A/N: We've reached September 2018 and S20E05 – Accredo. Another great Rolivia episode. Set right after the episode ends, when they get in the car. (And yes, I know this is a short chapter. Writer's block got to me and I didn't want to drag it out just for the hell of it.)

Maz Lovella – Evangeline

Kodaline – Love Like This (Acoustic)

CHAPTER 20 – SEPTEMBER 2018

"Want me to give you a lift home? It's been a long day."

"Actually, could you drop me off at Mercy? I have an appointment."

"An appointment?" Olivia is unsuccessful at hiding the immediate worry that seeps through her question.

"It's just an ultrasound, I've already had three. Guess they're giving me some special treatment after what happened with Jesse. And no one wants a two time placental abruption, least of all me."

She ignores how it kind of stings that Amanda haven't told her about the ultrasound, and decides instead to focus on the guilt of not checking in with her more often considering how dramatic her last birth was. "Are you worried?"

"Nah, apparently it's only like a ten percent chance of it happening again. I mean, am I looking forward to pushing a human being out of my body? No. But I'm not worried."

It's pretty remarkable, Olivia thinks. How this woman has gone from being so scared and conflicted, to the point where she considered an abortion, to being where she is now. If only she could see it herself, how amazing she is. So amazing and so brave.

"Green light, Liv."

"Huh?"

"Green light, you can drive."

"Oh, right, sorry."

Amanda looks at her for a short moment before she reaches out and grabs her shoulder. "Hey, what's going on in that busy head of yours?"

"Nothing… Just tired I guess." She runs a hand through her hair and tries to pretend that the hand resting on her shoulder has absolutely no effect on her.

"Is he meeting you there?" The lieutenant asks timidly.

"Who?"

Olivia rolls her eyes then. "Barack Obama. Who do you think?"

"Oh, no. Uhm, he's working." Amanda shrugs, trying but failing to sound like it doesn't bother her.

"He's not coming with you?"

"Liv, he's a doctor, he's busy."

"Too busy for this?" She scoffs, knowing full well how disapproving she sounds.

The detective watches as Olivia's grip on the steering wheel tightens. "You're angry."

"Of course I'm angry." You deserve better than that, Amanda.

"About this or…?" Or the fact that I got knocked up again when we were finally in a good place.

"Just… Never mind. Let's just get you to the hospital."

"What are you doing?" Amanda asks ten minutes later when instead of dropping her off at the hospital entrance, the brunette drives towards the parking garage.

"I'm coming with you."

She's about to protest and tell the other woman that she's perfectly capable of doing this on her own, but the look Olivia gives her leaves absolutely no room for any arguments.

"Everything is looking good, Amanda. You and your little girl are both perfectly healthy."

"Good. That's good." The detective didn't seem anxious at all when she walked through the hospital doors, but the way her shoulders fall down slightly and the long sigh that leaves her gives it away.

"I'll give you and your wife a moment and then I'll be back with the sonogram so you can take it home."

"Oh, she's not-" "We're not-"The doctor is already out of the door, giving neither of them a chance to correct the mistake.

Amanda is tempted to make a joke about it but she stops herself when she turns her head and sees Olivia's eyes locked on her stomach, still exposed after the exam.

"You already knew it was a girl?"

"Of course I knew, this is my fourth ultrasound. Why?"

"You just… You didn't tell me."

"Oh, sorry… I honestly thought that I did. Pregnancy brain." She rolls her eyes jokingly while pointing at her head.

"Yeah… right." Olivia attempts a smile, but her lips refuse to move.

"Liv… What's going on?"

The lieutenant shakes her head. "It's nothing. Forget it."

"Something is clearly bothering you."

"No, it's stupid. Can we just-"

Amanda pulls down her shirt and lifts herself up all while refusing to look away from the woman sitting next to her. "Please don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Shut me out. I thought we were good. And I thought you were happy for me."

"I am. I am happy for you, Amanda."

"Then why do you look so disappointed?"

"I'm not. I just… I guess I just didn't see all of this coming." I thought we were moving towards something more serious. You said you weren't going anywhere.

"Neither did I." Amanda says, sounding just a little offended. "Family planning obviously isn't my strong suit."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just… I thought we were…"

She can't get herself to finish the sentence and silently prays that Amanda will just get it. Or ignore it. She doesn't really know what she wants at this point.

"I know." The detective simply says, acknowledging whatever it was that the brunette never said out loud. Olivia hates how sad the other woman suddenly looks, when this was supposed to be a happy moment for her.

"I'm sorry, Amanda. I didn't mean to upset you. And I am happy for you. And I'll be here, whatever you need. Ok?"

She knows she's about to break her own heart, but she still gets up from the chair and leans over to kiss the blonde's forehead, allowing herself a moment of weakness to breathe in the sent that is just so characteristically her.

"Ok." Amanda whispers with her eyes closed as she leans into Olivia's comforting touch.

"Come on, let's get you and your little girl home."

Not a word is said during the drive to Amanda's apartment and Olivia can't decide if that's a good thing, or if it's a bad sign, because surely they have a million things to say to each other.

When they're finally parked outside, she expects Amanda to quickly get out of the car and away from the awkwardness that has settled between them, but the blonde stays seated. She shifts a little, arching the back that's been killing her all day.

"Liv, listen… I- oh."

"What? Is something wrong?"

"No… No. She's just kicking like crazy." The detective grabs Olivia's hand and places it on her belly. "Here." She says, her voice suddenly so soft it's enough to bring tears to the lieutenant's eyes. "Feel it."

Her heart is pounding in her chest as she feels the baby move under her touch. "Wow." She breathes the word out, completely mesmerized by the sensation.

"Yeah, she's strong." Amanda has a proud look on her face while staring down at their tangled hands before she turns to face the brunette. "I'm happy about this, Liv. I didn't think I wanted another baby, but now that I'm here, I'm happy."

"I know that, Amanda."

"But, I…" The detective stops herself, and instead she mirrors Olivia's pained expression. I'm still scared and I don't know what this means for us.

The lieutenant does the only thing that makes sense in that moment, as selfish and devastating as it might be. She leans in and kisses her. It's nothing more than a gentle peck on the lips, a world away from how she really wants to kiss her, but it's the only way for her to let the other woman know that they will be ok.

Somehow, they'll navigate their way through this like they have with so many other things in the past. And in the end, they will be ok.

We have to be.

They share a look before Amanda moves to get out, but Olivia grabs her hand and stops her. "Amanda… What you told me about your parents. If you ever wanna talk, you know I'm here right?"

"I know." The detectives says with a sad smile. "But honestly, there's not much to tell. One's crazier than the other and I don't know which is which because it changes constantly."

"I'm sorry. And I'm sorry you had to go through that, when you were just a kid." She tightens the grip around Amanda's hand, wishing them both away to an alternative universe where everything wasn't so fucking complicated.

"I'm sorry we both did." The blonde says, acknowledging the fact that they both know too much about growing up without unconditional love and protection.

Olivia's fingers are tapping restlessly against the steering wheel as she drives away, and after just a few blocks, she stops to pull her phone out of her pocket. She knows that it's stupid, and wrong and all kinds of messed up, but as soon as the name is typed into the google search bar, she also knows that there's no going back.

"Are you the one who wanted to see me?"

She quickly gets up from the chair she's been sitting on for the last forty-five minutes, and completely ignores the hand he just reached out for her to shake.

"Dr. Al Pollack?"

"Who are you?" The arrogance in his voice is enough for her to despise his face after less than a minute.

"I'm the woman who sat next to Amanda during her ultrasound today because you weren't there."

He takes a few steps backwards and eyes her suspiciously. "Listen, I don't know what this is about, but whatever is going on with Amanda or the baby, that's between me and her."

"Then show up. And if you ever hurt her, if you ever do anything to hurt Amanda, Jesse or this baby that you're having, I'm gonna make your life a living hell, do you understand me?"

"I-"

"And I get it. You have a very busy, very important job. So do I, and guess what? So do Amanda. But doctor's appointments and ultrasounds and whatever she might need during this pregnancy is not optional for her, and that means it's definitely not optional for you, either. You show up, do you hear me?"

"I hear you."

Olivia turns around to leave then, but not without looking over her shoulder one last time. "And one more thing, this conversation never happened. Are we clear?"

He doesn't answer, but at least he gives her a short nod that tells her it's unlikely he'll be telling anyone about their little encounter.

She's grateful for the elevator doors that opens quickly because she's already crying when she steps inside. That didn't feel nearly as good as she had hoped it would, and that heavy feeling in her chest is just as heavy now as it was five minutes ago. It's not that she hasn't been jealous before, but she has never acted on it, and as she angrily wipes her tears away she makes a promise to herself to never act on it again.

When her phone vibrates against her bedside table later that night she stays perfectly still for five seconds, begging that she's not about to get pulled back into work after the day she just had.

Please, not tonight.

"What did you say to Al?"

Shit.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"So it's just a coincidence that he called me to let me know that he was sorry for not coming with me today, promising that he'll show up more?"

"Maybe he felt bad."

"Sure."

"Go to sleep, Amanda. It's late."

"You're so obvious. You know that, right?"

"Good night."

"Night, Liv." Just as she's about to put her phone back on the table, one final text makes it vibrate against her hand.

"Thank you."

A/N: Protective and jealous Liv, be still my heart.

I might be looking at a busy weekend, and the next chapter is gonna require a lot of work, so I can't promise a fast update, but I'll do my best.