Chapter 6

Cinnamon Crème

A/N

SM owns it all…blah, blah, blah!

"Hey – I'm home!" Jessica dropped her bags at the door and threw herself on the couch. "Oh, my God – it feels so good to be back!"

"Hey – where are you?" Jessica has her arm thrown over her face as I come out of the bedroom.

"Right here. So how was it?" I laugh as Jessica groans and rolls her eyes.

That bad?" I say.

"You have no fu - " she scrunches up her nose apologetically and stops herself as her wide eyes look around nervously. "Where's the midget?"

"You're good. She's downstairs with Mrs. Cope."

She relaxes again and continues. "You have no fucking idea…my sister is the biggest fucking bitch."

That's definitely nothing new. "And I'm guessing that's the punch line behind your new look?"

Jessica grabs a handful of hair and looks up at me with great disgust. "Uh, can you believe her?"

I bite my inner cheek holding in a chuckle. Not so much fun being someone's Barbie doll – now is it Jess?

"So uh…" I wave my hand in her direction. "…how did this happen?"

"Bridezilla asked me to dye my hair because the rest of her bridesmaids are blondes –"

I cut her off. "And you agreed?" The look I get from Jessica is answer enough.

"Now get this shit…" she turns on her side and leans on her elbow. "This is just…classic…NOW it's too fucking blonde for her and she wants me to…" Jessica makes air quotes, "…fix it."

"Well…" I wince because really what can I say – it looks like shit.

"Her suggestion? Maybe I try letting a professional fix it!"

"Oh, Ouch! She said that?" Jessica's younger sister was really just a jealous bitch and now that she was getting married – before Jessica, she used all available opportunities to throw out little…or sometimes not so little digs. She even created opportunities to get under Jessica's skin, like this whole hair debacle. Jess isn't one to hold her tongue either and I'm surprised she's put up with as much of her sister's bull shit as she has. The two were like oil and vinegar.

"Yup!"

"Why do you let her do this to you? And what are you listening to her for anyways?" Jessica pays my questions no mind.

"THEN – uh!" She shakes her head and rolls her eyes again. "Oh my God! Then, she wants some help with her centerpieces, right?" She looks over to make sure I'm paying attention. "Yeah, help…what a joke. Fourteen centerpieces later - Fourteen, Bella! Fourteen out of the sixteen - meanwhile my back is aching and my fingers have lost all feeling and you know what she's doing? Sitting her lazy ass on the couch, shoving oreos down her throat and looking through bridal magazines! I. Am. So. Done!"

"Yeah, that sucks…but …well you were being nice helping your sister out – I mean it's her wedding and-"

"I was being her fucking slave labor – that's what I was doing. Do I have 'sucker' tattooed on my head or what?"

She slams her hand down on the couch and continues her rant.

"And I swear to God her sole motivation in the bridesmaid dresses she picked out was to make all our asses look fat! Fucking shiny taffeta and bows…shit…" Jessica gestures to her body. "I look like a giant fucking cake topper."

"Yeah, well suck it up. It could always be worse." And trust me knowing her sister – it very well could.

Jessica gives me a look that says, 'doubtful.'

"So what'd you and the midget do?"

I shrug not really wanting to get into it. "Ah…same story different day."

"Yeah?" She sits up holding a pillow over her crossed legs. "I know what that means…he still being a fucking creeper?"

"Still? When did he ever stop? He just doesn't get it –"

"Or he just doesn't want to get it…either way though –" Jessica interjects.

"You'd think after all this time he'd…" I shake my head and look down at my feet as Jessica finishes my thought.

"Give up? Yeah – if he was normal." She taps her head with her index finger. "He's fucking whacked in the head Bella." There's the biggest understatement of the year. "Crazy. Delusional. Narcissistic. One step away from wearing a white coat in a padded room where the sharpest object around is a round rubber ball. I don't know – take your pick."

Despite myself I give out a little chuckle. "How about all of the above?"

"How about you forget about him and think about Mike?" It took me a minute to remember who Mike was and why I should be thinking about him. Oh, yeah… the blind date. I hate my life.

"Oh shit, Jess! I totally forgot – " And I truly did. Lately all my thoughts have been about Edward and as of today those thoughts include Edward and his soft lips on my mouth. I swear to God – when he kissed me I saw stars and every time I think about it….which by the way is a lot…. my insides get warm and tingly.

"Well lucky for you I didn't." Lucky? Yeah, not so much. I don't answer.

My mind is still wrapped up in Edward and the taste of those soft lips. He should come with one of those signs that say 'warning slippery when wet' cuz everytime he's near I swear I could leave a puddle of slickness on the floor.

"What's with you?"

I just had the best kiss of my life and if Edward spends any more time here we may have to invest in one of those super absorbent Wonder Mops from those info-mercials. Sorry about the floors in advance, Jess. "I don't know…nothing." And at the same time everything. Does that even make sense?

"I think you're really gonna like Mike." Doubtful.

I'm pretty sure I look like a silly dope as I stupidly nod my head and smile all the while hoping that the enthusiasm I'm trying to show doesn't look as fake as it feels. Ah, forget it. Who am I trying to kid anyways? This just sucks. "I –"

"He's pretty funny." Well that saves some money…doesn't sound like I'll be needing to purchase any fancy- smanshy wonder mops for this winner.

"Great…and that's code for what exactly?" Jessica walks over to open the window.

"No –" With her ass hanging out the window she pauses to light a smoke. "no code. I'm just saying is all."

My body slumps back and as I sink further into the couch, I release a frustrated huff and roll my eyes. "Whatever – it doesn't matter."

"No he's cute." Puppies are cute. Edward is hot. And with those lips – your guy doesn't have a shot. This cracks me up and I let out a laugh that sounds something like a snort. Shit! I hate it when I do that.

"Yeah? We'll see." While Jessica has good intensions – somehow they always seem to fall short.

Jessica blows her smoke out the window and turns back to look at me with wide eyes. "He is!"

"Then maybe…" I point my finger at Jess. "…you should go out with him." Please say yes, please say yes!

"Well I –"

"Well you what? Please Jessica tell me you didn't -" I'm not crazy about going on this blind date but to be going out with one of Jessica's left overs? Yeah, well…not so much.

"Oh, God NO!" Her eyes nearly bug out of her head. "He's not my type."

"Oh, now that's real encouraging." Definitely no wonder mop needed here.

"What? I'm just saying –"

"I see your passive aggressiveness Jess – and I raise you one…" With a sarcastic smile I flip her off. "One finger."

Jessica laughs off my sarcasm. "Look all I mean is that he's….kinda quiet, you know shy." She scrunches up her nose again and shrugs. "He doesn't go out a lot."

I bat my eye lashes at Jess in mock awe, "Wow! Every girl's dream. A silent hermit devoid of basic conversational skills." I make a fist and swing my bent arm into my side. "Great! We can stare at each other all night."

Yes, I'm just purposely being a bitch. And yeah it's childish…I don't care.

"Remind me why I agreed to this?" I must have been drunk to agree to this shit.

"Stop being difficult. You need to get out. Have some adult conversations for a change. And if nothing else at least you'll get a chance to dress up and have a nice dinner."

"Yeah – cuz that'll make it worth it."

"Stop being so dramatic. You'll have fun. I'll watch the midge so you won't have to bother Mrs. Cope. I'm surprised you leave her with that old bat anyway…I swear she's senile."

"Oh, stop. No she's not. She's sweet and Adrianna likes her."

"She is. And she hates me."

"Awe, are we a little jealous? Adrianna likes you, too. She missed you, you know."

"Yeah?" I found it odd that Jessica seemed so surprised by this.

"Yeah. She likes it when you do her hair." This is true. Adrianna loves it when Jess fixes her hair and it works out because Jess has never out grown playing with Barbie dolls. If she can't get her mitts on me, then she'll move on picking the next weakest link – the one who can't out run her.

Adrianna's fascination with hair and everything girlie just confounds me. Don't get me wrong – I do like looking nice and even dressing up to go out but I also like to be just me. I am who I am. I have never been that smooth girl who has it all together; the one who looks like she just walked out of a salon without even trying. No, against Jessica's best efforts, that's just not me. I run into things on a daily basis. I spill food. I say stupid and ridiculous things. Oh, and did I mention I occasionally snort at weird random acts of silliness? And most of all the comforts of jeans and a t-shirt suit me just fine.

"Well, I still say that old crone hates me."

"Well stop breaking in through your window. You're gonna give her a heart attack."

Jessica looks away from me and blows a cloud of smoke out the window before shouting, "MAYBE MY NOSEY GERIATRIC NEIGHBOR SHOULD STOP PEEKING OUT HER BLINDS…"

"Stop yelling out the window!"

She looks back at me quirking an eyebrow. "What? It's true. Not only is she a…" She briefly turns away again, hanging her head out the window to shout, "…A NOSEY SNOOP…" She pauses leaning forward and craning her neck to the side to blow out a cloud of smoke then continues, "but all she does is gossip! And she's got more gossip than the tabloids."

Everyone has a curious neighbor. You know the kind. They want to know what you're having for lunch and dinner. They want to know who you're going out with, or what time you came home. They want to see what dress you are wearing or why you dyed your hair. They are the town's gossip, the newsmakers, and source of entertainment in the neighborhood. Sweet as she is, this is Mrs. Cope.

I swat Jessica's ass a little harder than I intended, "Will you just stop! She'll hear you!"

"OW!" She rubs her bottom cheek and frowns at me. "That hurt and so what if she does?"

"Will you just come on already! I like her. She's nice to Adrianna and I can't afford another babysitter!"

Flicking her cigarette, Jessica lets out a huff, closes the window and turns to slump in the chair. "You're no fun."

"Yeah, well I gotta go to work. I don't have any money to bail your ass outta jail so don't be screaming out the windows and harassing the neighbors while I'm gone, ok?"

I narrow my eyes as I watch Jessica scrunch her nose and mock my tone with a string of high pitched gibberish while she bounces her head from side to side. I just look at her and sigh before shaking my head and walking away.

"Hey! Who's phone?"

Holding the wall for balance, I peak my head around the corner, frowning when I see my phone in Jessica's hand. "Mine. Why?"

"Who's Edward?" She asks before she answers the incoming call. "Hello?"

"Hey, come on!" I reach for the phone but Jessica is quick to spin away from me. I walk towards her as she steps up onto the couch holding her hand out to stop me.

"Bella? Hmm..." She narrows her eyes at me before she asks him, "Who's calling?" I roll my eyes…she already fucking knows who it is and is just being a bitch now.

Her eyes light up like a Christmas tree as she mouths, 'he sounds hot!' Don't even think about it!

I find myself scowling up at her with one hand on my hip and the other held out for the phone. I don't need to shout but I do any way. Sometimes it's the only way to get through to Jess. "HEY! 'GIMME' THAT!"

She takes a step back on the couch. "Dramatic much?"

"Jessica-" I warn.

"Ok, ok…Fine. Take it." She throws the phone at me mumbling something about someone pms-ing. "Go." She waves me away with her hand. "Have your conversation…" she saunters to her bedroom looking back over her shoulder, "whatever – I'll be waiting." She took two more steps before turning back around pointing her index finger at me. "And this better not mean you're blowing Mike off!"

My eyes feel like they're going to bug out of my head as I realize Edward could probably hear her. No probablies about it…I'm sure he did hear. I slam my palm over the phone, scowling at my ditz of a friend. "Look, could you just-" I wave her off to her room.

She shrugs indifferently, "Yeah, fine. But you're gonna spill when you're off."

I put the phone to my ear and take a nervous breath before saying, "Hello?"

"Hey."

There was this awkward pause where neither of us said anything. I tried to think of something to say…anything really but came up with nothing. I wondered if Edward was doing the same; although I can hardly picture him being at a loss for words.

And what do I say back? "Hey." Wow! All that and that's the best I got. I roll my eyes at myself instead of smacking my forehead with my hand like I should.

"So your roommate? She's back?"

"Yeah." God, that was so lame…I sound like a moron.

Another long pause of silence. This time I break the silence and clear my throat to elaborate. "Jess got in this morning."

I laugh thinking about Jess shouting out the window. "I think the whole neighborhood knows she's back." He doesn't say anything and my mouth just keeps rolling. "She got home and was screaming out the window about…well really at... Mrs. Cope." My nerves are getting the best of me and the mouth just keeps rambling on about stupid shit. "I don't think she heard though. At least I hope she didn't hear. She lives below us and-"

"Mrs. Cope? That the baby's sitter?"

His interruption took me a little off guard but thankfully ends the rambling.

"Huh…oh, yeah, she is."

"What's her problem with the sitter?"

"Well Jess thinks she's too old and grouchy…" I chuckle. "…and as of today I think she added senile to her growing list of issues."

"And you don't think she is?" He asks in a serious tone.

"No. I don't think she is. I think she's really sweet." I smile thinking about how kind she has been to us both. "She's kind of like the grandma or really great grandmother Adrianna will never have. She loves Mrs. Cope." I frown thinking about Jessica's behavior earlier. "And really it's more like what's Mrs. Cope's problem with Jessica."

"Yeah? What's her deal?"

I laugh at this because I'm sure Mrs. Cope has a long and well detailed list of issues with Jessica. And knowing Mrs. Cope, I'm sure it is in perfect chronological order. "Well, Jessica is always too loud…her screaming mouth from earlier is my point and case there. Then there's Jessica's boyfriends…" I pause trying to remember what Mrs. Cope says about buying cows and milk but his velvety voice apparently affects my brain functioning abilities too. Wonderful, another defect I can add to my 'I am who I am' list. I give up and give him a summary instead. "I guess Mrs. Cope doesn't approve of her many suitors at all hours of the night."

"She doesn't approve of your roommate bringing guys over?" His tone sounds amused but it also sounds forced somehow.

"No, it's not like that – exactly."

"Yeah it is. Face it if your roommate wasn't laying out the buffet – he…they wouldn't be chowing."

I suppose that's one way to put it and true enough but… whoa, where did that come from?

"Jessica is…." I pause trying to think of an accurate way to describe Jess's love life. And I guess that's the real problem…there is no love life; just a string of random hook-ups. "…romantically challenged?" I offer – thinking that was a pretty polite way to say what it is.

Jessica sticks her head out of her room. "Hey! I can hear you, you know!" I frown and wave her back to her room. She doesn't budge and with eyes that I hope are burning a hole right through the center of her forehead, I mouth for her to 'shut up'. When she flips me the bird I know it's a losing battle. It's not like there's a lot of privacy in this small apartment so I do the next best thing; I go outside and sit on the cool concrete ledge and let my legs swing over the balcony.

"So what you're telling me is your roommate is an easy ticket?"

I giggle cause…well its true and I just think that it's funny that Edward saw right through that bull shit line. "I like the way I said it better."

"Say it however you want. In my experience if she walks, talks, and fucks like a whore…wanting cock...then –" The indifference in his voice is no longer being masked with humor and I had to wonder why he cared so much about Jessica's habitual walk-o-shame. Even though everything I said was true and nothing Jessica wouldn't admit herself, I find myself regretting giving him such a bad impression of Jess. Jessica has a lot of good in her, too.

"Yeah, yeah. Enough. I get it." Something about the way he said 'his experience' bothered me deep down. I really didn't want to think about him like that…with other girls. And what's funny… I couldn't say exactly why this was bothersome. Realistically I knew I didn't have any claims on him. I just knew I didn't like it and that tightening feel I had in my heart, like it was in a fucking vice grip….yeah…well I liked it even less. So before I could let my mind wander too much, I decided it was best to file that tid-bit away for another time…a much, much later time. Like Jessica always says, 'just put it in a bubble'. And I did.

"She brings guys home with you and the baby there and shit?"

Yeah, it's awkward as hell but truly what can I say? "Well it is her place." I shrug more to myself since Edward can't see me.

"And what about you?"

The hardness in his tone is almost as confusing as his question. "What about me?"

"You have a revolving door on your room too?" Not even close.

I scoff at that ridiculous question but he doesn't let me get a word in before he's on to his next question.

"Who's Mike?" He heard.

There are only two options here. Option A: the truth. Option B: a half-truth. Yeah, even I'm not buying that. A lie is a lie. When protecting something important telling the truth is never easy. Lying is. The trouble with telling a white lie though… it always leads to another lie and another lie after that and so on…and I can never keep them straight. And no matter what a trail is always left. In my experience the truth is best – and in the long run the easiest option after all.

However, evasiveness is not lying. So, I go with option C…none of the above.

I keep my tone light as I answer. "Just a friend of Jessica's." There that's sweet, simple and true enough.

"What's he to you?"

I know what he's asking and I know he's waiting for an answer. Since my brain has a habit of shutting down when I'm talking to him I take a minute to collect my thoughts. I want to get it right. I want him to know that this is just an obligation to Jess and nothing more. "Well nothing really. Before Jess left to help her sister out she set up this…" I take a minute trying to find the right word for this. I really didn't want to say date. "… thing-"

"Thing? Like a date?" And there it is. The 'D' word I would have loved to have avoided altogether.

"I…" I blow out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding. Just fuck! "Sort of."

Edward is quiet and not hearing his voice is somehow more disturbing than if he'd just say something. I'd take anything at this point. My stomach has a sinking feeling and I'd like nothing more than to bop Jessica on her stupid blond head for having such a big mouth in the first place.

"It's not important." And that was the God's honest truth. I could give a shit. "I don't have to go?" I make this offer hoping that he'll agree. Hoping that he'll tell me he doesn't want me to go. And if I'm being honest, maybe even hoping that he suggests we do something instead.

"Why wouldn't you go?" His voice is curt and there is a hardness in his tone that speaks volumes…more than his actual words.

I again try to force casualness in my tone so he understands this means nothing to me. "Like I said…it's not really that important." Please believe me.

"Do what you want." I'm taken aback by his aloofness and unsure how to respond.

"What I want huh?"

"Why not? Who knows maybe he'll…"

I'm frustrated with his 'I could give a shit' attitude. I don't get it and I'm unsure where I stand with him now. I thought maybe he might have been into me…but then again maybe not so much. His instant mood swings could give you whip lash or at the very least keep you dizzy trying to keep up. So I resign myself to just agree with him. "Well yeah Jess is right... I should go."

"Jessica?" There's a brief pause before he continues, his voice laced with disdain. "You just got through telling me she was some kind of skank ho and -"

"I didn't say that. You did."

"So where is your date taking you?"

"I think he said Rosebuds or something. It doesn't even matter. I'm still gonna wish it was over just as fast." It seemed so long ago when I talked to Mike and I only listened with half an ear…but I'm pretty sure that's what he said.

"I know Rosebuds. They have good food. So what? You got something against Italian food?"

"No, not really…I guess…" My hands nervously pick at the loose cement between the red bricks as I take a deep breath and in a soft voice I almost wish he couldn't hear I add, "… I just like strawberry ice cream better." Feeling the heat in my cheeks already, I pause for a moment thinking he might say something but at the same time also hoping that maybe he won't.

He doesn't say anything and I wonder if maybe he didn't hear me after all.

My eyes watch my thumb and index finger roll the loose gravel around as I add, "Plus he's supposedly shy, socially awkward and quote unquote not Jessica's type… which means that despite my protests of having to go on a 'date'…" I make a point to make sure he hears me this time, "… a date I obviously don't want to be on, it's already written in stone that this will be a guaranteed bummer."

"What? You don't want to go?" God, NO!

"Are you serious right now? No! I don't want to go." Has he not been listening or is he just a little slow? I was getting a little angry right now…feeling like I had already made this clear? "Considering the fact that Jess puts a roof over my head…I guess I pulled the short straw! And that really shouldn't surprise or disappoint me because that's just how my luck runs! I'm always a day late and a dollar short even on my best days! I'd much rather be getting ice cream with you, or watching TV with you, or fuck…I don't know…even just a quiet minute to myself because not gonna lie, that would be nice, too! But noooo…I'm going to be sitting across from some guy that doesn't even have speaking capabilities!"

"You'd rather be watching TV with me? Really?"

After my sheer mortification, I realized that Edward's tone changed. Could he really find it surprising that I'd rather spend time with him? "Well…" Shit my fucking mouth. "yeah, I just – "

"Aw, cheer up now. It can't be that bad. With a mute like that at least you don't have to worry about bad conversation. Plus I got my own bright side to look forward to…"

I am doing a thank you chant to anything listening that Edward didn't call me out and in an act of mercy, whether intended or not, offered up a distraction instead. "Oh yeah what's that?'

"Well I figure if you're sitting around with a mute for the entire night you'll be so starved for conversation even my jokes will sound funny."

Rolling my eyes, I give him my best sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, ha, ha , ha! Laugh it up, pretty boy."

"Did you just call me pretty?"

"Yeah, I did." I don't give him a chance to respond. "Well, I'm glad you have a bright side… all I get is a meal with a mime."

"Well at least it's not hard to get rid of a mime. Put him in an imaginary glass box and walk away."

I like this side of Edward. He's easy to talk to when he's joking around. "You're real funny."

"Glad I amuse you…so your bright side is a meal? Huh? I see."

I'm beginning to like how this conversation is going and I try to spur him on. "Oh, yeah? What do you see?"

"Do you ever run out of questions?"

Edward's tone is light and knowing that he's joking this time, I just laugh.

"I'm full of surprises. I'm just making a mental note." He laughs. "I gotta make sure I keep accurate notes on this shit if I'm gonna keep up on my competition."

His words make my heart do a flip-flop and I smirk to myself thinking that there is no competition. I start to wonder …and if I'm being totally honest, it's more like imagining what Edward means by surprises. Whatever the surprise – I sincerely hope it includes more of those soft lips. Those soft and very talented lips. Oh, if there is a God in Heaven…please, oh please let it include those delicious lips. My imagination begins to run away with me as I imagine all the wonderful things Edward could do with that mouth. My cheeks get warm from my inner fantasies and as I try to turn them off I realize he's been silent for a while now. "Hey where'd you go?"

"Oh, you didn't hear me?"

I frown. "No." Shit how long was I day dreaming?

"Sorry. I was speaking mime."

"You uh…what…." I frown in confusion. "…mime?"

"Yeah, mime. Didn't I tell you I was fluent?"

Playing along I say, "No I guess not…so for the rest of us plain English speakers…?"

"Yeah, well I figured I'd get you prepped for your date. Oh, you don't speak mime?"

A husky voice replaces his light bantering and I am ever glad that I am sitting…because that voice alone would have my head spinning and knees buckling. "Well now that's a pity cuz I was just telling you all the things I was thinking about you…all day today."

Holy shit! I swear to God my eyes nearly bugged right out of my head and I nearly choked trying to swallow my own non-existent saliva. Hearing nothing but his deep breaths in my ear is a torture all of its own and I find that my own breathing begins to quicken, mirroring his. My mouth feels like the moisture has been sucked right out of it and my tongue instinctively licks at my dry lips. His smooth and seductive voice literally takes the air out of my lungs and all I can muster out is a breathless whisper. "Wha-..um…what were you thinking today?" My heart skips another beat and it sends warm vibrations all the way down to my toes.

My insides flutter like a swarm of butterflies has been unleashed. I know the kind of thoughts I have about him and the thought that he could possibly have those very same thoughts about me forces my thighs to instinctively clench as I hold my breath anxiously waiting for his response.

"Mmm… sorry. No can do. You've gotta go figure out how to pantomime 'check please' and I've got some things I gotta go do."

"Oh." That was all I could say.

He laughs at my disappointment. "I'll talk to you later. You working today?"

"Yeah." I was wondering if I'd see him today and thought I'd be clever by asking in a roundabout way.

"Will you be in for your usual bevy?"

"You know what I order?" This time it felt good when he sounded so surprised.

"Um, yeah. You order the same thing every time." And to prove my point I tell him. "Large, nonfat decaf latte."

"Hmm? So what's your-" He pauses and chuckles. "…did you just say bevy?"

"Yeah…you know short for beverage?"

"What is that – like shop talk?"

"No…I don't know – people just say bevy."

"People huh? So what's your favorite… bevy?" I smile at his use of bevy. I don't know…it just sounds cute.

"Um –" I pause to laugh. "I don't really like coffee."

"And you work at a café that specializes in coffee? How's that work?"

"Yeah, well it's not a requirement of the job you know."

"You like working there…they're good to you and shit?"

"Yeah, I guess I like it ok. It's a job and it somewhat covers the bills." Yeah, right.

"You ever think about doing something else?"

"Well this is how my resume reads: Pours coffee mostly without spilling; On average decreases the number of broken plates and or cups by two each month…that's give or take by the way; Freely samples all pastries then artfully rearranges said pastry displays; strengths include a mostly cheerful disposition, making the perfect cup-o-joe, and a ridiculous if not slightly compulsive need to wipe off all fingerprints from all smooth and shiny surfaces. Need I say more?" I really don't want him to comment. As positive as I try to stay and as humorous as I try to make it sound…it's really anything but. It just sucks.

"So…will I be pouring mostly without spilling a large nonfat decaf latte today?"

He laughs. "Unfortunately not, I have things that I gotta get done today. Be safe and uh… listen, I'll have my phone with me so call if you need anything."

I sigh. That just sucks. "Ok. I will."

"Alright then, bye." And with that he was gone.

I sit for a while longer on the ledge letting my mind get lost while watching the traffic below. Mostly I'm just stalling – I don't really want to be interrogated by Jess right now and I actually consider just sitting here until I have to leave for work. Sadly, though there is no running from Jess. She'd just barge right into the café and begin her interrogating right there. If I knew what to tell Jess it'd be different.

She doesn't even wait until I've closed the door. "So someone's been holding out on me!"

I walk over and slump in the couch next to her. "No, it's not like that."

"Uh-huh? Why don't you tell me what it's like then?"

"Edward…he-"

"He sounds fucking gorgeous!"

I laugh. "He totally is."

"And?"

And what? "And nothing. He comes into the café sometimes and he helped me out while you were gone. That's about it."

"Helped you out? Helped you out how?"

"James had stopped by – you know how he is?" I was glad Jess let me leave it at that. I really couldn't handle reliving that night again. "I was scared being by myself –"

"Back up there, girlfriend. You were scared by yourself meaning you had company – more specifically in the sexy male variety and in the all night form?"

Remembering how it felt to wake up wrapped in Edward's arms brought an intense heat that started with my cheeks, crept down neck and spread across my chest. All the sudden I felt almost giddy and I couldn't hide the ear to ear grin that began to form. "Yeah, he stayed for a couple of nights."

"Oh my God! Look at your face! You fucked him – didn't you?"

"NO! No. It just wasn't like that." Not that I didn't want to…my underwear can surly attest to that any time he's near. I don't know much but I do know with certainty that Edward could definitely put an end to this self-inflicted abstinence I chose to punish myself with…guaranteed!

"But you wish it was." My eyes freeze when they meet Jessica's and there is a short span of silence before I bite back a smirk. "Oh my God…look at you! You're really into him – aren't you?"

"He's always been someone from afar you know…but-" I shrug pausing to think about how Edward went from random café customer to my own personal hero. "…and now…it's like – he's just so real now. You know? Everything…it's just so – God! His scent, the way he feels, even his voice…all of it-" I shake my head to clear my thoughts.

"Wow! I've never seen you like this. So what…are you guys dating?"

"No. I mean –" I frown and decide to leave it at that. "Well, no."

"Come on Bella. All of that for some guy that orders coffee on occasion?"

"We went out for ice cream…once. He kissed me – but that's really all there is to tell." Thinking about Edward has this upcoming thing/date with Mike really bothering me now. "I really don't think I want to go out with Mike, Jess."

Jessica looks at me like I just grew a third head out of my neck. "Why?"

"I just –" All of the sudden I feel nervous. I've known for a long time that I had a thing for Edward; before he was even Edward to me – back when he was still just Mr. Moody Latte. But this is the first time I'm saying it out loud while simultaneously admitting it to someone other than myself.

"I really like this guy." The words feel foreign on my lips. It has been a very long time since I've felt anything like this…in fact I'm certain I have never been just stupidly ga-ga before.

Part of me loves the way those foreign words feel on my lips but another part, a part that's deeper down - my more rational side maybe, feels slightly unsettled. I've dated a few guys since James –yet I was always careful to remain a safe distance. Putting trust in another individual isn't easy; especially when that trust has been so thoroughly shattered in the past.

" Ok? So…what does he think?"

Ah, the million dollar question I wish I had the answer to. I look down and trace the ribbing along the couch cushion with my index finger. The contact and feel of the cushion beneath my wandering fingertips reminds me of Edward and the more my fingertips travel along the couch, stroking the coarse fibers the closer I felt to him. The texture of the cushion was soothing against my skin, relaxing even and somehow, although only slightly, filled a void that I hadn't even realized existed until this very moment.

"I don't know."

"Let me see if I've got all this – this guy…this…" She waves her hand trying to recall Edward's name. "This Edward spends more than one night here-" She knits her brows together and doesn't finish. "Where did he sleep?"

"On the couch." I trace the cushion's ribbing to the rounded corner and then trace back remembering waking up pressed against Edward and debating if I should or even want to add more. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and still my hands over my knees. "I did too."

"This just keeps getting better and better!" She waves a finger in my direction. "So Edward sleeps here on this lumpy ass couch-" She fists both hands and brings them to her hips. "He wasn't blacked out or something?"

What the fuck…that's just fucking rude! I raise an eyebrow and let my voice sound every bit as annoyed as I feel right now. "No! He wasn't drunk!" Then I smack her arm, hard.

"Ow!" She glares at me as her hand tries to soothe her arm. "Relax over there. I'm not saying…I'm just saying…" She shakes her head to clear her thoughts. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just trying to make sure I've got it all. So like I said…" Frowning, she folds her arms across her chest and slightly backs away from me. "… he voluntarily sleeps on this…" She points to the couch for emphasis. "lumpy ass couch with you, takes you out for ice cream, and then he kisses you? And that's it?"

"Well yeah but-"

She shrugs and states matter-of-factly, "I'd say he's into you."

I really want to believe Jess and more than anything I want that to be true. "I don't know Jess."

"Oh come on!"

"I just don't know-" I start tracing the cushion again looking at it like it's a crystal ball that's gonna magically spit out the answers or something. "Sometimes I think-" I look up at Jessica when she cuts me off in typical Jess fashion.

"That's your problem right there, B. You think way too much." That's true enough and I make no argument.

"Do you really think I should go out with Mike?"

"Fuck yes! I'm not saying you have to go out and fuck Mike…well I mean you could and we all know you could use it too! God Bella, how long has it been now?"

"Just…will you…just… come on already!"

"Ok, that's neither here nor there. Look all I'm saying is keep your options open. For one, you don't want to seem desperate-"

"Jessica!" She moves her arm before I can give her another warranted smack.

"No, now here me out on this. All I mean is you don't want to seem like there aren't other interests." She gives me a look and asks, "Better?" I shrug still feeling a little annoyed. "And two, what if you end up liking Mike and… Edward – not so much?"

Although I can't fathom what planet that would be possible, I suppose I can understand her point.

"Yeah, I guess." I feel every bit of dejected as my voice sounds.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Bella! Let him sweat a little…it'll be good for him."

"Maybe." That's the best I can do because let's face it Jess is no Dr. Phil.

"Did he ask you out?"

"No." Then thinking about how he mentioned he's full of surprises – I add, "Not really." Because maybe he meant that he would.

"Well there you go then." Her nose scrunches up with a stupid grin as she quickly leans over the arm of the couch and turns the radio up to sing along with Beyonce's Single Ladies lyrics.

"If you like it than you shoulda put a ring on it…"

I have to laugh as Jessica gets her groove on while she sings along in loud, albeit off-key, Jessica fashion.

I crawl over Jessica and stretch to reach the radio effectively turning the volume down on Jessica's personal relationship anthem.

As I slide back on my side of the couch she grabs my hand. "Hey…" When my eyes meet hers, she continues, "Go out with Mike. Have a good time. You owe it to yourself to see where this goes."

The words Mike and have a good time don't even sound right in the same sentence…but I decide to suck it up…it's just easier and remembering I have to get to work…quicker. "Yeah?"

"I'm right. You'll see." She gives my hand one last squeeze before releasing it.

This is the first day since I called Edward on that horrible night I don't have Jake tagging along with me. I thought having Jessica back at home would help me feel ok…feel more myself. I don't. Not even close. And at this point I'm not even sure what feeling like myself is any more…so I splurge, spending the extra few dollars I really don't have, and take a cab to work. The ride is short but thankfully quiet.

I say hello to Ben and tie an apron around my waist. The café was busy…which was good because it made the time fly by; but left me feeling dizzy from all the caffeine demands.

"So have you been sick?"

"What?"

"Your boyfriend called the other day. He said you were sick."

I smile and do nothing to correct Ben's assumption because in truth - I like it entirely too much.

"Oh, yeah I was." I'm such a bad liar. "Had this…uh…flu thing that's been going around."

"Well I'm glad you're feeling better. It's been way too quiet around here…no dishes crashing, no cups shattering…"

Looking at Ben, I rest my hand over my heart in mock injury. "Are you trying to say I'm a klutz?"

"No, I'm not trying…I think I just said it." Ben looks up and frowns when the door opens. Nodding in the direction of the door he asks, "Hey, see that cop?"

Looking up I see a uniformed James and company as they purposefully enter the café. Without question his partner is the cop that followed Jake and I home the other night. Ben frowns, apparently noticing the color fading from my cheeks, "Do you know that guy?"

"Unfortunately, yes." James is unpredictable and even though there are people present – I have no idea what he's thinking or where this visit is going. To save myself the added humiliation, I ask Ben if he would mind starting the backroom inventory without me. The look he gives me tells me he knows my request is bull shit but he thankfully agrees nonetheless.

James takes his sunglasses off and tucks them over his shirt pocket while he does a scan of the café. To most people he probably looks casual, just looking for a place to sit…I know he's making a mental note of witnesses. There's not many people left in the small sitting area but enough to keep him in check.

His jaw arrogantly works the green gum he's popped in his mouth as his lips curl over his teeth in a sneer. His white teeth continue to work his gum and with his calculating eyes trained on me he walks to the counter in long even strides. He nudges his friend with his elbow a smirk playing across his face, "So, uh…what looks good to you?"

I quickly peak over my shoulder, feeling relieved to see that Ben is no longer in hearing range.

My attention falls back on James and pulling all the courage I have I ask, "What do you want?"

Instinctively my body shrinks in against the penetration of his stare. "What are you offering?"

Protectively I cross my arms over my chest and without thought my trembling hands grip my biceps for support. I can feel my heartbeat thundering on my forearms; the rapid vibrations seeming to give my limbs a life of their own. "I'm not."

He stops gnawing on his gum and quirks his brows. I watch as his jaw begins to move again, flashing a bright green through his teeth. He smirks letting his eyes roll down my body. "Now that's a shame."

I can feel my nails biting into the flesh of my arms and as odd as it sounds it offered a welcomed strength. "Order something or leave."

He laughs and just stares at me with his cold eyes. I've often thought he has the eyes of winter; a darkened stormy gray always holding the whispered promise of threat. I hate those eyes.

His sharp eyes hold mine with a quiet intensity. "Is that any way to talk?"

I find myself cowering away from his stare and look down grabbing the towel as a distraction. "Are you gonna order?"

"Where's Adrianna?"

I set my palms flat on the towel and smooth it out before taking a slow breath and looking back at James. "Why?"

"What? I can't ask about my kid?"

"Your kid?" I take a step back and cross my arms over my chest. "Since when do you care?"

He leans across the counter resting his weight on his right arm, lowering his voice he whispers, "Since her whore of a mother seems to be too busy hiking up her skirt and spreading her legs for the city's street trash."

"You don't know what you're talking about." I grab for the towel again and like it's a stress ball, I just squeeze.

"It's a funny thing. After work I stopped by to see the kid – "

"You have never –"

"Can I finish?" I wave my hand indicating he should get on with it. He had my full attention now.

"Like I said, after work I stopped by to see the kid. Imagine my surprise when I find you - the mother of my kid –"

I knew he made it a habit to drive by and without question would know Edward was there. He made sure I knew too. The nights that Edward stayed over I had to turn my phone off and the same time on each of those nights he would shine his Johnny-light through my bedroom window. The harshness of the light was reduced to nothing more than a soft glow in the living room and never lasted more than a few minutes. Those are the nights I found myself curling back into the safety of a sleeping Edward while my sleep filled eyes remained fixed on the offending light…silently willing it to go away.

"Just stop right there. I don't owe you any explanations."

"Oh, no?"

"No." I looked down at the towel my hands were nervously twisting. "There are customers waiting…so order – or don't…I don't really care."

I stopped my hands from playing with the towel and began to turn away when his body jutted forward; he grabbed my chin and made me look at him. "Hey, don't walk away from me."

I jerked my chin out of his grasp. "Don't touch me."

"Don't touch you?" His eyes grew dark as he leaned closer. He grabbed my bicep and jerked me forward. "Don't touch you?" I tried to squirm out of his grasp but he only held on tighter making my arm throb against his strong hand. He pulled me closer still and there was no choice but to lean across the counter. I winced as the hard edge bit into my side.

"Hey man…" His friend patted his shoulder bringing James out of his crazed haze. I try to pull away but James isn't ready to let up and gives my arm a hard jerk.

"…come on." His eyes wander around the small café as his hand gestures to the customers. "Order something and let's go."

I was really hoping he would just leave.

James's nostrils flare with his angry breaths and his jaw muscles tighten, working to rein in his slipping control. When he loosens his grip on my arm I waste no time stepping away from his reach. He complies with his partner's request but never removes his eyes from my own. "Yeah, ok." He takes a step back, flexing his big hands then pops his knuckles.

"Large coffee to go." He swats his friend's shoulder and nods at the menu. "What do you want?"

His partner nods in agreement. "Sounds good."

"Two." He leans across the counter with a half smirk, smacking that gum around. Turning away, I break free from the hold of James's glare only to feel his eyes roaming over my body. Feeling like I'm on display for his enjoyment I suddenly feel dirty, like I'm being violated. The weight of his stare is enough to remind my body what his rough hands feel like touching me. My skin suddenly feels uncomfortable, like it's too tight. I physically feel nauseous.

There is only a slight feeling of relief as I feel James retreat from the counter. I chance a quick peak to see that he and his partner have taken up one of the taller tables near the back; away from the other customers. Swallowing a few times to calm my sickened stomach I move quickly to get the coffees poured and lids secured because the quicker they get them the quicker they can leave. I'm surprised that I can even pour without spilling the way my hands are shaking and without putting a lot of thought into it, I walk the coffees to their table and set them down.

I don't have time to move away before James swings his arm, dumping his coffee on the table and right on to the floor. The cup bounces off the table and comes crashing down against the hardwood floor. It's like watching a movie play in slow motion as the cup collides with the edge of the table, popping the lid off - effectively splattering my clothing. Gasping, I jump back when the hot darkened liquid seeps through the thin material of my shirt and meets my skin.

"Aw, shit look at that will ya?" James holds his hands up innocently but his sneer tells a different story.

James grabs for the napkins sitting on the table and before I could move away he's standing in front of me, holding me in place with his left hand on my shoulder and wiping down the front of my blouse.

He shakes his head and tisks, "Bella, Bella, Bella…" His hands stop momentarily and he meets my eyes with a taunting smile, "Some things never change. Hmm?"

My clumsy hands are quick to slap his away but he pays me no mind and lets his hands freely continue their exploration. The hand that's on my shoulder squeezes, and I wince when his thumb tightly presses down on my collar bone and he abruptly shakes me, "Hey, you want a smack? Stop with the fucking hands!" He bends low, bringing his hateful eyes to mine, "Did you fucking hear me?" I don't answer. I can't seem to find my voice. He shifts his weight, his tall frame easily blocking the view from the uneasy customers. Even if the customers could see what he was doing, what could they do? Call the police? That's a fucking joke. Like that would help. James knows that none of them will confront him and he enjoys that power. The power of being in that uniform and doing whatever he wants – whenever he wants.

When his large hand flattens over my chest, I step back and quickly grab his thick hand, yanking it away from me. "Just leave it. It's fine. I'm fine." I wondered if I was maybe speaking more to myself than James because I knew he could care less about my wellbeing…his laughter just proves my point.

"Be a doll for me and get something…" his hands gesture to the liquid mess on the floor. "…for this." With the corner of my eye I catch him looking back at me, the sound of his mouth relentlessly moving and working is like a trigger and I find myself biting my inner cheek in pure anger. I don't even need to look to know he's grinding that fucking gum again. I want to smack that satisfied smirk right off his smug face…but know better.

I find Ben back behind the counter and feel my cheeks heat with humiliation. "Hey you ok?"

I shrug and offer a weak smile.

"You want me to get that?" Ben's offer is sweet but I have to do this. Looking weak to James is not an option.

When I respond I'm surprised to hear courage I don't fucking feel. "No, it's ok. I got it." I turn back to Ben and call out to him. "Hey…" When he turns back to me I muster up a smile. It's only a half-smile…but that's the best I got. "Thanks, though."

"No problem. If you need me I'll be in the back." I pretend to not understand that he's asking if he should stick around and just nod in agreement. It's for the best.

I walk back to the table the curious glances of the customers that are left don't go unnoticed and I try to offer some assurance by smiling but my quivering bottom lip quickly contradicts any reassurances I could offer. They quickly return their attention to their coffees, their newspapers, the window…really anything that offers a distraction from the scene that was playing out in front of them. One lady even got up to use the restroom. I don't blame them…again really what could they do? Not a single damn thing.

Breathing deeply I get on my knees and begin soaking up the spilt coffee with the towels.

"Looks like you missed a spot." His chair scrapes across the aged floor and with the corner of my eye I can see him drop to one knee as he leans low, letting his body hover closely over my own. I can feel his breath along my neck and his lips just ghosting over my hair as he speaks. "Mmm, Bella -" His nose parts my hair and his hot breath assaults my ear as he whispers, "I've forgotten how good you look like this…" His nose skims just below my earlobe before returning to my ear, "down on your knees for me."

My hands stop working on the dark puddle that's covering the floor while every muscle in my body freezes. The nearness of James sends waves of prickles over my scalp, down my neck and right down the length of my spine. My eyes are frozen on my fingers as they grip the saturated towel, maybe seeking courage, maybe seeking strength, maybe both – I don't know. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "Stop."

Laughing, James backs up and holds his hands out. "I'm not touching you, so what?"

I refuse to break down in front of him. I won't give him that satisfaction. My teeth bite down on my lip, hard and instantly my tongue is assaulted with a trickle of salty iron warmth seeping from the wound. The hold on my lip is the only thing keeping me grounded and the tears at bay as I stand purposely keeping my back to him – aware that every muscle in my body is wound tightly with fear. I can't bring myself to look at James...the logic is stupid…but maybe if I don't see him then maybe he isn't really here.

My heart is thrumming loudly in my ears as my unsteady feet make their way across the short distance to the counter. My steps are short as I try to carefully navigate the floor, my spinning head making it difficult.

Panic attacks are nothing new and I'm fully aware that I am close to losing it. Behind the tall glass casings I'm no longer on display for James and I take a moment to desperately calm my frayed nerves. Closing my eyes against the onslaught of inevitable tears, I lay my sweaty palms flat against the cool counter top, my lungs burning in protest as I force their acceptance of several long deep breaths.

I wish Edward were here and at the same time I don't. While nothing would be better than hiding in the safety of his arms nothing would be worse than having him witness my humiliation first hand. I think back to Edward's insistence to call if needed. God, do I want to. If nothing more than to just hear his voice. I briefly consider it but decide against it. I can't bring myself to do it.

My head begins to throb with what started as a dull ache in my temples. Now every sound, no matter how small seems to just intensify and echo against my aching skull. I clench my teeth against the stabbing pain that's shooting behind my eyes and hastily reach for my purse.

My shaking hands can barely pop the lid as I try to pry it off the small bottle. The little blue pills spill into my hand and I greedily wash them down. Using the back of my trembling hand, I wipe away the water that has dribbled down my chin and wait impatiently for the calm to come. The valiums were my saving grace. When all else failed these easily brought a much welcomed relief.

"Hey, I'm gonna need another coffee."

I try to block out his voice and focus on breathing. The dizziness has lifted and the floor no longer feels like it's swaying beneath my feet. I pour the coffee and steel myself to return to his table.

With a quiet determination, I set his coffee down and gasp out loud as he suddenly grabs my wrist. He shifts in his seat and my feet stumble over each other as he roughly jerks me forward. Standing between his legs I wince against his pinching fingers and try to garner some relief by leaning into his tightened grip…the throbbing pain brings a fresh wave of tears that are threatening to break through the dam any second.

The sheer force of his hold alone feels like he'll crush my bones. He pulls my hand lower, pinning it to his upper thigh and my body has no choice but to follow. Inches away from his face I can feel his hot breath spill over my cheek. His words hold every bit of promise as they do threat. "Aw, don't fucking cry. It's not good-bye, babe. We'll be seeing each other again real soon."

James watches the fingers of his free hand as they pull down the front of my shirt, his index finger tracing a line between my breasts. My skin feels scorched from his touch like it's been branded and it takes me a minute to realize the scraping feeling against my flesh is a folded up ten dollar bill he's tucking under my bra. Disgusted, I close my eyes and turn away from him as his lips meet my cheek, leaving a single open mouthed kiss. The sticky wetness left on my cheek has my stomach knotting as his mouth returns to my ear whispering, "Thanks."

A/N

Oh, poor Bella.