A/N: I know, I know. This fic is depressing. So this is me trying to give you all a small breather with some lightheartedness and a bit of fluff. Set at Fin and Phoebe's wedding. Except maybe the venue, nothing plays out like it did in the actual episode.

TW: Implied eating disorder (but not as dark as in the other chapters)

Enjoy drunk and talkative Amanda from Olivia's POV.

Martin Halla – We Found Love

Donkeyboy – Crazy Something Normal

Sia - Reaper

CHAPTER 7 - JUNE 2021

"I told Liv I couldn't do this, but she pulled rank on me so here I am." Amanda jokingly says while raising her glass in the direction of where Olivia is sitting. "But, as Fin's former partner and close friend for ten years, I truly am honored to be here and share this day with you."

"Phoebe, we've both been Fin's partner so I guess I don't have to tell you how fiercely loyal he is, how he will always have your back, and how he's sometimes hilariously inappropriate. You know this. And now as your husband, my hope for you, for both of you, is that you will always feel protected, and that you will always feel loved, and that you will laugh, a lot."

Olivia watch as Amanda glances down at the small piece of paper in her hand, before she folds it and puts it down on the table.

"Watching the two of you together makes me realize that sometimes, the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with has actually been right in front of you all along. Sometimes… I guess it just takes a while for your brain, and your heart, to catch up."

The brunette's heart beats just a little faster when they lock eyes and just then Amanda places a hand over her chest, like her heart is racing, too.

"And in the end, it doesn't matter why it took a while to get there, as long as it's the two of you at the finish line, together, finally."

For a short moment, not more than a few seconds, it's like it's just the two of them, and Olivia feels herself hoping and praying that everyone is looking at the newlyweds, that everyone else is completely oblivious to what's going on between herself and a certain detective.

Finally, when Amanda turns to look at Fin and Phoebe, she breathes again.

"To Fin and Phoebe, congratulations."

She realize when she leans against the railing and looks at Amanda a couple of hours later, that she has never seen her drunk before. A little tipsy maybe, but never drunk per se. But tonight, that's exactly what Amanda is. She hides it well, though, Olivia thinks. She just looks really, really happy. And cute. But then again, Amanda Rollins is always cute.

And right now she's currently moving towards her.

"Hey good lookin'." Amanda grins.

"Hey yourself." Olivia says and lets the comment slide since there's no one around to pick up on Amanda's blatant flirting. "Having a good time?"

"Mhm." There's a hint of something mischievous on her face as she joins the captain by the railing before she grabs the wine glass Olivia is holding and takes a sip.

"Nice speech." The captain says as she reclaims her wine and replaces it with a glass of water that Amanda accepts, all though a little begrudgingly.

"Everything to make the boss happy." Her words are slightly slurred and she still has that flirtatious smile on her face as she nudges Olivia with her elbow.

It would've been so easy to just lean in and kiss her right there and then. Stop worrying so much, stop holding back all the time. Hadn't they denied themselves for too long? Tried time and time again to do the right thing only to realize that it was both physically and emotionally impossible to stay away?

"Phoebe looks so pretty." Amanda says then, effectively interrupting her thoughts. "Do you wish I looked like that?"

The wistful look on Olivia's face is quickly exchanged with confusion. "Wh-, no. You're perfect."

"You're totally lying, but that's fine." The detective shrugs, reaching out her hand to grab the wine glass yet again.

"A, you're drunk." Olivia holds the glass as far away from Amanda as possible before she casually and discretely moves her other hand behind Amanda and lets it rest on the small of her back. "And B…" She moves her hand down just a little, enough to elicit a response as the blonde bites down on her lip. "I never lie."

They share a look for a few seconds but Olivia is unable to read Amanda's face because suddenly her blue eyes light up at the sound of the song that is suddenly blasting through the speakers.

"I love that song. Dance?"

"I don't really dance, and honestly I don't trust your hands right now."

"Says the woman currently grabbing my ass."

"Touché." Olivia laughs as she removes her hand and gives Amanda a gentle push. "Go, dance with Kat and Celine."

It's ridiculous, she thinks while watching her on the dance floor. They've been sleeping together on and off for nine years. They've said "I love you" for christ's sake. More than once.

I trust her more than I've ever trusted anyone. She's seen me at my worst, and she still loves me. She still thinks that I'm beautiful. I have a goddamn toothbrush in her bathroom, and she has one in mine. I have basically half of Jesse and Billie's clothes in a drawer, and she has half of Noah's books in her bookshelf. What the hell is our problem?

The job. The job is our problem.

And neither of us can quit. But I can't quit loving her either.

Just as that thought crosses her mind, the detective turns to look at her from the dance floor and flashes her a smile so bright Olivia's breath hitches. No, not loving her is definitely not an option.

She moves before she thinks, and when she passes the blonde she leans in slightly and whispers "restroom, one minute".

She's casually checking on her makeup when Amanda walks through the door exactly one minute later. "What a coincidence seeing you in here." Olivia smirks.

"Well, when nature calls…"

"Come here."

Olivia is pleasantly surprised to learn that drunk Amanda is still an excellent kisser. Her tongue is just a bit more eager than usual, and so are her hands, currently moving their way up her sides and over her breasts. As tempting as it is to let this continue, a quickie in the restroom isn't really what she wants tonight.

"Amanda..." She half laughs and half moans against her lips. "Not here."

"I know, I know… I just wanted to kiss you."

"I want to kiss you, too." The captain says as she carefully moves Amanda's hands away. "Just kiss, though." Their lips meet again and just then the door that she could've sworn they locked, swings open.

"Hey-Oh." Phoebe looks from one woman to the other as her shocked expression slowly turns into a smirk.

"Shit." Amanda mutters under her breath. "If we stand perfectly still, maybe she won't notice us?" The ridiculous joke is followed by an immediate giggle before Olivia slaps her playfully on the arm.

"Phoebe..."

"I didn't see anything. My lips are sealed." Phoebe laughs. "Unlike yours."

"Ha-ha, funny." Amanda laughs a little dryly. "She's funny."

"Ok, good to know. So we can pretend this never happened?" Olivia asks a little pleadingly.

"Hey, we've been pretending this never happened for nine years, so if you need some pointers, just ask." The blonde detective says with a serious look on her face as she walks over to Phoebe and throws an arm around her shoulder.

"Nine years?!" Phoebe exclaims wide eyed, looking at Amanda first and then to Olivia who is currently covering her face with her hands.

"Seriously?" The captain scolds with furrowed eyebrows.

"What? She asked."

"No... she didn't."

"Oh." Amanda laughs. "Well, Phoebe, you should know two things. One, we're not actually together-together."

"Amanda-"

"Two, you look so pretty today. I mean, Liv is still the prettiest-"

"Ok, I think she gets the message. We should go back outside." And she leaves Amanda no choice as she grabs her hand, opens the door and pulls her out of the restroom. When the door closes, they can hear Phoebe laughing on the other side.

"Fin! Your wife is in the bathroom." Amanda announces it like she has just made some big discovery that she's really proud of.

"Ok?"

"And her lips are totally sealed, by the way."

Goddamnit, Amanda.

"Huh?"

"Ignore her." Olivia says, her voice unusually high pitched. "I think I'm gonna find a cab for us and get this detective home. Thank you so much for tonight, Fin. And congratulations, again." She leans in and places a quick kiss on his cheek before she grabs Amanda's hand and starts walking over to the table to find their purses.

"Someone's in a hurry." Amanda quips, apparently totally unaware of how she just almost blurted out a secret nine years in the making.

"Well, if we don't leave now I worry you might grab that mic and let everyone know who you're going home with tonight."

"Would that be so bad, though?"

"Yes, Amanda." Olivia laughs. "That would be bad. Do you want to steal Fin and Phoebe's thunder?"

"Is that the only thing you're worried about?" Amanda asks with a suspicious tone as Olivia hands her the purse.

"Let's talk about this when we get home, ok?"

"Ok." She sounds both defensive and a little hurt and Olivia silently prays that this won't turn into a big fight the minute they're behind closed doors.

Her worry is short lived however, because as soon as they get in the cab, Amanda is back to being happy drunk and apparently carefree. And when they stumble inside Olivia's apartment twenty minutes later, she's nothing but smiles and giggles.

"Good call to have Lucy and Sienna stay with all three kids at my place." She says as she drops her purse and her scarf on the couch.

"Good thing we have two super-nannies who are willing to partially raise our kids."

Amanda turns around then and looks at her.

"Our kids." She smiles. "I like that."

"Me, too." Olivia says as she realizes what she just said. She returns the smile before closing the distance between them. "Did you have fun tonight?"

Amanda is about to answer when she suddenly closes her eyes and sways a little on her feet.

"A little too much fun?" The captain asks, worried now that the detective has started to breathe heavily through her nose.

"A little." And that's all Amanda is able to say before she spins around and walks with hurried steps towards the bathroom with Olivia close on her heels.

She barely makes it over to the toilet before her stomach turns on her.

"Oh, honey." Olivia says with a gentle voice as she holds her hair back and uses her other hand to rub her back. "Ok, let it all out."

"Sorry." Amanda mumbles just as a final gag makes her empty her stomach completely.

"It's ok, sweetie." She keeps rubbing a hand over her back and can't help but notice how she can basically count Amanda's ribs under the dress. It's not the first time that the detective's weight has worried her lately, but she can't seem to muster up enough courage to ask her about it. And this does feel like a pretty bad time to do it. So she lets it go, for the time being.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Water, and mouthwash?" Amanda says as she sits back on her heels while flushing the toilet.

"Coming right up."

She gets a "seriously?" look from the blonde and can't stop the chuckle that rumbles up from her chest. "Sorry, poor choice of words."

"Feeling better?" Olivia asks fifteen minutes later when she joins her in bed.

"Yeah, can't say I look forward to waking up tomorrow morning, though."

"When you're up for it, we should go get a real breakfast, fill up your poor stomach again. You're… getting a little skinny, Amanda."

"You know what I was thinking earlier tonight?"

"What?"

"This summer... would it be possible for us to take some vacation time together?" She turns on her side then and lets her hand rest on Olivia's stomach. "Not much, I know you worry when we're understaffed, but like a few days? I'd just really like some uninterrupted time with you and the kids, and... I think we need to really talk. Figure out what we're doing here?"

Olivia isn't used to Amanda being so forthcoming about these sorts of things and that's why she totally misses how she just deflected like her life depended on it.

"I think that sounds perfect." She smiles as she leans in to kiss her, but she's abruptly stopped by Amanda's hand over her mouth.

"Ew, no, gross, don't kiss me."

"Can I kiss your forehead?" Olivia mumbles against her hand.

"Yes, but make it quick, I feel disgusting."

"Who said romance is dead?" The captain sighs before placing a gentle kiss against Amanda's skin, which is just a little paler than usual.

MANHATTAN PSYCHIATRICH CENTER

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Mesner." The woman says as she reaches out her hand.

He shakes it and notices that her hand is neither sweaty or unsteady.

She's not nervous to be around me.

"I just want you to know that this is a safe place. You can tell me anything and everything, and I won't tell a single soul."

"Anything?" Henry asks with a flat voice as he sits down in the chair across from her.

"Anything."

"Interesting."

"Are you settling in ok here?"

"It's fine. I'm guessing I'll be transferred in a few months though. At least that's what my doctor said."

"Let's cross that bridge when we get to it." The woman smiles. It looks genuine enough as far as smiles goes, he thinks.

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about today?"

"Yes."

"Please, I'm all yours."

Everyone he's met ever since his arrest have been so anxious and weird around him. Like they expect him to pull out a knife and stab them at any moment. But she... she's different. He's intrigued.

"I want to talk about detective Rollins. I feel like we have some... unfinished business."

The woman leans back in her chair then, her red curls bouncing just a little as she moves. "I'm listening."

A/N: Who can this mystery woman be? And what happens when Liv and Amanda go on vacation together? You'll have to wait a bit to find out. Next chapter: January 2015.