Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, nor do I own diseases, but I have suffered from a handful of them and have known others who have done so as well! I think that makes me a licensed medical professional, or something.

So, I had this really dumb idea for a story—what if, instead of Goku being hit with the heart virus during his fight with Android 19, he was hit with some other disease entirely? This could result in many different fights with potentially even different outcomes. So, screw it, today he gets hit with cholera! This is an infection of the small intestine that makes you basically shit and vomit until you run out of either disease or fluids. So, if you ever wanted to watch someone get spit-roasted by their own bodily fluids, give them cholera. Anyway, on to the story.

Goku was fighting a valiant battle against (what he believed was) one of the two androids he and his friends were warned of three years ago. As he punched, kicked and blocked his way through the fight, to the untrained eye he appeared to be winning. 19 had yet to strike him a single time, and his attempts were usually not even close and met with a vicious counterattack. Yes, 19 would have been truly outclassed… if this were a one-on-one battle. But little did 19 realize, as Goku fought off the mechanical menace, a greater threat was emerging from the darkest regions of his own stomach. Something… demonic.

"Something's wrong with Dad," Gohan said, breaking the enraptured silence of his friends as they watched and marveled at Goku's Super Saiyan strength.

"What are you talking about, Gohan?" Krillin replied. "Are we even watching the same fight? This android's ass could not be getting any more kicked!"

"Dad keeps clutching his stomach. Don't you see that?"

Krillin and the others took a quick look back at Goku to confirm this. Indeed, he was battling 19 one-handed—and still winning, by the way—because his other hand was at his tummy.

"Okay, so, maybe he didn't get enough to eat before he came out here," said Tien. "This is Goku we were talking about—doesn't Chi-Chi have to literally use a cauldron because any meal from a crockpot's too small for him?"

"Yeah, like a cartoon witch," Krillin added. "Only, y'know, not a cartoon."

Piccolo chuckled a little bit and normally Gohan would have been annoyed at the guys ribbing his mother, but this was dire. Gohan knew that the only thing his father got when he was hungry was a bit grumpy. He didn't fight one-handed, even with one hand tied around his back!

"I think I see what you mean, Gohan," Piccolo said. "We may need to jump in. But not yet. Let's see if Goku can get back into his groove, as you humans say."

Back on the battlefield, Goku could feel it, and not like Mr. Krabs "feelin' it," more like "I am going to leak various unspeakable liquids in a time I can't quite put a number to but is not long." That kind of feeling it. Android 19 kept aiming for his stomach. Actually, he wasn't doing that any more so than he usually would, but every time 19 aimed for his stomach, Goku asked himself, "why does this damn robot keep trying to hit me in the stomach oh god why I don't feel good." At one point, 19 heard a strange rumble from somewhere on the one called Goku's body, so he backed away instinctively as if it were some kind of new attack.

Goku also backed away, figuring this might be a chance to—God, he didn't even know, ask for a time out? Would the androids even go for that? Probably not, but—

At first, Goku didn't even register 19's surprise gut punch, because the first place he felt the pain was his chest and throat, where a torrent of vomit was racing upward at speeds that would make Burter go like, "I might be the fastest in the universe, but holy fuck, that was fast. I barely even saw that, bro," and he'd turn to Jeice for affirmation and then remember that he and Jeice were in their own little private rooms in hell and some blue guy named Mez was poking him with a bamboo pitchfork. When the vomit rushed past his lips, he had no time to bow his head so it would hit the ground and 19 had no time to dodge.

"AAAH!" 19's tinny, artificial voice rang out as best it could in the mountainous natural combat arena they fought in. Much of Goku's oral refuse had struck his face. Both Android 20 and Goku's group of friends watched in shock and disgust, Goku continuing to unleash his stomach's contents, 19 frantically wiping his face. Android 20 was wracking his brain, searching it not just for data files about Goku's combat techniques, but hell, looking for memories from way back during the Red Ribbon Army days of Goku ever engaging in some Bacterium shit like this. His train of thought was interrupted by 19's choked scream, "WHY DID YOU EVEN PROGRAM ME WITH TASTE BUDS?! OH GOD!"

Goku took some deep breaths, his puking at a temporary ceasefire. He glanced back up at Android 19, saw that he was basically blinded, and decided to fuck the warrior code right off and finish this off now before it happened again. Goku flew at 19 and, with one swift kick, took 19's head right off his shoulders, disconnecting one of his hands—still clawing his own face—in the process. The newly-headless android fell to the ground next to his, well, his head. He was the most fortunate one of the crowd congregated at that place, at that moment, for the rest of them were to experience the coming of a legend that would not be passed down to future generations because no one would ever fucking want to talk about it.

The act of kicking had loosened Goku's bowels, and the contents that were still sitting there too low to make it up to his mouth dove like a poopy submarine toward what Vegeta would years later refer to as the "Southern exit." Screaming something about hellfire, Goku fled the battlefield toward the nearest large rock structure. Unholy sounds, not entirely unlike those heard during an exorcism, issued forth from behind the mountain, and the earth shook as Goku, his pants slightly down, suddenly launched straight up from behind the rock, an apocalyptic spray of rice-white shit-sludge propelling the Saiyan directly into the atmosphere.

The stench could be detected for miles, with many wondering when the hell all of the fish in the ocean decided to die at once. Goku's friends covered their faces to mask their precious orifices from the scent and the fumes. Android 20 smirked, managing to stop kicking himself from leaving his olfactory sense intact long enough to gloat. "At last," he said, "the mighty warrior Goku has, uh, somehow… been defeated… by me."

SO YEAH, THAT MIGHT BE WHAT HAPPENED IF GOKU GOT CHOLERA