She hadn't been here for years. Once she left it behind all those years ago she tried to shut her memories of the house out. This was where they were to spend the rest of their lives together. In the beginning it was too painful for her to even let it enter her train of thoughts. Over time pictures of her children would come out, one evening every few months before bed for herself and her kids to look at. The background of the photos mainly were based either inside or outside the house. At first when her oldest daughter asked to see photo's of herself younger she would grin and bear it to please her daughter, as the pain of those memories were just so raw. She would either be focusing on her children's faces, never taken her eyes off of them or moving her focus to the surroundings or look to the other face that was also present in the photo. By the time she had somehow manage to move on with her life and her kids had gotten older, they would ask more questions and she would oblige and answer them. She would manage to look at the photos quickly enough that any wounds wouldn't reopen. Over time she realized that she could focus on more of the surroundings of the picture than the other face that was present. She remembered the red mugs, four of them sitting tightly in the cabinet behind her daughters head, she was around 2 and was being held by her father on his shoulders. They both grinned wide. Meredith didn't have to look at the other face except her daughters to know this.
She remembered the door that would always get stuck just next to the front door, that 'he' said would fix but never did, the growth marks she continued for her daughter and then her son on the pantry's door frame. The house she lives in now continues that family tradition which now includes her 3rd child, though it pains her to see the massive gap of which looks like they skipped 3 years of growth.
Meredith was frozen but she could very well see that broken door through the glass. She had no idea why she was back at this place. Looking at it she could see how the house had changed the last 5 years, dust and cobwebs had accumulated over the majority of the countertops. The coldness of the key which hadn't been used in years was burning her hand which she was tightly holding it, waiting for her to finally unlock all those painful and blissful memories. Unaware to any of her family and friends she never sold the house. She couldn't, it was his dream house. She couldn't do that to him and ultimately to their kids. Her son had already questioned why there was a massive gap of Zola's growth on the doorframe, Meredith instantly thinking it looked like she stopped caring, she allowed her wounds to reopen that night, and after she put her children to sleep she wept all night. That was the second time she allowed her wounds to reopen. The first time was the encounter with Amelia right after her return.
The key had made her come back to sense as her tight grip had now started to cut skin. As she released her grip, she remembered her day that brought her to this very moment. She had become this close to letting everything go after loosing another one of her patients to this deadly disease that was killing thousands of people around the world. It was when she broke down in the supply closet that she received a message from an unknown number. At first she didn't even open it, but it was what she saw next intrigued and surprised her. The unknown message contained something she hadn't had to write down or even speak about for years. The address to their dream house.
She wasn't going to go but the impact of this pandemic had done a number of things on her as-well as every person she knew. She hadn't seen her kids in the last 2 weeks. Her normal that kept her going over the years had disappeared. Over the last few weeks she allowed herself to think about the what if's… but she instantly shut them out when they started to hurt which didn't take long. Her day and night consisted her of working in the COVID ICU, if she wasn't at the hospital she was alone in her hotel room. The messaged had surprised her that much she didn't feel any pain towards it like she use to feel the months after she left that part of her life. It was the intriguing feeling she was getting that caused her to open her message. The message contained the map location of the dream house. No other message. The number was not saved in her contacts. She quickly turned her phone off. Starting to panic causing her to up and leave the supply closet. During the rest of her extended shift she was constantly in a daze thinking about that message and allowing memories she had manage to forget in. It was the daunting fact she would be alone again tonight that made her drive unconsciously towards the ferry to Bainbridge island, she had taken this many times before, especially when she lived over there. It wasn't as frequently now but she sometimes would ride the ferry with the kids or just by herself. When she would get off she was compelled to look towards the road which she used to take, but her mind would normally cause her to drive back into the ferry terminal. Today that wasn't the case. Though it was pitch dark and even more empty due to the mandatory lockdowns, she could see the road like it was lit up, compelling her to drive down it. She can't remember the rest of the journey, just that she entered that road and she found herself standing where she was twenty minutes later.
She moved the key into the door and turned it. The familiar sound hit her like a ton of bricks, it reminded her of when he returned home unexpectedly. The noise she wanted to hear that disastrous day but never did. She can't remember hearing the noise any other time except that one time. The door was now unlocked but Meredith didn't move any further to open the door. She took in a breath and looked into the sky, she wasn't even sure why she was here and was looking for any guidance. The message had caused her to make the decision but she was sure it wasn't meant to be sent. She was sure that when she arrived, the house would still be the same and no one was waiting for her. She came because of that feeling she received after, the expectation of pain she never got which intrigued her further and once she set foot in the car it was like she wasn't driving.
The wind hit her face hard, it was the beginning of April, 3 weeks into the pandemic and mandatory lockdowns, the temperature was cold for an April night she thought. Her hair which was down was flying everywhere to the point she couldn't see. As she brushed her hair away from her face she turned facing away from the wind so that it was towards her back. She looked around the dark grass area, surrounded by trees. Looking for the outing to where the original house had lived for years. She could remember herself doing this years ago after her son was born when she arrive home with her kids by herself, it was to check if Owen or Amelia were in there so she knew that incase of emergencies she could call on them if anything were to happen until he returned home.
It was like she could picture it right now the lights on the imaginary trailer. It wasn't until she realized that the light wasn't as bright as the trailers used to be. It was also smaller and harder to see. Meredith shook her head and wiped her eyes. The 5 day shift she had continued with around 5 hours sleep was getting to her. It was the first night she was free to sleep until the next morning. The dim light was still there. She looked back to the house and then back to the light. She had suddenly lost any interest in stepping foot inside the house and turned the key back to lock it again. She shuffled her feet looking down, smiling at the fact Ellis had started copying her actions or that she had copied Ellis, it was still unknown on which one was correct. She looked back up and the light was still there. She squinted and moved forward off the porch. The light became brighter she believed but she wasn't trusting her brain at this moment. What caused her to continue walking towards the light was the fact when she got closer it looked like an alone candle. This brought back tons of memories that hit against her brick wall to her mind. She could feel the wind hit her body whilst she walked. It didn't take her long to confirm the light was in fact a candle. Unaware to her five other candles were also on the ground formed in a circle but had ultimately been blown out by the wind. This flame though was still going. She stopped and looked back to the house, now wondering if this idea of her's was safe. Looking back she seemed to be closer to the candle than the house causing her to turn back towards the flame which was dancing around. She moved her feet over the leaves getting closer to the candle. She could feel the warmth coming from the small candle and she knelt down clearly seeing the five other candles forming the circle. She put here hands out above the candle and laughed at her idiotic behavior. The damp grass had now become known to her and caused her to stand up and brush her knees still looking at the candle.
What startled her was the uneasy feeling she had gotten which caused her to jump and turn around looking frantically for anything to confirm her suspicions. She continued looking which to her felt like forever. Thoughts of her safety were swarming her mind. It was then she stopped and took her attention off the light and focused on something in the shadows. It was the noise of the leaves crunching that caused her to step back and knock a unlit candle over. She still didn't loose focus on what now appeared to be a silhouette of a person. This was when she started considering her fitness skills and continued stepping back which was not furthering the distance from her and this silhouette. She looked around her again and towards the house and knew she had messed up. This was very stupid of her to even think about doing at this time. She allowed her brain to consider of any possible people who hated her. She didn't know anyone personally but could remember faces of family members she had given the news of the death of their loved one and quietly considered anyone of those 100's of people she gained over the years. It was then the silhouette came into focus which caused her to close her eyes which to her gave her more comfort than her mind. What scared her now was the feeling she had felt moments before she turned. The feeling she hadn't felt in years, she had basically erased that feeling in her brain. The feeling of her being watched by him. The deep stare she would receive from him over the years it never got less intense, maybe possibly even more intense. She froze when she could hear this silhouette come closer. In her mind she had already considered that she had already met her demise and was being reunited. She considered the possibility of the big bad virus wiping her out. It was the fact this felt too real than anything she's ever felt before for her to actually accept that consideration. It was the intake of breath that caused her to open her eyes straight into the silhouette. The racing thoughts entered her mine, until she went blank and realized it wasn't her that took that breath, it was the silhouette, the person staring right back at her causing her to loose all function in her hands by dropping her mobile and house key to the ground, all she could hear was those objects hitting the crisped leaves and her voice which was nearly inaudible, the name of the man she hasn't said in years, the man she buried.
"Derek"
This was an inspiration I fell in love with on a grey's tiktok @lpaulster (full credit for the idea)
Basically this is in place of the last 2 minutes of the finale to S17E2... even though I loved that reunion, basically nearly died at 4 am watching it. It's still the dream for him to be alive. I was going to have this as a one shot but I kind of need more myself haha! What does everyone think?
