Chapter Notes:

After being absent for so long, I am finally back with writing this fic! I have found my self a very talented beta who goes by the name of Whisperrr. With her help I was finally able to finish and post this chapter! Anyway, now that I have her for my beta, I think I can finally start updating this fic regularly and perhaps actually finish it! hehehe... Seriously, I am happy.. And I hope you guys, my lovely readers, continue supporting this story.

For this chapter we will see Willow being a good friend to Buffy and actually help our heroine get her act together. I really love writing in Willow's POV, her character during this season had so much potential and also I loved how she acted like a real true friend to Buffy. I always hated that in the later seasons in the show how her character slowly lost her closeness to our favorite Slayer and how they gave her too much power and independence that slowly got to her head which caused her to do evil stuff. And although I know she changed into someone better but she still lost her closeness to her friend and would even sometimes still doubt her. Only in the latest version of the comics do we see Willow become Buffy's best friend again, and I think it's a little too long for my taste. My hope is to change that with this fic and give Buffy and her a chance to remain close despite the changes Willow is undergoing.

Anyway, not gonna hold you with me any longer with my ranting, so I shall now leave the stage and let you continue your reading.. Enjoy and please leave a review at the end of the chapter!

Note: Italics are Buffy's personal/Slayer thoughts.

(O.O)

Willow

Something had happened between Buffy and Spike, a week ago on Halloween, and I was certain that it wasn't just about what happened when that Ethan guy did that spell to make everyone turn into their costumes.

I knew that it was a pretty bold accusation and I technically didn't have any hard evidence to prove it but I did have three viable reasons that could make one believe that this was true.

Reason number one: Buffy never talked to us about what had happened that night.

Oh, don't get me wrong, she told us what had happened, but not all the details of it. I mean, she simply said that she was turned into her costume and attacked Spike. But that's all. No explanation of how the fight went, or who won, or why they both wouldn't look at each other when we found them after the spell was broken.

Usually, I would've thought that Buffy was simply tired and didn't want to talk about the event just yet, because it had annoyed her or something like that, but I always knew that eventually she'd crack and she'd end up mentioning something about it.

But that wasn't the case this time around because Buffy just didn't want to remember the entire thing altogether and was trying her best to bury the event in the back of her mind. She'd even make sure to divert any conversations that involved stuff that would be a reminder of it, which was suspicious as it was already.

Reason number two: Spike was avoiding Buffy and Buffy was avoiding Spike.

Now, if this had happened a few months ago when Spike and his family first came to town, I'd have said that this was a good thing because during those past few months these two just couldn't stay in the same vicinity together for the simple reason that they couldn't seem to stay civil with one another for very long. It had seemed impossible for them to work together because they appeared to hate each other very much. In fact, the verbal arguments sometimes got bad to the extent that one or both of them would lash out physically and it would sometimes became an actual fight with fists involved that either Giles or Angel had to break up.

But that all changed the night Drusilla saved Buffy's mom. Apparently Spike and Buffy had reached an understanding that night and promised to be nicer to each other. So things between them after that started to change and those two became almost as inseparable as Buffy, Xander and I.

After that night, Spike became a constant figure in the team. If he wasn't busy finding a cure for Drusilla, he was at the library or at the Bronze hanging out with us, sometimes he'd even go join Buffy for patrol or help Giles train her. It was like having another Scooby, only this one was a vampire who was a hundred times cooler than Angel, and Buffy agreed with this assessment. In fact, she was the one who usually said it too.

But then that night on Halloween happened and the inseparable duo became, well—separable. They haven't been seen together since that night. This was something that was not supposed to be so unusual. As I said, Spike, if he wasn't hanging out with the Scoobies, usually spent most of his time trying to find a cute for Dru. So him not being seen with us was occasionally an usual occurrence. But then Xander let out an offhanded comment a couple of days ago about not seeing Spike since Halloween and that's when I became suspicious.

Believe it or not, my childhood friend and the strange souled vampire had actually become really close friends. And if I really thought about it, they seemed much closer than Xander and I had ever been, and though I really tried not to sound too bitter about it, I couldn't help but feel jealous of their relationship.

Of course, it was not like I didn't share a similar relationship with Buffy, but we were girls so it was expected of us to be that close. Xander and Spike though-well, it just wigged me and I sometimes didn't like it. But I was happy for Xander because he finally had someone who he could talk to and hang out with like he did with Jess and-Oh, I started babbling again, and totally strayed from my original train of thought.

So, anyway, going back, if Buffy and Spike were the inseparable duo, then Xander and Spike were practically glued at the hip. Those two hung out together even though there was no world ending reason for them to do so. After class and even on the weekend, Xander went to see Spike at his place and spend time with him, and sometimes Spike did the same thing. There wasn't a day those two would not see each other, well, maybe except when Spike was, again, too busy taking care of Dru, but even then the vampire still tried to spend time with my friend by coming to school the next day. So yeah, they were together all the time and them not being together for more than one day made me think that something was up.

But Spike not spending time with Xander was not the only reason why I believed that he was avoiding Buffy, because even Angel, who abhorred his existence in our group, let out that the bleached vampire hadn't joined them for patrol for quite some time and was wondering if something had happened to him.

Of course, because of Angel's comments, Buffy would then tell us that Spike was probably busy and would sometimes dissuade us from going to his place to check if he was alright. She'd find some reason for us not to go and disturb him, like telling us it was the middle of the day and vamps slept during the day or she'd tell us about how we should focus on the more important things and that Spike was a grown vamp, who could take care of himself. She'd practically say just about anything just to make sure that we didn't go to check on Spike, or at least to make sure that she didn't have to check on him.

So like I said, he was avoiding her and she was avoiding him. And this observation only fueled my suspicions even more.

Finally, reason number three and the last of my reasons why I believed something had happened between the two of them that night, was that Buffy was still dating Angel.

If there was anything in this world that would have made me believe that something had happened, it was the fact, that I knew that before Halloween Buffy had decided to end things with Angel. She told me that he was an awful boyfriend and that she didn't think it was wise of her to continue a relationship with him, especially since she barely knew the guy because he always kept secrets from her. She told me that her relationship with Angel was making her unhappy, so ending it while she wasn't too vested in it was the wisest thing to do, and I went all bestfriendy on her and totally supported her on it.

Her plan was that after escorting the kids home, she'd meet up with Angel to tell him that she wanted to end things with him before she'd go and meet up with us at that Bronze, where she was finally going to ask Spike out on a date. It was due to this said plan that Buffy had decided to dress up as a Slayer, because according to a book that we, let's say, borrowed from Giles' private collection, Spike had a thing for Slayers. He'd had a sexual relationship with one back in the seventies. There were also a few other entries about various trysts with other Slayers over the years before that. Thus Buffy and I concluded that he was strongly attracted to Slayers.

After reading this, she thought that the reason Spike hadn't done anything with her yet, aside from flirting, was because she always seemed to hate being a Slayer and often, if not, she complained about her destiny to him, so he must had thought that she wasn't taking this Slayer thing seriously. So she chose to dressup in this sexy leathery attire, bought a plastic stake, because really what was a costume without something fake in it, and finally acted out what she thought was a Slayer persona, aka she had this bossy-dominatrix thing going on as she talked to us that night.

It had worked fantastically of course, because when we met up with Spike and Xander that night, both guys were practically drooling and speechless after seeing my friend's appearance. Actually, that was the first time I'd seen Spike openly show any attraction to Buffy.

Oh, I didn't tell you, did I? Well, I had this very sneaky suspicion that Spike has a crush on Buffy, because one, he was always being really considerate of Buffy even though she sometimes acted like a Cordelia towards him. Two, he always followed what Buffy said even though Giles and Angel would say she was wrong and that she should listen to them. Spike always made a point to tell everyone that Buffy was the Slayer and thus she was the leader so her ideas should be heard and it was her decisions that were supposed to be final and if she made a mistake, then it was their job to still support her and not put her down for it. Spike said that Buffy was supposed to learn from her mistakes and how else was she supposed to do so if she wasn't allowed to make any?

Spike always defending Buffy passionately was among the reasons why I thought he was attracted to her. Because really-Any guy who would go move heaven and the moon, or in this case—poopyheads Angel and Giles, for a woman, must be at the very least attracted to said woman to risk getting into an argument with those two. But most importantly and finally, the real reason why I thought he had a crush on my best friend was that I had seen the way he looked at her. It was the same kind of look my bubby Frau gave my nana Lucil whenever she'd do something that bubby thought was adorable, and Spike gave her that look, along with another one, which I could only call a look of awe and amazement. Spike directed these looks whenever Buffy did something really heroic or dressed up in something really nice for another certain souled vampire or just say something really funny and so typically Buffy, and then bam! He'd look at her like that and I would think that he was thinking that my friend was the most amazing and most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Sadly, Buffy never seemed to notice these looks because she was always too busy looking at Angel and waiting for what that poopyhead had to say, so Spike always had time to school his features before he'd talk to her and thus she never saw the way he looked at her.

But that night, on Halloween, on Buffy's porch? She finally saw Spike looking at her that way. She finally saw him admiring her. So I couldn't be blamed that I thought that by the end of the night a new couple would be born, right?

Then that evil spell happened and poof—no more possibility of a Spike and Buffy, only the suddenly sickly sweet relationship between Buffy and Angel. Ugh! The two of them were together again and were going stronger because Angel was now always showing his big forehead at the library or at the Bronze and was doing the full blown boyfriend thing to the fullest. In fact, he even bought her flowers once! Which would have been romantic, if Buffy wasn't the one who told him to do so.

Anyway, it was awful seeing this happen. Not because I thought Buffy shouldn't try to teach her boyfriend how to be—well, a boyfriend, but more because it was obvious that Buffy was no longer in love with Angel, or even remotely attracted to him, yet she was forcing herself to be happy when he was around and forcing the relationship to go on when she, herself, obviously wanted it to end.

And that is why I thought that something terrible had happened that night, because why else would my friend sacrifice her happiness and force herself to do those things when before that night she was so focused on finding those things in another vampire instead? The Buffy I knew wouldn't have doubted her decision, unless Giles or Angel or her mother told her otherwise, and I know that all three of them never once told her she was wrong with her decision to be with Spike because she only told me about that little plan of hers. So the only reason I could think of about why she changed her mind was that something had happened to show Buffy that having a relationship with Spike was of the badness, and that something obviously happened last Halloween.

And so that is why I was there, standing outside the Summers residence, with an overnight bag on one shoulder and my school bag on the other, because tonight I planned to get my answers from my friend. Buffy has been hiding the truth for far too long and so I was getting ready to show her my infamous resolve face to get the answers I clearly deserved as her official best friend.

I knocked at her door and was allowed inside by her mother, who was surprised by my visit.

And well, I, of course, couldn't really blame her, I did sort of invite myself there without hers or Buffy's permission, because I didn't want my best friend to have an excuse to say no and avoid me.

Mrs. Summers was, as always, welcoming. Although I did feel guilty when she scolded Buffy for not telling her I was coming over, I shook that feeling off immediately and planned to apologize later, after I got my answers. Anyway, after dinner we helped Mrs. Summers clean the table before the two of us were excused to finally go Buffy's room and do our sleepover thing that night. I went inside the room first and waited for Buffy to finish locking up her door before approaching and cornering her.

"Alright, we're alone now, so spill, Buffy, because I am not leaving until you tell me what happened between you and Spike that night."

I had my resolve face on and I was determined to get my answers before the night ended.

(O.O)

Buffy

I knew it was too good to be true.

One week. One week of peace and no one questioning me about what happened that night. One full week of living in the famous river in Egypt and letting myself forget that it had happened. One week of successfully diverting conversations about that night. And one full week of trying so hard not to cry over what I did to the man I was beginning to have feelings for. It was both a reprieve and torture to have that week before someone finally noticed something was wrong and asked me the most dreaded question: "What happened that night?"

What happened indeed?

It should not have come to a surprised to me that it was Willow who was the one to finally notice something was wrong, because, really, she was the only one I had told about my plan to break up with Angel and ask Spike out on that same night. So when I didn't break up with my broody vampire boyfriend and started avoiding the other vampire, she was bound to be suspicious. My only regret was that I had not prepared myself for the inevitable questioning she was most certainly going to do. That explained my sudden fear upon seeing her in my house and then later when she cornered me in my room, and asked me about what happened.

I merely stared at my friend, still not certain if I should really tell her about it. But she continued to look back at me with that determined look and I could feel my resolve dwindling. My stubbornness was the only thing stopping me from blurting everything out. So when Willow gave me that hurt expression and accused me of not trusting her, I just couldn't hold it in anymore.

Tears burst from my eyes as I hugged my best friend and told her the horror of what I'd done; how I did it and what happened afterwards. I could feel her tensing at the parts of how much I hurt Spike up until the part where I forced myself on him. I used up everything I had within me just to try and stop myself from walking away from her, out of my room and out of the house. When I finished my tale, I let go of my friend and looked down at the floor. I was afraid to face whatever look she would give me after my confession. I waited and grew nervous at the possibility of her ill judgment of me and her rejection.

But then Willow surprised me, because instead of rejection or disgust or even hate, she took me back into her arms.

"Ooh, Buffy, I am so sorry," she said as she gently rubbed my back.

Those words were enough to send a new wave of tears from me.

Did I deserve it? The kindness? The sympathy? No, I didn't think so. But I needed it so badly. So I held Willow in return and cried as much as I could but as quietly as possible just so I wouldn't let my mother hear us from downstairs. I cried while Willow continued to pat my back and just let me do so. My tears didn't stop and I didn't let it. I had been holding back since the night it happened and it felt good to get them out.

I continued to cry until finally I had no more tears to shed and only shallow sobs escaped from my lips. I let go of my friend and began wiping my eyes with my hands.

"Thank you, Wills. You have no idea how long I wanted to do that," I told her.

"You mean get snot on my shoulders? Well, you're welcome then," she joked but I knew she was trying to lighten the mood.

And it worked. A short laugh escaped from me and I gave another grateful smile to my best friend. "Yeah, that too. But mostly I needed the entire crying thing in general."

"Yeah, well, I am happy to help, Buffy," she said with a smile before it slowly disappeared from her lips, telling me that joke time was over and it was time to really face the music. "Buffy, it wasn't-" she started but I didn't let her finish.

"No, Wills, it was," I told her, knowing full well what she was going tosay.

"No, it wasn't! You were under a spell but Spike, he-"

"Did everything in his power to protect me from his demon! You saw how badly hurt he was! You saw what I did to him! I broke his hand, Will, and nearly tore off his shoulder! He had bruises all over his body and his face! So don't you dare blame it on him!"

"But he wasn't the one under the influence of a spell, Buffy, you were! You were the one not acting yourself that night!"

"Well, that's the thing, Wills. I was acting like myself. That night I didn't just turn into someone else, I turned into another part of me. The Slayer that took over my body that night? Well, she's me. Or at least a part of me. I have her inside me. And the things she did to Spike? I wanted to do them too, well-maybe not the hurting him part. But the claiming? And the sex thing? Ooh, boy, did I really want it," I confessed, "Still do, if I have to be honest."

"Bu-but-" Willow started, all while blushing profusely.

"As unbelievable as it may sound, I am not a saint. I have these—urges, been having these urges to do stuff to Spike that I never thought I would do to anyone, especially considering my age and lack of experience. But I can't help what I feel, nor can I help what I want. It's inside of me, Will, always has been and Spike? Well, he's the object of its desires. Even now, I want nothing more than to go to his place and finish the claiming ritual with him," I told my friend while I started pacing inside my room. "But at the same time, I just want to hang out with him, talk to him, and have him be my friend again, like he was before the incident. And I can't have that anymore. I can't! Oh, God! You should've seen the look on his face when he came to his senses and saw himself having sex with me! He looked so horrified and practically screamed at me to stay away from him! And I-and I-oh, Will, it was terrible.

I hugged my friend yet again and cried once more in her arms. A few minutes of me crying my eyes out and snot dripping from my nose later, I finally calmed down and released my hold on her. I looked up and she still had that troubled look on her face, making me believe that she didn't understand me at all and was still probably thinking that everything was Spike's fault, which really wasn't.

I opened my mouth to once again try to make her understand why she shouldn't blame Spike but she stopped me when she suddenly told me "Why don't you go and see him?"

"Huh?" I asked dumbly, not fully understanding what she meant. When her words finally sunk in, a strong feeling of panic overtook me. "Will! You know I can't! Weren't you listening? I said that he was afraid of me! He was terrified when the spell broke and he found himself having sex with me! If I showed up-"

"He'll let you in, Buffy," she said with complete certainty, "In fact, he'll even let you explain everything. And all you really need to do is show up and talk to him."

Why was she so sure that he would let me in? Why was she so sure that he would talk to me in the first place? I hurt him. Forced myself on him. Would he really still want anything to do with me

Of course he would. He is our mate after all. The voice of the Slayer answered, whispering deep in my mind.

I shook it off and continued to look at my redheaded friend.

"Willow, I don't think he would. He hates m-"

"He doesn't hate you, Buffy. I'm sure of it!" Willow said, again with confidence and certainty in her voice.

"But how? How can you be so sure that he doesn't hate me? That he'd even want to see me? After everything I did to him, even I wouldn't want to see me. So how can you say that?"

"Because it's Spike," was my friend's firm answer. "Buffy, you said so yourself, he knows you pretty well. He knows exactly what you're thinking and knows exactly what to say to make you feel better. Don't you think he'd know that it wasn't all you that night?"

"But that's the thing it w-"

"But he doesn't know that, does he? All he knows of that night was that you were under a spell and you became your Slayer-self. You had no control over what happened and you are not to blame for everything that transpired. And knowing Spike? He never blamed you in the first place."

"But why is he avoiding me? Why did he look so horrified of what happened? Why didn't he want me to touch him?"

"Buffy, did it ever occur to you that he wasn't afraid of you but of himself and what he has done to you?"

"What?!" I asked, looking horrified at what my friend just implied. "But-but he didn't do anything! He didn't want to do anything! He-"

"Still did the deed, Buffy. And he woke up—you know, doing the deed. Do you really think-knowing Spike, that he'd blame you for what happened instead of blaming himself? He may have been a victim of what happened, in your opinion, but to him? He'd think it was all his fault. After all, it was his demon that did it with your Slayer-half. He wouldn't deny it. So wouldn't you think that the reason he hasn't been seeing you or any of us is because he doesn't want to know what our reactions were to what he's done, or more specifically what his demon had done?"

"I—I never thought of that... Oh, God, Will! What if that's the real reason for why he hasn't shown himself?! What if he thinks I blame him for everything?!"

"Then I guess one of you should really go to the other and explain things better."

I immediately hugged my friend, thanking her for her advice, before rushing to my wardrobe in search of anything to wear to go to Spike's. After dressing up, I moved to the window and opened it.

Best I sneak out here than downstairs where mom can ask me questions.

I climbed out but not before giving Will an apologetic look.

"Hey, no worries. I only came here to get answers and talk some sense into you. I've already done that and now all you have to do is get your man," she said, winking at me suggestively.

I blinked back the tears of happiness that were threatening to fall from my eyes and squished down the urge to run and hug her again.

"Thank you, Willow. You really are the best. I promise when this thing between Spike and me is cleared we'll have an actual sleep over and then you can start planning on getting you a hottie of your own," This time it was my turn to wink at her suggestively and I laughed at how red my best friend's face turned.

"Do-do-don't think that's really necessary," she stuttered earning her another good chuckle from me, before I finally jumped down the window into the newly mowed grass of my front yard.

After that, I immediately ran towards the one place I had been avoiding for days, to see the one person I've been trying to forget since that Halloween night happened. And as I drew closer to my destination I prayed to any gods who might be listening, that things would turn out okay before the end of the night.

Because I really, really wanted things to go back to how they used to be.

(O.O)

Chapter End Notes:

And that is it! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to leave a review before you leave!v They fuel my muse and get me to update faster! Thank you and see you in the next chapter! Bye for now!