Just a funny little short I thought of a few weeks ago. Though this is A Nerd in Hell, it's not canon to the story


It's April first down here in Hell, and surprisingly, it's rather quiet here. I honestly thought that a realm full of chaos would celebrate a day known for pranking others, but apparently that's not the case. I asked Vaggie about it earlier, and she explained that today doesn't get much attention because of how things are normally.

"Oh Andy~!"

I look over to see Velvet cheerfully skipping over, her phone in hand. "Hey Vel, what's up?"

"Just wanted to show you this funny video," the demon girl tells me. "I think you're gonna love it."

"It's not one of those jump scare videos, is it? You know I hate those."

"Nah, I love ya too much to do something like that," Velvet says as she sits on my lap and brings her phone up. "Just watch."

The video starts with Alastor sitting on his chair, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. After a few seconds, Velvet walks up to him, a bright smile on her face and holding something behind her back.

"Hey, Al! There you are. I'm making a gift for Andy, though I wanted to run it by someone first."

"And you chose me instead of someone else? Someone who's more willing to tolerate your presence here?"

"Hmm, well you are known for being brutally honest. Plus, everyone else is either busy, or too nice to tell me what they really think," Velvet says as she shows what she's hiding, a small chair with a doll sitting on it. "It's the Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi doll, from one of his favorite shows."

Alastor raises an eyebrow as Velvet sets the doll and its chair on the small table next to him. "And what is this supposed to be?"

"Yeah, it's just like the lovable Tickle-Me Elmo doll, only it's Carlo Lombardi."

I hold in a snort, knowing full well what's about to happen. "You didn't..."

"Shh, keep watching," she giggles.

"Oh, that's gonna be his initial reaction to the doll," the demon girl says creepily. "But Andy will grow to love it as he takes it into his room, perhaps prop it next to his bed as he sleeps. He'll watch over him. He's Dr. Carlo Lombardi."

"Why would you even think that he'd even –"

"Go ahead, Al. Tickle him."

"I'm not touching this thing," Alastor says.

"Oh, I'd think you'd better, Al. Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi doesn't like to be disappointed."

Alastor rolls his eyes at how exaggeratedly creepy Velvet's being. "Fine, if it'd mean you'd leave me in peace afterwards," Alastor tells her. He pokes the doll's stomach with his fingers, causing it to give off a laugh.

"That's right. Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi is your friend. Forever!" Velvet says. Her creepy smile widens as she sees Alastor noticing that the doll is stuck to his fingers. "And I made him sticky so he's even more fun!"

As Alastor struggles to remove the doll from his hands, Velvet just continues on. "You can feed him the special baby food included, and in a few minutes, change Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi's didy!"

She frowns as Alastor falls to the floor as he continues in his attempts to get the doll off of him. "Ech, you know, I was gonna sing the little song that goes with the doll, but now I see that thing's kinda creepy. I don't know what I was thinking when I thought it'd make a good gift for Andy. You can have that doll though, Al. I'm done with it."

Oh god, I never thought I'd ever laugh this hard; this is funnier than that chicken robot I saw months ago. "Out of all the gags from Mystery Science Theater, I can't… I can't believe that you used the Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi on Alastor. And actually got away with –"

"Velvet!"

Though Velvet keeps laughing, I immediately clam up as Alastor practically stomps his way towards us, his eyes like radio dials as he glares murderously at the girl sitting on my lap. The tears in his suit and the patch of hair that's been ripped out only made him look slightly less terrifying.

"Velvet… How long ago was that video?" I ask.

"Oh, about thirteen minutes ago," she responds, sounding way too cheerful in this situation.

"The only reason why you both are still alive is because Miss Charlotte forbids me from harming the hotel's residents, but that doesn't mean there aren't other ways I can make you two suffer."

"Oh, calm down, Al; I'm deleting the video from my phone. See?"

She holds up her phone to show him, and after a moment of seething, Alastor shifts back to how he normally looks. He then leans in uncomfortably close to us.

"This isn't over, Velvet," the red demon says before he straightens up and walks away. "I'll be sending you the bill for my new suit."

I let out a breath as I watch Alastor leave the room, and I realize that I've been hugging Velvet out of fear the entire time. "Holy shit, that was terrifying…"

"Oh, that's nothing. You should see him whenever he's angry at Vox, now that is terrifying. Besides, it's not like he can do anything to us."

"If you say so…" I mumble as I try to focus on my girlfriend instead of the angry serial killer. "Shame we can't see the video anymore, though."

"Yes, it would be a shame, if I haven't already uploaded the video on Voxtube and sent a copy to Vaggie as a thanks for her recording the whole thing."

The fear I had just a moment was replaced with shock. "You didn't…"

Velvet just gives me an innocent smile as she brings up her Voxtube account, with the video already having over ten million views. She giggles again and glances over at the door Alastor left through. "April Fools, Al."


I wrote this in a few hours to prepare for today, so sorry if it's a bit rushed. Though I guess it doesn't matter since it's a short one-shot.

Don't worry, I'm still working on the next chapter for A Nerd in Hell. It's just that between gaming, work, and general procrastination, it's taking much longer than I'd like