*rubs hands together excitedly*

"Cackletta," Peasley said sharply.

"Prince." Her tone was cool, and he tensed up.

Someone dashed through the door. "THERE YOU ARE!"

Lady Lima began shoving the five year old towards the door. "Goodness, I've been looking for you and Lady Cackletta for forever!"

Cackletta shook her head. That boy. She never understood why he ran in the hallway instead of the perfectly good courtyard.


Queen Bean smiled when the women entered. "I wanted to discuss the upcoming summit with Queen Reina of the Mushroom Kingdom."

She continued. "Lady Lima, I want you to keep an eye on my son and the Queen's accommodations."

"As you wish," Lima said wearily.

"Lady Cackletta, can I trust you with sprucing up Castle Town, security, and the banquet details?"

"Absolutely."


Lima was a terrible babysitter. She lost the prince again.

Cackletta found Peasley in a side room of the castle.

Near the Beanstar.

"No!" She swatted his hand away from the security field. "Play somewhere else!"

"I want to make a wish!"

She rolled her eyes. "The security system is on, and it's not even awake." A mischievous smile formed on her face. "Besides, I fear for the wishes you'd make."

He stuck his tongue out. "All I want is to be better with my sword! Or to be a dinosaur!"

She patted his tiny blonde head. "Wishes should be made for the common good, Peasley."


Reina brought her daughter, a little strawberry blonde with an attitude.

And of course the Beanbean and Mushroom brats immediately got into mischief.

Peasley proudly showed off the Beanstar to Princess Peach, asking if she had anything like it.

"No… but we do have a star that Mama says we're supposed to keep from waking up! It's called the Dark Star!"

Cackletta had paused in the doorway long enough to hear the girl's words. She sighed.

Peasley laughed, seeing her. Peach squeaked in alarm, then started giggling herself.

"Come along now-" Cackletta started to say.

The children left the room, ignoring the slack jawed noblewoman.

The Beanstar had stirred.

The princess.


Of course the voice capable of waking the Beanstar belonged to a prissy princess. She almost laughed out loud while she was taking her weekly walk in Hoohoo Village.

Noises spooked her out of her thoughts.

Someone was having a loud argument.

Cackletta hid underneath the window so she could hear what was going on.

"WHERE DID YOU PUT IT?!"

A tiny whimper.

A woman's voice. "You brat! That was supposed to be sold!"

A man's. "It's probably in one of his contraptions."

"I-it's not-"

The woman snarled. "If I find it, I'll beat the stars out of you for stealing."

Cackletta's hands balled into fists.

She snuck into the house in bat form right as the woman pulled a tiny gold piece out of a hunk of wires. She glared at the tiny, shivering boy across the room.

She didn't get a chance to hit him. The witch knocked her out with a flower pot. The man screamed as she gave him the same treatment.

The boy looked horrified and started to scream.

Cackletta started shaking her head frantically. "I won't hurt you!"

He glanced down at the unconscious adults. "Mom and Dad…"

"Were they going to hurt you?"

He gave a tiny nod. "I deserved it, miss."

She rolled her eyes. "You deserve to not be beaten up. If they won't treat you well, they don't deserve you."

She sighed. "Do you want to come with me… what's your name?"

"I'm Fawful!" He nodded. "Can I bring my inventions?"


It turned out that knocking someone unconscious was very unhealthy. Cackletta realized this when they didn't wake up, and the deaths were posted all over the kingdom.

The worst part was, villagers had seen her nearby, and it hadn't taken long for her to be pinned to the "murders."

Cackletta was sure she could clear this up with Queen Bean.

From what she gathered, Fawful's parents had attempted to teach their son Mushroomish- with horrific results.

He knew what the words meant, but his grammar and metaphors were atrocious. It was true that you would say "Tengo sed" in Beanish, but you would never say "I have thirst!"


Cackletta strode into the throne room as calmly as she had last week. The boy was in her arms. She'd needed to confuse the guards with a few lightning tricks, of course.

Queen Bean shot up in her throne, terrified. "C-Cackletta- what are you doing here?!"

"My job, obviously." She set her charge down.

Bean sputtered. "I CAN'T EMPLOY SOMEONE WHO'S INDICTED FOR TWO COUNTS OF MURDER!"

"It was an accident. Fawful, please don't inspect the floor tiles. Stand up."

"Leave the boy here and go." The queen pleaded.

Cackletta shook her head. "Do you know what he's been through? And he's so genius!"

"He wouldn't be safe with you."

The noblewoman looked hurt. "Your faith in me has dropped enormously!"

"I wonder why!"

Cackletta's vision started to go blurry. "Let me make it up to you! I'll fix this! Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it!"

The queen bit her lip to avoid crying. "I cannot have someone like you in my court."

Exactly the wrong thing to say.

Cackletta stepped back and snarled. "I see how it is."

"GUARDS!" Bean yelled.

"I WISH BEAN FEVER ON YOUR ENTIRE KINGDOM! I PRAY BONECHILL DEVOURS YOUR STARFORSAKEN SOULS!"

She picked up Fawful. "I wish you and your precious little son would drop dead where you stand."

She vanished.


Queen Bean quickly set up a man hunt for Cackletta. Or was it a witch hunt?

But the woman and her ward would never let themselves get caught.

In order to survive, Cackletta commercialized her spells. It started off with simple healing, but that didn't pull in nearly enough for them to eat. Then it was fortune telling, the useless sparks she created convincing the gullible villagers on the outskirts of Little Fungitown. The mushroom village was isolated enough that the witch had practically free reign.

When they had extra money, she would buy Fawful parts for him to experiment with.

All the while, her bitterness towards the queen grew. She hadn't even been offered a chance to explain herself. She began to wonder what she would do if she had power again.


Bean looked down, tears running down her face as Cackletta held the glittering green star in her hands. "I'm so sorry."

Cackletta chuckled. "Everything will be as it should be."

Cackletta shot up in bed, an idea rooting deep in her soul.


She was impressed at how good Fawful's aim was getting with that headgear. A smile played across her face as her next client sat down.

Unrequited love, and they wished for a three day long love spell. Easy enough.

They paid quite a lot, of course.

What she didn't mention is that the victim would remember everything afterwards, but her client would remember nothing. Their love would probably remain unreturned for eternity.

She enjoyed playing with these fools, enhancing her strength while turning their sins against them. She always made it subtle enough that they never lodged any complaints.


Lady Lima had arranged an ambassadorial meeting with Princess Peach, who had grown into a snobby young woman.

Fawful suggested they attack now, and she couldn't agree more.

Cackletta struck viciously, brainwashing the queen, kidnapping the prince (also a snob), and finally, imprisoning and impersonating Lady Lima. She even ordered the guards around like in the old days! The whole thing was cathartic.


She stepped down the hallway of Peach's Castle dressed like Lady Lima. She was beaming and trading knowing looks with Fawful. Finally, she would find some justice in this world.

Notes: Thank you for reading!

If you liked this, I've also written a backstory for the Shadow Queen! (It's so fascinating to start with a fairly sympathetic person and then see how I can make them a bad guy.)

To my Spanish speakers: I made up Peach's mother's name (combination of "reign" and "Regina") before I found out what it meant and before I gave the Beanbean Kingdom Spanish. I fully accept that she'd be referred to as "Queen Queen."