As I'm posting this, know that I currently have stitches in the bottom of my foot and my knee! That leaves for one totally crabby, bored, frustrated and slightly pained and heavily drugged girl with NOTHING to do but stare at the ceiling! What a fucking waste of perfectly good summertime doings! BLECH! One more whole week of this stinking B.S.!

Also – I'm really sorry!

A few of you already know – I write chapters out of order and go back and work randomly. I saved this to the hard drive and it's ALLLLLLL Gone! I'm still working on it. Love you all!

Written in the Stars *** Chapter 14

B-POV

I hate that I woke up at 4am.

My day is screwed already.

I get back in bed, part those sloppy, tangled sheets and lay there with my eyelids closed.

If I can't sleep at least I'm going to pretend I can.

My brain doesn't cooperate though and I'm wishing it would get with the program.

Sleep, sleep, SLEEP, I think but my brain doesn't get the urgent message.

Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin and maybe too warm, I flip over on my left side wishing the lumpy mattress would just open wide and swallow me up bit by aching bit. I let out a long, heavy frustrated sigh, there's no getting cozy tonight and my body's temperature doesn't seem to be the pending problem. Kicking the blankets off my legs, I leave them loosely wrapped around my torso and flip to the right now. I can hear the occasional bus pass outside but for the most part it's quiet. It won't be long before the sleepy people start heading to work.

Work – I groan at the thought and look at the clock. The red numbers show 4:26am. My eyelids feel like fucking sandpaper but I watch the clock until another minute ticks by and is staring back at me glowing intrusively in alarming red. The bright crimson burns my too tired peepers and for some reason makes my skin feel even warmer while my insides feel restless and turbulent. My heartbeat stutters before pumping a little harder and I swear it's in response to that fucking red glaring back at me. I feel like there's a race against time and I can't even explain why or who I'm racing against.

It's unsettling and I find myself looking away, off towards the window. The second air conditioning unit Edward had installed fills the whole squared space and my fingers twitch to go flip it on. Groaning at having to actually move, I untangle the messy sheets snaked around my body and lug my tired ass out of bed.

Tip toeing over to Adrianna – just to check on her. She's sound asleep, her pale pink blanket lying loosely around her. I watch her for a few minutes, smiling to myself. She has her finger in her mouth again but I just leave her be opting to leave a light kiss on her head instead.

My toes tippy their way over to the window and flip the switch on the AC unit. One flick of the control and it's instant coolness!

It's quiet humming, in some ways, is relaxing and masks most of the traffic commotions. Just like the first air conditioner Edward had installed, it's like turbo charged or something and it's not long before the entire room is completely chilled over.

My legs get cold so I roll on my stomach and stick just one leg under the blanket this time. The other one hangs off the side of the bed basking in the cooler air.

I figured it'd be the best of both worlds – one warm, one cold.

That seemed like a good balance.

The air conditioner blocks out the street's on goings but it isn't enough to block the constant clatter swimming around in my mind.

This whole time, being with Edward, I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop and I feared this was finally it. Feared he had finally had enough of the bull shit.

I sneak a peek at those red numbers. 4:38am. Fuck.

Flopping over on my stomach and stretching out, I let my cooler toes wiggle and my warmer, blanket covered leg bend at the knee to stick straight up – heel to the ceiling. My brain is just too wired to shut down, so I let it go – hopefully it'll tire out soon.

That works with Adrianna. She goes, goes, goes and then all the sudden she's out like a light.

My brain takes the free rein and runs and runs and runs just like on autopilot. Needless to say, all it wants to think about is Edward. I cross my arms underneath my head and let my raised leg fall to the bed with a loud thump, then raise it again. Something about that sharp movement pulled at my chest. The fast whack of my leg against the mattress had such finality and seemed so loud in its declaration.

It makes me think of a gavel being smacked down on a tall podium.

Quickly being followed by the simple word – 'dismissed!'

Dismissed.

I've decided that I really don't like that word or the meaning it holds.

It's so final.

Judgment has been passed on to you and there is no room for persuasion.

Lifting my foot again, I don't make a repeat of flopping it down. I don't really want to hear that sound again.

My foot just hangs there.

Waiting.

Like the other hanging shoe that's been dangling, waiting to descend.

Or maybe it's already dropped?

Dismissed from its blissful high.

There have been very few times Edward hasn't called or at least texted something just before I went to bed and I try to tell myself that not hearing from him doesn't necessarily mean anything. He was tired - he said so himself and more than likely he probably took a shower and fell asleep.

That's what I told myself yesterday when I didn't hear from him.

This was now day number two!

There's a nagging in my chest I don't want to acknowledge and the lump filling the back of my throat makes it a little harder to breath. Everything constricts – my unsure heart, my tightening lungs. It hurts and it's not just in any one place, it's everywhere. Swallowing the thick lump down, I can taste the salt of the building tears in the back of my throat.

Would Edward call it quits?

This thought made my swollen eyes sting as the fresh tears made their way trailing down my cheeks. They began slowly. Aside from the quiet hum pumping out chilly air, the room was so quiet I could hear the first tear when it hit my pillow. It teetered there at the tip of my nose until it finally succumbed to the gravity. It sounded like one lone raindrop falling from the vast empty sky and with a single little patter finding its ending and landing against an open umbrella.

In my mind I imagine the umbrella to be red. The umbrella was bold, demanding attention against its gray backdrop. The red coloring didn't instill feelings of love or romance but apprehension – like that fucking alarm clock which now reads 5:01. In my mind I watched that lone raindrop fall off the edge of the umbrella, much like my single tear cascading off my nose, and it brought a heavy feeling of uneasiness.

The red was vivid in my mind, glaring back from its muted background. My heart rate began to increase and I felt internal alarms beginning to sound. Struggling to keep my lungs functioning and my breathing even was quickly becoming a losing battle. My chest ached now and I was fighting with everything I had to hold back the sobs that were making my eyes sting. My teeth gnawed into my quivering bottom lip creating a salty metallic wash – and that just made me bite down a little harder.

Edward was pissed, he played it down for me but it was written all over his face. His cold, penetrating eyes only emphasized the dark expression carved into his stony face. With one look he could make the blood in your veins turn to ice. It was enough to make Jake back off. Fuck, even James, the devil incarnate, was smart enough to take a step back.

The coin had flipped.

And this was a side of Edward I truly had never seen. Oh, for sure I had thought I'd seen Edward pissed before, the operative word there being thought.

It makes sense now - why people bend over backwards for him. He literally says 'jump' and people fall all over themselves to ask 'how high'. This only just dawned on me – the power he has. The control. So many people at his fingertips ready to do his bidding – whatever the cost.

Edward – the Skip was a turn on.

I'm not sure what this says about me as a person and I don't take the time to dwell on that thought.

That day, I could feel it in the air; it crackled with the intensity of both fire and ice. As I followed Edward into the deathly still alley, everything hummed and crackled with an electrical current like the calm before the storm.

With quick breaths pouring out of my lungs, I pressed myself against his solid back and I was sure he could hear my over worked heart banging against my ribs. And if by some crazy chance he couldn't hear it, well there is no doubt in my mind that he could definitely feel it ferociously pounding into his back.

It was even in his body – tight and constricted the complete opposite of his usual casual stance. Under my fingertips the difference was tangible; his muscles were strained wound tight like a coil ready to strike. His menacing look was animalistic and it did something to me, deep down.

It began with small tingles, soft winged butterflies stretching and fluttering across my stomach. They started out slow, their wings brushing against my insides soft like whispers – I call them butterfly kisses and then they began to fully wake making deep lunging sweeps and creating a vibration of tingles that began to pulse and grow deeper.

Watching him in that alley, approaching James, I marveled at how controlled Edward was. He was eerily calm and I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he took a square, protective stance in front of me. He frightened me, yes – but there was something else that dominated that emotion. The butterflies cascaded, corkscrewing in tight circles from my tummy all the way to my toes and leaving a haze of warmth in their wake. Every cell in my body was in tuned to him, waking up and ready to answer to some silent call.

It was a strange sensation to feel the familiar flames dancing with ice running through your every vein.

He turned to me; I was too hypnotized by him to hear what he was saying. His words I didn't hear but his hands on my cheeks, on me - made the butterflies dive deep in my tummy and backflip. His hands were a complete contrast to the rest of him – gentle and tender. His stormy eyes – they did me in.

So dark and filled with raw power and… so very sexy.

Yes, sexy.

Whether he wanted to be or not, he just was.

When his eyes found mine I couldn't look away. It had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with lust. His searing eyes brought forth something within me and with the electrical strength of a lightning bolt struck right between my legs. The white hot bolt rapidly forced its way through my body and struck its intended target directly. My thighs squeezed together as it lapped at my insides; spreading slow blazing fires then hit with a panty melting force to finally kiss my clit with its fiery lips and leaving me sizzling down below. It happened all at once: fiery ice raced through molten walls – and a slow burn was manifested deep within me. There was a burning, an ache that only Edward could soothe. Just like when Edward kisses me, warm soft lips on cool skin - it sent sweet shivers tingling down my spine.

As fucked as it was – I wanted him.

I'm sure it was written all over my face – just as it was freshly written all over my panties. And by the glowering look on James's face, he wasn't illiterate. In fact, I'd even say he could read very well.

For me, it has never been like this with James.

Even without trying, Edward does things to me James never could. And when he is trying, he does things to me James never would.

In a good way, though.

Very good things.

Things that make my body go crazy.

It's downright pathetic that, although I wasn't a virgin when I met Edward, I was really just as inexperienced. James was funny about things – more robotic or clinical I suppose.

At the time I thought it was great.

At the time I didn't know any better – didn't know Edward.

James - his moves read like an eighth grade sex education manual.

Another reason I didn't think I'd be able to hold on to Edward. He has experience far beyond me, he has confidence in everything he does – with due right of course so how long before he's tired of being the initiator and the patient teacher?

Looking between Edward and James – he didn't really seem that threatening right now. James I mean.

Edward never even raised his voice, my God, not that he'd have to. There was no mistaking the warning – he wasn't implying or suggesting. I had heard enough of the conversation to know Edward wasn't fucking around. His tone was lethal and held the threat of promise. And after seeing Edward – the Skip in his element it was a promise I was sure he'd make good on.

I was both frightened and drawn to his wild eyes. They were so much darker than the limey orbs I love to stare into. There are countless times where I've found myself completely lost in that sea of green. Before, when Edward was just a customer, I'm sure he must have thought I had some kind of a speech problem. I felt my brows wrinkle and I grimaced remembering how many times I had no clue what he was talking about or stuttered out a string of random words that made zero sense.

All because of those eyes.

Sigh.

But these eyes, the Skip's eyes, were calculating and hard, as they honed in on James, pinning him in place. He stood tall challenging James, daring him to overstep.

James wasn't stupid either. He was an opportunist and would wait for a time of more vulnerability.

Edward had my complete attention.

I was…. is it right to say in awe?

I was riveted and couldn't take my eyes off of him. This is who lies beneath the Edward I know. Edward is always sexy but this side of him was just so much more carnal, primal even and required a category all of his own. It was that primal call, something so untamed and far more feral that pulled me to him.

I couldn't explain it.

By right I probably should have feared him, like everyone else.

Deep down I know that he wouldn't hurt me. Maybe that was part of the draw? Having the gentler side of something so untamed? I don't know – like I said I couldn't explain it.

All I knew for sure was that I wanted it.

Badly.

And it was that pull, those fiery eyes and that firm body poised for attack that I dreamt of that night.

And like with all sexy dreams morning came way too soon.

Groaning and rubbing my sleep crusted eyes into focus, I rolled over and reached for my phone. Not expecting it to ring, I just dumped it into my purse and threw my purse on the floor near my bed. Keeping my still tired body flat and melted into the mattress, I slid over so half my upper body hung over the bedside. Stretching far, my wiggling fingers found my purse under the bedside table and easily slipped inside. Blindly rummaging through all the shit rammed in there, I made a mental note to clean it out later. Skirting underneath my wallet, weaving through the random papers and napkins trying to locate my phone I suddenly felt a wettish sticky mess coating my wiggling fingers.

This had Adrianna written all over it.

Squeezing my eyes shut tight, not wanting to look, I pressed my fingers together – they were slippery and covered with something slimy and thick.

Gross.

With one eye opened, I pulled my hand out of the slop bag and grimaced at the brown sludge that covered my hand from fingertip to palm. Flopping myself down and lying flat on my bed, I inspected the warm glossy mess before hesitantly bringing my fingers to my nose.

My nose played defense – already scrunching up and fearing the worst on this new development.

Snatching my purse up, I checked out its innards – nothing but a sea of melted chocolate. It was on everything – notes, receipts, wallet…and there amongst a heap of napkins….candy wrappers!

Mad at myself for leaving it in Edward's sun baked car, I threw it back on the floor and laid back down with my clean arm over my eyes and the chocolate covered hand hanging over the edge of the bed.

Not feeling like dealing with the mess, I tried to bring back the dream from last night.

It was a mirror of the last time I was with Edward.

He came, he conquered and I'd feel him - his presence long after.

In a good way though.

A really, really good way.

It was far different from James, who was also good at leaving my body feeling his presence long after. Feeling James long after had nil to do with his missionary sex but more to do with me reeling from the bite of the back of his hand.

I had so many questions.

Something had happened after I went with Jake to set him off and I knew he needed that – needed a connection and to reclaim what was his. And there was no question about it – I was his.

There are times he's let me cry on him, times I have taken the cowardly way out and hid behind him, and times when I just got lost in him – without a doubt he is always what I need and it felt so good to be able to reciprocate for once.

It was a turn on to be what he needed.

Even though Edward had snapped, he remained aware enough to keep himself in check. His control teetered on a narrow point- possessive hands groped a little harder, hips thrust a little deeper. There were moments when I could feel that perfect control he has slipping and was sure he'd fucking lose it - but he didn't. Not entirely anyway. I lost myself in his solid body and possessive thrusts. Feeling the Skip between my legs set my body ablaze and my explosive orgasm erupted, ripping through my trembling body - for him.

He was angry but wouldn't divulge anything. Conversations with Edward were frustrating. He was so smooth and good at redirecting the focus, answering but not really answering.

He's tight lipped about everything, never letting anything slip – ever.

Yet he's so fucking nosy - in everybody's business then bitches about me being a gossip.

Adrianna is already awake.

I frown thinking that I didn't even hear Jessica come in for her. That makes me feel real shitty. She must be in the kitchen because I hear her talking with Jessica. Lack of sleep has my head on the cusp of a major headache and I don't budge, instead just lying there with chocolate covered fingers. My limp body has zero motivation to move and I wish I could just continue doing nothing for the rest of the day.

I sigh knowing this is not possible.

God give me the strength to get through this day with this horrible headache and not slap anyone. Amen

Taking the opened Kit Kat wrapper out of my purse, I growled thinking it looked like Charlie's Chocolate Factory had a stage 3 meltdown in the confines of my purse!

I get my hands cleaned up and pick my phone out of my new fondue pot. It cleans up easily, the phone not the purse, and I open it. My puckered eyebrows match my pursed lips as they twitch and I frown down at the little screen that displays only the time.

Nothing.

No missed calls.

No waiting texts.

No messages.

Nothing.

I pacify myself with the reminder that I just saw him the other day.

Jessica's head peaks around the corner. "You're up!"

"Um, yeah. It's later than I – thanks for getting her."

"She had her breakfast – cereal and milk. You're up so I'm gonna run and get my pay check then I'll come by the shop and visit with you."

I smiled. Quirks aside, I loved this girl. "One large iced chai has your name on it."

Her head disappears for barely a second before she's right back again. "Hey, so…"

I save her the awkwardness and just answer. "He didn't call." It's hard to mask the dejection in my voice.

"I'm sure he will. You know how things get – he'll probably call tonight." It takes some effort but the corners of my mouth lift just enough to pacify Jess.

Pinning my hopes on that is not an option. It will only feel worse when he doesn't. I look up and change the subject. "Did you get a chance to talk to your manager?" The receptionist at Jessica's work is going on vacation for a week and they need a temporary replacement. Ben would love the extra hours at work for a week and I'd be making a hell of a lot more for a week.

And all shall be happy.

Well maybe happy isn't quite the word.

"Yup, if you can get the time – it's yours. You just have to come in sometime before so they can show you the phones."

"That's really awesome of you – thanks. Maybe I can pick a day to go in for whatever training when you're working?"

"Yeah – I'm stopping in there so I can get my schedule."

"Ok. Don't forget." Jessica sometimes has trouble in the short term memory department. Or maybe she's just easily distracted. Either way things are usually outta sight outta mind with her.

"I got it and I'll see you later."

Walking out of the bedroom I was quick to spot the chocolate culprit on the floor working in her coloring books. "Adrianna – "

She didn't look up or really acknowledge that I just called her. I was equally surprised and peeved with this nonsense. "Adrianna, look at Mommy when she's talking to you."

She put her crayons down and smiled up. Really I could never be mad at that face.

"What is this in here?" I held out my purse, opening it wide so she could get a good gander at the evidence stacked against her.

She ran over on her little legs and peered in with a crinkled nose.

When she didn't say anything, I prodded a little more, "Did you put that candy in here?"

With a look of forlorn, Adrianna looked down at her little toes. "Sorry, Mommy."

Lifting her chin up so I could see her little face I said, "That made a big mess in here. Why would you do that?"

"I gave it to you and for Skippy."

What could I say to that?

When she has play dates with the little girl across the way – well she's not always the most generous.

We've been working on sharing and it seemed wrong to punish her for something I had been teaching her. Really the thought was sweet.

Letting out a big puff of air, my lips vibrated against each other making Adrianna laugh.

I had to laugh myself. "You like that?"

"You're funny, Mommy!" She clapped. "Do it again!"

"I'm gonna get you…" She knew those words and took off in a fit of giggles through the living room and I went right after her. Of course letting her think it was a big ordeal to catch her. Swooping in from behind I grabbed her little darting body and whisked her off the floor, twirling her in a circle before sitting on the floor with her in my lap. I blew raspberries on the side of her neck and she wiggled and squirmed but then when I stopped she'd shout 'Again, Mommy'!

A few more rounds of raspberries and I was just as breathless. I kissed her chubby cheek. "No more going in Mommy's purse without asking, okay?"

She nodded her understanding then wiggled off my lap.

Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts.

"Did you finish your cereal?" That question reminded me of what a total fail I was this morning and a stabbing pang pricked at my abused heart.

"I did it."

"Yeah? Was it good?"

With a shy smile and happy glittering eyes she nodded.

"Okay, get your toys. It's time to visit Mrs. Cope." I tickled her tummy to put a smile back on her face. "Mommy's got to work. Make the money, honey"

Lately she hasn't been too keen on me going to work. Trying to keep her spirits up, with a deeply furrowed brow and a ridiculous puckered look that probably resembled the likes of her finned friend Finegan, I made my voice extra deep to mimic a few of the customers, "The people want their coffee."

"Maybe they should have their mommies get it." She didn't have to add – 'not mine'.

I got it.

And it broke my heart.

"You're mommy loves you. Do you know how much?"

She shook her head with a sad pout I wanted to kiss away.

I stretched my arms so wide. The widest I could. "Even more than this, little girl."

Her eyes popped out with astonishment and she slapped her hands over her giggling mouth, laughing over her words. "That's so much!"

"Even more than that. I love you too, too much!" Grabbing her for another hug, I planted a kiss at the top of her head.

She told me she loved me too, which didn't make it any easier for me to drop her off with Mrs. Cope. I also wish I didn't have to.

When I finally made it to work, Jessica was already there, sitting at the counter across from Ben. The fact that she was quick to clam up when I approached made me wonder what was going on.

"Here." I threw the box of minty cookies on the counter before tying my apron around my waist.

"Girl Scout Cookies?" Jessica knew it's not a splurge I make often – in fact ever.

"I'm out twenty bucks – so eat up."

Jessica's glittery eyes were practically devouring the box already. "You know how much I love these things."

Yup, I knew.

And better to share than for me to eat 'em all…which has been known to happen.

And then there's Ben.

I sighed as he had to point out my fiscal irresponsibility. I swear to God he's a financial advisor in the making. Either that or a big cheap ass. "You spent twenty buck on these? I think they saw sucker written all over your forehead."

"She's a Girl Scout, she's cute – what was I supposed to do? You're gonna go to hell if you don't buy."

Ripping into the box, Ben was quick to inform, "You got ripped off by a five year old. That's funny."

"She didn't have change – said she'd get some from her mom. And she was like eight, not five."

"Same difference - they learn early these days. Say bye-bye, A. Jackson. You're never gonna see that money again."

If I did – I did, if not well it was for a good cause. She shouldn't be out wandering the streets talking to strangers by herself anyway – so maybe that's one less person she'd have to approach. Maybe that one less person is some crazy perv, too.

Either way it was a good deed.

A white ball for my scale when judgment day comes. Perhaps it'll be that exact ball to outweigh some of the black balls I've earned through the years. Like dropping off your kid with an elderly lady to make a few lousy bucks!

I've been zoning out but haven't missed much of Ben's roommate saga.

Robotically refilling the muffin display I listened with like half an ear.

It's a daily thing.

Ben has been ranting about his roommate now for the last twenty minutes. I hear it every day but this is more to catch Jessica up. I think his roommate is a nice person just a bit pigish. It's just unfortunate that she does about 15,000 little things that get on his last crumb of nerve.

And here I thought I had it bad.

I'd be pretty pissed too if someone left big clumps of hair in the bathroom and a grimy ring around the tub after they showered. I hate cleaning showers – more than anything! I'd rather clean all the pots in Union Station than have to clean any shower. Even our shower – which is nothing like the filthy mess Ben describes. Ben also says she pees in the shower – I have no idea how he knows this. I told him he should be grateful he takes showers and not baths. He wasn't willing to see this bit of positivity.

Jessica may get on my nerves, she may not win an award for best roommate but she sure as hell isn't the worst either. All in all I'm pretty lucky – most of the time, anyway.

Ben is all riled up today, too. "Our TV – it's small and somehow, she manages to sit right in front of it ALL the time and blocks the picture with her big head! I missed the last pitch of the game."

Half giggling Jessica gives Ben a dubious look. "I mean it!" He defended and laughed holding his hands out wide to exaggerate his roommate's watermelon head. "It's like this…"

Looking between me and Jess, Ben shakes his head. "You two have no idea! No idea. You two have it good, you know having each other."

Jessica sipped her icy chai. "Bella leaves dirty dishes in the sink."

Um, excuse me?

"I cook – you clean, remember? You wanna get your Betty Crocker on – then I got no problem scrubbing down dishes." Which I do any way.

"Glad you're still with us over there."

My turn. "All right – let's talk about Jess."

"Yes – let's." She rests her chin in her palm waiting to see which of the many gripes I'm gonna call her out on today.

"Okay…" I say taking that challenge and putting my best star struck eyes on and clearing my throat to get my best panting on. "Oh, omg I love you giggle giggle...omg I hate you get the fuck out-fine i'm leaving- no wait come back...omg i love you!" Not intending on offending, I eye up Jessica – it's all good, she knows I'm just messing so I add a little more. "All the time this goes on, night after night….until 3 in the fucking morning. Then they make these idiot voices to each other and sound like demented three year olds and it drives me nuts."

"You hear all that?" She inquires totally unaffected by any of it.

Of all the ridiculous questions! "The walls aren't that thick, so yeah I hear it all – and then some."

Ben shakes his head. "That's nothing. This filthy girl left a pad rolled up on the countertop…" He paused to gage our reaction before adding the most pertinent detail of it all. " – a used…you know."

I noticed he left the part out where he threw up. I guess he didn't want Jessica to know that, only my unfortunate ears got the unedited version.

Just in case he's working himself up to the unedited version, I concede. No need to hear that twice in a week. "Okay, you win worst roommate award. That's just, just…fuck that's just disgusting."

Being preoccupied this morning with Adrianna, I didn't have a lot of time to think about Edward so very nonchalantly I moseyed myself over to my phone and took a quick peak.

Nothing.

My nerves are getting the better of me. There is no reason he wouldn't call. Well I guess I could think of one.

Can I really go there, though?

And not have an emotional breakdown?

No, definitely not.

I set it down on the counter a little harder than intended and I grimaced when both Jessica and Ben shot me odd looks. "Oops, sorry." This time I purposely left the phone out in plain sight, as to not miss anything. Plus I could sneak peeks a little sneakier this way.

Listening to Ben and Jessica chatter on my eyes kept roaming over to that infuriating silent cell sitting so offensively on the counter. Anxiously I glanced up at the clock – exactly thirteen minutes since the last time I checked. My fingers twitched to grab it and in response I began to plot how I could check it again - going unnoticed of course.

Starring at that piece of shit, screaming at it in my head and chewing my thumb nail.

That was me.

And my insides were even worse!

Twisted up in all kinds of crazy sailor knots.

Barely able to tear my eyes away from the black thing, I glanced up at the clock real quick and do a mental calculation.

Four more minutes have passed by.

Is it too soon to check?

In unison, Ben and Jess look over – it was actually creepy how well timed that was and my eyes immediately snap away from the phone. Still gnawing on my jagged thumbnail I offer a sheepish smile and shrug.

Whatever.

They return to talking and I return to silently cursing that phone to ring.

Just like jail, I allowed myself one call.

Just one.

And yes, I wasted that one call already on my way to work. He didn't pick up; in fact it went straight to voice mail. I hate leaving messages, mostly because I hate the way my voice sounds. Like a whiny over grown Minnie Mouse. He'd see that I called without my nasally voice to tell him so.

And he'll do whatever it is he's gonna do.

My heart sank.

The temptation to dial him up again was there – but oh, no I would not be giving in to it.

And that is final!

Ben disrupts my inner debate. "You gonna get that?" His crinkled forehead and expecting eyes look back at me – waiting.

Yeah, I know something about waiting.

Like a dumbass I look at my phone thinking I missed something.

I didn't.

I look back at Ben wondering what I'm supposed to be getting until he points out the customer waiting. Of course he's too busy with Jessica and doesn't want to move.

Scowling because I really don't want to move either I snap, "Maybe I should stick a mop up my as too. Would you like that?" I hissed in a low voice. "You know kill two birds with one stone? Cleaning and customers all done in one shot!" That was rude but I don't really care and I sure as hell don't feel like apologizing.

Right now at least.

The fact that it's Tori at the counter doesn't really inspire me any.

"Hi Bella."

"Hey."

She set her keys on the counter. "I was hoping I'd catch you."

"O-kay…" I'm totally dumfounded. I have no clue why she'd be looking for me.

"I was just wondering if you've seen Tyler?" What is it with these guys and going AWOL?

I cringed remembering the last time I did see Tyler. I felt bad that Edward was angry at him and I knew Tyler would catch hell. "Um, no. Not for a while."

"Oh – I just thought…" "Well he's friends with your boyfriend – so I thought maybe you might have seen him or something?" Tyler and Edward are definitely not friends but I don't tell Tori that.

Picking at the counter I shake my head to answer. "I don't think I'll-"

The words I really don't want to say come out too slowly and she's already interrupting. "When you see Edward do you think you could ask him?" My eyes flash back to my phone and my heart sinks. I'm not sure if I will be seeing him.

I put all the confidence I can muster in my voice for Tori. "I'm sure everything is alright. Maybe he went to visit family or something?" I have doubts looming about this being true in my case but I truly hope Tori can work things out.

"Well still – when you see him you'll ask?" She sounded so filled with hope and I just I couldn't crush that.

"I…Tori…I'm not sure that…" I couldn't finish. Somehow saying it out loud made it true and the thought of not seeing Edward again hurt too much. "Um…sure." I smile weakly and leave my big fat lie out there.

I watch her leave wondering why all guys have to be the same.

People walk past the windows, couples holding hands and I begin to feel the gaping hole in my heart stretching. He's everywhere I look and yet nowhere.

Jessica and Ben had moved on to other things. Namely Jessica's sister's upcoming wedding. This could go on for hours.

Realizing that my incessant finger tapping is getting under their skin, I balled my hand up and offered up a smile, although it felt more like a guilty grimace.

They continued talking but I couldn't focus. It's like there's this magnetic pull and I find my eyes slipping back over to my phone. And it infuriates me to no end. I have never been that clingy girl.

EVER!

Yet, here I stand mentally cursing a little black box.

I'm not sure which is more infuriating: Me or the phone?

Me and my constant…yes I'll say it, crazy obsession in checking for missed calls or the DEAD SILENT phone itself.

I refuse to check it again.

REFUSE!

I WILL NOT DO IT!

Proud of my resolve and forcing my eyes away, I looked back at Jess and Ben and wondered how she doesn't realize that Ben has it bad for her.

They look cute together, although he is a little young for her. But – eh, age is all relative or so people say.

Unable to hold any thought beyond that, I spied my phone sitting on the counter next to the register and wondered if it was even turned on. I tried to remember the last time it had been on the charger – maybe it's dead?

"Bell-a -" Jessica happily sang out bringing me out of my thoughts and I looked to Jess to see what I had missed. "Huh?"

"I can't take anymore." She snapped.

Frowning I looked around to see what she was talking about. I have no clue what I missed. "What aren't you taking any more of?"

"That tapping – those nails…" Without humor she looked back to Ben. "…all day long this goes on."

Her hand mimicked mine as she dubbed in exaggerated sound effects. "Tap, tap, tap – Tap, tap, tap! Drives me fucking crazy!" Whipping her pointer finger out she ranted on. "Either you go and check it or I'm gonna do it for you!"

I guess I wasn't fooling anyone.

Narrowing my eyes at her wagging finger I had to bite down the very tempting urge to grab it and bend it back.

"Oh for fuck's sake-" She hopped off her chair. "Give me that thing." Moving with speed I didn't really think I had today, I shoulder bumped Jessica out of my way and zipped right passed her.

"Ok, ok – real quick, I'll just check-" Feeling like that girl again I frowned at my broken resolve and lamely added, "just to make sure it's charged." We both know I'm lying through my teeth but it makes me feel a little better.

No messages.

No missed calls.

What. The. Fuck.

"Not a word. Not one." Sulking I flopped against the counter and slumped over, resting my chin in my palm.

Countless possibilities cross my mind.

I tell myself that it's possible that he's just busy. His phone is always buzzing – always….something.

I remember that he said he had some out of town business but I can't remember exactly when that's supposed to be. Plus he always finds time to call, even if it's just for a few minutes.

He also comes over. A-lot. The days that he doesn't, or can't he usually stops here at my work– sometimes stopping with Emmett, sometimes with Jake.

My mind drifts to the dark cars that have been up and along the street at various times – both here and at home. There's always one that sits at the far end of my block – just out of the street light's reach. Could the FEDs have picked him up and they're monitoring his regular stops to build a file?

Edward did say that every so often they rear their ugly head in hopes of pinning something on him. I had to laugh. Hopefully they're not counting on me for information. One, I'd never talk and two – there's nothing to talk about. Edward never shares too much anyway.

My mind was spinning too much. "So worst case scenario…what do you think?"

"A phone rings both ways, maybe you should call." This is Jessica's brilliant suggestion.

My head whips around at her and my hand lands on my hip at her ludicrous suggestion. "That would be a big fat NO on that!" He should be the one calling. In fact he should be doing a lot more than calling. "You know you wouldn't be calling either!" That was louder than I intended. "Ben – what's your say?"

"Don't call – that shit gets old quick." I'm with Ben on this one.

"You're obviously upset that he hasn't called you. You could call him but you don't. Maybe that's your answer – " I take back everything nice I've ever said about Jess.

Was I the only one here who didn't get it? What the hell kind of arithmetic is that? "What?"

"Maybe it's time to move on." Jess puts simply.

My teeth grip my bottom lip.

One to keep them from trembling.

And two to keep from tearing Jess a brand new hole.

"Can I just throw something out there?" Do I even want to hear more of her logic?

I slowly release my lip – testing the waters and making sure I don't end up as the weirdo behind the counter that has complete random emotional break downs. "I guess…" It sounds just as defeated as I feel. I don't even know why I ask because I don't really care.

"Mike still asks about you – maybe you'd want to…"

"No! Even if I had never met Edward…" I shake my head in case the word 'no' doesn't compute in that dense head of hers. "… just no!" Pointing to myself now, I explain some of my reluctance. "I need an instant click. More like a sizzling firecracker not a sputtering smoke spitting dud."

"I think you put a little zang in his ego. Did you even kiss him? How do you know there's no click?" She dishes out more of the third degree.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I am not gonna lock lips with some weirdo just so he can get an ego boost!" I was putting my foot down there. No Way!

"We're giving out kisses now?" Ben leans over and peppers kisses in the air.

I roll my eyes and scoff. "Pfft -As if…"

"Don't get snappy. Nobody likes a grumpy Bella."

"Hey! I'm not grumpy and you don't need to be all up in my grill over here. You worry about you and leave me alone."

"How bad could he have been?" Ben asks with genuine curiosity.

"Oh, Ben you don't even know the half of it!"

"Let's do it then – I'm all ears."

"Strike one was when I asked him the time and he held out his watch. Okay, I think whatever and lean in to look and he leaned even closer-" My insides shuddered remembering his bare arm touching mine it made me jerk back, it just felt funny and definitely not like that sparky zip that flies through me when Edward touches me. "… and his watch, it doesn't even have normal numbers. It's got all these little dots. Big ones and little ones. I looked but I still didn't even know what time it was because I didn't know which little blooper thing to look at. Sorry, I don't have my secret decoder ring with me – you can't just be a gentleman and tell me the time?"

Ben laughs. "He was looking down your shirt."

His words didn't hit me at first. "Then….wait – what?"

"He was checking out the goods." Ben wagged his brows.

Furious because I didn't think of this myself and furious because Mike's such a perv, I shouted, "And strike one just got bigger!"

"Oh, come on." Jess tried to pacify me but I continued right on.

"Then the strikes just kept coming. This guy burps, no excuse me, no nothing not even three minutes into the date! He just keeps talking and does the half hand cover thing like that makes it ok. If it was me, I would have swallowed that thing until I exploded!"

"You act like it's a sin. I'm sure he-"

Looking back to Ben, I talk right over Jessica and her excuses. "And did I mention he talks like a cartoon, over enunciating every syllable and drawing it out!" It was bad, real bad. Like a bad game show host with the creepy fake smile to match.

Ben needs to have the full effect so I smile big and wide and fake. The muscles in my cheeks hurt and I'm sure I'll have permanent stretch marks after my Mike impersonation. "Heeeeell-oooo. When Jessica first told me about you, I gooot to admit I waaaas skeptical buuuut I have not been disappointed."

"Right about this time he chooses to add, 'My type is petite with an athletic body' and he disgustingly points up and down." Smacking my palms on my hips, I start to feel the irritation of that day all over again. "Yeah?" I go on like I'm actually talking to Mike. "Three words! Get fucked pervert!" Turning I shake my pointer digit at Jessica and Ben backs up a bit. "He's worried about HIS standards – like I don't have any at all!"

"There's more-"

"I get the picture." Ben looks back at Jessica like he's surprised and jerks his thumb toward me. "This is your friend over here."

"We circle the restaurant, he thinks it's too busy and asks if there's a good place to get a dog around here instead. Um, go suck a dog!" All the things I would never actually say to him just fly out of my mouth now.

Ben laughs and shakes his head. "And he wonders why the world doesn't throw him a solid girlfriend?"

"Thank you!" I give Ben props. "Somebody finally gets it! Uh, dude check your act! Exit stage left."

"She's being dramatic." That's Jessica's explanation to Ben. Then more for my benefit she tosses out, "It wasn't that bad."

My eyes nearly jump out of my head. "Fuck you – it wasn't that bad! He had these thick chapped lips and this giant…" I grimaced remembering and nearly hurl at the thought of possibly having to kiss that. "…thick tongue rolling around that kept spitting all over the place. You love him so much, you date him!"

"He's had hot girlfriends. You just like to look for things – you know, you're picky about shit. Too picky." Jessica complained.

"Jessica, he gave blood an hour before he picked me up. Who does that? He showed up like someone had slopped a thick coat of white out all over his face and his eyes were all bugged and red rimmed – shirt all wrinkled. I asked if he was feeling okay and he takes that as an invitation to show me his bloody poke holes!" My eyes shut tight and I shivered. "Fucking gross!"

I glowered over at Jessica. "Who does that, Jess!"

As Edward would say, 'un-fucking-acceptable'!

"He's a good Samaritan and you want to crucify him." I dramatically roll my eyes, feeling the tiny muscles stretch as far back as they can. "Plus, he would call you, wouldn't just leave you hanging."

With my mini rant I had forgotten about it for a few minutes. "You had to say that, didn't you?" My eyes feel heavy and with a mind of their own they drop down to peak at that phone.

"That's how it is -every relationship works that way. First it's all fireworks and shit - you're in the honeymoon phase and everything is fresh and new and you're excited about each other. It can't last forever though. We get comfortable with the other person and let our guard down. That's the time that you truly get to know one another though. Do you like him enough to want to keep him?"

Speaking with a nonchalance I didn't feel, I laid out my ultimatum. "It's just like work – you don't show up for three days, don't call, you're pink slipped. End of story." My heart didn't feel as strong as my words and my throat tightened against the building emotion. Feigning indifference, I shrugged and turned away, hiding the lies written all over my face. "Same fucking difference here."

That was it. If at the end of day three I don't hear from him….adios!

It's now day number three….damn me and my big fucking mouth.

I've gone to "The Bad Place".

The state of being at the bottom of the "Hate Spiral" where I'm silent and respond to others only by raising my middle finger.

Pissed that Edward hasn't called. Pissed that I can't seem to catch a break. Pissed at James.

Pissed that it's now day three!

Packing my shit and heading clear across the country with Adrianna has gone through my mind countless times. Just disappearing like dust in the wind and putting enough distance between us and him to stop the bull shit once and for all.

Lugging my ass out of bed and opening up my drapes and blinds … my already shitty mood just took a nose dive. This is just about the greyest, wettest, ugliest day in the history of all days! It physically hurts my eyes to look at it.

Waking up to one of the nastiest days of the summer was just fucking fantastic.

YUCK!

BLECH!

And the crummy weather only intensified my crummy mood.

Jessica turned down the TV and asked, "Severe thunderstorm watch - is that the bad one or is that when it's the warning?"

"A storm is a storm, have you ever heard of a good one?" I plopped down with a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream and a serving size spoon and helped myself. Fuck a bowl.

"Somebody's a little crabby, I think." She sang and I snorted thinking crabby wasn't the half of it. "The Weather Channel's extended forecast has made me its bitch. My every shred of sanity is relying on our weekend's."

Ah, a subtle reminder about her sister's bachelorette party. For sure I'd punk out if I could.

Jessica eyed up my extra large spoon. "What? This was the only clean utensil in the drawer." I shovel some more in my mouth. I haven't been much of a housekeeper these days. Funny how shit builds up.

"I'm not saying anything." Jessica turned back to the TV.

I take a few more giant mouthfuls.

"Jess…" I stabbed the ice cream with my spoon and left it on the table to walk over to Jessica. I slump my head on her shoulder and confided. "He didn't call." She hugs me tight but they're not the arms I'm missing and she can't hold the pieces together.

"Don't do this to yourself." She pleads surprisingly with some sympathy.

"I'm not doing anything." I don't mean to pout but I do.

"Remember that guy you liked, I don't know – what was it? Freshman year? You used to carve his initials in the peanut butter jar…" Wiping my nose on the back of my hand, I laugh thinking how stupid that was. "It was like every jar of peanut butter too." She laughs against my hair. "Right?"

"He started going out with that red head from study hall." I finished for her.

"Is this gonna be like that – we're not going to be able to eat peanut butter for the next decade?"

"No, definitely not – peanut butter is ok, but maybe no strawberry yogurt for like ever." She gives a sympathetic smile, I know she's trying and I'm not helping. "And no strawberry ice cream…" I loved that day, those soft lips…fuck going there hurts too much. "…and no cookie dough ice cream either, or cupcakes-"

"Is there gonna be anything left for us to eat?" Frowning, she picked up my hand and looked at my kinda chewed nails. "The way you're going on we'll be living off bread and water."

With a shrug I sullenly add, "I like bread."

"I think you should come in to the salon and get your nails done…" She picked at my hair. "…maybe some highlights?"

"Is that your way of telling me I look like shit?"

"No!" She giggled. "Well – "

"That's what I thought." Like a dumbass I laugh too – even though I don't really feel it. "And this is going to be for the going rate of free?" I hint.

Her smile beamed. "Always."

Hell no I don't feel like going. The thought of sitting in that chair for hours already has my ass feeling numb. Looking at Jessica's too happy face there's nothing I can do but sigh in defeat. "Book it up."

She grabs my head and yanks me forward to kiss my forehead and I just roll my eyes at her enthusiasm. "I'll check the books and text you later with the date."

She gets up to get going and I flop my ass back on the couch with my ice cream and shovel. "Cool."

The storm persisted throughout the day.

And nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you and you meant nothing to him.

Despite my desire to crawl in a huge hole and play hostess to misery in dark solitude, I went to work.

It sucked. Hind sight is twenty-twenty but I would have been better off finding that hole.

I dropped a plate and it smashed into five large pieces. I watched it descend quickly and clumsily to the floor, and then saw that precise moment of impact where breakable meets unbreakable and the shit explodes everywhere. So I'm the breakable plate and Edward is the indestructible force called a floor.

Big fucking surprise.

That was one of my favorite limey green plates.

It may not have been as accidental as I played it off.

In fact I may or may not have hurled that fucker across the back room.

I will neither confirm nor deny that tidbit. Jessica thinks I'm a ticking time bomb – maybe she's right?

The rain kept all the cabbies busy and there wasn't a single one to flag down.

Even the bus was crammed full and I had to stand in my sopping wet clothes.

I hate standing. And I hate being wet. Most of all cold wet where your clothes feel like bedsheets that never made it to the dryer.

Being bucked into some random Asian's lap was just par for the course.

That's why I hate standing. This wasn't my first rodeo and falling into some stranger's lap – well this isn't the first time.

I looked just as bad as I felt.

Like a drowned rat.

I know because, before the bus door opened, I got a good glimpse of my reflection in the fogged up glass. That pale girl with the dark under eye circles and stringy hair staring back at me – it freaked me out. It took a second for it to register that – that was me. Walking death had nothing on me.

Jessica's earlier assessment was dead on.

Adrianna ate her dinner and fell asleep early. The exhaustion from the day set in and I was only too happy to melt my ass back into the couch cushions.

The storm continued.

Thunder exploded as bright bolts of lightning tore up the stormy sky. I checked in on Adrianna, I was worried the storm would wake her but it didn't. After moving her stuffed dog to the side and tucking her in, I went to hunt down my own dinner.

"Frosted Flakes without milk do not make dinner." Taking in my frosty glare she tried to make amends. "Just throwin' that out there."

"This is the way I like 'em. We're out of chips – so…" I shake the box in the air. "..this is it." Actually, milk would have been a great addition to my less than appetizing dinner choice but I lacked the ambition to actually pour it in a bowl.

Jess checks around the kitchen, eyeing up the empty stove and clean countertops and turns with a pouty lip that rivals Adrianna's. "What am I supposed to eat?"

"You've got two hands-" At twenty-three she was impossibly incompetent. I have no doubt she'd end up starving if I didn't live here. I gestured towards the kitchen. "…have at it."

I turned back to my show ignoring the loud sigh of resignation coming from Jess as she broke down and pulled out a bowl and poured milk.

"Frosted Flakes it is…" Sarcasm split her face into a grin I felt like slapping. "…yummy. Here-" She handed me a bowl of my own and forcefully stamped the milk carton down next to it. One of the reasons I love Jess. Sometimes she was a mind reader and always a best friend.

Feeling bad, I took the bowl, poured some milk and told her thanks.

"Did you get off for next weekend?"

I didn't want to talk about next weekend, instead I poured cereal into the bowl, nodded then put my finger to my lips. "I'm watching this."

She glanced at the TV as I turned back to my program. "You have too much time on your hands."

"No. The problem is I don't have enough time, I just choose to waste my free time with useless television. And right now my free time is being occupied with Walking Dead."

The irony of my entertainment choice wasn't lost on me. I felt like a fucking zombie. Numb inside and going through the motions of my existence without much thought. I became suddenly aware that a lock of my unkempt hair was daggling in my frosted flake milk and found myself wishing I WAS a zombie. At least there's some Hollywood appeal to that angle. Somehow being a zombie would be a hell of a lot cooler than just being another heartsick chick strung out on frosted flakes.

"The problem with Walking Dead is that you spend the whole time watching zombies and the hot guys always end up dead." Three minutes into the show and Jess had an entire commentary of feedback for the producer. One more thing I loved about Jess… no need for Siskel and fucking Ebert.

My mind froze and I wondered about Edward. My insides turned as I stabbed my cereal with the large spoon and I suddenly felt a little queasy. The frosted flakes no longer seemed very appetizing so I set the bowl on the table and curled into the corner of the couch. I bet this wouldn't happen if I were a fucking zombie.

Jessica took a seat next to me and spooned a mouthful of flakes into her mouth. "That guy – I don't know. There's something about him that's-" She used the spoon to point at the TV. "I can't put my finger on it."

"Can you not talk with your mouth full?" The thunder boomed around my words and lightning crackled across the sky.

"Sorry." She said around another mouthful. "Now that guy – now he's hot."

I turned and just smiled. Not entirely genuine but the closest I've been all day. Thankful for Jess' presence and seeming interest in the show, I added a commentary of my own that I'm sure she would agree with.

"Shane Walsh, he has flaws for sure – who doesn't? We can debate his character flaws all day, but when you get right down to it – damn he looks hot without his shirt."

"Mmmm hmmmm." Jess replied in a way that made me do a double take. As if she and she alone was secretly getting some kind of privileged sneak peek as to what the rest of him looked like unclothed. Watching her oogle forced a snorted breath. Not really a laugh but again, the closest I've been all day.

Shane Walsh, he has flaws for sure – who doesn't? We can debate his character flaws all day, but when you get right down to it – damn he looks hot without his shirt.

Just like every episode, I was totally into it. Even Jessica only took her smoke breaks during commercials. Smoking out the window to keep dry from the storm.

Thirty minutes into watching Walking Dead and the power flickered.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Please God – don't let it be so, I chanted in my head over and over.

No, no, no, no!

The one damn thing I was looking forward to.

"I'll grab a flashlight." With the thin flashlight tucked under her chin, Jessica lit some candles just in time – just before we were blanketed in complete and total darkened silence.

"Well isn't that fantastic? We can sit here, sweating and staring at each other all night."

The devil himself hath fucked with me today!

He stormed his big red ass up from his fiery lower domain and made my second child, named Directv, cease to operate!

Fuck my life.

We stepped outside – Jessica smoked while I just looked with great misery at the now pitch black streets.

No lights at all.

The lightening was scary as hell so we didn't last too long out there.

Jessica brought a big orange pillar to the table and sat cross legged on the floor. "You wanna play cards?"

Blowing out my frustration, I resigned myself to no hot guy television tonight. "Do you know where the deck is?"

"Hang on." She took off trotting to her bedroom and I took a spot on the floor, too.

She reclaimed her spot and I took the cards. "Kings in a Corner?"

"I don't know that one – how about Rummy?"

This wasn't the day to teach her new card games so Rummy it is. "Deal 'em up. I'll get some paper and a pen."

The rest of the night was spent playing cards and chatting. The power came back on just before I hit the sheets. I rolled my eyes thinking, of course.

Whatever.

Each day that passes, it's harder and harder to get up. I've never been a morning person – ever. But this is just different – like I'm in some kind of perpetual fog or fugue state. Tired doesn't even begin to describe it and there is no reason to be this drained. Besides taking care of Adrianna and going to my part time job I don't really do anything. So tired – yet unable to sleep. How fucking cruel life is.

The storm finally blew the hell outta here, so I walked to work today.

"Hi Mr. D." I thought I sounded pretty cheery, even if I do say so myself.

"How's my favorite brunette?" He winks. "Don't tell Mrs. D."

I mimicked locking my lips and flipped away an invisible key. "We missed you last week. How are you?"
"My wife says I'm doing good…" He shakes his head. "..but she don't know nothing. Then again, I'm still on this side of the grass, so…"

"So maybe Mrs. D knows a little something after all?" I finished for him.

He jerks his thumb in disgust to the kid I just waited on. "He give you that wad of bills like that?" I look at the crumpled bills I'm still flattening out. "Money is money," I point out.

"That's no good. You got an iron back there?" I laugh completely able to picture Mr. D pressing his bills at home. He takes out his money clip with crisp bills folded neatly and I'm sure all presidential faces are in perfect sequence and at attention in the same direction. "See? He needs a clip –" He floats his hand in the air, gliding it in a perfect line to emphasize. "…keep it straight."

"Ok, you can tell him that over coffee. You want the usual poison?"

"Make it sweet." He leans across the counter and conspiratorially adds. "But let's keep that between us."

"No need in having Mrs. D thinking otherwise," I scold knowing full well he's not supposed to be having the extra sugar.

"How much money you want, kiddo?"
"A lot." I joke as I ring up his coffee and bagel.

"This guy over here? He here for you?" He hands me a ten and I hand him his change.

"Most people here are." Somehow Mr. D knew Emmett wasn't most people, although I think he had the wrong impression - entirely.

"Keep him waiting – it'll be good for him. " He nods his head to punctuate his sentence.

I laugh not letting my nerves get the best of me. "Not if I want to keep my job."

"He's not going nowhere, sweetheart." He sets his coffee down and to the side, resting his substantial weight on his elbow. His thick fuzzy brows remind me of an over grown caterpillar as he knits them together and squints over at me. "Men are taught to play hard in order to get…you know what I'm saying?"

Oh Lord, please kill me now!

Silently my eyes beg him to just stop and with a thin tight grin I nod. Sheer mortification!

My prayers seem to be going unheard these days because of course there was more.

"….so you don't go changing no routines. Let him do some work."

I wasn't sure Emmett necessarily qualified as a friend – I wasn't really sure how to categorize him. "It's not like that."

"It's complicated?" His deep wrinkles outline his face. "Isn't that what your generation labels everything?"

My eyes pop out – I'm stunned stupid, "What?" This whole conversation is getting a little awkward now. I can't believe I'm standing here talking to Mr. D about this. He's old enough to be my grandfather and Emmett's big ears are way too close. "No, no – nothing like that." I try to set Mr. D straight, clarify any misunderstandings but all I have is a whisper. I can't even look up to see if Emmett heard.

Mr. D couldn't be further from the truth. Random hook-ups are not my thing. Then thinking about Edward, I feel like maybe I have to retract that statement.

Is that what it was?

He wasn't necessarily random.

On the other hand - night one and he's got me under his spell and in his bed.

It seemed like we were moving forward – on the same page even or at least close to it.

Trying to move Mr. D along I ask, "Anything else I can get you?"

He blows the hot liquid in his Styrofoam cup, "Yeah, a winning lotto ticket."

"So Mrs. D can lose it all at her bunco?" I joke.

He lets out a hearty laugh. "My son complains his mother is losing his inheritance. Me? I'm just glad to have a night off once in a while – her cooking will put me in an early grave."

I shake my head knowing he's not supposed to be eating out either.

"Okay, sweetheart, I'm gonna let you get to this guy over here."

An unsure smile forces itself out as I look up at Emmett and pray to all that is holy he didn't catch any of Mr. D's love advice.

"What's good, doll?" I felt my brows twist and Emmett's were quick to copy. "Hey, why the frown?"

Oh, lots of reasons…none of which I want to tell you.

Not wanting to give away too much, I stay with the general. "Today just sucks. You know those days, soon as your feet hit the floor?"

"Can't be that bad?" He counters back and moves closer.

I glared at Emmett. What did he know any way?

He checks out the frown and laughs. "What?"

"Nothing." My tone is flat and I'm hoping he'll get his sandwich to go.

"Let's see if we can't make today a little better, maybe even get that sour puss to crack a smile?"

I stood with my arms folded across my chest. "I don't want to hear any jokes, Emmett." Fuck no, I wasn't doing this with him today.

I missed Walking Dead last night.

Sweated my ass off in the blackout.

Oh, yeah – my boyfriend has yet to call. And maybe he's not even my boyfriend any more.

I was really hating my fucking rules right now.

Maybe a job wouldn't pink slip you after day three of being a no-show?

I mean – shit happens, right?

I mentally slapped myself and decided to stand firm on my rule.

"No jokes today." He promised. "I'm gonna do you one better. I'm gonna save you five hundred bucks."

"I'm not interested, Emmett." I responded as disinterested as possible.
"Hey, that's not American - everyone likes to save money."

There isn't going to be any getting out of this and I feel exhausted already. "Alright already – go."

"I'm gonna tell you how it is." He gestured to himself. "Me - I'm a great listener and you, well you usually…." He brought his hand up and mimicked a fast moving mouth – I'm guessing it was supposed to be mine. "Let's get out of here, you can tell me all about it – free of charge."

I debated this.

It didn't take long.

"I can't." I shrug. "I'm working."

Emmett looks across the small café and shouts over at Ben. "Hey!"

Emmett's call doesn't register with Ben and I snort when I look up and see him staring out the window, ogling Jessica again. She was standing across the street talking with Tori.

Emmett looks over at me. "What's this guy's name?"

"Ben."

"Hey Ben –"

"What's up?" Ben slid his hand through his hair all smooth like.

"Think you can handle this? Bella's gonna clock out and come with me." Just like Edward, Emmett has zero trouble informing people what they're going to do and how things are going to go.

"Yeah, it's cool." Both Ben and Emmett turned to look at me when I snorted out loud, thinking 'typical' because just like when Edward's giving out orders, there's never a counter argument either. Everyone's so fucking eager to please.

I was supposed to close today, so I gave Ben the keys and thanked him.

Emmett slapped some bills in his hand and told him to get a haircut.

"Come on – let's go. Doc's orders." Emmett waved his big hand in the air. I grabbed my stuff and followed Emmett to the door. Emmett looked down at the plastic crayon pouch I had in my hands. He chuckled. "What's with the hobo bag?"

"My child left a half-eaten chocolate bar in my purse. I left my purse sitting in the roasting inferno Edward calls a car. So now I'm carrying my stuff in a random zippered pouch like I just bonded out of jail."

He let out a belly shaking laugh. Putting his arm around my shoulders, he walked us to the door. "Come on, you need a drink. I know just the place – let's go." He pushed open the door and I walked past into the blazing sun.

Even though it was early afternoon, I didn't argue about Emmett taking me to a bar. He was right. I needed a drink, maybe several. A release from the constant motion in my head and tugging in my chest.

My feet slowly followed Emmett up to the bar and he waved a finger at the bartender before looking back at me. "What are you drinking? You want a beer?"

My nose automatically crinkled. I couldn't drink beer if my life depended on it. One mishap my senior year and that was it for me. I never know what to say to this question. Jessica usually orders for the both of us. "What are you drinking?"

"You're gonna keep up with the big boys? All hundred pounds of you?" Emmett laughed finding great hilarity in this. "How about I get you somethin' fruity? I'll see if they have those…uh" Emmett twirled his fingers around, swirling over an invisible glass. "… little colorful umbrellas, too. They're cute – you'll like it."

I shook my head – that was too much trouble. "I'll just have what you're having."

Emmett leaned closer and lowered his voice. "I'm a straight liquor drinker…" Emmett winked. "… and I love a girl who I can split a fifth of whiskey with."

I swallowed hard, feeling sick already. "Whiskey?"

A doubtful smile crept up on his face. "A compromise? Jack and coke?"

"Jack and Coke?" I said testing it out on my tongue. Ah, what the fuck? "Let's do it."

"We're gonna take these in the back." Emmett informed the bartender while grabbing two glasses, a bottle and oddly a whole pitcher of coke. I'd be peeing all night if I drink all that. Hell, he'd be peeling me off the floor like I was a scab.

"You want some help? I can carry something." I offer.

"Nah, I got it. Besides you're not at work. You do this all day long - relax. I asked you out – so let me get it." He gestured toward the back and followed behind me as I led us along.

He poured making mine more a coke with just a hint of Jack. "See if it's okay –"

I sipped and nodded – thinking it really wasn't that bad.

"If it's too strong I can add some more coke. Or if you want, I can get you something else."

Feeling pretty proud, I took another sip. "I'm good – thanks."

Emmett poured straight Jack for himself, his ice cubes crackling as the warm liquid filled his glass.

Remembering Tori's visit and not sure if I'll ever get a chance to ask Edward, I decided to ask Emmett. I may never find out what the hell happened with Edward but Tori deserves some kind of explanation.

Taking a little sip and clearing my throat, I open up the conversation. "Do you know Tyler?"

"Who?" I'm not sure if he's being serious or playing dumb.

"Um – Tyler…" I didn't expect him not to know him and I frown because I realize that I don't know his last name. "…he's an….um acquaintance of Edward – he's got like a huge cross tattooed on his forearm."

Emmett narrowed his eyes and studied me before answering. "How do you know him?"

"I don't – well not really anyway. My neighbor Tori was seeing him and she hasn't heard anything from him for a while now, she was worried is all. So I thought I'd ask."

He takes a sip before responding. "Did you ask Edward?"
"Obviously I wouldn't be asking you if I already asked Edward." I mentally add the 'duh' in my head.

Emmett nods and takes another sip. "Edward would know best but last I heard, he skipped out. Went back to Detroit – he's got a second cousin or something there."

Listening to Emmett, I nod and take another, larger sip this time then lick my lips. They taste sweet, like the coke and I take another sip. "Oh. But he'd just leave? He wouldn't call her to-" Emmett's hand reaches out across the small table and I shut myself up as my eyes blink quickly to focus on quick the movement.

"Take it easy with that shi…" Emmett waved his thick hand in the air and corrected himself. "sorry…take it easy with that stuff." Setting my glass aside he looked over at me, studying me like it was the first time we met. He leaned over the table with a thoughtful expression and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "You're a beautiful girl." He jerked his chin towards the drinks we had ordered. "I seen lots of girls shot to hell with that shit."

I couldn't help it the tears pored over.

Emmett's sweetness made me miss Edward even more.

"Ok, come on no more tears. Ain't nothing worth getting your stomach all tied up in knots for."

Gravity pulled on my eyebrows as I squeaked out, "My dad used to say that."

"Yeah?" Emmett paused waiting for me to look up at him. "Well he's a smart man."

Feeling stupid for being such a train wreck, I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and swatted a few lone tears away.

"Here." Emmett handed me a stack of soft white napkins. "Better?"

I looked up at him, his smile was genuine and I nodded although there was no way I didn't look as pitiful as I felt. He reached over and wiped a fresh tear away with his thumb. "I ain't no mind reader. Now you gonna tell me what's on your mind?"

There was a need for more alcohol – especially if I was gonna talk about this with Emmett – Edward's brother. I reached over and took another very large sip, okay maybe more like a gulp or two. I swallowed feeling the instant trail of warmth the booze left.

Tingles in my cheeks, tingles in my fingertips and tingles in my kneecaps.

It was more than pitiful that there are eighth graders who have a better tolerance than me.

Thinking about where to start, how much I should actually say I sat back and took a big, deep breath, then with a big gust I blew the stray hairs off my face. My own potent breath assaulted my nostrils – and it stunk. I smelled like a goddamned brewery.

How do you explain that the person you're crying for, the one you can't seem to live without is the one who made you cry in the first place?

"It's Edward-" I stopped there and eyed up his reaction. Like Edward, Emmett was good, he gave away nothing. He sat patiently waiting for more.

Fuck, could I really do this?

My hands fiddled with the damn white napkin, twisting and wringing it in all different directions as I tried to find some way of not sounding so needy and clingy, especially to his brother.

My brain moved in circles, floods of images and words passed through, thundering like a runaway train but I couldn't latch on to a single coherent thought. There was no way this was gonna be good.

"Let me ask you somthin'?" He set my glass further away. "We're sitting here, this whole time you're all worked up – a crying mess and you're telling me it's cuz of that prick? Is that what you're telling me?"

My throat caught, strangling off any words that I might have said – if I had any at all. He took me by surprise – I didn't expect him to call his brother a prick. Although it is the truth.

"He's my brother, and Christ knows I love him but he can be a moody little bitch."

Foregoing the coke this time, I took the Jack and poured another drink completely ignoring Emmett's disapproving frown. I tipped the bottle back, swallowed down the burn and poured another. My hand may have been a little heavier at the pouring than Emmett. My glasses stayed full longer when I did the pouring.

It had been so long since I've let go like this and to be honest it felt good, almost freeing.

"Listen-" He took my glass and firmly set it aside. "Can you stop, please? I can't talk to you like this."

I felt the effects of the alcohol in my limbs and I was pretty sure I was slurring my words – although it was hard to tell. There was this loud tingling that vibrated from my toes straight to my eardrums.

It was so hard to hear anything over that fucking ringing.

My hand flew up and in a sloppy gesture indicated he should continue. Wanting to hear this, I tried my best to focus on his words and found myself holding my spinning head up in my palm and squinting at his mouth. His lips seemed to be moving a mile a minute while his words echoed in and out in slow motion.

Some words seemed so loud and others were hard to catch. I knew I was completely smashed when I tried to count out the loud words and couldn't get passed five.

"True story. The first time I saw you two together – that night you was over at Rosebuds, I never saw him so happy like that." Emmett lifted his own glass, swirling it and clinking the ice cubes before bringing it to his lips. "That fucking bastard never smiles. You believe that? He's always been like that though. Not that I can blame him." Emmett takes a drink and eyes me carefully over the rim. "He tell you about himself much?"

"Um – like what?" I remember everything Edward has ever said but nothing that fits with what Emmett's asking. "What specifically?" I wish I could be slick – maybe get some information outta Emmett. I'm not, though and Emmett's too smart to fall for any silly schemes I could hatch on the fly.

"It's not my place." Emmett's not going to tell me and I feel annoyed that he knows something so personal about Edward that I don't. "He is who he is - then you come into the picture. What I can say is you changed something in him. For you – he smiles. He had a million fucking dollar smile plastered to his mug." Emmett stopped, I'm guessing so I could keep up. "That was for you, sweetheart. Nobody else."

I remember all the time I spent with Edward but that night was a favorite. In a blink of an eye the wait staff had set up a table for him and I nearly died when said table was placed so close to mine. It would have been impossible to not look over at him and drool. And forget eating – I'd end up wearing the sauce all over my dress. The liberties he took and commotion he made – I have never met a person with such a sense of entitlement. The fact that he'd go through so much trouble for me was endearing.

Who the fuck am I kidding?

I felt like a freaking rock star!

Especially since he could have anybody he wants.

I loved that night.

It's hard to not ask if he's said anything about me. "Have you talked to him?" I hope with that question Emmett will open up a little but more.

"I seen him the other day – he's got somethings…" Emmett took another sip as did I.

"Is everything okay?" I feel like I'm asking about a distant acquaintance and not my boyfriend. That thought hurts because truthfully he may not be my boyfriend any more. By my own rules he isn't.

"You worry too much. Things have a way of working out – leave it at that. I know he's a crazy son of a bitch – he's got a fucking temper like a rabid dog but I also know he's crazy about you. He gets like this – he's just gotta clear his mind. He'll be okay. Have some trust – let him blow off his steam."

I tried to respond but my lips weren't able to form anything coherent and the sounds that did come out were a garbled mess. I just wanted to rest my dizzy head. I mumbled some more words – I think I said 'no more talking' at least in my head that's what I said, no telling what actually slurred through my numb lips.

"Come on. I'm gonna take you back. You've had enough." Emmett stood up and left some money on the table. "Christ - he knew I took you out, got you drunk like this, he'd fucking kill me." Emmett grabbed my plastic pouch. "Can you stand up?"

I stood and swayed, wobbling a few steps from the table. Emmett held my upper arm and stood close. I was thankful. Emmett wasn't just being considerate or a gentleman – he was holding my drunk ass up.

He opened the door to his black Mercedes showcasing a beautiful black leather interior that under normal circumstances I'd feel guilty even sitting on. However, considering my current stated of fuckup, I give little more than a fleeting thought and cooperate the best I can as Emmett palmed my head so I wouldn't whack it on the door frame. "Nice and easy…in ya' go." Slumping back in the seat unable to hold my head up anymore, I closed my eyes praying for the floor to stop spinning in circles.

"If you puke in my car, I'm gonna be pissed." Emmett warned.

I forced my eyes open to acknowledge his condition and as I did my eyes fixed on the navigation panel radiating a blue digital light that reminded me of a NASA control station.

Christ, just the volume button in his car probably cost more than I make in two months. Feeling a little nervous about the tummy turbulence that I was feeling, I closed my eyes tight and said a silent prayer to ward off any puke fairies.

As he peeled away I felt the velocity of the car pull forward which seemed equally reminiscent of a NASA space launch.

So unfortunate.

I felt the bile in my stomach forced against my spine with what felt like a tidal wave of jack and coke and I pinched my eyes closed even tighter. At this point I am chanting Emmitt's last spoken word in my head like some kind of mantra. "If you puke in my car, I'm gonna be pissed. If you puke in my car, I'm gonna be pissed…"

Those were the last words I remember as I groggily roll over and rub my eyes. My vision clears the fuzziness ebbing away and I realize I have no idea where I am.

It is a scary thing to wake up in unfamiliar surroundings and have no clue how you got there. Unfamiliar but familiar at the same time. My foggy brain finally pinpoints why it's so familar and it's not the room so much, I don't know this place from Adam. It's the scent.

The sheets smelled like Edward.

The bed is big – huge really. It takes up the whole room, leaving only a little nook for a nightstand.

Feeling very much like an intruder, I peak around the corner as Emmett looks back at me.

"Hey…" Emmett snapped his phone closed and set his drink on an end table. "…how ya feeling?" He's considerate and uses an indoor voice.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt your call." I stand up and look back at the gigantic bed.

"It was done. How 'bout you? You doing okay?"

I was in Emmett's place, I'm guessing. It smelled like Edward. That's just fucking creepy and I want the hell out of here.

I uncomfortably fold my arms across my chest. "I just want to go home now," I miserably croak and rub my throbbing head.

"You don't look so hot," He says full of concern. "You want a drink first – it'll help."

Both hands rub my temples and my eyes close at the relief this brings. "Definitely not – maybe an aspirin or four?"

Emmett burst out in laughter. "Nothing cures what's ailing ya' like the hair of the dog that bit ya."

"Just aspirin, please."

He finished off his drink and I feel bile at the back of my throat. My tongue recoils back remembering all too well the bite of the brown liquid. "How can you drink that?"

"That's what happens when little girls want to play with the big boys." He hands me a water and drops two Tylenol in my hand. "Here take these. Can you eat?"

"God no – " I take the aspirins and hand the now empty cup back over to Emmett. "Thanks."

With just the bare necessities, his apartment looks very unlived in. There's nothing personal about it at all – no photographs, no magazines, no movies. "Is this your place?" I ask genuinely curious.

His hand scratches the back of his head and he answers uncomfortably. "Uh, yeah – one of them." It's a pretty basic place but what's most interesting is that there's no sign of Rosalie. "You want a tour?"

"I think I've had it." Beyond the single bedroom and bathroom and where I'm standing now there isn't anything more to see.

"Yeah, I brought you here – didn't want to leave you like that and I didn't figure you'd want to go home like that."

"Yeah, that's cool." I look up and smile thinking that was pretty thoughtful. "Thanks. I don't usually, I mean I'm not a-"

"Yeah, I figured that one out. Next time you need to talk, maybe lemonade?"

"Lemonade?" I felt a little silly but felt hopeful with a next time. He wouldn't bother with me if his brother wiped his hands, right? For the first time in days I had a real smile. "Yeah, I like lemonade ok."

We stand there awkwardly for a few minutes and I rock back and forth on my heals waiting for him to say something. The silence is uncomfortable and I look away to the window. "What time is it?"

He checks his watch. "It's just a little past five."

A little chuckle escapes my lips because even Emmett can be a gentleman.

"What?" He looks confused and I'm not telling Emmett about Mike and his free peep show.

"No, it's nothing. I was just – I don't know. Forget it. I think it's remnants of the alcohol." Feeling uneasy, I folded my arms across my chest again. "I have to get going now."

"Yeah, I'll take you…hang on - let me grab my keys."

Emmett took me home and I apologized for all the trouble and thanked him for the talk. I'm not sure how helpful the talking was but it was a nice gesture on his part.

That feeling of hope followed me home and I slept – better. It wasn't great or restful – but it was better.

That was a start.

A start to what I couldn't say.

With day number one at the salon out of the way, feeling a little more confident and happy to be making the extra money, as I manned my desk the bells at the door chimed and I looked up to see a very sexy Edward casually strolling through.

My heart lurched. My legs – instant putty. I thought 'oh, fuck' but thankfully actually said, "Oh, it's you." I sounded much braver than I actually felt and I quickly averted my eyes to straighten the shit on the counter. Reorganizing the already tidy space just to avoid looking at him. "What are you doing here?"

Not that I care.

I don't know why I was surprised he knew I was working here. He somehow knows everything about everyone. There's not a lot that gets by him. He's like some kind of super sleuth.

"I don't know…" Edward shrugged. "What do people usually want when they come in here?"

Annoyed at his casual demeanor, I frowned. So fucking typical. "Go get your hair cut somewhere else." With all the sarcasm I can find I send him an ear to ear sneer and I'm all too happy to inform, "We're booked."

This was true.

My inner self smiled big and wide thinking he couldn't toss his money around in here. All the money in the world wouldn't get him an appointment today. Mainly because I was one hundred percent not booking one for him.

"Yeah, that's the thing – this place has a receptionist that I happen to think is cute. Plus…" He paused to turn the appointment book over and as my eyes zeroed in on the page my mouth literally dropped, hanging open from its hinges. With a crooked grin, he tapped the page. "I have an appointment."

Snapping my gaping mouth shut, my teeth clanked together. I squinted wondering who took the appointment and how I missed his name written in the bubbly turquois ink.

Rolling my eyes because it just figured – Mr. I have an answer for everything. "Fine." I turned to grab a smock - skipping the black ones, skipping the blue ones, even skipping the pretty green ones, my eyes landed on the ugly lilac smocks and I smiled big. I tossed him the folded up garment and he was quick to catch it. "Here's your smock. Put it on." I instruct and point out the changing room where he could hang his shit up.

With a flick of his wrist, he shook it out and stretched his arms extra wide. "Do you have something more my size?"

I didn't even look up. "Sorry it's one size fits all." I was proud of myself. I sounded cool and indifferent.

"Based on what demographic? A colony of Samoans?" Edward laughed holding the smock down and looked over at me. I did my best not to look in those eyes – they were always my undoing. "When you say one size fits all, I am going to be the only one in here right? That is unless you care to join – ".

I was quick to cut him and that line of thinking off as I snapped back with my hands on my hips. "Look, men's extra medium…" That was a total lie – there wasn't anything medium about Edward. "… you're wearing the smock or you're getting your hair cut somewhere else." The amusement sparkling in his eyes only made me angrier and I let out a huff of frustration.

"Listen…" He leaned low, his gleaming greens catching my browns. "…girl's extra sassy – " His mocking rebuke made me steam, bristling with the desire to ball up and sock his pretty face – right across those crooked lips, all turned up and sexy looking. "…this is your lucky day because it just so happens that purple is my favorite color."

Wishing I picked the ugly cornflower blue smock now, my teeth gritted out, "Good for you."

He tucked that stupid, hideously purple smock under his arm and leaned across the counter, closing the distance between us and lowering his voice. "I have fond memories involving the color purple." His words rolled smoothly off his tongue – and I couldn't help but think about how his tongue felt rolling and caressing the most sensitive parts of my body. Between sexy thoughts and his boldness my brain checked the fuck out and I was left speechless.

Edward winked, punctuating his point and as angry as I was, I felt my traitorous cheeks instantly heat up. I remembered the night of the purple underwear only too well and have thanked the stars on oh so many occasions I had them on that night.

"Just…just –" His close proximity makes my brain cloudy and I stutter over my words. His eyes glow and looking into them I feel mesmerize, lost in the serene seas of liquid green. His eyes are so deep, intently studying me and I have no doubt he can see all the way to my soul. It's too intimate and a wave of warmth floods over my cheeks. Clearing my throat to break the spell my words come back. "…just go put on the smock, okay?" Not wanting to get caught in that trap again, I looked down at the book to see what else I might have missed.

Edward tucked my hair behind my ear putting my twenty shades of red on display as he stroked my cheek once with this thumb. Denying myself the contentment of leaning into his touch, I keep my head ramrod straight and so very still while his thumb feathered across my cheek, it was warm and left a trail of tingles down my sensitive skin. He bit the corner of his mouth to keep it from smiling, as he watched my immediate response to his touch blossoming across my skin. "Something wrong, Bella?"

He moved back, only slightly watching me with amusement. He was getting far too much satisfaction out of this.

I peeked up from the books and scoffed. For a smart guy that was a totally stupid question.

The phone rang and I was overly joyed to have a distraction. A break from the all too knowing green eyes watching me from just across the island counter. With a smug smile, I turned away from Edward and answered the phone.

Listening to the fast yapper on the other end my fingers worked quickly to grab a pen and write down the appointment. Edward stretched forward, reading over the name and information I scratched into the books.

He has no fucking shame. I scowled at him. Mr. Fucking Nosy!

He straightened and held his hands out wide.

When I ignored him, he leaned back over the counter to see what I was writing.

"What!" It's a whisper hissed between clenched teeth and directed at Edward but spoken directly into the phone . Shit! "Um…no,no not you. Um…" Edward chuckles and I turn away fuming. "I'm sorry what were you saying?"

The lady continued listing the services she'd been planning for a bridal thing and all too soon I had to hang up. I truly did my best to ignore the shamelessly nosy asshole standing not more than three feet away from me.

He watched my every move.

"You know I tried calling you a few times. You're phone not working?" That was it.

I slammed the book closed and glared with all my might. "I'd be surprised if it did work. You didn't try calling me a few times, you tried destroying my phone with an unslaught of unsolicited calls! I'm surprised my phone didn't melt in my pocket like a mini trinoble. And just so you know I was aware of every phone call – I was just busy."

"Busy doing what? Picking out smocks for Samoans? Throwing a party under the purple smock tent?" His jokes just added to my anger.

"NO! No, no, no…I was-" I was melting into my couch and watching stupid tv shows and I sure as hell am not admitting that to Mr. Party all the time. "I don't need to give you an explanation any way. What was so important you had to blow up my phone like a plane in enemy territory?"
When Edward finally decided to call me it was a week later. I decided by then that Jess was right, I had to cut my losses.

"You're harder to get a hold of than the president." Edward complained.

"And no doubt you tried."

"No. I didn't try. No point. He's not as cute as you. And even if I did get a hold of him, he wouldn't be in my top picks to share a slice with."

What the fuck kind of explanation is this. "And that's your dyer emergency?"

"Yes. That qualifies as an emergency. I was hungry. Kids in Africa are hungry, that gets coded as a state of emergency. What? I don't count? I get hungry it doesn't matter?" He ranted.

"You're just fine." I point out.

Edward scoffed at my words, his voice lowering and taking on a far more serious tone. "Fine is not what I'd call this past week, Bella. It's been anything but fine."

"You're not starving."

All traces of humor vanished and a shadow fell across his face, marring his perfect features and I feel like maybe he's not talking about food any more. "I tend to disagree." He replies.

"I'm mad at you."

Edward takes a breath in contemplation and looks around the large salon, surveying all the hovering eavesdroppers that are suddenly preoccupied with trivial tasks.

"Listen - can we get out of here for a few. Go for a walk?"

"Nope. You have an appointment in…" I flip the page and stab my pointer finger against his name. "…eight minutes."

Edward runs his hand through his hair and I mentally slap myself for hoping he doesn't get too much taken off. I love running my hand through his hair and gripping it hard when he makes me completely come undone.

"Fine. I'll get my haircut, you get done whatever you need to, then you're gonna come with me, we're gonna take a walk."

Looking over at the girls who rapidly disperse upon being called out, I sigh in resignation. "I guess."

"See? I can compromise." Liar. He's just good at letting you think you won something. It's always his way.

"Put your smock on and go over there-" I pointed to an empty station and watched as Edward crossed the floor to take a seat. It felt good to be telling him what to do for once.

He went to his seat and I was glad for the break. The air is always so intense when he's near.

My body knew he was close, though.

I couldn't think.

I couldn't work.

Shit, that man is distracting.

And his appointment was way too short.

"Okay, you ready? We can take a walk around the corner." Always straight to the point.

"Fine." I slam my hands down on the desk and use them to hoist my ass up.

We walked a few doors down and Edward was the one to break the ice.

"You like it?" He asked brushing his palm across the top of his head. "You know – the hair."

There's no need to look so I keep my eyes trained straight. "You know you look good."

"Still – it's nice to get a compliment from a pretty girl once in a while." His eyes scanned my body – taking in and appraising the assets. "You look good, too."

"I'll tell Jessica you liked the dress." Meanwhile my legs are wrapped up in fucking nylon saran wrap and I feel like a damn sweaty ham sandwich!

"You can't talk nice? I give you a compliment – is a 'thank you, Edward' too much?"

I feel like telling him to get bent to see if that's nice enough. Instead I change the subject. "I saw Emmett the other day."

Edward chuckled with little humor and ran his finger across his brow. "Yeah, I know."

This just irked me. "You know everything don't you. All the answers – all the time. Nobody can tell you anything."

"That's not true. I believe you told me to, and I quote, 'blow it out my ass'."

"You're damn straight I said it! Good to know your cronies report back accurately – you're obviously getting your money's worth!"

"I'm here, standing right next to you. You don't need to shout." His voice was low but like steel.

"What do you want me to say?" My anger was rising and with it my voice. "You're gone - a whole week goes by and nothing. Nothing! You don't think I worry?"

"Bella, I'm not gonna tell you again- lower your voice," He warned.

Taking it down a notch I hiss, "For Christ sake I spent half this week thinking you were dead!" This was a slight exaggeration. Not to say the thought hadn't crossed my mind for like a split second but I knew better and dismissed that concern.

But fuck him – let him think I did!

"Then fucking Frankenstein shows up on my doorstep with a fucking purse!" Without care that it was probably the most expensive purse I have ever had in my hands, I beamed that fucker right down the stairwell. It zipped right passed the human Godzilla, pegging the brick wall with a loud punch. Mentally it was the best therapy ever!

"I take it you didn't like it – the purse I sent over?" That purse said two things: One, it confirmed that Edward does have good taste and two he thinks things, money, whatever just make it right.

"It's not about the purse, Edward!" He SENT over – exactly my point. He couldn't be troubled to come in person, he had to send his minion. "The other half of the week I spent realizing you just didn't give a good goddamn. You're off doing…" I pause thinking about what to say here. "doing…whatever and just didn't want to be bothered! That's the bottom line – you – YOU, EDWARD just didn't want to be bothered." Those words came stuttering out in sobs.

"Hey, did I say that? How could you think that?" And he has the nerve to sound mad.

I wasn't over that painful realization yet and those words wounded the deep scars on my heart. Scars that may never heel. My insides crumbled, the fissures in my heart reopened with a force that sent me reeling from the freshly sharpened ache.

It hurt and the tears streamed.

Edward reached to pull me to him and I shrugged away, slapping the tears off my own face as I turned my back. I swallowed down the stinging lump beginning to crawl up the back of my throat – biting back the sobs that began to erupt. He pulled my back flush against his hard chest and pinned my arms across my chest. He was letting me get it out.

And I did.

The deep sobs tore through me with a body quaking force and I had no will to fight any more. Exhausted and drained of everything, I melted into Edward's strong body and let him absorb my weight in his arms.

Leaning over me, fusing our bodies together, his front to my back, he kissed the top of my head and squeezed me to him tight. This reminded me of my talk with Emmett. This was what I couldn't explain. For days I have cried missing his touch and now that very same touch is the reason for my tears. He rested his chin on my shoulder and angled his head to my collarbone. His own breathing was labored as it fanned against my neck.

"Please don't cry like this." His lips were pressed against my damp hair. "It wasn't like that."

How would he know what it was like? This week has fucking sucked!

I had to force a breath from my abused lungs. "Why are you even here?" I croaked out - the hoarse words, a testament to the rawness clawing at my insides.

"Where else would I be?"

I rolled my eyes. "There seems to be a lot of places."

"This isn't the place for this." His lack of explanation did not ease my week long fear one little bit. "Can I see you tonight?"

"What am I supposed to say? I should say no," I bite back. In truth I should tell you to go to hell, my brain screamed!

He kisses my neck and I push him back. "You would do that – say no?" For once he actually sounds unsure and for that reason I decide to go along with seeing him tonight. But I'm not laying my hand down yet. Plus I can't go on like this. The what if's and all – if this isn't going to work out I need some kind of closure.

"Somebody could get hurt." Most likely me.

Edward shrugged. "That goes both ways," He confessed.

Not sure I believe him I look up and see the sincerity in his eyes. "It's like that?" I shake my head. I must be nuts. "You make it sound so easy."

"I'm not gonna play you dirty, Bella."

"I want to believe that – believe you so much."

"Trust me. Can you do that?"

"I was so worried about you. Then I was just pissed."
"I was an asshole."

"Yeah – you were." Remembering, I feel my anger coming back. "A big asshole!"

"Can I finish?"

I nod.

"I was an asshole but I'm not going nowhere. You want me – you have me."

"All of you?"

"There's no one else – just you."

"You're still an asshole."

"That's fair."

"I can't believe I'm considering this." I say for his benefit and blow out a breath I had been holding. "Fine. You still remember where I live, don't you?"

Edward tapped his temple with his index finger. "I'll be by around 8:oo tonight – that good for you?"

"We'll see." I challenge. Edward is notoriously late.

"8 o'clock," He repeats. With that I walk back to the salon with heavy thoughts and hope I really shouldn't be feeling.

Not expecting to see me sitting on the concrete steps he stops short in front of me. Frowning he looks beyond me, upstairs to my apartment door. His eyes flick back to mine. "What are you doing sitting out here?"

"Waiting…" Not wanting to add it, but I do so anyway. "…for you." My own voice is hoarse and sounds hauntingly raw.

"I'm late – I'm sorry. You didn't have to sit here; I would've come to the door."

I say nothing; instead I look up focusing on his beautiful face and I feel my heart crack. It was the first time I really looked at him today and he looked tired. His eyes were that glassy red and had dark circles underneath, a stark contrast to his fresh haircut.

"Where's the baby?" He asks with genuine concern.

"Adrianna is inside with Jessica." Hoping to avoid where this line of talk if is going, I stand up and dust off the back of my dress. "I'm ready if you are."

It's frustrating as hell that there's never changing Edward's line of thought. "Don't be like that – there's no hurry." Knowing when her bedtime is, he checked his watch. Jerking his finger towards my apartment, "I'm here; I should go up - say hello."

This is something Edward has always done. When he'd come to pick me up or drop me off, if Adrianna was awake he would always come in to see her – he says it's what's right.

I have always thought of it as a sweet gesture on his part. And Adrianna would always be over the moon in delight, running to him with her little arms stretched out. They've developed their own little bond.

And she has missed him a lot.

Like the yellow belly I am, I took the coward's way out – telling her that Edward was out of town and couldn't visit. Was that right?

Probably not.

Biting my lip, I just shake my head - too afraid the tears would begin.

"Where does she think you're at?"

I shrug. "Where else?" In case he doesn't know the answer to that one I clarify. "Work."

It broke my heart to lie to her, but there was no way I was going to tell her I was going to see Edward. His mouth is set in a tight line as he gives a nod of his head.

He's smart he gets it. "Right." He runs his middle finger along his raised eyebrow and a pang of hurt briefly clouds his tired green eyes. "Well, if you're ready-" More formally than he's ever been, his hand gestured to the path in front of him, jingling the keys in his hand and we walked in silence to his car.

It seemed like the longest walk ever.

He opened the Escalade's door and as I got in the harsh fumes of fuel immediately attacked my nose and I stepped away rather than got in.

He opened his own door and then responding to the look on my face he rolled down my window. "Yeah, I know."

"Why does your car stink like that?" Edward is always meticulous about his car.

"I was…" He grabbed the dirtied rag sitting on my seat and tossed it on the floor in back. "…sorry." I got a good look at his knuckles – they're still swollen but the bruising has faded and the scraps have scabbed over. "Here…" His palm wipes off my seat. "…get in. I got some gasoline on my clothes – it'll air out."

Edward, Mr. Tidy with gas on his clothes was an odd pair.

"I didn't get a chance to stop at home first - I've got to clean up. Do you mind if we stop by my place first?"

I let out a puff of air and quirk an eyebrow over at him. "Is that how it is?"

"How it is – is I made dinner arrangements for us, I can't walk in there like this. You don't want to come to my place to wait, I can come back and pick you up after I get cleaned up."

Reasonable, I suppose. And with gas prices well over $4 a gallon – why be wasteful? "Sure – why not."

I play with my hair and gaze out the window. "So how did you know where to find me today?"

"You mean at the salon?"

"Yeah." I keep gazing out the window.

"I know everything that goes on, that's my job."

I thought back to the dark cars that would show up here and there. No, they wouldn't be FBI vehicles – they would be the spying minions of one – Edward Cullen. "You sent babysitters?"

He didn't answer so I tore my gaze away from the window to look over.

"Don't start with that – I do what I have to do. End of story."

It didn't take long to get to Edward's.

He unlocked the door, allowing me to go first.

I informed him I'd wait in the kitchen while he got ready.

Edward was taking long and I was getting bored sitting in that chair.

Leaving Edward's kitchen I stroll into the living room – noticing that everything looks the same. There's a sense of relief about that. My finger runs across the couch and I feel my cheeks warm remembering the first time I was with Edward.

Replaying the events of that first night, my skin prickles with want at phantom sensations – his mouth like a ghost on my skin. There was no denying him. It's his eyes – those green orbs I love. There's nowhere to hide from them. They're so commanding, so penetrating, seeking things beyond the surface. They pull you to him – like a moth to a flame. When he's with you, with just one look, he can make you feel like the most important thing in the world.

They make you feel so sexy – so desirable.

And in a blink he can shut it off – freezing over and distancing himself from the world.

Climbing the straight staircase up, my feet cautiously pad down the cream carpeting and I find myself meandering into his bedroom. I'm taken aback a little, his bedroom is a complete contrast to the tidy downstairs but it looks the same since I last saw it, too.

Mocha colored sheets twisted around in balls and a cream comforter hanging off the bed, four fluffy pillows strewn about. I was impressed the first time I saw Edward's place. It was uncharacteristically clean for a single guy, more than tidy – almost unlived in.

Now I know better and find it odd that he would leave his room in such disarray. My eyes glare at the messy bed, and like the masochist I am, they brand the offending image into my mind. I can't help but wonder who's been keeping his obviously used sheets warm at night.

That hurts deep and I force that thought right out of my head.

Turning away from his bed, I pick up a book he's left out on his nightstand. I briefly glance at the title. Curiosity gets the best of me and I flip through the book finding several pages ear marked page. The chicken scratch, half print and half cursive writing is unmistakably Edward's and I look closer to see Edward has notes in the margins -mostly business related and nothing I can follow.

Not all that interested, I set the book back down. Edward notices everything, he has a keen eye for detail, so my fumbling fingers quickly turn it a little to the right and stand back to admire my sneakiness.

Three pillar candles sit in a clear glass dish. The dish is square with clean lines – in keeping with most of Edward's bedroom. The limey green candles have shriveled wicks that look charred and the tops are melty looking. They've been lit at some point but I have an eye for detail too and decide that the thin layer of dust covering the tops mean they haven't been used in a while – probably a long while.

I suppose that's good.

He has a tall dresser where an ashtray holds his spare change. He doesn't like it in his pockets and throws it in there when he comes home at night. It also looks like he added a book of matches to his ashtray collection, too. There's nothing more of interest and my eyes are back to that nightstand.

His black nightstand has two drawers. The top containing condoms and a gun. The bottom containing the remote for the TV.

I chew my lip as I consider opening the top drawer. This is way out of line and I am fully aware that it boarders flying off the deep end. My eyes glance at the door, with my heart beating so loudly I can't here the shower running so I tiptoe to the hall and listen.

Water's still running…

With a quick trot on silent feet I head back to his room. My conscience is at war with me as I try and talk myself out of snooping but as soon as my eyes spy the silver handle of that top drawer my feet march right up to it. I glance back over my shoulder then stare at the drawer. It seems larger than life – bigger than anything else in the room right now. Without warning my hand rips open the drawer and I leap back like a nest of baby rats will be rounding over the top and making fast tracks over my feet for a getaway.

Nervously, I glance back at the door. Nothing. I'm good to go – and I just have to walk up to it for a quick peak.

Edward's words, 'There's only you' play in my head. We'll see.

Like a band-aide, right?

I steel my nerves for whatever I may…or may not find in that drawer.

Would finding condoms mean he's had a need for them? Fuck that hurts.

Would not finding condoms mean he's used them all? That hurts just the same.

Or, would they be the condoms that have always been in there? And if I didn't find any condoms could that mean he didn't have a need for them? Maybe threw them away?

No, that's stupid. Who throws away perfectly good rubbers? That's just being wasteful.

Not sure which scenario is better I hold my breath and look down at the contents.

The gun isn't there – but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. He probably has that on him somewhere.

My eyes are quick to find purchase. There are four blue foil packets scattered and I try to remember how many Edward had in here before.

My eyes keep rotating between the small packets and mentally I count them…one, two, three, four….one, two, three, four. Over and over I count trying to remember. My thumb flicks my middle fingernail in time to my thundering heartbeat as I stand there trying to drum up some mental image - but I got nothing.

We haven't been using them – so I really couldn't say for sure.

Even though I've confirmed nothing, the sight of them makes me angry.

My eyes flash to the far corner of the small drawer where a lone barrette sits atop a slim stack of photos. I swallow down the emotion and pick up the slender hair piece. It's a heavy piece in a glossy lemon yellow. It feels cool against my palm. My trembling hand turns it over, exposing the shiny silver underside.

It's the same barrette I had in my hair the day we went to Nonna's birthday party. I remember fastening it in my hair just before we left but with the car windows opened, my hair was blown to hell by the time we got to Nonna's. This is the exact same barrette Edward took out of my hair. We were standing on Nonna's porch and seeing my ragamuffin reflection in the glass of her door I was mortified. He took the barrette out of my hair and smoothed my curls down, pocketing the barrette before we went in to meet his family.

I know I asked him about the barrette. It's a favorite and one I wear often. I thought it was lost and all this time it was tucked in this drawer. I wondered if he even realized?

Curious to see what else he had stashed in here I pick up the photographs. There were only five or six but they were all from Nonna's birthday. Tears pricked my eyes as I carefully flipped through them.

There was a group shot and one of Nonna sitting in the backyard the other four were different variations of Edward, Adrianna and me. Small clips of conversations played through my mind, every detail accounted for like a larger than life movie.

The sentiment behind this was overwhelming and I didn't know what to think. And as it was there was no time for that any way.

Had I not been snooping, I may have heard the shower turn off. As it was, I barely had time to throw the barrette and pictures back in the drawer and slam it shut before the door of the hallway bathroom opened and Edward stood, looming at the entrance of his own bedroom.

Busted I was and I couldn't look.

Even if he didn't know I had been snooping, there's no way it's not blatantly written all over my face.

"Bella…," My name rolls off his tongue like velvet. He didn't expect to see me standing in his room. I didn't expect him to be out of the shower so quickly. Fear of being caught in his room swept through me as I tried coming up with a not so lame excuse.

When my wide eyes look up, I'm frozen in place and I can't stop staring at him. His towel hung low from his hips and his broad chest glistened with spray from the shower. The left over water beads trailed down the hard muscular ripples of his toned abs and I felt my mouth go dry. His arms are well defined and I find myself wanting to use his collarbones to quench my thirst. His body is perfect from the hard planes of his chest to the sexy 'v' just above the towel.

My eyes came back and met his and the dryness in my mouth was now nothing compared to the dampness in my underwear.

The air is heavy with an electrical current. I'm in a daze as I stand without thinking but fortunately stop myself before my feet are closing the gap.

Our eyes lock and I'm caught unable to look away.

"Touch me." His voice is soft and holds so much emotion. He remains in place, giving me the choice. Putting the ball in my hands so to speak.

Accepting his invitation, I step closer and I raise my hand to his smooth skin still damp from his shower. My hand trembles as it runs over his taut chest. He exhales and I can feel his heartbeat thundering beneath the surface, matching my own frantic heart - beat for beat. My hand fanned out over his bare chest, feeling the staccato vibrations of his thumping heart. His hand catches mine, pressing it over his heart. "You have no idea how good that feels."

I don't know what to say. The truth of it is I know exactly how good it feels. I also know how bad this is going to feel in the morning.

He takes my hand in his, still warm from his shower and tenderly kisses my palm. His lips are so soft against my skin and I miss them instantly. He raises my hand, his fingertips barely grazing over my wrist then gently ghosting up my opened palm as he gingerly entwines our fingers.

I have craved his touch for so long – missed it for so many days. A restlessness that has been gnawing at my insides for a week straight has suddenly ceased. My body is at peace but my brain reminds me that this is wrong.

My body doesn't want to listen to right and wrong.

His touch….it feels like home.

"Do you feel this?" He gently squeezes my hand.

Acknowledging the effect of his touch – the ever present current that pours through every cell I squeeze his hand back. "I've missed this." It was the truth.

My eyes fill with tears I refuse to let fall. Biting down on my lip to keep it from quivering I have to look away from him. The intensity of it all is just too much.

Lifting my chin, he intently watches his thumb running along my bottom lip, slowly and sensuously following the contours in soft strokes. He's so close. His fresh scent fills my senses and I suddenly feel light headed. My teeth release my bottom lip and my lips part as I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

His eyes smolder as his thumb caresses the side of my cheek. "You are so beautiful." Tightening his grip on my hand he pulls me closer and leans forward, skimming his nose along my jaw. His warm breaths wash against my neck sending a chill of anticipation down my spine and goose bumps up my arms. He presses his face against my hair and inhales deeply. His lips hover over my ear whispering words I've been longing to hear. "It's you I've missed, Bella."

His voice is raw and deep with emotion. I pull back and see nothing but sincerity in his words.

"These fingers…" He takes his time peppering a single kiss on each fingertip. "…these soft hands…" He places a sweet kiss on my palm. "…this beautiful face…" He leans in closer, nuzzling my jaw with his nose. The sensation sends tingles straight down my back and a wave of warmth between my legs. He dips his head lower, barely grazing his lips against mine. "…these lips". He tilts my chin up and I quickly lick my lips as he ever so softly places a single kiss on my mouth. It's simple but oh so tender and speaks volumes.

His moist lips brush against mine, barely touching and slowly ghosting back and forth. It's both sweet heaven and pure torture. My eyes beg him to kiss me, really kiss me. Every torturous sweep of his soft lips makes my heart race, thundering against its confines and sending a tidal wave of butterflies spiraling to depths I didn't know existed.

Afraid he's going to stop and because right now I want this – want him more than anything, I grip the soft hair at the nape of his neck in a desperate attempt to convey my silent pleads. My body presses into him, bowing back in his embrace and a moan escapes his lips as he takes full advantage of my exposed my neck.

His mouth lingers over my heated flesh, tasting every spot his lips have kissed. His tongue trails along, following each open mouthed kiss up my neck, along my jaw and then gently nipping my ear lobe. "Let me make it right." His breathy words propel the butterflies in a fast downward spiral, leaving a slow burning ache between my legs.

"What about your reservations?" I pant out not the least bit interested in dinner at the moment.

"Fuck 'em." His mouth takes mine – and my lips have no choice but to yield to his firm commanding kiss. My body presses into his as his arms wrap protectively around me and that slow burning ache turns into something else. Into something far more needy and I feel myself slowly losing control, not that I ever have had any where Edward is concerned.

He draws me closer still, securely holding my hip and I can feel his need through his towel pressing against my stomach. He's fighting his own battle. His own control is slipping, his hands gripping a little harder his muscles taut and strained. There is no way not to feel sexy knowing it's because of me.

He presses his forehead to mine his dilated orbs no doubt matching my own lust filled half-moons. Minutes go by as his smoldering eyes burn into my own with a passion I have never seen before. He closes his eyes against the effort it takes him to keep control and presses soft kisses on my flushed cheeks. "Can I have you?" His resolve is weakening; I can hear it in his strained words – so much deeper than before and matching my own growing desire.

He doesn't need to ask, I'm his. All of me, my body, my heart, fuck even my soul – it's all his.

"You already do." At my admission, his fiery eyes opened, burning with a need to both conquer and reclaim what is rightfully his. "I'm yours," I declare.

The predatory glean in his eyes sends electric vibrations coursing through my veins and strikes a direct line straight between my legs. The jolt leaves a throbbing ache that intensely continues to pulsate. Desperate for some relief I squeeze my thighs together and am unable to miss the thick wetness marking my panties.

"Fuck, I …" Edward interrupted himself by putting his mouth on mine and kissing me deeply. His tongue parts my lips and strokes mine slowly and sensuously. He breaks the kiss and gently bites down on my bottom lip. "You're so sexy, baby." He nips at my lip again and moans. "So sexy."

In one effortless motion, Edward swept me off the floor. The sudden movement made me gasp making Edward hold me a little tighter, then pressing his mouth against my ear. "Voglio che tu nel mio letto."

His hot breath tickled my neck and sent shivers down my spine causing another flood in my panties. I only caught the words 'my bed' but it didn't matter. He could say anything in Italian and my insides were instantly turned to putty. With my legs draped over his solid arms, he carried me to his messy bed and gently laid me down.

Keeping his own weight off of me his hands pressed against the mattress, caging me beneath him.

He took his time undressing me. Under his penetrating eyes I felt like I was being rediscovered. He left kisses over every inch of my burning body.

When he got to my panties I was more than a little embarrassed. His fingers traced along the flimsy material and he groaned against my chest. "You're so wet." He leaned low and kissed my lips.

"I can't help it."

"I wouldn't want you to." His hand slipped beneath my panties and his fingers easily slid between my throbbing folds. "Christ…"

"It's what you do to me." It's an embarrassing confession that makes Edward groan.

His body slid up mine, his hips coming flush against mine. He reached between us to line himself up with me and I exhaled in pleasure feeling his thickness slowly filling me. His hands slid up my arms, bringing them to either side of my head as his full weight came down. He felt so good and made me so full.

My thighs tightened and my pulsing insides gripped him in response as he rested his forehead against mine. "Easy, baby. We've got time." My lips trembled and he captured them briefly. "I don't want to rush this." He kissed my heavy eyelids. "Being with you like this – I want this to last."

His words created new flames of desire and brought my desperation to a whole new level. I was reduced to begging and felt zero shame for it. "Please, Edward…" My hips urgently wiggled against him, willing him to move. "I need you."

His hips began to move soothing the torturous ache. He set a slow steady pace with long and deep strokes. I could feel every glorious inch of him as he moved inside of me. "You feel so good, Bella."

He pushed back into me and I met him thrust for thrust keeping his pace unhurried and deliberate. He tightened the grip on our entwined fingers and kissed my neck. "I could fuck you forever." His whispered words sent new waves of electricity to the place where we were connected, eliciting my own deep moan as I thought about a forever with him.

"I want to see you." He panted into my neck.

Edward rolled us over and ran his hands up my sides to my breasts, his thumbs stroked my nipples and another moan of pleasure slipped from my lips. He watched me as I moved up and down taking him a little deeper each time. His hands grasped my hips, kneading my flesh, and then slid up palming each breast before gliding back down my sides and ribs. He repeated this circuit, exploring my body like it was the first time.

This wasn't my favorite position, I felt too on display but I was quick to get over that when Edward sat up, leaning back some so he could take my nipple in his hot mouth. His wet tongue swirled over the sensitive tip before taking a gentle hold with his nipping teeth.

His eyes were so soft and in an act that was so tender and so selfless, he reached up and with his thumb he gently wiped off the beads of sweat that were forming just above my brows. "Do you know how beautiful you look riding me?"

His hands held my hips, helping my tiring body continue to move over him. "I..I…Oh God Edward…I'm so close…" My chest heaved with the exertion and my words came out in breathless disconnected pants. Breathlessly I moved up and down trying to find the spot that needed him most. "So fucking close…"

"Come here." Edward pulled me to him and I rested my sweaty face against his shoulder while his hips did the work. He had no trouble finding the spot that screamed for him. Draped across his chest he continued moving inside me. My fingertips curled into his shoulders, digging against the growing euphoria. He sped up, bouncing my bottom up and down his length and hitting the spot that only he has ever been able to find. The veins in his neck were visibly taut as he tried to hold back. "Come on, baby. Let go." My insides opened up to his command and like a tidal wave, washed over his pulsing member. I screamed his name like a mantra and without losing momentum he placed lingering kisses on my neck.

He squeezed my bottom, pushing me down on him over and over. He'd let out a sexy grunt every time I came down taking him deep. I could feel his length twitching against my walls and I knew his release was close. He moved quick and when he came he wrapped his arms around me, squeezing tight.

He let out a big breath. "My, Bella." Pressing his lips into my hair he whispered over my ear. "My fucking angel from above."

I feel my lazy body stir, feeling Edward's harder one beneath me as I lay draped across him with our legs entwined. Edward is in an almost sitting position with his back resting against the pillows, his hand strokes back my hair and along my arm. "You're awake."

My finger traces an invisible line down the center of his bare chest. "Did you sleep?"

"I dozed off for a few. But for the most part I just laid here."

I looked down and played with his fingers. "Doing what?"

"Thinking some but mostly just watching you."

Remembering his rumpled bed and feeling that stabbing pain of jealousy again I ask, "What were you doing all week?" Somewhat afraid of his answer I wish I could reel that question right back in. I have had this picture in my head of an overly blond slut with huge tits…I've nicknamed Tits Mcgee wrapping herself around him all week.

"Thinking." He began and it caught me off guard. It wasn't what I was expecting so I turned to face him more directly. "There were some things I had to work out."

"Oh, I see." Although I didn't. "What did you find?" I asked although he hasn't said he was looking for anything. Inside I'm praying it's not Tits Mcgee.

"Nothing I didn't already know." That wasn't what I was expecting either and I raised my head to look up again. His knowing half smile is warm and reaches his glowing eyes. With his thumb he traces the contour of my cheek. It's such a sweet gesture – one he does often. "Everything I needed to figure out - you already answered."

I was even more lost than before. "Could you stop speaking in riddles?" I think it's a fair request. If you found some slut to fuck just say it.

"What that means il mio piccolo agnello –"

I'm getting better at picking out words I know but I still have no idea what he just said. Piccolo – I know this one - little. "Little what?"

Edward kisses my nose. "My little lamb." My nose scrunches at this and he pulls back. "What? You don't want to be my lamb?"

I'd never have a problem being his. "No, it's not that. It's just different is all."

He frowns annoyed by my distraction. "Can I finish now?"
I nod.

"This week was fucked. I did a lot of thinking and I can't picture myself without you. I know what myself without you is like – and it's a scary place. Even for me."

He rolled us over and my body melted into the mattress underneath him. His hand cupped my cheek with such sweetness as he pressed his forehead to mine. Glittering green eyes flicked between mine and I couldn't fight the pull any longer, my hands slid into his hair reveling in its softness. His lips caught mine – once then twice. "I could kiss you like this forever."

There it was again. Forever. I wouldn't let myself get carried away as much as I loved the idea.

Low moans slipped from my lips as his mouth deepened the kiss and our tongues tangled in a slow dance. My fingers gripped his copper locks, pulling him down to me. His firm lips left mine as he rested his weight on his elbows and cupped both of my flushed cheeks. "I love you, Bella."

I blinked in surprise and replayed those three little words in my head, 'I love you.' I thought he almost said it earlier but he didn't and that was cool.

Nuzzling my ear he whispers those three little wonderful words again and I squeeze him tight. "You are my world." And that was my whole truth.

He kisses me just over my thumping heart. "My love, my life, my angel from above."

Lying there in post bliss, his arms wrapped around me his left hand covering mine. "What is this spot? You rub it a lot." I do it so often I didn't even realize I was.

I look down at my hip. My brain is too lazy to think of something. "I don't want to say."

"Your cheeks are pink – " He ran his finger down the bridge of my nose. "It's just you and me, tell me."

"They're freckles…" I stretch my skin so he can take a gander. "…see?"

"Does it get itchy?"

"No." Best to tell the truth than have him thinking I have some kind of skin disease. "You promise you won't laugh?"

"Never." He nipped my nose. "Tell me."

"Okay – see these three freckles here." He looked closely at the small spattering of freckles, in a perfectly straight line, but no more than tiny pinpricks marking my skin. He came closer his warm breath cascading over my cooler skin as his thumb traced over the faint pattern that has adorned my hip since I can remember. "They're all in a line – that's Orion's belt. Or I think it is like Orion's belt any way. Then here are his two hands and here's one of his feet. I'm missing just one freckle to complete the constellation. His left foot."

"Orion? Like in the sky - the constellation?" Edward pointed toward the ceiling.

I nod feeling slightly dumb and take a breath for the rest of this lame explanation. Edward has little interest in astrology, so I have to give him a little background. "That missing freckle would be the star Rigel." Edward's mom told me his birthday was in June – his exact birthdate being June 6th. "You're a Gemini, you were born under the star Rigel -"

Praying he didn't think I was some kind of a nut, I looked up into his darkened eyes and swallowed hard before finishing. "…my missing star." It was true he was the missing piece that completed me, in more ways than one.

The marking was more permanent than any of the love bites Edward has ever left. And even though it was by pure chance that I should have these little freckles, it meant so much more. It was a permanent marking, making me his.

"Sexy." He leaned down, kissing my freckles with such reverence.

"Sexy?"

Edward groaned against my hip. "Very."

Kneeling at the foot of the bed, his hands messaged down my leg to my foot. He gingerly took my foot in his hand and placed his soft lips at the insole. Leaving feather light kisses on first one then the other. His lips pressed against my inner ankle as he looked up at me, his smoldering eyes filled with adoration. "It's written in the stars then…" Angling his head to the side, he brushed his cheek against the side of my foot before he looking down at me "…I'm forever at your feet."

This is the online translation I got:

Voglio che tu nel mio letto - I want you in my bed