A/N: This is set after S18E17 - Real Fake News (If anyone is having trouble remembering the episode, it's the one where a self-proclaimed journalist targets Olivia and Amanda and make them and their kids a part of his online conspiracy theories.
S18-20 really was the golden Rolivia era. Here's to hoping we can get some of that magic back in S23… Sigh.
CHAPTER 14 - APRIL 2017
"Dinner? You and Jesse can stay the night if you want to."
She reads the text repeatedly while analyzing every single word. Is it merely an innocent invitation after the week they just had? Or is it something else?
We've been doing good lately. Just being friends, two single moms, leaning on each other for support but nothing else. Would it be a terrible idea to do something that might wreck that? Would we even be wrecking it if it's just a dinner? And even if it's not just dinner... She did say stay the night?
Fuck it.
"Sounds good, just give me an hour. Should I bring something?"
"Your toothbrush." The added emoji with a wink does absolutely nothing to calm the flutter in her stomach, and when she steps out of Olivia's elevator, the butterflies are still there, doing goddamn somersaults.
"Is it just me, or do we have the cutest kids in the whole world?" Amanda whispers from where they're standing by the door, watching Noah and Jesse who are finally asleep.
"We do have the cutest kids." Olivia responds. "And Jesse knows so many words already, were you an early talker, too?"
"I was. But when I started school I almost stopped talking all together, I was such a shy kid. Until I wasn't."
"I can totally see that." Olivia snickers as she carefully closes the bedroom door. "Shy, baby Rollins."
"Wine?" She asks on her way into the kitchen.
"After this week?" The detective says while slumping down on the sofa. "Not enough wine in the world. So yes."
There's just something about how the kids got dragged into all of this that has left her reeling. She's used to being in stressful and sometimes dangerous situations, it's a part of the job that she knew she signed up for all those years ago when she decided she wanted to be a cop. But having Jesse, and Noah, involved like this has her blood absolutely boiling.
"Are you worried it's gonna happen again?" She asks when Olivia sits down next to her, knowing full well that she's probably projecting her fears. "I mean, he seemed pretty determined to make our lives miserable."
"He won't. He and I... had a little chat." There's something about the look on the other woman's face that gives her a vague idea of what that 'little chat' was about.
"You did, huh?"
"Mhm. Let's just say, we won't have to worry about him anymore."
"Yeah, well, it's the internet so once something's posted, it's not like it's just gonna disappear. And the world is full of nut jobs."
"Speaking of nut jobs." The brunette says after taking a generous swig of the wine. "Did you hear?"
"Hear what?"
"Bronwyn, the one who helped Lewis escape, and Yates and Rudnick."
That mischievous look in Olivia's eyes is gone now and it makes Amanda sit up, suddenly impatient to find out what the woman in front of her is talking about. "What about her?"
"She's out."
"What? You're kidding."
"I don't know how. Barba called this morning and let me know. He didn't know how it happened either, said he'll get back to me when he finds out, but I told him not to. I really don't want to hear about that woman ever again."
"Jesus Christ."
"Yup." Olivia nods slowly before taking another sip of her wine.
Amanda studies her face for a second, wondering what's going on behind those brown eyes. "But at least she has a record now, so I guess she can't go back to cuddle psychopaths and serial killers even if she wanted to." It's a poor attempt at providing some kind of comfort, but she doesn't really know what else to say.
"You know, normally I'd sympathize with a woman so deep in denial, or so desperate for whatever attention she's getting from these men, assuming that some kind of abuse must've affected her. But that one..."
"You wanna kick her teeth in, don't you?"
"A little bit, yeah. Does that make me a terrible person?"
"No, Liv. That makes you human."
"A terrible human?" Olivia says, tilting her head, somehow managing to look guilty, sad and pleased with herself at the same time.
"No, just human. Did... did it bring up some stuff for you? Hearing that she's out?"
"I don't know. It's too soon to tell. I'll probably have some nightmares in a couple of days, deal with it and move on."
"God, I wish you didn't have to deal with it at all." The blonde's eyes fall down between them as that familiar and sickening feeling of culpability reaches the pit of her stomach.
"No, nope, I see where your mind is going, Amanda. And I need you to stop. You're not doing any of us any favors by going down that rabbit hole."
"I know, I know." Amanda says with a low voice while rubbing her temple like that's going to magically wash the four year old guilt away.
"Enough talk about nut jobs and psychopaths." The lieutenant says then, her voice thick with determination to get their minds off what they were just thinking about.
In the middle of refilling Amanda's glass, a sudden sound from the baby monitor makes them both freeze. "Noah, he sometimes talk in his sleep." Olivia explains.
Amanda's lips curl into a grin. "You do that, too."
"Ugh, I know. Have I ever said anything I should know about?"
"No." The detective chuckles. "But it's kinda endearing. Cute, like you." She knows she's flirting, but at some point they have moved closer to each other, and she can smell her perfume now.
"So..." Olivia says as she reaches over and carefully starts moving her fingers over Amanda's arm, making it perfectly clear that they're on the same page.
"So..." The blonde smiles a little shyly while her eyes fall on Olivia's hand, and watch as her fingers start to move in a small circle against the suddenly sensitive skin.
"You haven't spent the night here in..."
"Forever."
"Something like that." The brunette shrugs as she moves a little closer. "But you're here now."
"I am." Amanda nods slowly. Her eyes move from the other woman's hand and down until they land on her lips. God, I've missed those lips.
"And last I checked... we're both single."
"I know I am." She leans in a little, close enough to feel the other woman's breath on her skin.
"One last time?"
"One last time." The words are barely audible because they're spoken as their lips finally meet.
The kiss is breathtakingly slow, and not at all what Amanda had expected it to be. As soon as she stepped inside Olivia's apartments, she had a feeling the night might turn into something like this, but in her head they would rush it, be impatient with each other like they used to be.
This however, doesn't feel rushed at all.
Only when Olivia's tongue comes out to tease her does she feel that impatient part of her come to life. "I've missed kissing you." She admits.
The brunette grins against her lips. "Just the kissing?"
"I've missed everything." It's not until she actually says it out loud that she realizes just how true it is. Has this whole friendship thing just been an act? Is she falling for her all over again after finally coming to terms with the fact that they can never be anything more? And if so, isn't this a huge mistake?
It would probably be a good idea to listen to her racing thoughts, but her mind is getting foggier by the second, because Olivia's tongue is currently filling her mouth while a keen hand has somehow managed to find its way inside of her shirt and over her breast.
And when Olivia's mouth lands on her neck, just below her ear, her brain has officially shut down for the night. Her body is entirely in charge now, conflicting thoughts and emotions be damned.
"Let's go to bed." The brunette whispers. "It's been way too long since I made you come."
The bluntness of Olivia's statement, combined with the way she playfully bites down on her earlobe makes her gasp. "Someone's turned frisky since our last time."
"Come here." Olivia says as she gets up from the couch and reaches out her hand. "I'll show you just how frisky I can be."
There's something surprisingly light and playful about the way they move together. So different from not all, but most of their former encounters. It has almost always been about the distraction, the stress relief or the simple comfort.
Tonight it's almost like they're teenagers again, with the way Olivia laughs when Amanda's hands brush up against her sides where she's apparently especially sensitive. And the way Amanda blushes as Olivia kisses her neck and whispers "you came prepared" when she finds the blonde wet and bare, for her. Unlike so many times before, neither of them is impatiently chasing that ultimate high at the end.
But, as she smiles through her climax with Olivia's head between her legs, she must admit that the ultimate high is definitely an added bonus.
Everything feels a little different tonight, because instead of falling asleep right away, they stay tangled, slowly catching their breaths while Amanda gently moves her fingers up and down in a soothing motion over the brunette's stomach and chest. And instead of any awkward silence, they talk; about the job, about the kids and everything in between, except what they just did. They don't talk about that.
It's still dark when she wakes up five hours later, but she knows she won't be able to go back to sleep so she places a gentle kiss on Olivia's shoulder before she quietly sneaks out of bed and tip toes out of the dark room and into the bathroom.
She estimates that she still has a solid forty-five minutes until the kids wake up so she decides to take advantage of her moment of solitude. When she steps out of the shower and looks at herself in the fogged up mirror, that's when she notice it.
Seriously, Liv? There's a goddamn hickey on her neck. Albeit small, but still clearly visible. She rolls her eyes at her own reflection as her lips curl into a small smirk, thinking about what happened last night.
The detective feels like a burglar when she roams through Olivia's makeup bag, but she quickly rationalizes her own actions by blaming the brunette sleeping in the next room. The foundation she finds is way too dark for her skin color but it'll have to do.
With the hickey covered to the best of her ability, and fully dressed in yesterday's clothes, she gets started on breakfast. Motherhood hasn't exactly turned her into a master chef, but at least it has forced her to try.
Yup, this was definitely a mistake, she thinks twenty minutes later as she quietly walks back into Olivia's bedroom and finds the other woman still asleep, on her stomach and barely covered by the sheets. There's something almost unearthly about the way her naturally tan skin looks against the white fabric, and all those feelings that Amanda has more or less successfully suppressed for several months are suddenly rushing back.
I guess it was bound to happen at some point.
"Liv, breakfast is ready and the kids are up." Amanda says with a soft voice against the brunette's ear while her hand gently pats her naked back.
The immediate response is a soft humming noise and Olivia stretching her entire body before she turns on her side.
"How did I not wake up?" She asks as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes, clearly not entirely awake since she does nothing to cover her naked body.
Or maybe she just doesn't care.
"You were probably really tired. It was a hell of a week."
"That's for sure." Olivia scoffs. "For both of us."
"I'm fine. Gotta get going soon, though. Frannie has probably peed everywhere by now."
"At least have breakfast with us, I mean, you made it, you should eat it. I'll pay to get your furniture cleaned."
"I'll stay for breakfast." The detective smiles and kisses her forehead before she moves to get up from the bed.
"Amanda?"
"Hm?"
"I've missed you."
And there it is. Somehow she just knows that those three simple and yet so loaded words are the start of them falling right back to their past ways. She knows that it'll probably break her heart. She knows it's a mistake that will eventually and irrefutably complicate everything between them.
But as she stares back at Olivia and into those brown eyes that has the power to absolutely crush her time and time again, she finds that she couldn't care less.
You can ruin me if you want to. I'm all yours.
A/N: Ah, the heartbreak. And speaking of heartbreak. Anyone interested in finding out what's in Amanda's letter?
Stay tuned for chapter 15.
