Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this fic besides the story itself. So what ever specific games, food or actors and TV or comic book series mentioned inside this chapter do not and will not belong to me...
Hi sorry for the late Update! Busy, busy, busy of the late. Anyway, here's a Xander chapter, it's set after the Incan Mummy episode and is the chapter that will establish the Xander and Spike friendship of this fic. Hope you enjoy it guys! Thanks ahead for reading!
Note: Italics are Buffy's personal/Slayer thoughts.
(O.O)
Xander
I know it's stupid but I've been avoiding my friends ever since I chatted with Buffy at lunch today. It wasn't an easy thing to do, since our school's not really that big, but I'm proud of myself since I was still able to accomplish it despite the obstacles.
I was being avoid-o guy because I needed some time alone to properly get over the pain of last night's incident with my girlfriend Ampata, who turned out to be some Inca mummy. I know I shouldn't still feel down about what happened because one: I could've died had Ampata had her way with me, and two: Buffy gave me a good talking to at lunch that had successfully boosted my ego a bit. But those two reason didn't change the fact that again the only woman that I seemed to be able to attract all turned out to be monsters. The worse part of it was that even though she was a demon, I still really liked her. She was just perfect for me. She saw me for who I was and was okay with the kind of guy that I am, so losing her really hurt.
Of course, I couldn't tell my friends about it because they wouldn't have understood. They'd probably think that it was just my overly active teenage hormones speaking and that the only reason that I was actually sad was because I didn't get a chance to knock boots with her.
Well, their reasoning's kinda understandable and has a bit of truth to it, because I really did want to sleep with Ampata. But that wasn't the only reason I wanted to be around her. I liked that she laughed at my jokes and looked up to me for advice. I liked how she was okay with how I always stuffed food in my mouth every chance I could get and didn't get disgusted by the way I eat or what I ate. And most of all, I liked that she thought of me as her protector because I never get to be that guy for anyone, especially with the kinds of women in my life; namely Slayer-Buffy and Super Genius-Willow. Ampata made me feel like a man and I loved it. But now that she's gone…well such feelings went along with her. It's painful. I'm feeling lost and empty and there's no one I can talk to about it because most of my friends are girls and they just wouldn't understand.
And that explained why I was here, walking away from school by my lonesome towards KayZee's Funhauz, the town's only arcade gaming station, at four in the afternoon instead of hanging out at the library where I knew everyone would be. It was the place where Jesse and I used to go to when we felt that life was getting too much for either of us. We used to stay here all afternoon, playing different games, using up all our money, and having fun! It made us forget about the bad things that were happening at home or school and helped us feel better about failing a test or getting rejected by girl. It was our special place, our secret hang-out that was not so secret. It was just for us.
I paused just outside of the establishment and wiped the tear that was threatening to fall from my eye. I really missed my friend. He was the only best guy-friend I'd ever had and he'd understood me in a way that Willow and Buffy never could. It was moments like these that I felt his loss even more. My friends think that I'm over his death and I knew I should be, considering that a year or more has passed since he died, but there were still times like this one where him not being here just felt harder than usual. More tears threatened to fall, but I shook them off.
"What am I doing? I'm here to have fun and stop being sad! I shouldn't be standing out here like an idiot, crying." I wiped the tears again before putting on my version of a resolve face and entering the establishment.
I got inside and noticed that the place was more crowded than usual. But I simply shrugged it off and went straight to the counter where Kay, the arcade's owner, sat waiting for kids to exchange their money with tokens.
"Hey, K-man! What's up?"
"Xandy-boy, long time no see kid!" the big African American called out, standing up and moving around the counter to give me a hug. Jesse and I had been good friends with the guy.
"Man, you are getting tall!" he said, putting his hand on my head and comparing my height to his.
"Well, I am a growing boy!"
"Yeah, just make sure you don't grow too much, otherwise you might end up as big as your old friend Kay here!" He bellowed as he patted his substantial belly.
"Don't even joke about that, man." I gave him a stern glare.
He laughed even louder before slapping my back and asking me what I was doing there.
"Oh, you know, the usual, school getting too much for me and I didn't want to go home to see mom and dad fight." I tried to sound nonchalant.
"In other words, you got dumped by a girl." Dang, I knew he would see right through me, he knows me as well as Jesse did.
"Ye-ah. She didn't really dump me exactly, more like she had to go because she was going to kill me if she didn't," I told him.
"I see," was all he said but I knew he hadn't really understood what I had just told him or was even imaging anything in the same ballpark as what really happened between me and Ampata. "Well, since your all heartbroken, here you go." He handed me at a pouch bag with least thirty tokens inside. "This one's on the house kid."
"Wow! Thanks, Kay!" I told him, accepting the pouch.
"Don't mention it, kid. Just enjoy yourself and forget all the bad crap life gives you, I know that's what your friend, Jesse, would've wanted."
I gave Kay a grateful smile. He, aside from Jesse, always knew how to cheer me up when it came to these things. He may not understand most of what's going on in my life, but he tries to make it better in his own little way, which is better than a certain drunkard dad of mine back at home.
I left the counter and took a tour around the place, searching for whatever game would strike my fancy. I usually stick to combat games but they weren't so much fun when you were alone and had no one but the computer to fight with. So instead I went to shop's the shooter game section to see if I could find something interesting to play. In the far corner I came across the shop's newest shooter game: Maximum Force. I perked up when I saw it from afar because I recognized the game after reading about it from a magazine awhile back and I'd always wanted to give it a try. I was happy and surprised that KayZee had it here. I hurriedly ran over to see if the game was free, only to find it surprisingly occupied.
Well, I wasn't really surprised that the game was busy because it is a new game, but I was more shocked at who I found playing it.
"Spike?" I cried making the soulled vampire turn from the game to look at me. "What the heck are you doing here?" I asked him.
He shrugged before turning back to the game to shoot his terrorist enemies. "What does it look like I am doing, whelp? I'm obviously playing here," he answered me while he continued to his take out his opponents.
"Yeah, I can see that. But what I want to know is why?" I asked because it just didn't make sense. I mean, aren't vampires supposed to be asleep at this time of day? And even if they were awake because of weird undead insominia, what the hell was he doing in an arcade of all places?
"Needed to get away from Darla. She's been ten times bitchier than usual ever since Dru had her episode in that library of yours. Darla's been working all of us nonstop to find the cure for Dru," he said, doing a quick active reload and getting critical hits on the three terrorists who'd just flanked his character.
"Okay, I guess that explains why he left his family's side. But why the hell did he come to an arcade to hide from them?" While I was occupied with my inner monologue, I nearly failed to notice that Spike had been watching me from the corner of his eye.
"This is the only place, at this hour anyway, that's available in this sad excuse of a town that both looked like fun and that I was certain that Darla would rather be found dead than enter," he told me, reading my mind and answering my question. He continued playing until one of his opponents got a good shot at his character and the screen showed the Game Over sign in front of him. "Bollocks!" he cursed, before checking out his pockets for something.
I was still standing beside the machine and openly gawking at him like an idiot and still too stunned that I was seeing him in an arcade. My arcade.
"Close that mouth of yours, boy, before you end up eating a bug or something," he told me, making me snap it shut for a moment before I continued with my inquiries.
"So…you just decided to come here to the arcade to hide? But why are you playing?" It was a stupid question, but I wanted to know.
"Because it's fun! Why else would anyone play video games?" He said, rolling his eyes at me and finally stopping the search through his pockets to turn around and face me. "Now, are you all done playing twenty questions? Or do you plan to just stand there and interview with me like that bloody Watcher? If so, then you can give me four tokens per question and ask them to me while I play." He stretched out his hand in front of me and raised an eyebrow.
I gave him an incredulous look before shaking my head at all the weirdness that was happening to me at the moment. I then look back at him with a forced serious expression.
"No way, man, I'd rather use my tokens to have fun instead of helping Giles get boring and unnecessary information out of you guys," I told him, while walking to the game and taking his place. I took out the gun controller he had been using earlier, inserted two tokens and started playing the game myself. I tried to ignore the weird vampire beside me and work through the tutorial stage of the game.
He smirked at me. "Well, good for you then, whelp," he stated before leaving me alone with the game.
I was surprised at first and a bit disappointed that he just left just like that, but I shook off the feeling and continued playing. I was in the game's first level, which was a naval ship being stormed by a bunch of terrorists. Under Siege much? I was shooting one enemy at a time and had become so absorbed in the game that I didn't notice that someone else had joined as player two and entered the game until they had killed my enemies for me. I turned my head and saw that it was Spike. He was using his the gun in his left hand. I wanted to ask what he was doing but then a helicopter started blasting at us with a machine gun. There was a temporary truce while we took the mini-boss down. It continued afterwards and we just stood there, silently killing off the terrorists and rescuing scientists together, until we had finished the first stage of the game by commandeering our own helicopter. When the cut-scene started, I turned to the platinum blond vampire to ask what he was doing.
"You really are a thick one, aren't you? I said I wanted to have fun and this place was the only one I could find around town that I could go to without Darla finding out." He sounded irritated.
I cringed and took a step back. "Geez, sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anything, I was only curious about why you're sharing a game with me, that's all. I mean, when you left I thought it was for good."
"I only went to the counter to exchange my cash with tokens, so I could continue playing. And as for coming back here, don't flatter yourself, boy. I came back here because out of all the games in this beat up shop this one's the most appealing."
"Oh." I shrugged before turning back to the game and starting on the next level.
I had no idea how long we were there, just playing, yelling at the screen when an enemy got a good shot at us, planning game strategies so we wouldn't lose and inserting tokens when we would. If I hadn't been so involved in the game and enjoying myself I would've found the entire encounter creepy and weird, because, hello, vampire beside me here! But at that moment we were simply having fun and Spike was just a regular guy doing something fun with another regular guy, not a scary monster.
We finally lost and were out of tokens.
Spike turned to me, grinning. "Well, that was fun! Too bad we didn't get a chance to win the entire game though, huh?" I returned his self-satisfied smile."Hey," he continued. "I'm feeling a might peckish. Want to grab a bite with me before you head back to those friends of yours?"
My eyes widened at what he just said and what he was implying. I took a step back from him and cautiously tried to decline without indicating that I knew that he was planning to eat me.
"Uh-no, thanks! I kinda just remembered that Buffy wanted to meet up with me at her place tonight before she'd goes to patrol…and it's getting late and I need to be there right now…" I slowly started backing up and moved, as subtle as I could, away from him.
"Oh, that's too bad. Was supposed to be my treat. I heard there's a place around the corner that serves good pizza," he said, rubbing his chin with one hand.
"Pizza? Did you say you were gonna treat me to pizza?"
"Well, yeah. Just said so, didn't I? But if you're not free I'm sure I can finish a whole box on my own." He shrugged one shoulder and started moving towards the exit.
It would've been the perfect opportunity for me to escape, but my stupid feet followed my stomach's logic all on their own and before I knew it, I was running after the vampire who'd promised to give me free food.
Two and a half hours later, we were at Pezzaro's Pizza Palace, finishing the last of the four boxes Spike had ordered for us earlier. It had been surprising for me too when he ordered that much when there were only two of us, but he had been so certain we'd be able to finish them. Of course the moment I took that first bite of Fatty Uncle, which is the name of the pizza we ordered, I was hooked! The pizza had pepperoni, four kinds of cheeses, Anduja, which is a very spicy hot kind of sausage, and bacon! It was a pizza for the Gods! Or just guys like Spike and I! Anyway, after that first bite, I couldn't stop and I just had to have some more. It wasn't until we reached the last box that I realized just how much I'd eaten.
At least, Spike didn't seem to mind and he didn't make fun of me for being such a pig. In fact, he ate just as much as I did, if not more, which was weird considering he's a vampire and Angel said that the undead didn't eat people food because it tasted like ashes in their mouths. But Spike still ate, despite his taste handicap, because he believed that it'd be unfair for him to live so long and save the world so many times only for him not to be able to enjoy the small pleasures. And I just got to hand it to the guy, what he said made so much sense that it made me respect him even more. Despite being dead, he really did know how to live life and cherish everything there was in this world. He wasn't just fighting for good because he thought he might be rewarded in the end, like stupid Angel, he was fighting because he really liked the world and he really cared for the people living in it. He was just like Buffy that way, in a sense.
Like my friend, he'd became a champion for good under forced circumstances and yet he still did his jobs because he knew it was the right thing to do. The only difference between him and her is that Spike didn't really mind doing the job, while Buffy was always so focus on being 'normal', which, even though it didn't made sense to me because I always thought that normal was overrated, I tried to support in by wanting it for her, too.
As we were sitting at that table together and eating, the two of us talked. We talked, like a lot, about all kinds of different things. Things that I know I would never talk to Buffy, Willow and Giles about. Things that you could only talk to a guy about, and one that wasn't as old as Giles. Stupid and juvenile things as well as things that were too much of a serious topic to be talked about while eating pizzas. In those two and a half hours I learned a lot of stuff from Spike; from how to deal with women, to the different kinds of movies and comic books we'd mutually seen and read, and we even talked about embarrassing stuff about Angel that nearly made me wet my pants from laughter. We just sat there and talked and talked.
Aside from having a nice conversation with the guy, I also got to know just how cool he was. What was even more amazing about it was that he wasn't like those cool kids in school who always thought they were better than everyone else. Nope, Spike had his own level of coolness but never flaunted it to make him look like he was more important than anybody else in the room. I was really appreciating it, in a non-gay-guy sort of way. It just made me want to be his friend, which again should be weird for me because he was a vampire and I really do hate vampires. Especially after what happened to my friend, Jesse. But for some reasons, I didn't see Spike as an undead blood sucker, not like how I saw Angel and the rest of his ensoulled family. Instead I saw him as a guy I wanted to hang out with and be friends with. I was feeling a little guilty about that, because I thought I might be dishonoring my friend's memory.
My emotions must've been visible on my face because Spike had suddenly asked me what was wrong. I saw no point in lying to him, so I told him the truth.
"I'm kinda angry at myself and feeling guilty for hanging out with you."
He gave me a weirded-out look. "Uh…why? I mean, it's not like you're doing anything wrong? You and I are just two guys that are hanging out and having fun…" His face turned slightly horrified. "Unless you're conscious about the two of us being together because you have someone that would be jealous of us being together. If so, then I suggest that you leave, mate, because one: I don't swing that way and two: I really don't want to be the reason you and your guy would have problems with each other."
It took me a moment to understand what he was babbling about and then it was my turn to look freaked.
"Woah! That is so n-not it!" I stammered. "I mean, that's not what I meant when I said that hanging out with you made me feel guilty, because I…like you…er, not like you, like you, but like just like you-argh! I am making an idiot out myself!" I looked above me and cursed at whatever god that was listening for making me sound this stupid.
I took a deep breath before facing Spike again, who had once again wearing his weirded-out look. "I'm not batting for the home team," I said in a calm and even voice. "What I meant to say was that I feel guilty about hanging out with a vampire, when it was a vampire who killed my bestfriend. And it was me who dusted my friend, because he was turned. Playing with you in that arcade? Eating with you in this pizza place? Talking? Hanging out? Having fun? I used to do that with my friend, and when he died, I stopped. I don't do this stuff anymore. But then you came along, being all cool and having all that swagger, yet still being okay with hanging out with silly old me? I like it, but at the same time, I feel like I'm dishonoring my friend's memory."
"I'm sorry," was all he said, but for whatever reason I was comforted with the sentiment.
"Thanks, man."
A moment of silence followed before Spike started to speak again. "So, this best mate of yours, he have a name?" he asked.
I didn't know where he was going wth this but I answered all the same: "Jesse. His name was Jesse, Jesse McNally. He was Sunnydale High's most flirtatious guy. He'd flirt with any girl he'd met and tried to ask them out every chance he got. He was always in trouble for doing it, especially if the girls already had a boyfriend. But he never stopped, even though his pick-up lines were lame and usually stolen from old movies." I chuckled at the memory of my friend. "But he was good guy and a great friend. He always knew when I felt bad about life at school or home, and he always knew how to cheer me up. And even though he always complained to me about stealing his Hersey's, I knew that he was only carry them in his pack for me. He was always considerate that way." My eyes had begun to water as more memories of my friend sprung to my mind. "He liked Celine Dion. And not just because he found her hot, but because he really liked her songs. He used to sing them in the shower when he thought no one was listening. He had a terrible voice too! He made dogs howl with that voice!" I chuckled, but it sounded like I was choking. "I miss him... I miss my friend so, so much. I can't even talk to my current friends about him because I know that I'd hurt both Buffy and Willow if I did. Buffy blames herself for Jesse's death and Willow…well, Willow, has just gotten over him. I'd be opening her wounds if I talked about him. So I'm alone, mourning my friend and always thinking what it would be like if Jesse was here at the moment, then I get all teary eyed again..."The tears came faster, but I kept the sobbing to a minimum, because I didn't want to attract people's attention. It was a good thing that Spike had decided that we'd sit in the darkest corner of the shop earlier, or what I was doing would have been totally visible to the whole restaurant.
After a few more minutes of crying my heart out, I took a few table napkins and began wiping away the tears and blew my nose before facing Spike again. I apologized for being a pathetic loser in front of him.
"I don't find anything pathetic about shedding a tear for a fallen comrade or a friend," he told me. "I'll even admit to you that I cried a lot when I witnessed the deaths of the Slayers I befriended as well as those humans who'd fought with me during a battle to stop an apocalypse or two. I'd like to think that we are honoring their memories by talking about them and shedding a few manly tears for them, and from what you told me, I think this Jesse friend of yours was an alright bloke, who always had your back. You shouldn't be ashamed about mourning him."
I got all teary eyed again as I stared at him and took in his words. "Thanks, Spike."
"I'm only telling it as I see it." He shrugged his shoulders and went back to eating the last piece of the pizza we'd ordered. I watched him and argued with myself about whether or not I should ask Spike the question that had been nagging me since Jesse's death.
I must've have been staring too long because he became irritated again. "Out with it already. What do you want to know?"
"Uh-well, I always wondered what it was like, you know? Being a vampire. Not that I want to be one, but I just wanted to know why my friend, Jesse, was so different when he got turned. Giles and Buffy said that he wasn't Jesse anymore. But I always wondered if they were telling the truth or just trying to, you know, console me for killing my friend." Spike stared into my eyes and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat at the intensity of his gaze. I looked away when I felt the discomfort was too much for me. "Uh-but you really don't have to answer me. I mean, I was just curious, you know? I just-" I tried to finish but he cut me off.
"You didn't kill your friend," he suddenly said making me look back at him. "In fact, you saved him by dusting him actually." I gave him a confused look, not understanding what he meant. So he began telling to me the truth about vampires that Giles' books never mentions. "Vampires aren't really just demons occupying the body of humans, as the Slayer and her Watcher told you. They are actually humans with demons inside of them."
I tilted my head to the side still confused. Thankfully he continued to explain: "Alright, here's the thing." He shifted in his seat and leaned closer towards me. "When a human gets killed and turned into a vampire, his soul leaves the body and the soul of a demon takes its place."
"Wait, demons have souls?" I asked because everything Spike was telling me now was new information that weren't written in any of Giles' books that contained descriptions of vampires.
"Yes, you twit! Now, shut up and stop interrupting me." The glare he gave me made me swallow my questions and I gave him an apologetic look. He sighed, probably to cool his head, before continuing. "Anyway, the demon takes up shop, and although its demonic urges are what mostly governs the vampire, it doesn't really have complete control over the body, because if it did then vampires would simply be vicious animals incapable of any logical thoughts or ideas. That's the kind of demon vampires have, ones that are ruled by blood and instinct, anything else they get from their human side."
"Human side?" I slowly and hesitantly asked, because I was afraid he'd get angry again at the interruption.
"Yes, the human side of the vampire," he repeated. "Vampires are not full demons since the demonic part of them needs a human host in order to survive. They merge with a dead human body, giving the owner of the body life and allowing them, the demon, to live on this Earth at the same time. That's why I said earlier that vampires are humans with demons inside of them, because it means exactly that, they are the melding of two creatures, human and demon. This is also the reason why we, vampires, are usually considered inferior to demons because of the humanity we possess, and superior to humans because of the presence of our demons."
"Kinda like Spock, huh? Half Vulcan and half human, always criticized because he didn't belong to either race?" I nodded sagely before pausing upon realizing that I had interrupted him yet again.
I waited for him to snap at me like he did earlier, only to find him smiling at me, which really surprised me. He was nodding. "Yeah, kind of like him. Though I preferred if you kept the Star Trek references away from me because I stopped being a fan once Next Generation came out." He smirked at my shocked expression.
"You also know about Star Trek?!" I exclaimed, still amazed of the idea of a vampire as old as Spike knowing about TV references.
"Of course, I do! I didn't spend the century living under the sewers eating rats after all." I had to smile at his obvious Angel insult. "Besides it was also one of the best Sci-fi shows of all time. Loved Dr. McCoy best. He was a smart and funny bloke."
"I liked Capt. Kirk the most! Shatner played his role really well," I stated enthusiastically. Hey, I'm a Trekkie after all and it wasn't everyday I found someone who didn't cringed at my obvious Star Trek references.
"Yes, he did, which is why I didn't like Next Generation, because even though the show was great and all, the new casts just didn't appeal to me. I was just too much in love with the original Star Trek series and its characters." I simply nodded my head in understanding. "Anyway, going back to the original topic, you know now that the demon is the reason why the human lives again, but just because it doesn't have full control of the body it doesn't mean it cannot influence the person who owns the body. For instance, if the person who was turned into a vampire was once an A-grade git with a massive superiority complex when he was alive, when he's dead he gets even worse because of the demon's influence on him. If he was evil when he was alive he's worse in death because he doesn't have anything that could tell him the difference from right and wrong or remind him of the limits of what a human body can take. He just doesn't care anymore. Add to that the demon's influence on his actions, you have yourself an evil undead monster on your hands."
"But Jesse wasn't an A-grade uh…jerk, nor was he evil when he was alive. So how come he still did all those evil things and said all those mean words to me?" I asked with some edge in my voice. My friend had been a good guy and I was trying hard not to get angry at Spike for what he was implying, because I knew my friend had never been evil. Sure, he'd been a bit of an ass sometimes, but he'd never meant to hurt anyone by it and he usually directed his assi-ness at himself so he could make people smile.
"As I said, the demon influences their human hosts, by twisting what's already inside the human and guiding them to do all those acts of evil. You say that your friend was a good and kind person, and he was when he was only human, but under the demon's influence all that goodness and kindness inside of him was twisted. Whatever good memories you had with him were used against him by the demon, making him hate what he used to be or even hate all the people he used to love. The demon exploited every negative aspect of your friend and enhanced it, while it also pushed down all the good things about him. Your friend became twisted and hateful towards everyone, and the demon continued to inflame his hate and made him take action, thus all those evil things he said and did to you and everyone else."
I paused for a moment and took in everything Spike had said. It made sense, the things he'd told me just now. Jesse hadn't completely been himself and so he'd said and did those things. The demon was to blame for the drastic change in my friend, so it meant that now I could really forgive Jesse for everything that'd happened. But it also meant that I was at fault because I really had killed my friend.
"Earlier, you said that I saved my friend, but now that I know that he really was my friend, only under the influence of a demon, I kinda fail to see how I did that. Now I know that I really did kill Jesse, so I'd I save him by making him dust?" I asked, getting all teary eyed again.
"Because you prevented your friend from doing further evil that you know he'd never want to do." What he said struck a chord inside of me. "You said your friend was a good man, and that he cared for you, do you really think that if he had been in the right mind, he would had allowed anything bad happen to you? Or have wanted to be the cause of pain towards you and your friends?"
"No," I whispered softly. "Jesse would never have wanted that. He'd rather die than hurt me or Willow. He had once been very vocal about that, too."
"Exactly. So that's why I said that you didn't kill your friend. You helped him escape a possible eternity of living an evil life that you know he'd never want. Dusting him was his only salvation, and you granted him that."
We didn't say anything to each other after that, we just went back to finishing the last of the breadsticks. I wasn't really in the mood to eat anymore, even though the food still tasted great. I was far too busy working the feelings I had inside me to think of munchies. It was during that moment that I realized that, for the first time since Jesse's death, I felt at ease. The burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Knowing that Jesse's death at my hands had actually saved my friend and protected his memory of who he was made me really happy. And I had Spike to thank for that.
I looked back up at the blond vampire to see him ask the waitress for our check. I smiled at him as I watched as he smiled at the pretty lady and flirted with her as she returned with our change. Then afterwards I followed him outside into the chilly October night.
"Next time, mate, don't stare at me with that creepy look and smile while I flirt at a woman for a discount on the nosh," he told me as we walked away from the restaurant.
"Huh?"
"I said: avoid making eyes at me like you did back at the restaurant while I was paying for our food. It gives women the wrong idea about me, and I really don't like it when men stare at me like I'm dessert."
My cheeks reddened. Not this again. "I wasn't- I mean that wasn't-" I stuttered, trying to come up with an excuse.
He waved his hand. "Nah, don't worry, it's alright. I really don't mind getting stared at. I know I'm an attractive bloke, and you're a young man. Exploring your sexuality is only normal for a boy your age," he said with a smug grin.
"Exploring m-m-y sexuality? I-I'm not gay! And I didn't stare at you because I thought you were pretty!" I cried. "I mean, sure you're attractive, but that doesn't mean I want you! Well, actually I do- I mean, I'd like to get to know you better, but not the gay kind of way, just in a friendly kind because I'm not gay!" I began to babble and I felt my face flamed hotter, especially since I though the things I was saying were only making things worse for me.
Spike put a hand on my shoulder and started laughed. He laughed so hard that he had to stop walking to lean over and clutch his stomach.
"God, Harris, you are so easy! You should've seen the look on your face! Red as a tomato!" he said in between chuckles. Oh. He'd been poking fun at me. I would've been angry at being the butt of his joke but it was just too funny. I found myself crack-up, too.
The two of us stood there, laughing our asses off until it finally receded and only a few chuckles remained.
"Man, I haven't laughed that hard since Jesse!" I told him honestly. "Thanks, man. I needed that."
"Don't mention it, whelp. Besides, a good laughter is healthy for you."
"I couldn't agree with you more."
"Well, how about we finish this little fun encounter of ours by hunting together?" he suggested.
"Hunting?" I asked, not really certain about what he meant. After all, hunting for vampires for me equaled finding someone so they can suck their blood, but after everything tonight I figured that could possibly be what he meant.
"Hunting, or as your lot affectionately calls it: patrolling."
"Patrolling? You want me to go patrolling with you?" I asked surprised at being asked. It was really rare that I get to be asked to help patrol. Buffy brings Willow and I with her sometimes, but it's usually because we force her to take us. To be invited to go was a real privilege and it made me extremely happy and honored.
"Well yeah. Thought that since we are already hanging out and having fun, that we'd end the night with a good rough and tumble with some evil denizens of the town," he explained. "So, do you want to come?"
I smiled and got all excited before nodding my head in agreement. He then handed me a stake and we started walking towards the nearest cemetery.
When we arrived at St. Mary's Cemetery, Spike led us to a newly buried grave and halted. I asked him why we were waiting there.
"A fledge is about to wake up out of this grave soon," he said as he took out a cigarette from his pocket, lit it, and inhaled a deep lungful.
"Uh, how do you know about that? Did you read today's paper or something? Do vampires even read the morning paper? I mean, morning for you guys starts at night doesn't it? So that means you probably missed the morning paper, so how do you know this guy, this Ricardo Sanchez, will be a vamp? But then-"
"You babble, did you know that, whelp?" He interrupted, stopping me from talking further and making me blush again out of embarrassment.
"Ye-ahh, a friend might've told me that once or twice already," I said, trying to feign nonchalance but obviously failing.
He just chuckled, probably seeing through my act, but said nothing else about the matter and instead he answered my previous question.
"Anyway, to answer your questions: No, I didn't read today's paper. Yes, some vamps do read the news, I for one love to read the sports section for football, that's soccer to you cretins, results and the entertainment section for the television shows schedules. And finally, I know there's a vampire in this grave because I can feel him," he said, taking a drag off his cigarette.
"Feel him?"
"Demons have a natural ability to sense other demons, some are naturally more attuned than others, but it can be honed through practice. Darla, Dru and I have the ability, although mine isn't as good as the other two, who can easily tell the number and kinds of demon there are and how strong each one is. I never had the patience to improve it, but I am skilled enough to tell when demons are nearby, and now I'm sensing a vampire underneath that soil."
"Wow, so you guys have something like spidy-senses, huh?"
"Well, I never saw it as that before, but yeah, I guess you can say so. Although, our abilities to sense demons are only a fraction of the Slayer's talent for it," he stated, surprising me.
"Buffy has this skill, too?"
"Well, yeah. All Slayers do. At least Xin Rong and Nikki Wood did, and let me tell you those two could sense a demon on the other side of a city. You could just give them a map and they could pinpoint all vampire nests around the area. It was really neat to see them do that." He had a nostalgic look on his face.
"Wow! That's a really handy skill. I wonder why Buffy doesn't have it?" I asked, but mostly to myself.
"Maybe she hasn't learned it yet. Nikki said that her Watcher was the one who taught her to harness the skill."
"Oh," was my only reply before once again silence surrounded the two of us.
After a few more minutes of waiting, I opened my mouth yet again: "Hey, Spike?" He grunted. "Can I ask you a question?"
"You're already asking me, whelp," he said with a teasing grin.
"Ha, ha, you're a comedian. Anyway, can I ask you a question or not?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Fire away, boy."
"What is a soul? And what exactly does it do for you vampires?"
He then looked at me with a serious expression. "Why do you want to know?"
It was my turn to shrug. "No reason, I'm just curious."
He chuckled briefly before his face turned serious again. "The soul is what makes vampires real humans again, I guess. I mean, it's the essence that the human loses upon death and what the demon takes the place of upon its entry to the body. The soul adds a conscience to a turned vampire, it also keeps at bay the demonic urges because it is the original owner of the body, thus giving it more control."
"So the soul makes you feel bad for being evil and stops you from continuing to do horrible things?" I summarized.
"That's a simple way to put it, but yeah, it does do that. The soul also gives us back our sense of self, returns to us all those pesky human emotions, it untwists everything the demon changed in us, and reveals to us who we used to be without the demon's interruption."
"Is that what your souls did to you when you guys got it back?" I asked, actually curious to know what happened during the time they were first cursed.
"I can't speak for Angelus, Darla and Dru, but for me it did just that. The soul made me see how horrible all the things I did were. Guilt was the first emotion I felt on the night my soul was returned to me. There were many other emotions that night, mostly self-hatred and disgust. It took a long time for me to accept the monster I'd become, even longer for me to accept the demon within and for it to accept me in return."
"Accept the demon? Wait, you still have the demon inside you?"
"Of course, I do! How else would I stay alive if the demon was no more? The demon is the one that's keeping this body talking and moving even without a pulse. It just no longer holds the greatest influence."
"Okay. But what did you mean by accepting the demon and it accepting you in return?"
He heavily sighed, before answering my question. "Earlier I told you that when a vampire's demon takes over, it influences the human. They do it by twisting up who the human used to be and getting them to submit to their demonic urges. Those are predominantly all about satisfying the beast within, which explains why newly turned vampires all search for the same thing when they wake up: blood. It also explains why vampires revel in violence, because that's what the demon wants. When you return the soul to a vampire, all those urges take a backseat. But just because the demon is no longer a big influence to its human host, it doesn't mean they can no longer get the host to do what they want."
He paused, to see if I was following his explanation so far. From the confuse look on my face he got that I needed the super simple version.
"It's like when you are driving a car with a passenger beside you. Your passenger can still dictate where to go, but it's usually up you whether you follow their instructions or not. But there are times when that passenger can get so annoying that you allow them to tell you where to go or let them drive altogether. The demon and the soul's relationship is like that. Inside us soulled vampires we are divided by what the soul wants and what the demon wants. It's a constant battle. Luckily for me, over the years, I have been able to learn how to satisfy both the demon and the soul. So I no longer have the problem of trying to keep my demon a bay."
"Wow. I wonder if Angel was able to do what you did, you know, satisfy both the soul and the demon."
"Nah, from what I've learned about him so far, he's still hasn't even accepted either part of himself, soul or demon. He hates them both, but hates the demon more so he tries to separate the demon from him and deny its existence within him. Stupid pillock."
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"In a way, yeah, it's very dangerous. He could lose that soul of his and the demon would definitely take over and do all kinds of evil that'd be worse than anything he'd ever done before he was cursed."
"Like ending the world?" I asked with a grim expression.
"Yeah, that's a possibility." Spike wore the same expression as me.
The two of us took a moment to think of all the wrong that would happen if Angel lost his soul. I had a really long list of all the evil things he could do to hurt me and my friends, especially Buffy, if such a thing were to happen. It made me shudder in fear, but I knew that I couldn't just suggest to have Angel killed for the fear of him one day losing his soul. I felt sort of helpless.
"Well, it's a good thing that with the curse that's probably never going to happen," I tried to sound light hearted and optimistic.
But Spike's expression didn't change as he said the next words: "You should always remember, whelp, that all curses can be broken somehow or the other. It's only a matter of when."
"So you're telling me that Angel's curse could be broken at any day?!" I asked.
"That's right," he answered, making me panic even more. "But luckily for us, I happen to know about the only way to break the curse and how to prevent it from ever happening."
"Really?!How?" I asked, feeling a little bit of hope.
"The cursed used to ensoul us had but one way to break it, and that's if the cursed vampire finds a moment of perfect happiness."
"You mean to say that all Angel has to do is be happy and he turns into Angelus again?" I questioned, raising my voice in the process.
"In a sense. But he doesn't become Angel just because he feels happy, he has to feel one moment of Perfect Happiness."
I tilted my head in confusion. "What the heck does that mean?"
"It means that in order for Angel to lose his soul he has to feel perfectly happy like he has never felt before."
"What kind of curse is that? We don't even know what perfect happiness is? How could those gypsies be so stupid to create a curse with such an easy but cryptic way of breaking it?" I was mad at how stupid and reckless those gypsies were. The thought that they created a curse that was so easy to break was just so idiotic.
"Tell me about it! Do you have any idea how upset it made us when we found out about that little clause inside the curse? Bloody hell, Darla nearly killed the witch who told us about that part."
I'd nearly forgotten that Spike and the other vampires were ensoulled with the same curse. Fear once again took my heart at the thought of us having to fight not just one, but all four of the Scourge of Europe. My terror must have been visible in my face because Spike began to reassure me.
"You've got nothing to worry about Darla, Dru and I with regards to the possibility of losing our souls. We've already taken care of that little problem a long time ago, back when we first found out about the curse's leeway. The witch, the one I told you earlier, found a way to get rid of the happiness clause and anchor our souls. So you lot have nothing to worry about when it comes to the three of us."
I nodded. "What about Angel?"
"I'll ask Darla to give Nona a call, she's the witch's granddaughter. She'll probably be okay with performing the soul anchoring spell for the poof, but of course we'd have to wait for a few months before it can be performed. Something to do with the spell only working on the Eve of the Spring Equinox. So, until then, we'll just have to stick to making sure the bastard doesn't get too happy, if you get what I mean." We shared an evil smile at that. Yup, the idea of making Angel miserable held a lot of merit.
We heard a twig break from behind us and we spun, preparing to attack the demon or monster behind us.
"Woah! Easy, it's me!" Out intruder turned out to be none other than Buffy.
"Buffster? What the heck are you doing here?"
(O.O)
Buffy
It shouldn't have surprised when I walked to the cemetery, where a Ricardo Sanchez, who'd died of blood lost from a punctured wound on the neck, was buried and found Spike. The soulled vampire that had been haunting my head for weeks now, was standing there. After all, we had agreed to let him and his family contribute to keeping the Hellmouth safe during the duration of their stay here.
But truthfully, I wasn't as surprised to see him as I was shocked to see who was with him. Xander. He'd been AWOL all afternoon. Willow had been worried about him, but I had been telling her that she didn't need to be. But now seeing him talk to Spike, all buddy-buddy and with the close friendship thing going on between them, I had to question if whether I might have been wrong.
Since when did Xander became friends with Spike? What's more, since when did he became friends with Undead Vampires? He can barely tolerate Angel!
I glared at the pair, having heard the last part of their conversation. Something about Angel not being allowed to be happy?
What the hell?
"I could ask you the same thing, Xander. What are you doing here?" I looked questioningly between him and Spike. "I haven't seen you since we talked at lunch, and Willow was really worried."
Xander gave me an apologetic smile. "Sorry Buff. I just wanted some much needed Xan-man alone time to clear my head after what happened last night." I nodded my head sympathetically.
Okay, I could understand the wanting to be alone part. Last night was something I know would've bothered a guy like Xander. It's never easy to find out your girlfriend was an ancient mummy who wanted to suck the youth out of you.
"Don't worry, I'll call Willow later and explain to her where I was." He promised.
"Okay," I said before I turned to face Spike. "And how do you fit into the mix?" I tried to look intimidating.
But god, it was hard, especially since all I want was to jump his bones!
I mentally slapped myself again. Damn, this crush I had on him's starting to go too far! I'd understand if I just found him hot, really, but I found him more than that. I found him to be my perfect mate.
Wait a minute! Mate? Where the heck had that word come from? What the heck was wrong with me?
"Oh, I was making sure the whelp didn't wallow too much in self-pity, so I stayed with him all evening. Even treated him to dinner to get the boy out of his melancholic state." Spike wore an irritating smirk that he directed at Xander, of all people.
"Hey, I was so not wallowing in self-pity and wasn't in any kind of melancholic state! I was the picture of happiness earlier!" my friend exclaimed.
"Really? Could've fooled me. What with your sloppy aim and terrible strategy," Spike taunted him, but at the same time they shared a look that spoke volumes, but only to each other.
God, what the hell happened to these two that made them this close?
I wanted to know, but not so much because I was curious about them as I wanted to get pointers about how to become that close to Spike. If not more-
Gah! Buffy, get your mind out of the gutter!
"Sloppy aim? Terrible stratagy? This comes from the guy who got creamed more times than I did?" Xander rolled his eyes. I swear that him and Spike had forgotten I was even there.
"Not my fault the enemy found me too attractive and sent most of the bullets my way," Spike said, looking all smug.
Too right you are, vampire.
"Whatever," Xander told him ending the argument. He turned to finally face me and saw that I was staring at them. "Uh, something wrong, Buffster?"
"Nothing," I hurriedly said. "I was just surprised, that's all. I mean, since when did you two became buds and what do you mean getting shot at? Where exactly have you two been all afternoon?" I asked, trying to sound casual to cover my curiosity
"Oh, we were at the arcade playing a shooting game," my friend answered before following that statement with one final verbal jab at Spike. "Turns out Spike here is only good with battling real enemies and the vitual ones gets him killed." The bleach vampire groaned and shot him a gesture that I'm pretty sure was offensive.
"Oo-kaay. So you two just played video games together and now you're best of friends, huh?" I asked Xander, my voice coming out angrier that I'd meant it to.
Hey, I can't be blamed for being jealous.
Though whether I was jealous of Spike for being able to cheer up Xander or of Xander for making with friends with Spike, I wasn't certain.
"Well, yeah, we're friends now. The whelp and reached an understanding earlier," Spike stated, surprising me and Xander at the same time. "Hope that's not a problem for you, Slayer?" His question caught me off guard.
"Problem? Why would it be a problem? Xander can be friends with anyone he wants, I just want him to remember that being friends with the undead, even the souled ones, can still be dangerous."
What the heck was that? I sounded like a total bitch.
"Oh, that's rich coming from the girl who's dating a vampire!" Spike replied with a sneer.
Great! Now I've made him hate me! Way to go Buffy! So much for making friends with him.
"Hey! Leave Angel out of this!" I yelled at him and he glared at me with those beautiful color-changing eyes of his.
Okay, so maybe making him angry wasn't so bad. He even more hotter when he's angry.
"What? You really think I'd just stand down and let you imply that I'd get the boy hurt while he hangs out with me?" he yelled back at me.
"I didn't say that! I only said I wanted him to be careful!"
We started exchanging insults after that, which was weird because one: I never meant to start a fight with him and two: I found myself enjoying making Spike angry and arguing with him. He had so much fire inside of him and that fire was igniting something inside of me... Something old and primal...
We were in each other's faces, now. His scent filling my nose: leather, smoke and something earthy and male. It was driving me crazy, but not as crazy as the sight of his lips so close to mine... if I moved a few inches closer I could connect his mouth to mine. And I think that I really would've, had Xander not called out saying that Ricardo was awake and had taken off running instead of fighting us like normal fledglings do. I was irritated at being interrupted, but at the same time happy because I nearly did something I was certain I would regret. But I didn't stick around to question those feelings, I just took off after the vampire.
It didn't take long for me to catch up to him and we started fighting. Too bad he was weak and really easy to punch to the ground, because I could have done with a real fight to distract me from how angry I was at myself for nearly giving into my desires. I was frustrated and had no release. I needed someone to take out my feeling on, someone who isn't the hot bleached-blond vampire who had finally caught up to me. So yeah, the vampire underneath became my punching bag, and when I had had enough and noticed that the vamp was no longer conscious, I took out my stake and killed the poor thing.
"Well about time, Slayer! I was beginning to think you were planning to dust the poor bastard with your fists," Spike said as I stood up. "Makes me wonder what the poor bloke did to piss you off."
"He ran from me," was all I said, while trying hard to ignore the growing blush on my cheeks and focusing on patting away the vamp dusts from my jeans.
Damn, and these were new!
His laughter vibrated the quiet cemetery making me stare at him. "Well, then I guess I should remember to avoid pissing you off from now on!" There was an amused twinkle in his eyes.
"I'm pretty sure you just did," I pointed out while crossing my arms. I was trying to look irritated but inwardly I was smiling.
"In my defense, you started that argument," he said with a teasing smile that made my legs a bit shaky. I blushed and shyly smiled back at him.
"Hey, guys!" Xander called out as he approached us. "Man, you two sure can run!" he said in between his panting.
"Slayer and vampire here, mate. You should expect us to be fast runners," Spike told him.
"Yeah, I know that," Xander said, still puffing. "But couldn't you two have waited a little bit for me?"
I felt sorry for my friend, he must've really tried to catch up with us when we went after that vamp, but I hadn't even once thought of him while I was punching the fledge into the dirt.
"Sorry, Xan," I muttered.
"Naw, it's alright Buffster. You guys had to take care of coward-Ricardo after all. And speaking of which, what happened to him? You guys dusted him without me?"
"Yeah, but the Slayer did all the work, even added in a good beat-down." Spike directed another irritating grin in my direction.
I was about to tell him off when Spike's cell started ringing. He answered and began conversing to the other person on the line. I still found it weird to see a vampire as old as Spike so up to date and at home with technology. It was another bullet-point on the list of things that made Spike different from other vamps.
"Yeah, I'm on my way." He ended the call and turned to face Xander and I again. "That was Darla, she said she wants me home 'cause Dru was looking for me."
"Is she alright? Dru-I mean, is Drusilla okay?" I asked, genuinely concerned for the vampiress. I found myself caring for the woman, not only because I found her sweet and innocent demeanor enchanting, but also because I knew that Spike, and to an extent Angel, cared about her and what happened to her.
"She's fine. Just had a vision and Grandmum wants me to translate it. The dumb bint still hasn't figured out how to interpret what my Dru sees." He sighed. "I need to get back to her anyway. The silly girl has been looking for me, apparently." He gave us an apologetic look.
We understood his reasons and allowed him to bow out gracefully. Xander thanked him while I apologized to him for my bitchy behavior. He accepted Xander's thanks and gave me a mysterious smile for my apology, which both confused me and sent butterflies to my stomach, before finally bidding us goodnight and promising to join us again some other time.
As I watched Spike go, relief flooded me.
I should be just fine now that he was gone, because I'd no longer be distracted by his presence.
Oh, but how wrong I was for thinking that, because he was hardly out of sight before I felt something raging inside of me, screaming at me to go after him and not let him go.
It was that thing again, the one that'd been disturbing my thoughts and controlling my actions lately. It had been growing stronger. Mostly It'd been trying to get me to go to find Spike and make him mine. It scared me to no end, this strange, primitive entity inside of me that was controlling my desires. Yet, for some reasons, I still didn't think the thing evil. Old, maybe, but never evil. Which was why I hadn't told Giles about it, because I was worried what he might do to it, and because, despite the way this thing was making me think, feel, and act, I had the feeling that this thing belonged to me.
So yeah, no telling Giles. At least just not yet...
(O.O)
