Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson & the Olympians, Heroes of Olympus, or any other franchise in the Riordanverse. I do not own any of the characters from the Riordanverse or Greek Mythology. All bolded text is from the book and I do not own that either. I just own my writing and some of the reactions.

Please don't take down my story.


"5 - I PLAY PINOCHLE WITH A HORSE"

The gods except Dionysus exchange confused glances. Dionysus perked up at the game. Chiron raised an eyebrow at Percy, who grinned sheepishly. The demigods seemed proud of themselves to know something the gods' didn't.

"I had weird dreams full of barnyard animals. Most of them wanted to kill me. The rest wanted food."

"I love your imagination," Hermes chortled.

Percy grimaced, remembering some of his less-than-pleasant dreams. "You won't soon."

"I must've woken up several times, but what I heard and saw made no sense, so I just passed out again."

"It probably had something more to do with your health Percy," Beckendorf snickered. "not sheer will."

"I remember lying in a soft bed, being spoon-fed something that tasted like buttered popcorn, only it was pudding. The girl with curly blond hair"

Athena raised an eyebrow at her future daughter, but Future-Annabeth was still refusing to look at her.

"The Nightingale effect!" Aphrodite squealed.

Hephaestus frowned. "What's that, dearest?"

"It's when the nurse falls in love with her patient," Aphrodite sighed dreamily. Athena's lip curled.

"hovered over me, smirking as she scraped drips off my chin with the spoon.

When she saw my eyes open, she asked, "What will happen at the summer solstice?""

"More about the summer solstice," Hades muttered.

Athena smiled slightly. Her daughter only nursed him back to health for information. That she could get behind. Maybe dating Percy was something more tactical rather than personal.

"I managed to croak, "What?"

She looked around, as if afraid someone would overhear. "What's going on? What was stolen?"

"Stolen?" The gods murmured between themselves. The demigods frowned in confusion.

Athena scrunched her eyebrows up. Something that was stolen that would turn Hades against Poseidon so much that he would want to kill his son... Athena could only think of one item that would gauge such a reaction. She didn't know if something had also happened to Zeus or if he was just pissed Poseidon had a son. But the book title...'The Lightning Thief'...

"We've only got a few weeks!"

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, "I don't..."

Somebody knocked on the door, and the girl quickly filled my mouth with pudding.

The next time I woke up, the girl was gone."

"Probably because you didn't have the information," Poseidon mumbled, shooting Athena a look.

"A husky blond dude, like a surfer, stood in the corner of the bedroom keeping watch over me. He had blue eyes- at least a dozen of them-on his cheeks, his forehead, the backs of his hands."

Hera smiled at the mention of Argus.

"When I finally came around for good, there was nothing weird about my surroundings, except that they were nicer than I was used to. I was sitting in a deck chair on a huge porch, gazing across a meadow at green hills in the distance. The breeze smelled like strawberries."

The demigods cheered for Camp Half-Blood.

"There was a blanket over my legs, a pillow behind my neck. All that was great, but my mouth felt like a scorpion had been using it for a nest."

"There's another one," Percy muttered to Future-Annabeth, who nodded, deep in thought.

"My tongue was dry and nasty and every one of my teeth hurt."

Apollo thought back to the list. Soon, that would be the least of the demigod's problems.

"On the table next to me was a tall drink. It looked like iced apple juice, with a green straw and a paper parasol stuck through a maraschino cherry.

My hand was so weak I almost dropped the glass once I got my fingers around it."

Zeus glared at the sea-brat. "Don't waste nectar!"

""Careful," a familiar voice said.

Grover was leaning against the porch railing, looking like he hadn't slept in a week. Under one arm, he cradled a shoe box. He was wearing blue jeans, Converse hi-tops and a bright orange T-shirt that said CAMP HALF-BLOOD. Just plain old Grover, not the goat boy."

"You make it sound like a disease," Travis laughed. Connor jabbed him in the ribs, pointing to Dionysus, Demeter, and Hermes, who were all glaring fiercely at him.

"So maybe I'd had a nightmare. Maybe my mom was okay. We were still on vacation, and we'd stopped here at this big house for some reason. And..."

"Optimism like that will get you killed," Clarisse grumbled.

""You saved my life," Grover said. "I...well, the least I could do...I went back to the hill. I thought you might want this."

Reverently, he placed the shoe box in my lap.

Inside was a black-and-white bull's horn, the base jagged from being broken off, the tip splattered with dried blood. It hadn't been a nightmare."

Silena winced in sympathy.

""The Minotaur," I said."

"Names have power!" Hera snapped at the useless demigod.

""Urn, Percy, it isn't a good idea-"

"That's what they call him in the Greek myths, isn't it?" I demanded. "The Minotaur. Half man, half bull."

Grover shifted uncomfortably. "You've been out for two days. How much do you remember?"

"My mom. Is she really..."

He looked down."

"Poor child," Aphrodite murmured. Demeter and Hestia mumbled their agreements.

"I stared across the meadow. There were groves of trees, a winding stream, acres of strawberries spread out under the blue sky. The valley was surrounded by rolling hills, and the tallest one, directly in front of us, was the one with the huge pine tree on top. Even that looked beautiful in the sunlight."

"I'll tell Thalia you said that," Future-Annabeth cackled.

Percy gave her a look of horror. "Please no," He begged.

"My mother was gone. The whole world should be black and cold. Nothing should look beautiful."

"Yet life goes on," Artemis sighed.

""I'm sorry," Grover sniffled. "I'm a failure. I'm-I'm the worst satyr in the world.""

Both Annabeths and Percy voice their disagreements. Luke hesitated for a moment too long before he expressed his. Zeus and Poseidon couldn't help but agree with the satyr's assessment.

"He moaned, stomping his foot so hard it came off. I mean, the Converse hi-top came off. The inside was filled with Styrofoam, except for a hoof-shaped hole.

"Oh, Styx!" he mumbled.

Thunder rolled across the clear sky."

"Stalker," Travis muttered. Connor shook his head at his brother's lack of self-preservation.

Katie clipped him over the head.

"As he struggled to get his hoof back in the fake foot, I thought, Well, that settles it.

Grover was a satyr. I was ready to bet that if I shaved his curly brown hair, I'd find tiny horns on his head. But I was too miserable to care that satyrs existed, or even minotaurs. All that meant was my mom really had been squeezed into nothingness, dissolved into yellow light.

I was alone. An orphan. I would have to live with...Smelly Gabe?"

"Oh Hades no," Poseidon snarled.

Hades, instead of chiding his brother for using his name as a swear word, cracked his knuckles in agreement. Most of the rest of gods and demigods, even Chiron, gave noises of agreements.

Percy stared at Future-Annabeth, shooketh. Future-Annabeth laughed quietly at his expression, kissing him softly.

"You have no idea how special you are," She murmured fondly against his lips.

"No. That would never happen. I would live on the streets first. I would pretend I was seventeen and join the army."

Future-Annabeth snorted her laughter. "That wouldn't have worked, Seaweed Brain. You were such a midget back then."

"I'd do something.

Grover was still sniffling. The poor kid - poor goat, satyr, whatever - looked as if he expected to be hit.

I said, "It wasn't your fault.""

Poseidon couldn't help but disagree. Grover was the protector, he was supposed to protect his son, not get protected by his son.

""Yes, it was. I was supposed to protect you."

"Did my mother ask you to protect me?"

"No. But that's my job. I'm a keeper. At least... I was."

"But why..." I suddenly felt dizzy, my vision swimming."

Poseidon frowned worriedly at his son next to him.

""Don't strain yourself," Grover said. "Here." He helped me hold my glass and put the straw to my lips.

I recoiled at the taste,"

"WHAT?!" Zeus boomed. "YOU INSOLENT-"

"because I was expecting apple juice."

Zeus deflated.

"It wasn't that at all. It was chocolate-chip cookies. Liquid cookies. And not just any cookies-my mom's homemade blue chocolate-chip cookies, buttery and hot, with the chips still melting."

The demigods gave Percy more pitying looks.

"Don't," He told them. "Others have had it harder."

The others looked at each other in confusion. Who would've...?

"Drinking it, my whole body felt warm and good, full of energy. My grief didn't go away, but I felt as if my mom had just brushed her hand against my cheek, given me a cookie the way she used to when I was small, and told me everything was going to be okay.

Before I knew it, I'd drained the glass."

Poseidon winced. "Don't drink too much."

"I stared into it, sure I'd just had a warm drink, but the ice cubes hadn't even melted.

"Was it good?" Grover asked.

I nodded.

"What did it taste like?""

Zeus' lip curled. Unappreciative satyrs.

"He sounded so wistful, I felt guilty.

"Sorry," I said. "I should've let you taste.""

Beckendorf snickered. "That wouldn't have been the best idea."

"His eyes got wide. "No! That's not what I meant. I just...wondered."

"Chocolate-chip cookies," I said. "My mom's. Home-made."

He sighed. "And how do you feel?"

"Like I could throw Nancy Bobofit a hundred yards.""

"Please do," Past-Annabeth sat up.

""That's good," he said. "That's good. I don't think you could risk drinking any more of that stuff"

"What do you mean?"

He took the empty glass from me gingerly,"

Zeus' hands curled into fists. He was going to have a long chat with Dionysus about his satyrs' behavior.

"as if it were dynamite, and set it back on the table. "Come on. Chiron and Mr. D are waiting."

The porch wrapped all the way around the farmhouse.

My legs felt wobbly, trying to walk that far. Grover offered to carry the Minotaur horn, but I held on to it. I'd paid for that souvenir the hard way. I wasn't going to let it go."

"You are brave," Hestia complimented.

"As we came around the opposite end of the house, I caught my breath.

We must've been on the north shore of Long Island, because on this side of the house, the valley marched all the way up to the water, which glittered about a mile in the distance. Between here and there, I simply couldn't process everything I was seeing. The landscape was dotted with buildings that looked like ancient Greek architecture-an open-air pavilion, an amphitheater, a circular arena-except that they all looked brand new, their white marble columns sparkling in the sun. In a nearby sandpit, a dozen high school-age kids and satyrs played volleyball. Canoes glided across a small lake. Kids in bright orange T-shirts like Grover's were chasing each other around a cluster of cabins nestled in the woods. Some shot targets at an archery range. Others rode horses down a wooded trail, and, unless I was hallucinating, some of their horses had wings."

The demigods cheered for their home.

"That's a good description of camp," Silena decided.

"Down at the end of the porch, two men sat across from each other at a card table. The blond-haired girl"

"How long am I going to be 'the blond-haired girl'?" Past-Annabeth complained.

"How long are we going to be 'the blond-haired girl'" Future-Annabeth corrected.

"who'd spoon-fed me popcorn-flavored"

"Wait, it was popcorn-flavored to you?" Future-Annabeth asked.

Percy nodded, looking confused. "Yeah...why?"

"It's popcorn-flavored to me too," She laughed.

"pudding was leaning on the porch rail next to them.

The man facing me was small, but porky. He had a red nose, big watery eyes, and curly hair so black it was almost purple. He looked like those paintings of baby angels- what do you call them, hubbubs? No, cherubs. That's it. He looked like a cherub who'd turned middle-aged in a trailer park."

"You only took that form out of spite," Future-Annabeth sighed. Dionysus stared at her, long and hard, for a second before nodding in agreement.

"He wore a tiger pattern Hawaiian shirt, and he would've fit right in at one of Gabe's poker parties, except I got the feeling this guy could've out-gambled even my step-father."

"Of course," Dionysus sniffed. "I can out-gamble Chiron when I am at full strength."

""That's Mr. D," Grover murmured to me. "He's the camp director. Be polite. The girl, that's Annabeth Chase. She's just a camper,"

"Rude," Past-Annabeth huffed.

"but she's been here longer than just about anybody."

"Except for me," Luke smiled but it looked pained.

"And you already know Chiron... ."

He pointed at the guy whose back was to me.

First, I realized he was sitting in the wheelchair. Then I recognized the tweed jacket, the thinning brown hair, the scraggly beard."

"Thank you, child, for that description," Chiron chuckled. Percy colored and grinned sheepishly.

""Mr. Brunner!" I cried."

"Didn't he just say his name was Chiron?" Athena sniffed. She was ignored.

"The Latin teacher turned and smiled at me. His eyes had that mischievous glint they sometimes got in class when he pulled a pop quiz and made all the multiple choice answers B."

Travis and Connor sat up a little straighter.

""Ah, good, Percy," he said. "Now we have four for pinochle.""

Demeter's mouth formed an 'o'. "The chapter title."

"He offered me a chair to the right of Mr. D, who looked at me with bloodshot eyes and heaved a great sigh. "Oh, I suppose I must say it. Welcome to Camp Half-Blood. There. Now, don't expect me to be glad to see you.""

Hestia sighed heavily at her nephew.

""Uh, thanks." I scooted a little farther away from him because, if there was one thing I had learned from living with Gabe,"

Everyone growled.

"it was how to tell when an adult has been hitting the happy juice. If Mr. D was a stranger to alcohol, I was a satyr.

"Annabeth?" Mr. Brunner called to the blond girl."

"'The blonde girl'." Past-Annabeth sniffed, sounding a whole lot like her mother.

"She came forward and Mr. Brunner introduced us. "This young lady nursed you back to health, Percy. Annabeth, my dear, why don't you go check on Percy's bunk? We'll be putting him in cabin eleven for now.""

Hermes sighed irritably. He hated how the undetermined stayed at his cabin, though he would be a hypocrite if he told the gods to claim their kids, that was the truth.

"Annabeth said, "Sure, Chiron."

She was probably my age, maybe a couple of inches taller, and a whole lot more athletic looking. With her deep tan and her curly blond hair, she was almost exactly what I thought a stereotypical California girl would look like, except her eyes ruined the image."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Past-Annabeth snapped.

"They were startling gray, like storm clouds; pretty but intimidating too,"

Past-Annabeth blushed brightly, whether from the compliment or from embarrassment, no one knew.

"as if she were analysing the best way to take me down in a fight."

"I was," Future-Annabeth sniggered.

"She glanced at the minotaur horn in my hands, then back at me. I imagined she was going to say, 'You killed a minotaur!' or 'Wow, you're so awesome!' or something like that."

Future-Annabeth gave Percy a look.

"Instead she said, "You drool when you sleep.""

"Ah the famous line that had all the Aphrodite campers swooning," Percy chuckled. Future-Annabeth made a face at him.

"Then she sprinted off down the lawn, her blond hair flying behind her.

"So," I said, anxious to change the subject. "You, uh, work here, Mr. Brunner?""

"Chiron," Athena stressed.

""Not Mr. Brunner," the ex-Mr. Brunner said. "I'm afraid that was a pseudonym. You may call me Chiron."

"Okay." Totally confused, I looked at the director. "And Mr. D...does that stand for something?""

"Names have power!" Hera snapped.

"Everyone's a critic," Percy muttered.

"Mr. D stopped shuffling the cards. He looked at me like I'd just belched loudly. "Young man, names are powerful things. You don't just go around using them for no reason."

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

"I must say, Percy," Chiron-Brunner broke in, "I'm glad to see you alive."

"Blunt," Hermes laughed.

"It's been a long time since I've made a house call to a potential camper. I'd hate to think I've wasted my time."

"House call?"

"My year at Yancy Academy, to instruct you. We have satyrs at most schools, of course, keeping a lookout. But Grover alerted me as soon as he met you. He sensed you were something special, so I decided to come upstate. I convinced the other Latin teacher to...ah, take a leave of absence.""

"No offence to Hazel, but I fuckin' hate the mist," Percy sighed. Future-Annabeth hummed in agreement. Hades' form flickered. He frowned in disbelief at the mention of his diseased Roman daughter.

"I tried to remember the beginning of the school year. It seemed like so long ago, but I did have a fuzzy memory of there being another Latin teacher my first week at Yancy. Then, without explanation,"

"Mist," Artemis reminded him.

"he had disappeared and Mr. Brunner had taken the class.

"You came to Yancy just to teach me?" I asked.

Chiron nodded. "Honestly, I wasn't sure about you at first. We contacted your mother, let her know we were keeping an eye on you in case you were ready for Camp Half-Blood. But you still had so much to learn. Nevertheless, you made it here alive, and that's always the first test.""

"You never change, do you Chiron?" Apollo sniggered, but he still looked uneasy.

""Grover," Mr. D said impatiently, "are you playing or not?"

"Yes, sir!" Grover trembled as he took the fourth chair, though I didn't know why he should be so afraid of a pudgy little man in a tiger-print Hawaiian shirt."

The demigods snickered.

""You do know how to play pinochle?" Mr. D eyed me suspiciously.

"I'm afraid not," I said.

"I'm afraid not, sir," he said.

"Sir," I repeated. I was liking the camp director less and less."

Dionysus sighed warily, picking up his wine magazine again.

""Well," he told me, "it is, along with gladiator fighting and Pac-Man, one of the greatest games ever invented by humans. I would expect all civilized young men to know the rules."

"I'm sure the boy can learn," Chiron said.

"Please," I said, "what is this place? What am I doing here? Mr. Brun-Chiron-why would you go to Yancy Academy just to teach me?"

Mr. D snorted. "I asked the same question.""

"Unhelpful," Zeus muttered reproachfully.

"The camp director dealt the cards. Grover flinched every time one landed in his pile.

Chiron smiled at me sympathetically, the way he used to in Latin class, as if to let me know that no matter what my average was, I was his star student. He expected me to have the right answer.

"Percy," he said. "Did your mother tell you nothing?""

"For future reference, Chiron," Percy rubbed his face. "Just tell me. None of this vague mumbo-jumbo."

""She said..." I remembered her sad eyes, looking out over the sea. "She told me she was afraid to send me here, even though my father had wanted her to. She said that once I was here, I probably couldn't leave. She wanted to keep me close to her."

"Typical," Mr. D said. "That's how they usually get killed."

"Dionysus!" Hestia ground out. "A little more sympathy!"

"Young man, are you bidding or not?"

"What?" I asked.

He explained, impatiently, how you bid in pinochle, and so I did.

"I'm afraid there's too much to tell," Chiron said. "I'm afraid our usual orientation film won't be sufficient.""

"Wait you didn't watch the orientation film?" Future-Annabeth asked. At Percy's nod she sighed. "So that's why you were so clueless."

""Orientation film?" I asked.

"No," Chiron decided."

"Also, please let me watch the orientation film sir," Percy sighed.

""Well, Percy. You know your friend Grover is a satyr. You know"-he pointed to the horn in the shoe box-"that you have killed the Minotaur. No small feat, either, lad. What you may not know is that great powers are at work in your life. Gods - the forces you call the Greek gods - are very much alive.""

"Straight to the point," Ares complimented, sharpening his spear.

"I stared at the others around the table.

I waited for somebody to yell, 'Not!' But all I got was Mr. D yelling, "Oh, a royal marriage. Trick! Trick!" He cackled as he tallied up his points."

Dionysus sat up. Maybe he could win against Chiron for once.

""Mr. D," Grover asked timidly, "if you're not going to eat it, could I have your Diet Coke can?"

"Eh? Oh, all right."

Grover bit a huge shard out of the empty aluminium can and chewed it mournfully."

Past-Annabeth winced sympathetically for her friend.

""Wait," I told Chiron. "You're telling me there's such a thing as God."

"Well, now," Chiron said. "God-capital G, God. That's a different matter altogether. We shan't deal with the metaphysical."

"Metaphysical? But you were just talking about-"

"Ah, gods, plural, as in, great beings that control the forces of nature and human endeavors: the immortal gods of Olympus. That's a smaller matter.""

"SMALLER?!" Zeus and Hera roared.

"I said stop," Percy snickered. Future-Annabeth clipped him over the head.

""Smaller?"

"Yes, quite. The gods we discussed in Latin class."

"Zeus," I said. "Hera. Apollo. You mean them.""

"Don't throw around those names!" Demeter hissed.

"And there it was again-distant thunder on a cloud-less day. "Young man," said Mr. D, "I would really be less casual about throwing those names around, if I were you."

"But they're stories," I said. "They're myths, to explain lightning and the seasons and stuff. They're what people believed before there was science.""

Some of the gods snarled and threw Percy glares.

""Science!" Mr. D scoffed. "And tell me, Perseus Jackson" - I flinched when he said my real name, which I never told anybody - "what will people think of your 'science' two thousand years from now?" Mr. D continued. "Hmm? They will call it primitive mumbo jumbo. That's what. Oh, I love mortals, they have absolutely no sense of perspective. They think they've come so-o-o far. And have they, Chiron? Look at this boy and tell me."

I wasn't liking Mr. D much, but there was something about the way he called me mortal, as if... he wasn't. It was enough to put a lump in my throat, to suggest why Grover was dutifully minding his cards, chewing his soda can, and keeping his mouth shut."

"You can be observant," Artemis realised.

Future-Annabeth snickered. "Except when it comes to relationships. It took 4 long hard years before anything happened."

""Percy," Chiron said, "you may choose to believe or not, but the fact is that immortal means immortal. Can you imagine that for a moment, never dying? Never fading? Existing, just as you are, for all time?"

I was about to answer, off the top of my head, that it sounded like a pretty good deal,"

"WHAT?" Future-Annabeth shouted. "You-you thought...but...how-"

"That was before everything," Percy assured her.

There was a slight pause.

"You don't want to be a god?" Hephaestus asked slowly.

"I mean, not really," Percy shrugged. "Especially not without my loved ones. I don't think we really get a choice though, after we die."

"Wait, I-I'm going to be a goddess?!" Past-Annabeth squeaked.

Percy laughed slightly and nodded. "Yeah. Me, Percy, Nico, Will, Piper, Jason, Leo, Calypso, Hazel, Frank, and Reyna are all becoming gods when we die. Thalia is already-"

Future-Annabeth clamped a hand over Percy's mouth a bit too late.

"Already what?" Zeus asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, just forget what Percy said so we can continue reading," Future-Annabeth sighed.

"but the tone of Chiron's voice made me hesitate.

"You mean, whether people believed in you or not," I said."

Percy looked down at the thought of Pan.

""Exactly," Chiron agreed. "If you were a god, how would you like being called a myth, an old story to explain lightning? What if I told you, Perseus Jackson, that some day people would call you a myth, just created to explain how little boys can get over losing their mothers?""

"Chiron!" Demeter admonished.

"My heart pounded. He was trying to make me angry for some reason, but I wasn't going to let him. I said, "I wouldn't like it. But I don't believe in gods."

"Oh, you'd better," Mr. D murmured. "Before one of them incinerates you.""

"Nah," Percy snickered. "They want to incinerate me even after I believed."

"Grover said, "P-please, sir. He's just lost his mother. He's in shock."

"A lucky thing, too," Mr. D grumbled, playing a card. "Bad enough I'm confined to this miserable job, working with boys who don't even believe.'"

He waved his hand and a goblet appeared on the table, as if the sunlight had bent, momentarily, and woven the air into glass. The goblet filled itself with red wine."

Zeus glared at Dionysus, who was looking anywhere but his father right now.

"My jaw dropped, but Chiron hardly looked up.

"Mr. D," he warned, "your restrictions.""

"Isn't it technically torture," Percy said slowly. "to keep a god away from their source of power."

Future-Annabeth paused to think about it before nodding. "That's why gods' all try to make more of it, why Aphrodite does match-making or Ares tried to spark wars."

Percy frowned deeply. "So would it be draining Dionysus' power, to keep him from drinking wine?"

Zeus paused. "You may drink, but you will try harder to help the youths."

Dionysus sat up and shot Percy and Future-Annabeth a look of gratitude before he summoned a wine glass. Immediately when he took he sip, he looked younger and heathier. Dionysus settled into his seat, sighing contently.

"Mr. D looked at the wine and feigned surprise.

"Dear me." He looked at the sky and yelled, "Old habits! Sorry!"

More thunder.

Mr. D waved his hand again, and the wineglass changed into a fresh can of Diet Coke."

Future-Annabeth and Percy snickered.

"Behold1 The god's chosen beverage!" Future-Annabeth mimicked Percy's voice. "Tremble before the horror of diet coke!"

Percy sighed happily. "You know, despite the world ending and all that jazz, we did have a good time." Future-Annabeth hummed in agreement, pecking her boyfriend on the cheek.

The rest of the throne room stared at the exchange.

"He sighed unhappily, popped the top of the soda, and went back to his card game.

Chiron winked at me. "Mr. D offended his father a while back, took a fancy to a wood nymph who had been declared off-limits.""

"Probably because Zeus took a fancy to her himself," Aphrodite chuckled. Hera sneered fiercely at her.

""A wood nymph," I repeated, still staring at the Diet Coke can like it was from outer space

"Yes," Mr. D confessed. "Father loves to punish me. The first time, Prohibition. Ghastly! Absolutely horrid ten years! The second time-well, she really was pretty, and I couldn't stay away-the second time, he sent me here. Half-Blood Hill. Summer camp for brats like you. 'Be a better influence,' he told me. 'Work with youths rather than tearing them down.' Ha.' Absolutely unfair.""

Zeus growled deep in his throat, glaring at his son.

"Mr. D sounded about six years old, like a pouting little kid."

The demigods unsuccessfully tried to muffle their snorts, but Dionysus wasn't paying attention, too content sipping his wine.

""And..." I stammered, "your father is..."

"Di immortales, Chiron," Mr. D said. "I thought you taught this boy the basics. My father is Zeus, of course.""

"Like always," Percy snickered. At the gods' questioning glances, he shrugged. "It's always him who has a fling, isn't it?"

"I ran through D names from Greek mythology. Wine. The skin of a tiger. The satyrs that all seemed to work here. The way Grover cringed, as if Mr. D were his master."

"Observant," Demeter muttered.

""You're Dionysus," I said. "The god of wine."

Mr. D rolled his eyes. "What do they say, these days, Grover? Do the children say, 'Well, duh!'?"

"Y-yes, Mr. D."

"Then, well, duh! Percy Jackson. Did you think I was Aphrodite, perhaps?""

Aphrodite sniffed decisively. "Of course not."

""You're a god."

"Yes, child."

"A god. You.""

Dionysus looked up from his wine to stare at Percy threateningly.

"He turned to look at me straight on, and I saw a kind of purplish fire in his eyes, a hint that this whiny, plump little man was only showing me the tiniest bit of his true nature. I saw visions of grape vines choking unbelievers to death, drunken warriors insane with battle lust, sailors screaming as their hands turned to flippers, their faces elongating into dolphin snouts. I knew that if I pushed him, Mr. D would show me worse things. He would plant a disease in my brain that would leave me wearing a strait-jacket in a rubber room for the rest of my life.

"Would you like to test me, child?" he said quietly.

"No. No, sir.""

Dionysus settled back in his throne. With every sip of wine he took, the better he looked.

"The fire died a little. He turned back to his card game. "I believe I win.""

Dionysus perked up at the thought of beating the Latin teacher.

""Not quite, Mr. D," Chiron said. He set down a straight, tallied the points, and said, "The game goes to me.""

Dionysus deflated in disappointment.

"I thought Mr. D was going to vaporize Chiron right out of his wheelchair, but he just sighed through his nose, as if he were used to being beaten by the Latin teacher. He got up, and Grover rose, too.

"I'm tired," Mr. D said. "I believe I'll take a nap before the sing-along tonight. But first, Grover, we need to talk, again, about your less-than-perfect performance on this assignment.""

"Again," Zeus sneered. He earned himself a ton of glares from the group.

"Grover's face beaded with sweat. "Y-yes, sir."

Mr. D turned to me. "Cabin eleven, Percy Jackson. And mind your manners."

He swept into the farmhouse, Grover following miserably."

"Poor Grover," Hestia murmured.

"He deserves it," Zeus muttered bitterly.

""Will Grover be okay?" I asked Chiron.

Chiron nodded, though he looked a bit troubled. "Old Dionysus isn't really mad. He just hates his job. He's been...ah, grounded, I guess you would say, and he can't stand waiting another century before he's allowed to go back to Olympus.""

"Speaking of which, how long do I have left?" Dionysus asked hopefully.

Percy shrugged. "In my time, there was a fight in which you helped in so your sentence got shortened. You now have, like, 45 more years."

""Mount Olympus," I said. "You're telling me there really is a palace there?"

"Well now, there's Mount Olympus in Greece. And then there's the home of the gods, the convergence point of their powers, which did indeed used to be on Mount Olympus. It's still called Mount Olympus, out of respect to the old ways, but the palace moves, Percy, just as the gods do."

"You mean the Greek gods are here? Like...in America?"

"Well, certainly. The gods move with the heart of the West.""

"You're really not good at this Chiron," Luke sighed.

""The what?"

"Come now, Percy. What you call 'Western civilization.' Do you think it's just an abstract concept? No, it's a living force. A collective consciousness that has burned bright for thousands of years. The gods are part of it. You might even say they are the source of it, or at least, they are tied so tightly to it that they couldn't possibly fade, not unless all of Western civilization were obliterated. The fire started in Greece. Then, as you well know-or as I hope you know, since you passed my course-the heart of the fire moved to Rome, and so did the gods. Oh, different names, perhaps-Jupiter for Zeus, Venus for Aphrodite, and so on-but the same forces, the same gods.""

Percy winced. "Not exactly the same. The Roman gods are much more disciplined and war-like, whilst the Greeks are much more relaxed yet crazy."

The gods stared at him.

"And...how would you know that?" Chiron asked softly.

Percy grinned wickedly. "Spoilers!" He sang.

""And then they died."

"Died? No. Did the West die? The gods simply moved, to Germany, to France, to Spain, for a while. Wherever the flame was brightest, the gods were there. They spent several centuries in England. All you need to do is look at the architecture."

Both Annabeths hummed in agreement.

"People do not forget the gods. Every place they've ruled, for the last three thousand years, you can see them in paintings, in statues, on the most important buildings. And yes, Percy, of course they are now in your United States. Look at your symbol, the eagle of Zeus."

Zeus puffed out his chest proudly.

"Look at the statue of Prometheus in Rockefeller Center, the Greek facades of your government buildings in Washington. I defy you to find any American city where the Olympians are not prominently displayed in multiple places. Like it or not-and believe me, plenty of people weren't very fond of Rome, either."

"Who could blame them?" Athena sneered.

"America is now the heart of the flame. It is the great power of the West. And so Olympus is here. And we are here."

It was all too much, especially the fact that I seemed to be included in Chiron's we, as if I were part of some club."

"The Greek Oldie Club!" Hermes cheered.

""Who are you, Chiron? Who...who am I?""

"This is is getting far too deep for my liking," Ares snorted.

"Chiron smiled. He shifted his weight as if he were going to get up out of his wheelchair, but I knew that was impossible. He was paralyzed from the waist down."

"That's a matter of opinion," Chiron smiled mysteriously.

""Who are you?" he mused. "Well, that's the question we all want answered, isn't it? But for now, we should get you a bunk in cabin eleven. There will be new friends to meet. And plenty of time for lessons tomorrow. Besides, there will be s'mores at the campfire tonight, and I simply adore chocolate.""

The demigods snorted.

"Bit of an understatement," Silena snickered.

And then he did rise from his wheelchair. But there was something odd about the way he did it. His blanket fell away from his legs, but the legs didn't move. His waist kept getting longer, rising above his belt. At first, I thought he was wearing very long, white velvet underwear,"

The Stolls looked at Percy with delight.

"Screw Annabeth, come date me!" Connor called.

"but as he kept rising out of the chair, taller than any man, I realized that the velvet underwear wasn't underwear; it was the front of an animal, muscle and sinew under coarse white fur."

"It could be muscle-y lookin, white coarse fur underwear," Beckendorf offered.

Silena made a face. "Don't even suggest it."

"And the wheelchair wasn't a chair. It was some kind of container, an enormous box on wheels, and it must've been magic, because there's no way it could've held all of him. A leg came out, long and knobby-kneed, with a huge polished hoof. Then another front leg, then hindquarters, and then the box was empty, nothing but a metal shell with a couple of fake human legs attached."

"So that's how it works," Travis mumbled.

Beckendorf scoffed. "Of course it is, I made it after all."

Hephaestus, who had been taking notes, beamed with pride at his son, making him blush.

"I stared at the horse who had just sprung from the wheelchair: a huge white stallion. But where its neck should be was the upper body of my Latin teacher, smoothly grafted to the horse's trunk.

"What a relief," the centaur said. "I'd been cooped up in there so long, my fetlocks had fallen asleep. Now, come, Percy Jackson. Let's meet the other campers.""

"Cliff-hanger," Athena noted.

Demeter shut the book with a snap before offering it around. Hestia smiled at her sister and took the book before settling herself back on the floor by the hearth to continue reading.

"6 - I BECOME SUPREME LORD OF THE BATHROOM"