(O.O)
Spike
A soul.
The three of us had a nice long chat after we all crowded into the great poof's apartment. I nearly fell over from the shock after finding out that the magnificent forehead had been cursed with a soul just like us and that he'd also spent the last century carrying around the guilt of his sins. The only difference is that he didn't have a family by his side to help ease the burden or a duty to keep his thoughts occupied from the reality of what he'd done. It was no wonder why the bloke ended up slumming in alleys and sewers eating rodents, he'd been too caught up in his own pain to think about his appalling situation.
I felt sorry for the bloody bastard. He may have been an arrogant, pretentious and self-righteous git, and no matter how much I hated being related to him the same blood bound us, we were family. And not to mention he taught me nearly everything I knew about being a vampire. And while I'd rather dust that tell him in person, the bloke did deserve at least some sympathy.
During our little kumbaya session I'd also found out that great Grandmum knew about the soul and had banished Angelus anyway because the wanker was stupid enough to make her believe that he would have been alright with killing people, despite his soul. And I can understand her decision to chase him off, though if it'd been me I'd have dusted the bastard right then and there. The real kicker, however, was Darla having kept Angelus and his sodding soul a secret from me and Dru for all these years. I was proper brassed off at that. What right did she have to decide that for us? I knew she fancied herself our mum and always wanted what was best for us and I respect her for that, but in this case she'd overstepped her bounds. We should have decided Angelus' fate together.
She'd tried to explain that she'd believed that she'd been protecting us from the soulled version of Angelus. She said she kept us in the dark for our own good.
What a load of shit. No matter what fairy tales she told herself, I knew a big part of the reason she kept quiet about Angel was because she'd been terrified of what we might have done to him. He's her Childe after all. No matter how many times she has said that me and Dru are the most important people in her unlife, it's never one- hundred percent the truth. She'd always be torn between her soul and her demon. To her soul we may be her golden babes, but to the demon Angelus will always come first. So to barter peace with herself she banished Angelus and didn't tell a sodding soul about it. Keeping Angel's existence a secret was done because she knew us too well. She'd have guessed what our decisions on the matter would've been.
She knew that I'd have hunted and dusted him once I'd heard depth of depravity he was willing to visit, despite his soul. And Dru would have seen him ended as well, but not only for the same reasons as I had. There'd been many times over the years when she had been apart from her Sire where she'd weep and say she missed him, but I knew that was her demon talking. Her soul, on the other hand, loathes the bastard for what he did to her, and everyone she knew, when she'd been alive. Had Dru found out that Angel had survived and was evil despite the newly acquired soul, she'd have done more than just kill the wanker, she'd have tortured him in order to make him feel the pain for what he'd done to her. Her skilled hands would have made him feel worthless and would have worn him down until he hated his own bloody continued existence. And once he'd begged prettily enough, she'd finally send his sorry arse straight to hell.
Of course, now that I've properly thought about it, it was kinda of impossible to hold a grudge against Grandmum for hiding the truth about Angel from Dru and me, 'cause had she told us earlier, then there would've been nothing to cure Dru now. Although at the moment, the git still wasn't much of a help to her anyway, because while he agreed to help, under extreme pressure from us, the idiot had no idea on how to go about it.
Not that anyone else did either.
We'd been looking for any information with regards to healing vampires through a Sire-Childe bond for the pass couple of days. So far we had found nothing, despite the fact that all able bodied hands at the mansion were pressed into service. In a fit of pique Darla stuck Peaches with guard duty, which excused him from all tome related responsibilities. Drusilla being so fragile with her illness made it so she was unable to help as well, but unlike Angelus she was upset that she was being left on the sidelines.
I have never been so grateful in my all unlife for the minions that work for us that I was during those two days. If those minions hadn't been there it would have fallen to Darla and I to do all the research. Bamboo shoots under the finger nails sounded more appealing to me than spending an entire day reading ancient books and translating primordial languages. I tend to get easily bored and I bloody well hate sitting still for too long. All the extra help kept me from going completely sack of hammers.
It was not yet midnight on the second evening when Angelus left his self-appointed post by the stairs and decided to chime in. "This is taking too long!" he said with a growl as he stomped from the stairwell to where we were sitting. I rolled my eyes at the sight of his arrogant walk and glared at him when he sneered at Dru's new favorite minion, Dalton, indicating that he wanted the nerdy vamp to move away from him. Angelus really was a right git.
"Patience Angelus, we have no knowledge yet on how you are going to aid Dru, and aside from her visions of you being the only one that can cure her, we know next to nothing about her illness." Darla stamped her foot. "And what are you complaining about, anyway? It is not like we are forcing you to help in the search. All you've been doing since you got here is to stand in the corner and brood while criticizing us and harassing my people. Seriously Angelus, you have turned into a rude and ill-mannered brute since I've last seen you." Darla flicked her hair out of her eyes as she returned to the book she'd been reading.
Some of the minions tried to hide their smiles at the look on Angelus' face while I shamelessly snickered at him from behind the copy of 'Field Guide to Lesser Demons' that I was pretending to read.
"P-patience? People? Br-brute?" I heard him stutter in indignation. I looked back at my grandsire and saw that he was trying to calm himself, obviously mentally counting to ten before he spoke again. "First, my name is Angel now, Darla, and don't you forget it." I couldn't help but roll my eyes because of what he said. Always did hate how the wanker disassociated himself from his soulless counterpart. "Secondly, don't start telling me what to do 'cause you lost that right when you abandoned me." I heard the bitterness creeping into his voice as he said this. "Thirdly, don't forget that I am only here out of guilt for what I did to Dru, but if you insist on continuing to insult me, just remember that I can still chose to ignore her and permanently severe our bond like you did to ours. I can still let her die, so don't say I'm useless here because I can show you the real meaning of the word. And lastly, I can harass your so called 'people' whenever and however I want to because they are not people to begin with! They are vampires, minions to be precise! They are not 'people,' or has your soul made you too stupid to be unable to tell the difference of the two?"
Rage filled me as I listened to the self-righteous bastard as he criticized Darla, threatened Dru and disrespect everyone in the bloody room. I saw red when I heard him insult my family, and would have attacked him if it wasn't for Darla, who'd kept a hand on my arm, holding me in place.
"You're right Angel," she said, holding a hand up in placating gesture. "I abandoned you and it's true that I don't deserve your aid, and your insults and criticisms are all justified. You're also right to say that you can let Dru die, should you wish it." I looked at her in confusion. I was not sure where she was going with this and was irritated that she was accepting the wanker's words.
She paused for a second and tilted her head to the side. When she spoke again her tone had changed into something deep and throaty, it was as if her demon was the one talking, except she wasn't in gameface. "But you should remember one thing, Angel..." She stood up from her chair her face drawn tight but with obvious emotion swirling just under the surface. She was furious and her demonic energy pulsated wildly throughout the room, making some of the minions shiver in fear. Even my own demon wanted to bow down to her in respect. This was the true Darla, Master Vampire and heir to the Order of Aurelius, standing before us now, and Angel is about to get a taste of the demon inside of her. "I do not tolerate anyone who'd hurt my children. Whether the perpetrators are humans or demons, and regardless if they have souls or not."
I winced at her last words as they made me remembered the truth behind them. I still have etched in my memory the pained screams of those men who tortured Dru back in Prague. Darla had slaughtered them while I helped Dru escape from her chains. She had been unstoppable a the time. And had it not been for the approaching sun and Dru needing help, I was convinced that she would've killed everyone there. My soul ached with regret at my inability to prevent their deaths and for allowing Darla to heap sin after sin upon herself that night.
She was right up in Angelus' face now. "So should you happen to feel inclined to leave Drusilla for dead, just remember that I can hunt you down and do things to your that are far worse than any hell dimension could ever conjure up. I can make you plead for death but never grant it. Your soul would shrivel up and die while your demon would forever cower and long for the end. Do you understand me, Angel?"
A shiver ran down my spine. Those were no idle threats. If Angelus were to abandon Dru his fate would be sealed. The git knew it too, I could see it on his usually impassive face. If he'd been able to, the bastard would have wet his trousers. And I'd have found the thought hilarious if Darla's rage hadn't been so palpable.
"Yes, Sire," was his immediate response. He bowed his head in respect to the superior demon standing before him.
"Good." She said and returned to her seat, then she picked back up her book, wetting on finger and turning a page like nothing had happened. I let out a sigh of relief along with the minions. At least the storm was over for now. "Angel," she suddenly called, making everyone jump in surprise. "If you are that tired of waiting then you are free to leave the house. You can go meet up with that Slayer of yours and make sure she's alright. It is the Night of Saint Vigeous, and though I am certain that we've already taken care of a lot of the traditional vampires in Sunnydale who'd decide celebrate this event, it doesn't mean that the Slayer is a hundred percent safe. I suggest you look in on her and make certain of it. You did profess to be her guardian sent by the so called Powers That Be and it would be unbecoming of us to keep you away from your duties. So leave." She looked up from her book at Angelus. "Go help your Slayer, we'll send for you when we've found what it is you need to do." She smiled sweetly at him, confusing all of us.
I stared at her in disbelief. I just don't bloody understand her: one minute she was angry, the next she was being kind. The woman had more ups and downs than a rollercoaster. It was impossible to tell what she really wanted. My hand twitched for a fag. I haven't had one in days because Grandmum wouldn't let me outside for a smoke and lighting around all the old parchment was right out the question, not to mention she still hated the smell of nicotine inside the house. She said that this was my punishment for leaving the house two nights ago. Cruel thing to do to a bloke, if you ask me.
"William why don't you go with him? I am sure you are dying to go outside, and I believe you have learned your lesson to not do anything without my permission." It was my turn to be on the receiving end of that candy sweet smile.
"What?" Angel and I yelped simultaneously.
That's it she had finally gone completely off her rocker. Why the hell would she want me to go with Peaches?
"I said take William with you. He needs to go out and gets some fresh air. Being stuck in the house for too long makes the boy cranky. It's getting on my nerves." She shrugged one shoulder nonchalantly.
"Then why does he have to come with me? He can go outside and get some fresh air alone," Angelus' hands were balled into fists at his side.
"Though it pains me to admit it, he's right, great Grandmum, I can take care of myself. Why in the sodding hell do I have to go and follow him around like a bleeding puppy?"
"Because I said so." There was just a hint of the anger from before in her voice.
"But why?" I knew I sounded whiny but I couldn't help, I needed to know why I was being tortured along with Angelus. He was the one that'd threated Dru and been disrespectful to Darla.
She sighed before she answering. "Because I don't trust you two enough not to get yourselves killed." She gave me a look as she said it, and I immediately understood what she wanted: for me to make sure Peaches didn't get himself dusted tonight while helping the Slayer. Usually I would have been irritated at the subterfuge and would have called her on it, but not this time. I didn't because I understood her reason. She didn't trust Angelus to keep his word. She still thinks that the wanker would try to find a way to wiggle himself out of the deal and I'm to keep him on the straight and narrow.
"Fine!" I snapped, putting on a show for Angelus. I snapped the book closed that I'd been reading and tossed it on the desk. Using the move as a cover I caught Darla's eye and nodded once. She smiled slightly and returned to her research. I picked up my coat and walked towards the door.
"Come on Peaches! You heard the woman, let's go help that Slayer of yours." I held open the door, waiting for him to follow me out. When he didn't immediately move, I yelled at him: "What the hell are you waiting for? Morning? Your Slayer could be dying for all we know, and you're busy playing statue over there. Come on!" I didn't wait for a reply this time and just strode outside. I was several strides away from the house and already fishing in my pocket for a smoke when I heard the door open and close again.
When Angelus finally caught up with me, he growled and grabbed my upper arm, stopping me mid-step. He drug me around to face him. "I don't know what you're planning, Spike, nor why Darla had you come with me, but if you so as try to hurt one hair on Buf-"
"Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist." I rolled my eyes at his attempt for intimidation. "Old Grandmum just wants yours truly to make sure nothing happens to you while you are doing your so called redemption duty. Though god knows why you're even trying. There's not a blasted thing in this world that you can do to take back all those evil acts of yours. There's no redemption for the likes of us, Angelus. The sooner you realize that the better off we'll all be."
"What the hell do you know about my redemption and my destiny, Spike? You have no idea what they both are or just how much they mean to me." He shook me for emphasis.
I blew a stream of smoke in his face. "You're right, I don't know and I don't care. But I do know a thing or two about fighting the good fight. You shouldn't be doing it just because you expect a pretty prize at the end. You believe that this duty the so called Powers have given you will get you redeemed? That if you continue on this path you'll find forgiveness? Absolution of your sins?" I snorted. "It doesn't work that way. They can have you work for them for all eternity by keeping you chasing after that carrot. Forgiveness and redemption can't be given, even by the Powers That Be. It's a day to day struggle of repenting your past sins and doing what you can to help save as many people as you can in whatever way that you can.
"Is that why you three are doing this? Saving people? Fighting the good fight? Because you three are trying to earn your own brand of redemption?" he asked me.
I laughed out loud at his words before answering him. "Weren't you listening? I already said that there's no redemption for the likes of us. No amount of people that we save or apocalypse that we avert can erase the evil that we've done. There's no way to wash to blood from our hands."
"Then what's the point in doing good in the first place?" he cried out, pushing me away from him.
"That's the thing you don't understand, Angelus." I forced my voice to be calm and even for him to get my point without aggrivating him any further. "Doing good shouldn't have a point or a reason in the first place. You just do it because it is the right thing to do. You have soul now, it should make you know the difference between right and wrong. But most importantly it gives you a choice to make a difference, to do something out of all the darkness that you'd been forced into to and to use that darkness to aid and protect those in the Light. That's what Darla, Dru and I have been doing for the last century or so. We aid the Light and protected its people. We fight because it's the right thing to do and not because we seek forgiveness. Nobody can absolve us of our past sins anymore, because everyone we've hurt are either dead or are probably still cursing our continued existence. It's why we don't expect to be forgiven, and if we were, we wouldn't deserve it. But we do deserve to make up for our sins, and since we aren't gonna send ourselves to hell any time soon, we make up for it by doing good while we still walk this bloody planet."
I flicked my cigarette butt away and assessed Angel's reaction. He was silent, absorbing everything I'd just said. It made me think that perhaps he wasn't as lost a cause as I had thought. He looked like he was considering my words and maybe they'd even change him for the better. I started to believe that I hadn't wasted my unnecessary breath on him after all.
"So you're saying that there is no point to what we do, because in the end we'll still have to pay for what our past evils?"
I sighed, wanting so much to hit the idiotic bastard because he still didn't get what I was saying. "In a matter of speaking, yes," I answered, tapping my fingers against my legs in irritation. "But again that's not the point. What I am trying to say is-"
"-that it's all hopeless," he cut me off. "That no matter what I do I'll still end up in hell…" He muttered a few more things under his breath as he started pacing in front of me.
He just couldn't see my argument. He was too focus on the little things to see the big picture. He can't see beyond his selfish motivations to understand that what happened to him, the curse, wasn't all that bad. In fact, it had been a perfect opportunity for him to do something amazing. During our talk two nights ago, when he'd explained his PTB given duty, he'd said that this was his one chance to be the great man that his grandfather had wanted him to be. What he couldn't see was that he'd already had that chance a long time ago, from the moment he was cursed with a soul.
With his soul as his conscience, and the strength, the power, and the speed of a vampire, he could have done a lot of great things, saved a lot of people and fought a lot of evil. He could have been a hero, but instead, he wasted all that opportunity. Now some 'Higher Beings' were using him to do their bidding by promising him something that he had no assurance was even a possibility.
I wanted to force him to understand, but I didn't know how.
"You're wrong!" he said, pointing a finger at me.
Oh great, denial. Everyone's favorite solution to their issues.
"I can get my redemption. The Powers said so. Buffy is my destiny, and you are just being the jealous little fledge you were a century ago! You're still trying to outdo me, but you failed, Spike. God! You almost had me, with your 'doing good because it is right' speech. But you're not fooling me, you're just trying to confuse me and prevent me from doing my job. But I won't be swayed that easily. I know the truth. You're just envious, as you've always been, that I have a destiny while you don't, that I have a chance to redeem myself and save my soul, while you're gonna be stuck doing all the good in the world but will still end up in hell at the end. You're not going to fool me, Spike, because I'm not going to listen to any of the crap you just said." He stomped off into the night.
While he walked away from me I was trying to rein in my emotions. I stood there shaking in anger at his stupidity.
How dare he say I was jealous of him? Why would I even be jealous of his so called destiny? It was trouble I didn't need to borrow. Having a destiny takes away one's choices and free will. I'd seen what destiny does to people, and I hated it. I saw the scars it leaves on the Slayers I befriended. I saw how much of a burden it was, and how it slowly killed them day after day, until they just stopped fighting and allowed death to take them. The destiny of being a Chosen One is what gave these amazing, strong, and wonderful girls their very own death wish at a very young age. It was wrong. Having a destiny was a quick way to die. I'd only been trying to help Angelus to see that his so called destiny was actually his doom.
I yelled in the direction he'd taken off. "Fine! I'll bloody well let you live in that stupid river in Egypt, see if I care when that stupid destiny of yours bites you in the arse someday! I'll just be sure to be there to laugh at you when it does!" I paced on the side walk and lit another smoke.
It took a couple of minutes for my anger to subside, and then sympathy replaced it. I felt sorry for the bastard. He'd had his soul for over a century, yet he still didn't know how to use it. Unlike Darla, Dru and I who, over the course of a century, had spent a great deal of time learning about ourselves and living an unlife that meshed the demon and the soul together, Angel had spent his entire souled existence at war with himself. He hated both his demon and soul for what was happening to him. He'd played the victim instead of embracing what could be. He'd lost himself in the guilt and hadn't had a family to help him. Had Dru not been there and seen a vision of our future in which we were fighting evil and stopping one apocalypse after another, then just like Angelus, I might have been too sorry for myself to actually care about anything. I'd probably just have walked into the sun one morning.
As much as I hated to admit it, Angelus needed someone to guide him to the right path, someone who knew what it is like to have a soul and revel in it rather than regret it. More importantly, he needed someone to show him how to live in this world with both a demon and a soul without favoring or upsetting one or the other.
Sod it, I was the perfect candidate to teach him, whether or not we liked each other or if he even wanted my help in the first place.
I couldn't turn my back on him now, not when he needed me the most. I'd long ago promised myself to aid those in need, be they human, demon, or stupid, bloody, souled vampires that couldn't see past the end of their own noses.
I stood there for a few more moments, savoring the end of my cigarette.
Oh, nicotine, how I'd missed thee.
Even though I'd just decided to help Angelus, that didn't mean I should just forgive the bloke for insulting me earlier. I wanted him to get his arse kicked a few times before I came to his rescue. I chained smoked three more fags, leaning up against a tree, before I decided I'd better get started on the saving Angelus from himself thing.
As I walked down the street following he bastard's scent, I came up with a brilliant plan.
I may have promised myself to help the wanker, but that didn't mean my methods had to be all sweetness and cuddly. I chuckled as I came up with every annoying, irritating, and aggravating way I could think of that'd show Angel how to properly act as a vampire with a soul. An almost evil grin found its way onto my face. This was going to be neat.
(O.O)
A/N: Yehey! Finally get to upload all of the betaed versions of this fic!(thank my beta Sunalso for the amazing job) If you want you guys can go reread it again to see if it was better than the previous version. Anyway, I'm finally gonna be updated regularly now so thank you all for being patient. I really appreciate it. Anyway going back to this latest chapter, for those who read the original one, I'll just say sorry because I know I promised a nice confrontation on this chapter but I had to change the flow a little in order for it to follow the plot in the future. I had to clear a few kinks if you get what I mean. Anyway, thank you for the support and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Again gonna be updating regularly so hope you guys will still continue supporting this fic.
