy was bittersweet though and tarnished by the reality of the situation; it was like getting a glimpse of what she could have had – what things should have been like between her and her father and I can't help the sadness that emerges with this thought.

She's young now and doesn't really understand. She knows who her father is – but since he's never been a part of her life she doesn't really miss anything. She doesn't know any different. When she gets a little older and starts school – I know she'll begin to see the differences in her family and start to ask questions. I have no idea how I'll answer her questions and dread this day every waking moment of my life.

We finish up and Jake swings a giggling Adrianna up on his broad shoulders as we head towards his dark blue SUV. Holding on to Jake's dark hair, Adrianna turns her head to make sure I'm following.

"Come on Mommy." As if she's riding a horse, her little hands tug on Jake's hair. "Jakie wait for Mommy." Jake's long legs deliberately slow down allowing me a chance to catch up and walk along his side.

"Looks like you made a new friend."

Jake straightens a little and smirks. "I've always been good with the ladies."

This I can believe. Aside from being attractive, there is a warmness that emanates from Jake that, when he lets himself go, can be very welcoming, almost soothing and with his contagious laugh the brightness of his smile is enough to break through the thickest storm clouds. I can see why girls would be attracted to him.

The car ride back is more comfortable. I'm getting used to Jake's presence and while initially irritated – I am grateful for the company. It's easier to relax now and I find myself looking out the window…at nothing particular really… just people watching. The clock reads quitting time for most and the sidewalks are currently littered with crowds of people hurrying about in a flurry of motion and color while the brightly colored taxis crawl up the traffic lines shoulder to shoulder like an army of ants. The endless motion and the many blurs of color and sound is what I love best about the city.

The bustling chaos of the ever moving streets is a constant and as ironic as it may sound, brings a sense of tranquility. From the briefcase toting executives in their silk ties and tailored suits to the child bearing woman juggling bags of groceries to the busy bus stop; from the shouting street vendors slipping between the stilled traffic and selling flowers to the resigned vagrant in battered clothing protectively clutching an empty cup, there's purpose in the city and like clockwork everyone takes their rightful place and assumes their role.

Approaching the red traffic light Jake pulls next to an older white Pontiac and stops. The oddity in the young driver's jerky movements catches my attention; his back is straight and stiff as a board as his whole body shakes violently. Looking like he's in what can only be described as pain with his teeth tightly locked and his eyes squeezed shut; I begin to think he's having some kind of epileptic attack or something. I can't seem to tear my eyes away from the poor man and my hand is sloppy as it frantically swats at what I can only assume is the direction of Jake's arm. Jake curiously inclines his head and briefly looks around me to glance over at the driver; when he clears his throat and calmly leans back in his seat I find myself getting angry at his lack of concern. What the hell?

Stupidly I raise my hand and use my index finger to point in the direction of the Pontiac, "Jake…Hey, I think he's in trouble."

Jake leans forward to take a second look before frowning at me. "Yeah, I don't think he's in trouble, Bella."

"I'm serious Jake, he really looks like he needs some help over there." "We should do something…call for help. Jake, dial 911."

Jake scoffs, "There's nothing I'm gonna do for him." A mischievous smile plays on his lips, "You on the other hand – well that he might actually find helpful." With his lips still curled up, he glances over at the white car again before giving me a wink. "He might actually get off on your help."

"Jake…" My attention turns away from Jake and back to the quaking driver. His body continues to shake uncontrollably, even more so now, then all at once his head jerks back against his seat, his body stills and his mouth makes an 'O'.

My eyes widen in shock when I look over at Jake. "Did he just…" I look over at the young driver again and see that he's reaching for a Kleenex from the dashboard…Oh, my God he did. Gross!

Pulling away from the Pontiac, Jake's eyes sparkle with the laughter that's threatening to erupt and I wrinkle my nose at him in disgust.

"See all is well that ends well…and he didn't even need –"

"Stop. Just stop. Ok?"

"Hey," he bites down on the inside of his cheek but his laughter still escapes in the way of snorts, "Look I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh." My eyes shoot daggers at him eliciting another round of snorts from Jake.

"Next time don't be so nosey…" giving me a sideways glance, "my grandmother always says, 'Badate a' fatti vostri'!"

I'm still peeved at his outburst when I answer, "Well gee, I must have run out of the house today without my Italian translation dictionary…so in English please."

"Mind your own business. You should try it sometime."

Whatever.

Starring back out the window I let myself get lost in observing the people darting in and out of the larger crowds that are beginning to form in front of the many restaurants and bars that line the street. Although each pedestrian has their own itinerary, in some way or another I can find a way to relate to each of these individuals and it makes me feel like I'm connected and a part of something. It makes me feel human.

Turning to point out something of interest to Jake, I notice his casual posture has stiffened and his dark eyes are narrowed and trained on the rear view mirror. His angry expression has distracted me and I'm not even sure what I was going to say any more so I close my opened mouth and watch Jake instead.

"Looks like we got company."

Instinctively my head turns to satisfy my curious eyes only to abruptly terminate the maneuver when Jake instructs me not to look back. Needing to feed my curiosity though, my attention turns to the car's side mirrors and I feel my stomach drop. My cold hand fiercely grabs a hold of the door with a strength I didn't know I possessed and I'm sure that the force behind my grip will surely leave behind a perfect mold of my hand.

"He's been back there since we turned onto Damen."

"We're you speeding?" I try to come up with some type of logical explanation – something other than what my gut is already telling me.

"Nope."

My frantic heartbeat is thrumming against my rib cage and my breathing is shallow and erratic. My palms are slick with a cold sweat and I desperately try to rub them dry on the faded fabric of my jeans.

Jake casually maneuvers through the neighborhoods taking a more scenic route back and with great trepidation, I watch as the blue and white cruiser stays with him turn for turn. I contemplate telling Jake about James – the part where he belongs to Chicago's brotherhood in blue. No matter how I try to say it – I can't find the words that sound right. I just can't get the words out. Guilt washes over my conscience again for bringing Jake and Edward into this mess. Neither one of them deserve this.

Jake pulls into the parking slot and the cruiser comes to a stop; pulling over a short distance behind us. The cruiser is still running and the cop makes no move to initiate a dialog. The glare on the windshield makes it difficult to make out the details of his dark shadowy form. While I couldn't tell you the color of his hair or even the color of his shirt…I could tell you he was still and just sitting there watching. Waiting and watching like a predator stalking its prey.

Jake's suspicious eyes narrow as he watches from the rear view mirror. His muscles are pulled tight in his neck and strain against the collar of his white shirt as he watches the cruiser. "What's he doing?"

Jake keeps a watchful eye on the cop as he answers. "Just sitting there."

Jake turns to face me as he grips the door handle. "You wait here."

In an act of desperation I grab at his shoulder and fist his shirt. "No! Wait! Where are you going?"

"It'll be ok. I'm just gonna see what he wants."

My eyes, trying to tell Jake what I can't with words, are pleading with him to just stay. "Jake…"

"It's fine Bella." Jake straightens the fingers that are clenched around the fabric of his shirt and sets my hand in my lap. "Just wait here."

Jake slowly gets out of the car and closes the door behind him. The rush of cool air Jake lets in sends ripples down my arms and does nothing to ease the chills that spill down the center of my spine like a thousand ice cubes.

From the side mirror I can see the officer when he gets out of his car and easily recognize him as not only one of James's CPD 'brothers' but one of his friends; the one who makes his presence known by his many frequent passes of the cafe. His exaggerated movements are slow but purposeful until his looming presence is standing across from Jake. His tall, dark form squares off at Jake and it's like a red flag daring Jake to challenge him. While his body mirrors Jake's as he stands next to his CPD cruiser, his quiet stillness is anything but casual and holds a more sinister quality. His penetrating stare doesn't waiver from Jake and he does nothing to ease the tension of the deafening silence.

The cop's still but menacing stance has my tightened chest aching from the wild hammering of my heartbeat. The eerie silence is crushing and seems to drip with the promise of threat. Time seems to have stopped all together. I have no idea how long they stood in their face off until Jake finally broke the quiet.

"Something wrong?"

The cop makes no indication that he has heard Jake and with his shoulders back he continues to stare. Without moving he finally gives Jake an answer. His words are muffled through the glass and I have to strain to catch his words. "You rolled through three stop signs back there."

I notice Jake's tone is firm but his words remain polite when he replies. "I'm sure that's a mistake."

Is Jake right? Shit, I can't think. The ride was endless, or maybe it just seemed that way and my reeling brain is so clouded with worry I can't seem to focus. If asked, I'm not even sure I can drum up my own name and address in this moment. Between answering Adrianna's questions and my 'people watching', I wasn't paying a lot of attention but I'm sure, well mostly sure that Jake is right.

The cop makes no argument with Jacob. "Is this your residence?"

Jake visibly stiffens and his answer, while still polite, comes more hesitantly this time. His arm swings in the direction of his SUV. "I'm dropping off a friend."

Taking his time looking over at Jake's vehicle, there is another long surge of silence before the cop answers. Jake doesn't waiver when the cop's steel eyes lock his own in a direct hold and stupidly it reminds me of a game I'd play when I was little…'let's see who blinks first'. Who knows, maybe it's only seconds that go by but eventually his head nods with a snort, "I won't give you a ticket this time."

Jake uses the cop's statement as an opportunity to exit and while the cop returns to his silent stance he watches a sure footed Jake walk over and open my door. "Come on Bella."

"Jake what's going on? What does he want?" Jake doesn't answer me at first and I begin to feel the familiar waves of panic roll through my still trembling body.

"I don't know. Come on now…let's just go in."

His voice is strained and I can feel the tension rolling off of Jake in waves. My hands are visibly shaking and I can barely unfasten my seatbelt. While I work to free myself from the offending harness, Jake gets Adrianna out of her seat and closes both passenger doors as we head up to my apartment. Jake has Adrianna safely tucked into his chest and drapes his free arm over my shoulder. My shaky legs barely move and I'm thankful for the added comfort Jake supplies. It feels like we're moving in slow motion and the walk to my apartment seems endless. I feel the burning penetration in the back of my head and I don't need to turn to know the cop is still watching us.

Jake firmly shuts the apartment door behind us and quickly fastens the locks. He stalks over to the window and carefully pulls the blind back ever so slightly.

Although the deep crease in his forehead is answer enough for me, I ask anyway, "Is he still there?"

Letting out a breath, Jake palms his forehead and squeezes his temples as he steps away from the blinds. "Yeah. Still there." He looks over at me and Adrianna before speaking again. "Go and get her ready for bed. I'll be here."

As I get ready to put Adrianna down for the night, I can hear Jake's muffled voice coming through the door. His hushed words are coming fast and while his words are lost on my ears, it does nothing to mask his authoritative tone.

Although my mind is miles away as I read Adrianna's favorite bedtime story, I never miss a beat and manage to do all the 'voices' to her liking. It's a book I must have read a hundred times over and by now I could recite it standing on my head with my eyes closed, so thankfully my distracted state goes unnoticed by my usually very intuitive little girl.

As the story ends, I know I need to tell Jake the whole story about James. I know it's not just about me anymore and Jake has a right to know what's about to be unleashed by his being here. Although I have enjoyed his company and presence today, I have to let him go and get back to his own life. He doesn't deserve this – shit, who does?

I kiss my angel good-night and turn to find Jake before losing my already weakening resolve. Through my inner musings I didn't hear when Edward arrived; with the door partly opened I can distinctly hear his voice. His angry tone does nothing to shield the smoothness of his voice and I find my feet moving step by step in his direction.

When he turns from the window, my eyes are lost on his untamed hair and jade shaded eyes. He makes me nervous – yet there is a distinct feeling of calm his presence evokes. For reasons I can't explain, I find myself drawn to him and I have to consciously fight this ridiculous urge I have to run to him and hide in his warmth.

Like a magnet my feet slowly move forward and begin to close the distance. "Edward…,"

Edward's green eyes were tight as he looked at me. "You ok?"

"Um…" That was the only word I could get out. The weight of everything began to come down and I didn't trust my own breaking voice enough to speak, so with a quivering lip I just shrug in response.

My traitorous tears began to slip free, spilling down my cheeks in steady streams and I just couldn't fight this need to feel whole and connected to something. The need to not feel so desperate and so alone outweighed anything else and against my better judgment in three quick steps I finished closing the distance and buried my face in his chest. His arms are hesitant as they loosely wrap around me but I don't care and just squeeze tighter drawing strength from his solid form. My silent tears stain his pressed shirt and I can't seem to care about that either.

The back of my hand wipes away the last of the tears. I loosen my grip on Edward but not entirely ready to break away from his warmth, I keep my head on his chest and look down studying a pinkish stain on the carpet. "I'm sorry."

Edward looks down and wipes at the wet spots on his shirt. "Don't – "

"No, I mean…" the looking at the mess I made on his shirt, I amend my apology. "…yes, I'm sorry." My hips restlessly shift my weight, "But I'm also…" I watch the shadows from the light play on the ceiling to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall again and when I find my voice I'm only capable of a whisper, "…just sorry for everything."

Edward's eyes soften and a deep v sets between his brows. "Hey, what do you have to be sorry for?"

Suddenly it all felt very awkward and I found myself watching my fingers as they lightly traced the puckered fabric at the hem of my t-shirt.

"The car…" I pause to clear my throat and clarify, "the cop from earlier…"

"Yeah?" Frowning, Edward turns away to look over at Jake. Jake's confused expression matches Edward's as he shrugs his shoulders. "Bella, help me out here." His eyes squeeze shut and he pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. "What's that got to do with you?"

My frayed nerves have me on edge. It doesn't take much to make me jump as the shrill sound of the phone rings out disrupting the silence. I let out a sigh and mentally curse Jessica for her less than perfect timing. It doesn't register until I have answered my cell phone that it couldn't be Jessica – she wouldn't have this number.

My greeting is met with nothing more than a dial tone.

Maybe it's a wrong number. It happens…all the time – right? Ok, yeah nothing more than a coincidence. No worries - I'm good with this.

My stomach drops when the phone rings again.

No, I am not fucking good with this.

I find myself backing away as my fingers involuntarily curl, refusing to pick up the offending object.

"Bella, who the fuck is it?" My eyes are fixed on the phone and all I can seem to do is shake my head from side to side.

Edward doesn't wait for me to answer, he's already stalking over to the table. Several quick strides and he's already there. Ripping the phone off the table, he frowns as he looks at the caller ID screen.

When he gets no response, he clenches his jaw and whips the phone across the room. I can't help my body's startled reaction to the crashing impact as it lands at the base of the couch. With my eyes trained on Edward, I instinctively inch away from his angry display.

I plant my feet a safe distance away as Edward stands motionless; his head is hung low and his eyes are squeezed shut while his thumb and forefingers make quick work smoothing the deep creases in his forehead. "I want to know what the fuck is going on here."

The raucous has disrupted Adrianna's sleep and I now hear her stirring in her crib. "I…" God, I hate the way my voice sounds. I swallow hard and take a quick breath. "I should go and check on her." The only evidence Edward has heard me is the slight nod of his head.

I find comfort in holding her warm little body to me. She is what grounds me; my reminder that I cannot afford to make mistakes. Adrianna is the reason why I strive to do better for us…for her.

Looking up at the door I'm startled to find Edward leaning against the door frame; arms crossed against his chest. I have no idea how long he's been standing there but something about his relaxed posture tells me it's been awhile.

"Sorry, I didn't…"

Using the back of my hand to wipe the stray tears that have fallen, I cut him off before he finishes. "No, it's fine."

He walks in the room and watches as I lay her back down in her crib.

He steps closer as I brush her golden hair away from her cheek.

"She looks like you." Biting my quivering bottom lip back, I nod as I look down at my sweet baby. It's true, her features have a lot of similarity to my own but her golden hair and sun kissed complexion is all James. I close my eyes in resignation at the thought of his name.

Swallowing thickly, I turn for the kitchen and offer Edward and Jake something to drink. I don't have anything strong enough to dull the edge, so I just settle for a glass of water. With a shallow shudder I begin the story of James. Between points of tears and finding the right words, it takes me some time to get it all out and I'm surprised by Edward's patience. Although I can't find the courage to look at Edward – I can see with the corner of my eye his head nodding with encouragement. Although there were times when he'd pull back and his stiffen, he listened to every word I said… and for once without interrupting.

As I finished I found myself wanting to close my tired eyes, press my head into his shoulder and pretend that this was just a nightmare instead of being the reality of my pitiful life. While I couldn't bring myself to look at his face, I instead watch his fists flex paling his taunt knuckles.

Jake is the first to break the heavy silence and when he speaks his attention is directed toward Edward. "We have a friend who works in his precinct. I'll give him a call tomorrow." Edward acknowledged Jake with narrowing eyes and a curt nod of his head.

"Is this…" Looking over at me Jake stops midsentence before continuing in smooth Italian, "…valere la pena?"

Edward abruptly stood, his stern tone leaving no room for argument. "Let's take a walk."

The apartment is silent and I try to busy myself straightening up the kitchen as I wait for them to return. Putting the clean dishes back in their place, I find myself anxiously looking back at the door…waiting for them to return. There's a feeling of content that emanates from their presence and swells, filling the small rooms with a warm comfort that will inevitably retreat into the darkened corners when they depart.

"I sent Jake home." I look up and watch as he locks the door and absently nod in response. I try to swallow the dread that's already forming….after all it wasn't like I wasn't expecting it. This is my nightmare and I don't fault either Edward or Jake for not wanting to get involved. Hell if I could, I'd walk away too.

"I'll stay." My eyes snap back at Edward. Now this I wasn't expecting. Again I nod in response and try to mask the flood of relief that has washed through me. I'm touched by Edward's concern.

"You can stay in Jessica's room," I offer as I mentally do an inventory of the linen closet for clean sheets.

Edward dismisses my offer with a wave of his hand. "The couch is fine."

"Ok, um…are you tired?" I reach for the remote and motion toward the TV. "If you wanted to go to sleep, I can turn the TV off."

"No, it's ok."

"I really don't mind."

"Its fine, Bella. I really don't sleep much anyway."

"Oh. Okay."

Although I've turned back to the TV, I can feel the cushion sink with Edward's weight as he takes his place on the couch.

I try to give him space by curling my legs but Edward surprises me by grabbing my ankles and stretching my legs over his lap. Edward shakes his head with a crooked grin when I gasp at the sudden pull on my ankles. He looks different now; if I had to label it…less guarded maybe. Sitting back now his posture is more relaxed and the hardness in his eyes has been replaced by a playful glint. My heart strums loudly at the sensation of his innocent touch. His touch is so feather light… yet it sends tingles rippling across my skin. I try to focus on the TV but the warmth of his hand is distracting; it envelopes my senses and becomes all that I can concentrate on. Then, just like last night the pad of his thumb lightly traces over my ankle in small strokes. His touch is light and even though I really don't know him, it's not weird at all. In fact I find it relaxing. Just being with him like this is somehow comforting. I feel more like a person – a real person with a normal life and it's so very easy to forget the bull shit and even easier to pretend that he's a bigger part of that life. Yeah, it's so easy to pretend that this…..I guess friendship is as good a word as any..…. is more than that it's fucking scary. There's this air of confidence in everything he does…in every move he makes and it draws people to him. You can't help but want to know him.

My skin feels the loss of his warmth and I immediately notice when Edward breaks contact. Chancing a quick glance I find him leaning forward and arching his back. With a grimace he straightens again; his right arm snakes over his shoulder to work out a tightened muscle.

Thinking about all that Edward has done I want to offer to help; especially since he could be sleeping comfortably in his own bed if it weren't for me. In comparison to all that he has done, it's only a small gesture but I just don't know if it's appropriate and my opened mouth closes before I ask. Edward's shoulders turn so he's facing me and with a furrowed brow he asks, "What?"

Really? He doesn't miss anything.

"Um…" I pause to clear my throat and say a quick prayer that I don't sound every bit of pathetic as I feel right now. "I could help…" I gesture to his back. "with that." Good God I sound every bit of juvenile as I feel.

Edward's hand stops moving as he studies my face. His nostrils slightly flare as he inhales and his eyebrow is quirked. The time that passes can be marked by the ticking of the wall clock. The sound is exaggerated by his silence and seems to be endless. If the ground could open up and just swallow me whole – this would be a great time. His silence makes me nervous and I feel like I have crossed a line and wish more than anything I would have just went to bed.

Avoiding his stare, I awkwardly glance back at the TV. It doesn't help that I have no idea what we're watching and I swallow hard feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment. I watch my fingers pick at a loose thread on the throw pillow and let my hair fall around my crimson cheeks. "Or not…I mean I just thought…."

It's Edward's turn to clear his throat. "No. That'd be great."

My lungs burn with relief as I release a breath I didn't even know I was holding. "Ok."

"I'm just gonna get something to drink. You want something?" Shaking my head, I watch as Edward strolls to the small kitchen.

"You make these?" Glancing up I find myself cringing when he takes the end product of what was supposed to be a cupcake - but through Adrianna's confusion between salt and sugar turned out to be nothing more than a mouth puckering heart attack on a plate.

"Um…" Before I can offer a warning half the cupcake is devoured.

"Holy shit! Does someone around here have a serious sodium deficiency?"

Despite the drama from the day, I find myself laughing. "Adrianna helped make those…she got a little happy with the salt shaker."

"A little? Do you have any salt left?" His widen eyes and puckered lips remind me of a little kid and all I can do is laugh. I can't remember the last time I really laughed – and it so feels good to just let go.

Setting his drink on the table he turns his back to me and scoots closer. "This ok?"

I try to reach for his shoulders but the remaining distance makes it awkward and I can't seem to get the leverage I need to apply pressure.

"Well…maybe you wouldn't mind sitting on the floor? It's just that it'd be easier to reach." Without a word Edward slides to the floor and sits with his back pressed against my legs. I shift my legs to make room for him and ask if he's comfortable. He nods and scoots back until he's resting against the couch, closing the remaining distance.

My heartbeat thrashes against my ribs at the thought of my hands freely exploring his hard body and my hands shake with a slight tremble as I begin to work his shoulders. Could I really do this? Good God – it's a massage…get it together already!

My movements are slow and gentle as I knead his tightened neck muscles. My thumbs press small circles into the base of his neck; he lets his head fall forward before my palms begin to work deep circles over his tense shoulder blades. "Fuck, Bella."

His voice is strained and thinking that maybe I'm hurting him, I loosen the pressure. "Is this ok?"

"Yeah…fuck, don't stop." I continue sliding my hands along the hardness of his back and his groans send a jolt of electricity through my hands and rippling tingles to my very core. I'm thankful he's not facing me because once again I can feel the heat in my reddened cheeks from his words. His bronze hair looks so soft and I can't help but wonder what it would feel like to wrap my legs around his waist and run my hands through it. I briefly allow myself to imagine his moans hot against my ear, his strong arms sliding up my sides as his hard body presses into mine.

I let my hands work his defined arms before leaning in and running them over his chest; which feels every bit of chiseled as it looks through his clothes. He lets his head fall back against my breasts and I momentarily stiffen from the delicious pressure it creates. This time when I lean forward to reach down his muscular chest my movements are more rigid and I am very aware of the sensations on my cheek as it lightly grazes the stubble across his jaw. His closeness has my head spinning in his own personal scent which is fresh and clean and just a hint of spice and something else. Something that I can't even describe; it's just…just entirely Edward and every bit of delicious as he is. And just like a drug I can't get enough and find myself leaning closer for more. God, I am so glad I'm sitting right now – because if I had to stand I'm sure I'd be on the floor, reduced to nothing more than a pile of goo.

I blink a few times to clear my head. I can do this. But the feel of Edward's thumb tracing random patterns on my ankle is almost enough to make me spontaneously combust. Really, Bella it's just an ankle! Get a grip! My eyes involuntarily close and I let out a shuddered breath I didn't even know I was holding.

My pulse quickens when Edward's warm breath fans across my neck. His penetrating eyes hold mine in place with an intensity I can't escape. His long fingers reach up and tuck my hair behind my ear before gently dragging his thumb down the curve of my cheek.

His thoughtful eyes study the line his thumb makes and when he speaks his voice is soft. "This still hurt?"

With the thick air crackling around us my head leans into his touch after his large hand comes up and palms my cheek; his thumb softly running over my cheek bone.

Looking down at the carpet I swallow hard. "Um, no. Not really." I totally lied.

His eyes intently study my face and I can't fathom what he could be seeing. "Can I ask you something?"

What more could he want to know about my train wreck of a life? "Sure." Why the hell not?

"If you got three wishes - what would you wish for?"

"Um… I don't know. I guess that Adrianna grows up happy and healthy; knowing she's loved and goes to a good college. I'd wish that she could always be young and believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy because that's just easier than having her know the truth. I'd wish that life could be so simple that a red lollipop would always put a smile on her little face." I laugh at my ramblings. "That was more than three wasn't it?"

"Yeah – I think you might need to wish for more wishes. But I wouldn't bribe him with cupcakes…you might end up with less wishes than you started."

"Hey now – I make perfectly good cupcakes."

"That remains to be seen…and tasted."

"Adrianna likes to help – she's just not as much help as she thinks she is. She's with the babysitter most of the day, so when I'm home she's like my shadow. I'm all there is…so I try to do things that she can be included in."

"Adrianna? She know who her father is?"

"That's complicated. I guess the easy answer is yes…"

"But – "

I sigh. "But…they don't really have a relationship."

"Does this bother you?"

"Again that's complicated too. On one hand - one hundred percent without a doubt no. The less he's a part of her life…our lives the better. On the other hand, she deserves to have a father who wants her and wants to be a part of her life. No child should grow up thinking they weren't wanted. I'll never understand how a parent could just walk away from their own flesh and blood."

Not like it's some big secret that I keep hidden or anything but Edward's next question definitely catches me off guard. In all honesty I was surprised he even remembered the conversation we had about my parents. "Do you still talk to your mom?"

It's funny, although I've had over a decade to get over it the rejection still stings. "No. I mean she left when I was just a kid and it's not like she left a forwarding address or anything…" I shrug my shoulder as my voice trails off. "…so you know…long story short – no, we don't talk or anything."

Deliberately applying more pressure to Edward's shoulders I internally debate on asking him about himself. It seems odd to have him here like this with me….and yet really know nothing about him. I find it unsettling that needing to find the courage to ask Edward the most basic of questions is difficult. Most people just have a conversation and take turns asking and telling. With Edward there's a whole lot of asking and very little telling on his part. The funny thing is you don't even think twice about answering Edward – you just do it. His commanding demeanor leaves no room for objection and whether you want to or not…you just comply.

Edward is difficult to read; there's an aloofness about him that keeps people at bay and I begin to wonder if this is intentional on his part. His indifference towards people puts up walls that do not encourage trespassing. However, part of his allure is this mysteriousness and although it might be unwelcoming of sorts it does nothing to discourage curiosity. And, as so rudely pointed out to me earlier, curiosity always wins out.

Deepening the pressure of my fingers, I use my kneading hands as a distraction and take a deep breath to get the words out. "Can I ask you a question?" I sound less confident than I'd like and every bit of unsure as I really feel.

Edward answers my question with one of his own. "Where'd you learn this?" I frown at the annoyance but answer just the same.

"Oh…uh, my roommate, Jessica is a hair stylist at Salon 1800. She has a friend that works there who is a message therapist. I guess she showed me a couple of things." Why I can never stop my mouth in his presence – I'll never know. "She thinks every girl should have an arsenal of skills for their man." My hands feel Edward stiffen. Did I really just say that? God, please just kill me now.

"I suppose you've gotten a lot of practice with this."

His comment takes me by surprise. Puzzled with his observation, I tilt my head to the side and try to peak at him over his shoulder. "Why would you say that?"

"You want skills? Maybe you should think about taking cupcakes 101…" he looks over his shoulder and smirks, "couldn't hurt any, right?" It didn't escape my attention that he completely ignored my question…again.

"For your information…" I paused before continuing and put one hand on my hip. "I make absolutely perfect cupcakes."

"That's what you keep saying…talk is cheap. But apparently, with the way these taste, the price of sugar has gone up dramatically."

"Yeah, yeah keep it up. You want me to keep rubbing your back or do you want to talk about cupcakes all night?"

"Fuck cupcakes. You just knowingly allowed me to eat my own demise. Like I'm some kind of farm animal you leave salt licks out for me? I consumed a week's worth of salt in one bite and for all we know I might have ten more minutes before I go into cardiac arrest…the least you can do is rub my back." He leans back with his hands locked behind his head; the playfulness in his eyes and voice contradict the smug smile plastered on his face. "I think I deserve a back rub after all of that."

Fighting a smile, I let out a huff and quirk my eyebrow in mock annoyance. "Oh really? Dramatic much?"

"You said Salon 1800? Where is this salon?"

I lean back and continue working my palms over his shoulders before answering. "It's not far. It's over in Old Town off of Armitage Ave."

"Armitage?"

"Yeah, it's right between Clifton and Seminary Ave."

"Yeah, I know where that is. I might have to check it out." This time it's me that stiffens. I don't know why but I don't like it. To avoid dwelling I change the subject.

"You know…I've practically told you my whole life story – and I really don't know anything about you."

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't know. What about something simple. I know your first and last name – what about a middle name?" Feeling like I need to justify my answer I add, "Most people know their friends' names."

He cocks his head to the side, "Friends?"

"Um…well yeah." Feeling flustered by his question I shrug my shoulders and again hate the uncertainty in my voice. "I mean, well I think of you as a friend…" my voice trails off as I add, "of sorts."

"Anthony. My name is Edward Anthony Cullen." His clipped tone does nothing to stop my mini-interrogation.

"So Edward Anthony Cullen, do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Yeah. You know Emmett and I have a sister, Alice."

"Ok… and your parents?"

"My father is Carlisle and my mother is Esme."

Edward flips through the channels on the remote. "Hey, have you ever seen this movie?"

"What?" I peak over to the television and have no clue what the movie is. "Um, no."

I frown at his short answers and flimsy distractions but continue with my questions any way. "What do you do?"

Edward leans his head back and laughs. "Nothing special…you know a little of this – a little of that."

"Oh...but that's not – "

Edward doesn't miss a beat and effectively cuts me right off. "This feels so good." He leans into my touch and groans in pleasure. "No more questions tonight."

My breathing hitches and a swarm of butterflies is unleashed; their soft wings erupting waves of nervous flutters in my stomach as he takes my hand in his and plants a sloppy kiss across my knuckles. "Thank you for the back rub." I'm lost in his bright eyes and I no longer have any idea what I was trying to say. There is no denying the attraction I feel and I'm sure he must know the effect he has on me when his perfect lips curl into that signature smirk of his. "'Watch the movie."

A/N

I know slow progress with these two…we're getting there though.

Valera la pena – an Italian expression meaning…to be worth the trouble; worth the grief or sorrow

I don't think there was anything else that needed a translation – but as always just shoot a line if I forgot something and I'll get back to you.

Well..chappy #5 maybe a little bit. It takes me time to get back into Edward's head and colorful dialog. Edward is my favorite! Maybe you might leave me some love…or Edward – it might make him come out and play a little sooner.

Till Next Time, Lovelies

CoMeKiTtY