A/N: Ok. We've reached the first of several dreadful present day chapters. I've already warned you, so I'm not gonna do that again. Just... Don't hate me.

TW: Violence (nothing super graphic)

CHAPTER 17 - AUGUST 2021

After reading the letter three times, Olivia has mostly managed to let go of all of the anger she's been carrying around ever since that night in New Hampshire. She can't be angry after this. Not after reading Amanda's honest and vulnerable words.

And after reading it five times, she's mostly able to not stop and linger at "Loving you isn't always healthy, and it definitely isn't easy." The first times her eyes moved over those lines it was like a stab to the chest. But she gets it now. As much as it hurts, she understands why their complicated relationship makes things worse for the detective, and why they can't keep doing this.

While reading it for the seventh time, her eyes sting from both fatigue and all the tears she has shed in the last two hours. So she falls asleep, still holding Amanda's letter in her hand.

"Mom?" Noah says as he peers through his mother's bedroom door. "Mom!"

She lazily turns her head to look at him, momentarily confused about why the room is so bright. "Hm… Noah? What's wrong?"

"Why didn't you wake me?"

She sits up abruptly then and fumbles around on her bedside table to grab her phone. 7:22. "Shit."

"Mo-om, you just said a bad word."

"Sorry, honey. I overslept, big time. Go, go get dressed while I jump in the shower."

She's just about to tumble out of bed when she hears a rustling sound and feels paper under her hand. Amanda's letter.

Fuck it.

She reaches for her phone again and before she can give herself time to second-guess it, she hits send. Three words. Three simple words to end this nine-year-old dysfunctional dance.

"I want more."

What she really wants right now is to drop everything, drive to Amanda's apartment, pull her into her arms and let her know exactly what she means. She wants to tell her with her words, her body, with every fiber of her being. She wants to tell her how sorry she is for being squeamish and stubborn and scared for such a long time.

Tell her over and over again how much she loves her. How she's going to be there for her, help her fight every single battle needed to get healthy. Tell her how much she needs her in her life, and not like before. Everything is going to be different now. Amanda needs to know that everything will be ok.

But until she gets the chance, "I want more" are the only words she can think of that sums it all up.

More. Everything. All of it. I'm done playing.

The warm summer air is such a contrast to the air-conditioned doctor's office that Amanda feels suffocated the moment she walks through the revolving doors. The fact that she's been more or less holding her breath for the last twenty four hours doesn't help either.

After ignoring it all together since she got out of bed, she fishes her phone out of her pocket, contemplating whether she should call the captain to let her know that she can come into work after all, if she's needed. Or, if she should just go home and hide under the covers because Olivia might not want to talk to her at all at this point.

But before she can make that decision, three words on her screen forces her to stop dead in her tracks.

"I want more."

I want more. That means everything, right? All the things that she wants, too? Going public? Telling the kids? Eventually move in together? No more sneaking around and pretending?

I want more.

What do I do now? Call her? While she's at work?

In her mind she's running into the precinct, taking the stairs instead of the elevator because she knows she can't stand still. She runs through the squad room, ignoring Kat and Fin's confused looks. And she storms through the captain's door, making her look up from whatever paperwork she's working on. And then their eyes would meet, and...

Or maybe Olivia isn't even at work? Maybe she stayed home today, sent Noah to school and took some time off just to process all of this.

Suddenly she can see herself knock impatiently on her door. Waiting, fidgeting, before the door opens. "I want more, too." And then they would kiss. A kiss nine years in the making, no doubt between them, no more holding back or constantly questioning everything and each other.

I need to call her.

But she never gets the chance. Because suddenly an unknown number appears on her screen, and in the span of two short seconds, her heart is suddenly pounding for very different reasons.

"Detective Rollins."

She recognizes his voice immediately, and the sweaty grip around her phone tightens as she whispers his name. "Henry."

"It's a beautiful day. Jesse looks like she's having a good time."

He's just messing with me. He's not there. He ca- "She looks so cute in her pink summer dress."

All the coffee she consumed before her doctor's appointment suddenly threatens to spill out of her. "Henry, you stay the fuck away, do you hear me?" She wants to scream for help, grab a random stranger and tell them to call the police, but she can barely breathe.

"Before you do anything stupid, I have a gun and a knife, and you know that I won't hesitate to use either of them. So here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna keep me on the phone, and you're gonna keep walking and meet me here. You know where I am."

"Henry-"

"If you don't do what I say, I will shoot her. Or maybe I'll shoot all of her friends first, you know, just to scare her."

"I'm coming, Henry. Just move away from my kids."

"I'll move when you get here. No one needs to get hurt if you just do as I say. But if I hear sirens, or see police cars coming... bang."

Amanda really has no idea how she's able to move her legs, how she's able to run faster than she has ever run before. But she does, because the only thing that matters right now is getting to her daughter's daycare before her life is completely shattered.

If she can just get him alone. Get him away from her kids, and then she can kill him. She doesn't care that it would surely be the end of her career. If it means that he can never hurt anyone she loves ever again, she would give up her badge in a heartbeat.

She can taste blood when she finally sees him, standing by the fence that separates Jesse and Billie's daycare from the busy street. If she could, she would shoot him right now, but as cloudy as her brain feels, she knows the risk is too high. There are just too many innocent bystanders, completely unaware of the fact that they're in close proximity to a goddamn predator.

His lifeless eyes catches hers and she slows down then, watching his every move, mentally and physically preparing herself for whatever it is he's planning to do. Instinctively, she wants to find Jesse in the crowd of children, just to make sure she's ok, but her eyes are glued to him now.

"Nice of you to join me."

"What do you want, Henry?" Her lungs are aching in her chest and the words comes out in between several gasps.

"You can say goodbye to Jesse if you want." Henry shrugs." We have a few minutes before we need to leave." He ignores her question while he looks over at the busy playground.

"Don't be stupid. Do you really think-" He moves then, forcing her to lower her eyes and watch as he discretely points the gun towards the daycare.

"If I shoot now, how can you be sure I won't hit your little girl? Now do as I say."

She glares at him for three seconds before she walks over to the fence, trying in vain to get some control on her breathing before she calls her daughter's name. She watches as Jesse turns her head and lights up at the sight of her standing on the other side of the tall railing.

"Mama!"

"Hey... hey baby." Amanda says as she gets down on her knees, forcing herself to keep her voice steady.

"Are you picking me and Billie up?"

"No, no, honey. I just came to say hello to my favorite girls."

"Why are you crying?"

She quickly wipes away the tears she didn't realize had suddenly trickled down on her cheeks. "I'm just so happy to see you, that's all."

"I did a drawing of Frannie, wanna come and see it?"

"I wish I could, baby, but mama needs to work for a little bit. Put it in your backpack, so I can see it later, ok?" She reaches through the fence and runs her hand through Jesse's long hair.

"Ok."

"I love you. Tell your sister I love her, too, ok? Is she napping?"

"Yeah, she's inside. It's too hot to sleep outside today."

"Ok, that's enough." The detective flinches at the sound of Henry who is suddenly standing right next to her. "Jesse, say goodbye to mama."

The five-year-old peers up at Henry then, her eyes big and questioning. "You gave me Snowball. Is he your friend, mama?"

No, sweetie. Definitely not a friend. "We're... just working together."

"Like you work with aunt Livia and uncle Sonny?"

"Kind of." Amanda forces a smile, praying that it's enough to avoid scaring her. "Go, go play Jesse. I love you, so much."

"Love you, mama!" She wants to cry again when she watches how her daughter spins around and runs back to the playground, looking as carefree as ever. It's like there's an entirely different world on the other side of that fence.

As soon as she's sure Jesse can't hear or see them, she gets up quickly and turns around to face him. "Tell me what you want."

"Let's go take a drive."

"I'm not getting in a car with you."

"You're not the one I'm gonna shoot if you don't do as I say. Come on."

She winces as he grabs her arm roughly and starts walking away. She looks over her shoulder one last time, hoping that she can get a final glance at her daughter. But Jesse is already out of sight. It's just her and Henry now. And all the people around them, not knowing how much danger they're currently in.

If I'm fast enough-

But just as she's about to grab her gun, he tightens the grip on her arm. "Don't even think about it. See that mother and her baby over there?" He nods in the direction to where a woman is sitting at a bench, breastfeeding." I won't hesitate to kill them both if you try anything."

She clenches her jaw as she realizes just how much trouble she's in. Just breathe. Focus. Get away from people.

They haven't walked for more than five minutes when he starts moving towards an underground parking garage.

He's taking me somewhere. I can't let that happen.

As soon as they're inside the garage and there's no one around for him to hurt, Amanda moves to grab her gun with her free hand. But he must've seen it coming because in the matter of seconds she's on the ground with him on top of her. "Get off me!" She tries to scream the words out, hoping that someone might hear her, but her voice is as frail as her body feels.

It's been a while since her job forced her to be physical with anyone and when she realizes just how weak her body has become lately, panic washes over her.

He's too strong. I can't defend myself. Not against him.

It happens so fast that she has no time to shield her face when his fist comes down and crashes against her chin, making the concrete ceiling above her spin violently. And before she has any time to react, there's a weird stinging sensation just below her ear.

And then, everything turns dark.

It's too hot. That's the first thing she notices when she starts to wake up. Way too hot. She instinctively wants to take her clothes off, but a voice in the back of her mind tells her to keep them on. It feels like she's in a... sauna? But that doesn't make any sense. Then again, nothing about her current situation makes any sense.

Her girls. She talked to Jesse, right? And a text. A text from Liv. Something important.

And then she hears his voice. Henry. He came back for her.

"Wake up, detective Rollins."

"You said you wouldn't hurt her."

"She looks fine to me. A little tired maybe."

"Open your eyes, Amanda."

"You hit her."

"I had to. I told you she wouldn't go with me without causing a little trouble."

A hand is suddenly patting her cheek. "Come on. Wake up."

I'm trying.

She needs to open her eyes to make sense of where she is. She's pretty sure she's not in her apartment because this doesn't feel like her mattress. And it doesn't smell like home. The room is too dark, too hot. So no, this is not her apartment. Had she been in a car? Her head is pounding and she vaguely remembers a fist hitting her chin, and something on her neck?

He took me somewhere. But who the fuck is he talking to and why does that voice sound so familiar?

"And no one knows about this place, right?"

"No, you're safe here, Henry. You have everything you need, and you can stay for as long as you like."

"Good. You stay here with her while I go grab a few things from the car."

So I was in a car. He drugged me.

She tries to move and that's when she notices that her hands are tied behind her back. A deep groan rumbles up from her chest when she lifts herself up a little and she finally manages to force her eyes open.

"Oh, good, you're awake. I told him not to hurt you. But I guess you left him no choice."

Amanda blinks a few times, wondering if the woman sitting on a chair in front of her is just a hallucination because of the drugs. "Bronwyn."

"He just wants to talk, Amanda. It's important for his recovery and that way you can both put all of this behind you."

She closes her eyes again, shaking her head a little like that will somehow make all of this just go away. Like she can wake herself up from a nightmare. But when she looks up, the woman is still there.

"Are you fucking insane? He hit me, he drugged me. He didn't bring me here to talk!"

"Just hear him out, and then I'll take you back to the city in a couple of hours. You'll be home in time to make dinner for your girls. Henry will be staying here for a while, because that godawful institution really isn't doing him any good."

"You really are ins- Wait. How do you know anything about my girls?"

"I know a lot about you, detective Rollins."

Before Amanda can ask her what she's talking about, Bronwyn is on her feet and Henry is back in the room, carrying a paper bag in one hand and a gun in the other.

He looks at the detective first, smirking, before he looks at the redhead. "It was nice of you to help me set this up. I really appreciate it."

It's done in literally the blink of an eye. One second Bronwyn is standing in front of him, the next she's on the floor with a bullet hole right between her eyes.

"Felt good to get that out of the way."

Amanda just witnessed an actual execution. On some level she knows that, but she can't get herself to react, to move or say anything. It's like her entire body is completely frozen to where she's seated on the mattress. Just a minute ago the room was on fire, but now it's like sitting in the middle of a goddamn blizzard.

"Don't worry. I'll clean up this mess."

This mess. Like he just accidentally spilled some orange juice on the floor.

It's like she can hear the gunshot over and over again, and that's the only thing she's able to focus on as her eyes registers how Henry grabs Bronwyn's ankles and drags her out of the room. The trail of blood left behind is quickly cleaned up and removed just a few minutes later when he comes back with what looks like a wet towel.

"Are my girls ok?" She hears herself ask, not sure how she was able to suddenly find her voice.

"For now." He says as he gets up from the floor and throws the now blood soaked towel out of the room, making it land over Bronwyn's lifeless face.

"What do you mean? You have me now, right? So leave them out of this."

While he slowly walks over to the paper bag by the door, she tries to fight the restrains around her wrists, but it's completely pointless. It's too tight, and her muscles are still weakened from the drugs.

"Relax. I'm not gonna touch them. Unless you make me." When he turns around, her eyes immediately falls on the needle in his hand. "I have some arrangements to take care of, probably best to keep you quiet for a while."

"No... No, Henry! Stop!"

But in the end it doesn't matter how much she squirms and tries to turn away. She's out after less than five seconds and her limp and helpless body slumps down against the mattress.

"Sleep tight, Amanda." He smiles as he looks at her one last time before he closes and locks the door.

A/N: …